62083 Posted July 1, 2012 Posted July 1, 2012 My boyfriend and I broke up a few weeks ago. We weren't together for very long, 3 months or so, but we really got to know each other. For the first month and a half we spent everyday together for 8-12 hours at a time. We were together constantly. At one point he was asking me if he's ever said I love you to me by accident because he has caught himself from saying and it scares him to say it to me because of how much he likes me. He was asking his roommate when it is too early to say I love you. Then he did a 180 and suddenly needed his space. Around this time we started fighting a lot more. We have never fought fair, we always fight dirty and mean. About 3 weeks, he was really drunk and disrespected me by pushing me away from him because I wouldn't have sex with him so I broke up with him, which he didn't remember. So we kind of got back together but decided to end it the next week. It was a mutual decision but it was more his call. We have been talking some since and hung out a few times, even had sex a few times. We hung out Friday night and got into a huge fight that turned physical. I was in his face yelling at him and I remember asking him what he was gonna do about it and he grabbed me and shoved me into the wall. So I got defensive and kicked him in the balls and punched him in the arm. I'm not trying to make excuses but I'm not 100% innocent here and there was alcohol involved. We have talked since and he doesn't fully remember everything. I asked him if he still had feelings for me(which I have a few times since we broke up and I keep telling him to not sugarcoat anything and give me a yes or no answer) and he said I don't know, which is the answer he keeps giving. I feel like its a no but I also know he is in emotional turmoil. He has a drinking problem he is not willing to face. I have offered to go to AA with him or to counseling but he isn't there yet. He doesn't think he has a problem. I'm in nursing school, I'm suppose to help people. I know I should walk away but how do I do that? I care about him, I want to see him happy and healthy. Yes I want to get back together but I'd rather be his friend and help him then not have him in my life at all. How do I walk away and let him go when I can see how much trouble he is in? I've given him information about AA, counselor information, and offered to go with him but I don't know what else I can do to help him.
Author 62083 Posted July 1, 2012 Author Posted July 1, 2012 I should also mention the reason he wanted to end it is because he said he wasn't ready for a relationship at this point in time but he did like me and he just wanted to be single. He said that he thought I was a great person and wanted to be friends and hang out and maybe if we missed each other we would end up back together as a couple.
burningashes Posted July 1, 2012 Posted July 1, 2012 Yeah... your gut feelings are telling you to walk away, and you should listen to it. Look at the facts: He broke up with you. He has told you he doesn't want to be with you. He wants to be single. No ifs, buts or maybes with those facts. Being friends isn't really a good idea because you still have feelings for him, and it looks like you need the space to heal. As a nurse, you should also know you can only do so much, at the end of the day, it is he who can only really help himself if he really wanted to. You have done everything you could do to help him, and now it's up to him. Sorry, my friend, you need to walk away.. you are in for a world of hurt if you don't.
Samilia Posted July 1, 2012 Posted July 1, 2012 I should also mention the reason he wanted to end it is because he said he wasn't ready for a relationship at this point in time but he did like me and he just wanted to be single. He said that he thought I was a great person and wanted to be friends and hang out and maybe if we missed each other we would end up back together as a couple. That's the nice way to break up with you, he gives a vague answer, assure you that you're a great person (translates into "it's not you, it's me"), and since he doesn't want to feel too guilty about ending things with you, he gives you the cruel hope of getting back together.
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