Ladydrib Posted July 1, 2012 Posted July 1, 2012 I am facing being single for the first time since 20. Is it harder to meet good and available people in this age group? I'm scared that everyone is married. Can anyone share any stories of their experiences being single 30-40 years old? Thanks!
january2011 Posted July 1, 2012 Posted July 1, 2012 I found that it was scary yet liberating at the same time. It's worth remembering that your dating pool can be limited by your own preferences just as much as you fall within/out of the preferences of other people. On the positive side, you've been around the block, even if you only have one LTR under your belt. You know what a good/bad relationship looks like. And you should know yourself by now - if not, that's your first priority before you start dating. Though dating will help you to narrow down your life choices, it's not very fair to bring someone else into your life when you haven't discovered what it is that you actually want, out of life. Coming out of a very long-term relationship can leave you reeling and disorientated. You thought you had your life all planned out and all of a sudden, everything is turned upside down. It would be very easy to jump into another LTR out of desperation to fill that gaping hole and make everything "better" again. I suggest that you don't jump into another commitment like that unless it really is truly what you want and you are highly compatible with the other person - that is, they are not a band-aid solution to something that requires surgery. One the things that I found difficult getting to used to was how much dating had evolved due to technology. Online dating is pretty much de rigueur in some locations. It's a channel that can bring laughs as well as additional frustrations. Though you may find that you are heading into LDR territory depending on the availability of single men in your location who meet your preferences (this is what happened to me). Make sure you re-align your people picker. Not everyone is honest online and you may find yourself in conversations with people who are not available or ready to date - people looking for a one-night stand, an affair partner...then there are crazies (delete and block is the best response). You may end up meeting single fathers, divorced men, career bachelors, etc. So you'll need to work out whether or not you can live with their baggage. Not all baggage is bad - especially if the person has moved on and learnt from it. And then there's texting... I say dip your toe in the water. Try a few of the free sites to see if any of them work for you (online dating isn't for everyone). And don't discount something like Meetup.com, where you're more likely to meet compatible friends and potential dates based on shared interests. Be clear about your goals and make sure that you are emotionally available and stable before embarking on something that may require more signficant emotional investment. And give someone a chance. You may have been very hurt in your LTR and you'll probably be adamant that you don't want to make the same mistakes. However, your new partner isn't the same person as your ex and it's unfair to punish him for something that someone else did to you. This is where being honest, open and clear about what you want comes in handy. I'm still learning. I still struggle sometimes, but try to remember that no one is perfect and we all make mistakes - just try to make smart decisions and make sure you have a Plan B.
SJC2008 Posted July 1, 2012 Posted July 1, 2012 Are you closer to 30 or 40? That's a prerty big gap. It'll be harder to find someone without kids if that makes a difference to you.
Author Ladydrib Posted July 1, 2012 Author Posted July 1, 2012 40. I think when you truly connect with someone, you can work through kids or any other challenges.
Green Light Posted July 1, 2012 Posted July 1, 2012 40. I think when you truly connect with someone, you can work through kids or any other challenges. Ah, 40. The magic 4-0! I'm in the same boat. I'm single again and I'm not interested in young girls. But I look around at the ladies in my local area and they look very busy and somewhat cranky. I would guess that 90 percent of them have husbands and kids. Looked at online dating but there weren't many women around my age on there. They were mostly younger and older.
manup Posted July 1, 2012 Posted July 1, 2012 It will be harder than when you were younger (guys will approach you less, unless you were fat or really ugly in the past). It's obviously doable though.
FitChick Posted July 1, 2012 Posted July 1, 2012 Dating got easier for me after 40 because I changed for the better. It depends on you really.
Author Ladydrib Posted July 1, 2012 Author Posted July 1, 2012 Ah, 40. The magic 4-0! I'm in the same boat. I'm single again and I'm not interested in young girls. But I look around at the ladies in my local area and they look very busy and somewhat cranky. I would guess that 90 percent of them have husbands and kids. Looked at online dating but there weren't many women around my age on there. They were mostly younger and older. Exactly. Not the least bit interested in younger men. I'm 36. Also not the least bit concerned that I'm somehow expired (taken good care of myself and don't have kids), but just that everyone is cranky and married ;-) 1
CarrieT Posted July 1, 2012 Posted July 1, 2012 I was married at 20 and divorced at 25. I dated in my mid-20s, in my late 30s, and again in my late 40s. I would say that by the time I got to my 40s, the dating was MUCH easier; at this point, we are settled into who we are and what we want. There is much less game-playing and (hopefully) it is much easier to communicate. In my 30s, there was still those guys who were grasping on to what they thought they wanted their 20s to be like and were trying to still be that 20-something. I'm much happier now in my 40s than I ever was dating earlier in my life...
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