Bestcheerleader Posted July 1, 2012 Posted July 1, 2012 I have a new manager at work who is recently divorced (ex cheated with her boss) and I find very attractive. Because we connect so easily emotionally, I find it easy talking to him just about anything. Within past few months, I developed a crush- possibly more than just an innocent crush. When we talk, he shares many personal things about himself that he doesn't with anybody else in the office. We spent over 2 hours on the phone last week and again on a weekend (outside of work). Last time we had a group dinner, he snapped photos of me while I was not looking. Smart me says- I can't confess my crush bc it will be a disaster whether feeling is mutual or not. He is 20 years senior and knows I am unhappily married. Believe me, I know that I must work on my emotions and marriage before acting on anything new. I am very aware of this rule. This is also first time ever feeling this way in past 10 years of my marriage- we married young. What I want to know- I am unable to tell if he has same feelings for me and this is driving me crazy. As childish as it sounds, I want to know even though nothing can/should happen between us. Can you help me sort out what I am feeling? Also, is it possible for him to feel same way but cant say because he respects my position as a married woman? Should I confess and get it over with?
Samilia Posted July 1, 2012 Posted July 1, 2012 Wrong forum.. but.. I wouldn't confess anything. Don't date your boss, it's a recipe for catastrophe, and, depending on your company's dating policy, a great way to get him fired. Also, the other employees will not recognize anything you do anymore, they'll all think you got a promotion/raise/whatever because you're sleeping with him.
KathyM Posted July 1, 2012 Posted July 1, 2012 Don't say anything to him about this. It would not be good for your work environment/career. Don't go down this path--no good will come from it. It will just make you the topic of gossip in the office. A man that is 20 years older than you does not make for a good companion--too much age difference, which will only seem more and more evident as time goes on. There is no future with this guy, so don't throw your marriage, reputation or job away over this. For your own sake, stop entertaining these thoughts about him and start investing time and energy into your own marriage and work on improving that. I know a woman who had a crush on her married boss at work (she was single at the time) and it ended very badly for her. When people at worked picked up on this infatuation, she became the topic of some pretty nasty office gossip and she had to quit her job because of it, and she never got a good reference from them after spending so many years at the company. This is not worth ruinning your marriage or giving up your job over. For your own sake, don't go there. No good can come from it. The guy is old enough to be your dad.
Chi townD Posted July 1, 2012 Posted July 1, 2012 Why don't you put the same amount of time and effort into fixing your marriage rather than what some dude 20 years older than you thinks about you?
YellowShark Posted July 2, 2012 Posted July 2, 2012 Your marriage has become stale and a guy you find hot is showing interest in you. Which makes you feel desirable. It excites you. That's what's happening here Bestcheerleader. But after being on the boards for a while there's a 95% chance that if you do confess now and something "happens" eventually you lose your job, drive a bus over your husband, and probably have to find a place to live while all that is going on. Best never to fish off the company pier. Unless you have another job lined up. Find a new job. Quit this one. Get a divorce. Move out. After that, then ya, go for it.. "confess." 2
Samilia Posted July 2, 2012 Posted July 2, 2012 Find a new job. Quit this one. Get a divorce. Move out. After that, then ya, go for it.. "confess." I agree.. in that order too.
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