irc333 Posted July 1, 2012 Posted July 1, 2012 I had an experience, thought it was interesting. For one, with all the self-improvement threads that we've seen posted on how us men can improve ourselves, I think we MIGHT, (and this is a BIG might)....that the reason we tend to not have success all the time is because we over look, or don't see the hints of which can be somewhat subtle and not so obvious? Yes? No? Anyhow, I had been talking with this woman who is new to our social group. I was speaking with her , in a rather laid back fashion. No real flirting going on, because now-a-days, I just talk to people...like people. Making new friends, no pressure, etc. I had her laughing at a couple of whips bouncing things off each other. No flirting, I didn't attempt to flirt either. We even had emailed each other she had noticed a significant difference in my online written up banter vs. how I talk with her in person. She thinks I was funnier online than in person. I hadn't noticed it that much, but it kind of makes sense, because one tends to think...before the right, and just before the send button, perhaps a more established email is made ....a bit a proof reading and delivery....and you can check over your work by scanning before it's sent. There is this other guy, we'll call him "R", he's new to the group as well...about as new as she is actually. He tends to have gotten her attention more, and somewhat appeals to more of the crowd than myself. The "life of the party" kind of guy. Everyone laughs at his antics, jokes, etc. I've spoken with him, we seem to share the same type of humor as well, I even like him, he's an alright Joe. This was the guy that wore her women's clothing to some kind of unofficial competition. Great the guy knows how to "have fun". She mentioned an outing with people along with saying how funny "R" is, and that I was funny more so online and quiet in person, and that I should loosen up a bit in the company of friends. I did recall making her laugh in person quite a few times, but maybe she's comparing, I don't know Well, turns out she's now dating "R". I was wondering, could I have (or any of us men here) could've learned from this experience? I mean, I would never wear women's clothing in public just to get a few laughs, I do have boundaries, but maybe that's beside the point. Was she somehow inferring that, could've I've been just as funny as "R", perhaps took it up a notch, I would've attracted her? But of course, I'm just being myself though, and actually was wondering why she thought I was quiet, but maybe quiet in comparison to "R" as oppose to in general. Could I have learned from this experience, or just stick to what I've always been doing. I just recall trying to be the "life of the party" and it just looked embarrassing or just wasn't "me". This post is to give feedback to other men who hadn't "woo'ed" a woman enough to get her attention. Though, now that they hooked up, the only draw back, is that they're moving pretty fast. (She told me she had a boyfriend that was LDR, but now this?)
dixiepix Posted July 1, 2012 Posted July 1, 2012 Sounds like she saw you only as a friend from the beginning. Some people can woo a crowd and gracefully act like an idiot. I am not one of those people. I am told that I am hard to get to know. Be yourself. I am a "What you see is what you get" type person. Although as friendship and trust grows, I let down my guard and then you can know the fun and funny me; I save my special moments of acting like an idiot for the truly special people in my life. As for Mr. Crowd pleaser... I have found these types to be just the opposite. They are usually not as entertaining or fun once you get to know them. Just continue to be yourself and do what is comfortable for you. Crowd pleasers are a dime a dozen, they are usually self centered and thrive on attention. If the occassion arises that they are no longer the center of attention, they will more on.... flaky!
USMCHokie Posted July 1, 2012 Posted July 1, 2012 There are a lot of different issues being raised here...so I'm just going to look at one...that is, the disparity between online dating and real life...and i find that to be the single point of failure with OLD...combined with poor expectation management...any facet of your online persona, whether it be your pictures, your stats, your profile, or your correspondence can be misleading... That's why I usually try to minimize electronic correspondence prior to meeting...in your case, she had an expectation of your humor and conversation style based on your emails...some people are just more comfortable online...
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