lilballa89 Posted July 1, 2012 Posted July 1, 2012 I need some serious help with a decision I need to make . I need some clear minds with good heads on there shoulders as I use to have. Here's my deal. I met my wife about 6 years ago. We have been living together serious for 4 years. I moved In with her shortly after she had her first kid. He was 3 months old. I raised him always as my own with love and respect. Me and her are all he's known as parents. We got married In Nov 2011. Our sons father has never spent a dime or lifted a finger for him. He has 14 kids none of whom he cares for and pays NO CHILD SUPPORT due to SSI. at first. I was completely fine with him coming to see the. Baby when we first moved in together due to its his father. Then i realized after the 1st few times of not showing up till 3 am drunk demanding to see his child and locking himself in the room with my now wife and our child that was not his intentions. I was soon sick of him coming in and out drunk and biligerent all he's of night, not once before 2am, that this was just a booty call and to beg her for money. I finally drew the line after he went to jail and was getting out day before his 1st Bray n never showed for his Bray. My girl was soooooo upset I said that's enough no more until he can respect our home and child. I was buying clothes, diapers, toys, caring for for day care, even dropped out of college customer her day care fell through. He never changed. A diaper or bought one!!! Shortly after the birthday, I started catching her texting him all he's of night and actually found her meeting.g up with him. She denied everything stating I was crazy needs meds!!!! After 3 years of this catching her in lies, cheating with 8 different. Men she kicked me out of my own home I paid all our rent those 3 years, lost a job over it, and she blamed it all on me I started believing I was crazy. I caught her Nov 2010 she finally admitted it after not coming home one night then kicked me out saying I made her sick. She couldn't take no more. I spent 3 months blaming myself believing she only cheated once knowing this wasn't true from texts and emails and catching her I loved her to much to believe the truth. 3 months later, we got back together after her not speaking to me for 3 months or letting me see the kid we raised the 3 years together. I asked her upon taking her back to just be honest. She swore on our lives it was just once. With one Guy. I found out later shed been screwing my manager from my work which I got fired n didn't know y. Plus her baby daddy who's a reg. Sex offender another 50 ye d sex offender plus a Guy from her work. I found this out of course one bit of info at a time every few months and still going with her. The entire relationship I cared for our child and he has never done a thing. Never seen the baby shed just screw him. Now she cries to me she just had to give him a chance. !!!! A chance way? U did it for itself u don't ask him over at 1 am to talk about the baby!!!! She is always acting like I'm not a good enough father because I'm not his real father. I'm sloop torn up now because I married her n feel I made a mistake. 8 months in to our relationship n 6 months ago I got her the house she wanted n find out 3 weeks ago he lives a block away and has for over a year. She swore up n down she didn't even know that then it came out she did see him pull in there once over the last 6 months. He use go tap on our window at night so he could have her come sneak out n have sex in my living room while I'm asleep and now I have her move me right next to him with out me even knowing. I'm disgusted. She swears on our lives again though same Linda's I've always heard. But we have a sweet Lil boy n I'm scared to walk away n to have child molesters in n out his whole life her always at the bar him always at a sitters. Plus I love her so much I want to believe her so bad but now she says she stopped him once driving customer she had to tell him were married customer she's so proud. Idk way to believe or do help me c the truth.
scatterd Posted July 1, 2012 Posted July 1, 2012 I feel for you and your situation.This is a hard one beings you have a little one that needs you.Have you ever put your foot down and give her ultimatums? It seems like from what you wrote that she has no respect for you. The father just came and went as he pleased and not one of them cared you was in the other room sleeping while they were doing their thing. Has she shown any remorse for doing what she has done?
stillafool Posted July 1, 2012 Posted July 1, 2012 You are in a very difficult situation. Even if you divorce her (and I think you should) you will probably end up paying support for her and the child even though you are not the child's bio father. Your wife will not change I'm sorry to say. Your only hope for a happy life is to bite the bullet, put the house up for sale, and divorce her. Your heart will ache for a while but you will be on your way to sanity and a better life. You will meet a woman who will love and respect you as this one clearly does not. 2
firemanq Posted July 1, 2012 Posted July 1, 2012 I could not read your post. There is a reason for puncutation and spelling rules. I understand you are upset, but it is difficult to help you and your family unless you make your post more clear and understandable. Does the drunken sperm donor lock himself in your bedroom with your wife and the child? Why are you allowing him in your home while he is drunk and at such late hours? Is there a visitation schedule in place? If so, why not enforce that schedule? Why does your wife allow him to lock her in the bedroom with him? Is he banging your wife? If with her consent, dump her. If w/o her consent, press charges for rape. Is the house yours, hers or both? If yours, deny him entrance. If she lets him in, dump her. If my assumptions are wrong, write your post again. This time proof read it a couple of times before hitting the "Submit Reply" 1
GLDheart Posted July 1, 2012 Posted July 1, 2012 When you finally have enough of her torture (it's a matter of time) you will walk away. When that happens she will continue to use you by going after child support. You may need to read up on your state laws. This relationship is doomed to fail and in her eyes that child is NOT yours. She has rubbed it in your face already. You will have little say over that child if your state does not recognise you as the father. This may be a tough choice but you might want to consider walking away from this nightmare. If you can walk away and take the child with you DO IT. Talk to a lawyer, SOON. Many will do a free consultation. Also google is your friend... and maybe some legal type forums (kind of like this one but for law). I do not envy your situation. Be strong. Move on.
Author lilballa89 Posted July 2, 2012 Author Posted July 2, 2012 Yes I've given her many ultimatums. But she is constantly tricking me back into staying. She has remorse at times but rarely ever. She tells me it was 3 months ago get over it. Or asks me if that's all I ever think about her is bad things. For example she will keep being rude telling me to get over it, why am I so obsessed with the past I'm crazy.... but once I'm actually walking out the door she physically holds me hostage crying and pleading for me to stay. Promising shes really changed this time.What will she tell our son. How could I do this. Then accuses MD of cheating. Then after I give in a week later lies start doling again.
Author lilballa89 Posted July 2, 2012 Author Posted July 2, 2012 I just am constantly feeling like I'm the wrong one. I've literally felt crazy recently and almost considered getting some meds. Its hard to walk away when I've built a life Ithaca someone you truly do love and I'm scared. But I do k Not know how many more times I can let her destroy our lives n me pick it al back up from scratch n start over again n again. Its especially hard with our Lil Guy Cuzco he wants to come with me everywhere. I'm his role model. N he copies everything I do . And no the father has no visitation schedule as his interests were never to see the child but to borrow $ or car or get laid. He has only met him 4 times since birth. Very short at a gas station etc.... and Lil man knows me as daddy
Athena Posted July 2, 2012 Posted July 2, 2012 Sorry for your situation... here's the thing -- she's capable of ANYTHING and it seems she is only with you to USE you. While you have a heart, she does not. The child is no excuse to continue to live with her -- she will destroy you, right down to nothing, then she will leave you and get on with using up the next good man who is willing to be suckered in by her. Your idea of being stuck with her because of your Love and your son, is all in your head... first love yourself, and then you will dump her sorry a$$. Your son you will have to visit, however it is possible that at any point in the future she will cut off your access to him, no matter if you continue to pay for the child or not. She seriously sounds sociopathic. You are harming yourself by staying with her... she has no intentions of loving you or being truthful with you. She is only with you because it suits her. You need to extricate yourself from her. She is very bad for your self-esteem and good mental health. You will land up depressed and broken if you continue to stay with her.
2sunny Posted July 2, 2012 Posted July 2, 2012 Leave and don't look back. Your W is living in a life that isn't reasonable and you shouldn't be a part of her hell. Run! 1
stillafool Posted July 2, 2012 Posted July 2, 2012 Yes I've given her many ultimatums. But she is constantly tricking me back into staying. She has remorse at times but rarely ever. She tells me it was 3 months ago get over it. Or asks me if that's all I ever think about her is bad things. For example she will keep being rude telling me to get over it, why am I so obsessed with the past I'm crazy.... but once I'm actually walking out the door she physically holds me hostage crying and pleading for me to stay. Promising shes really changed this time.What will she tell our son. How could I do this. Then accuses MD of cheating. Then after I give in a week later lies start doling again. Nonsense. She is not holding you hostage or making you stay. You are a grown man and it's time to take back your pride. The reason she continues to use you is because you let her. She doesn't respect you because you allow this man to come in your home and screw your wife. Your relationship with this woman is doomed and will never be what you want it to be. Love is not enough when there is no respect involved. Stand up, be a man, and leave her.
Author lilballa89 Posted July 3, 2012 Author Posted July 3, 2012 I didn't mean actually hostage. I mean her trying to get physical. Holding doors closed so I can't leave the bedroom house etc... or grabbing onto me and ripping my clothing. Or throwing herself in my way grabbing my boxes. Screaming out they door so the whole neighbor Hood hears.
Author lilballa89 Posted July 3, 2012 Author Posted July 3, 2012 I've tried to but only made it 3 months before taking her calls or talking to her. I even moved out of town. It just seemed like I was missing a part of me. Not like any other break up I have ever been in.
YellowShark Posted July 3, 2012 Posted July 3, 2012 (edited) Dude. Seriously? You're putting up with all this drama and BS. Talk to a lawyer, get your ducks in a row. Then ditch this crazy woman and all her baggage. She is sucking the life out of you and if you don't save yourself from her you will end up a lifeless shell of a man. Hell, you're half way there already. Edited July 3, 2012 by YellowShark 1
GLDheart Posted July 3, 2012 Posted July 3, 2012 When you are with a person this crazy... it has a tendency to literally drive YOU out of your own mind. I once dated an absolutely crazy drama queen when I was young. I was also naive enough to stick around for WAY too long (two years). I kept trying to "fix" her and by extension us and the relationship. It simply doesn't work. You just can't. She would make me second guess the way I remembered everything. I at one point had to start writing things down just to keep my sanity. It broke my heart to leave, but I couldn't take it anymore and I walked. For starters, Google the term: Gaslighting.
Author lilballa89 Posted July 3, 2012 Author Posted July 3, 2012 I know this and I want yo honestly. But for some reason I always believe her in the end, or our kid is looking at us, or I just feel like I can't breath and life don't go on. I've actually considered suicide for the first time in my life and now its becoming daily that I want to just die. Its the worst pain I've ever felt, and then constantly being tricked over and over is driving me crazy!!!!! But I can't leave my family.
Author lilballa89 Posted July 3, 2012 Author Posted July 3, 2012 I do the same with her. When. I met her I felt so bad for her customer she talked of all the bad men she's had treat her sloop badly and all I kept thinking was I want to make this girl the happiest woman in the world, dry evey single tear, and make her smile everyday. N now I've learned she's the problem with her relationships from cheating and lying. 2 years ago I found the creepiest sh#t. She had 2 yearly planners filled from age 19 & 20 that had every day mapped out specifically.example:talked to ron at 7:40 for 15 minutes he told me he loved me. Snuck Bo in room at 10:04 pm we had sex for 23 minutes I gave him a back rub and he left at 12:32. Every single day for 2 years and sometimes up. To 4 men at one party. I was completely creeper out and felt disgusting. It was more then keeping track of partners it was as if she was bragging. And then I found a bunch of items on some previous lovers such as newspaper clippings of crimes and just weird stuff you wouldn't keep. Getting on brth control papers from 05 half filed out, money gram receipt, Like first lighter or something like that. Then a whole photo album with pics of all her exes n her making out. Like I don't know what to think of it and when I asked her about it she went nuts telling me I'm wrong for thinking like that. Its just old stuff she forgot. But I've Sen her go through them totes hundreds of times. Now she hides the things in a band aid box or curtains anything with there name on it. And gas lighting.g is EXACTLY WHAT IT IS. I feel a little better seeing it wrote out n its happened to others. She drives me in circles for hours till I believe her or give up trying to make me forget details. Or she will get stuck on one little thing completely irrelevant until I get stuck on it as well. Example I found texts in your phone about you cheating on me. Her: o way there's no way! From who! What day was it." Me: to Josh n Thursday. Then she denies it n denies it till I don't give in and she says o wait I did text him Thur... immediate.. was it Wednesday or Thursday. Hmmm. Then keep dragging me back to this for a HR till I realize she did it again n I say who cares the day did u or not. Then she switches it up gives a lip info n then goes to was it 8:00 am or p.m to herself. Ohmmeter n gets me stuck over n over sometimes it goes for 10 he's. I literally feel crazy from doing it once a week.
GLDheart Posted July 4, 2012 Posted July 4, 2012 I am starting to doubt if this thread is real. If it is, my heart goes out to you BUT only you can take the next step towards a better life. At some point her actions no longer matter. Only your choices will make a difference now.
MuscleCarFan Posted July 4, 2012 Posted July 4, 2012 Leave and don't look back! This woman is crazy! I don't think you want a roller coast life for the rest of your days. It just isn't worth it. Move on and find your self a woman who will respect you and not cheat on you.
Author lilballa89 Posted July 5, 2012 Author Posted July 5, 2012 This is 100% real. Sometimes I wake up myself feeling as if it wasn't but sadly it is.
2sunny Posted July 5, 2012 Posted July 5, 2012 You're just wasting time with someone who's a liar and a cheat. When that drama isn't any longer a part of your daily life - you'll the understand how much drama you've ALLOWED in your life just by staying around her. LEAVE!!!
Author lilballa89 Posted July 5, 2012 Author Posted July 5, 2012 Well everyone I am moving out today. Had another incident and just can't take no more. I want to thank all of you who listened to. My troubles and actually heard ne out. !!!!! You will never understand how good it felt to finally say everything on my mind without being dragged through the mud more by denial, lies and guilt trips. And without being manipulated. U have all truly touched my heart n saved my life. Thank you all so much! I will update on how things go from here for me, just hope I can make it through this and still have a normal life.
Chi townD Posted July 5, 2012 Posted July 5, 2012 This thread feels very trollish. But, on the off chance it's real? Let me get this straight. Dude comes over at odd hours of the night; locks himself in a room with you wife and the kid and you do....what exactly? Personally, I would have been kicking down the door and dragging his drunk ass out of MY house. If she didn't like it, she could get the hell out too! Then he would tap at your windows at odd hours wanting your wife to have sex with him on YOUR couch in YOUR home....and you did.....what exactly? THEN, she sleeps with YOUR BOSS and you lose your job shortly there after? Dude, seriously. That's a class action lawsuit.....and you did....what exactly? COME ON NOW!!! REALLY?!?!?!?
GLDheart Posted July 5, 2012 Posted July 5, 2012 Well everyone I am moving out today. Had another incident and just can't take no more. I want to thank all of you who listened to. My troubles and actually heard ne out. !!!!! You will never understand how good it felt to finally say everything on my mind without being dragged through the mud more by denial, lies and guilt trips. And without being manipulated. U have all truly touched my heart n saved my life. Thank you all so much! I will update on how things go from here for me, just hope I can make it through this and still have a normal life. GOOD MAN! If you can resist her (actress like fake BS) attempts to act like she has changed, YOU WILL SOON (Maybe a month or so) FEEL SO MUCH BETTER!! GOOD LUCK!.. and keep in touch here during the low times (and keep us up to date).
Author lilballa89 Posted July 6, 2012 Author Posted July 6, 2012 Actually while this is going on with him in the room with her it was our 1st year together. He's a Niggar with a record and I didn't feel it was my place in our relationship to do that yet. Wed been together 3 months then after a year I ended it. With tapping on the window I just found that out a month ago. This is the truth n I don't see how u would even.come at me like that while I'm going thru this. Its hard enough to accept it. And I'm actually in legal proceedings for wrongful terminationatm.
Chi townD Posted July 6, 2012 Posted July 6, 2012 Actually while this is going on with him in the room with her it was our 1st year together. He's a Niggar with a record and I didn't feel it was my place in our relationship to do that yet. Wed been together 3 months then after a year I ended it. With tapping on the window I just found that out a month ago. This is the truth n I don't see how u would even.come at me like that while I'm going thru this. Its hard enough to accept it. And I'm actually in legal proceedings for wrongful terminationatm. It's called getting hit with a 2x4 to try and wake you up! Dude, the guy has no business being in YOUR house with YOUR wife. I would have come at him guns blazing. And if he has a record, the better for you! Who do you think a judge would believe, a law abiding citizen or a two bit thug who probably knows the judge well enough to know his first name. Who do you thing would actually serve some time? I would have called the cops and got him out of there and then the next day, went to the county court house and would have gotten and order of protection. That was YOUR family, YOUR home and YOUR wife. NOT HIS!! So, get a spine! Dude, if she was sleeping wih your boss, TALK TO A LAWYER!!! You have a class action lawsuit for wrongful termination. Do it before the statues of limitations runs out. You could be a rich man and that dude is out of a job. And you know what? SERVES HIM RIGHT!! Time to start fighting back!! WAKE UP!!! GET MOTIVATED!!!!
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