MooBear Posted July 1, 2012 Posted July 1, 2012 All the breakups, all the fights - I thought we had moved past them. For a year things had been good. Great in fact. I moved in a few months ago and I thought we were going well. There were little problems but I figured that was just part of us adjusting to living together. He tells me he's not happy. He doesn't like living together. In fact, he doesn't want to live with anyone. And apparently that's just it. So I need to move out. He's told me I don't have to go straight away and can wait until I have some more money and somewhere to go. We have nothing that is in both names so that's simple enough. When I moved in, I gave away my furniture, including my bed, thinking this was going to be it and I wouldn't need all that stuff again. Stupidly, I haven't protected myself. I am not on anything so really, If he wanted me out tonight, I'd have to go. I am completely devastated. I can't stop crying. Sitting here watching tv with him after we cooked dinner together, it's like nothing has changed except EVERYTHING has changed. And I don't know what to do, how to act. I'm so angry and so upset and I've yelled at him and made an idiot of myself which has just shut him down more. I guess what I want to know is - could I have prevented this? I cooked for us, we shared all our chores, we weren't fighting much and this just seems out of nowhere but he says he's felt like this since I moved in. Do I need to just get my stuff and go and not look back? Or if I stay for a while to save some money, is he likely to feel differently? I'm trying to be rational and see the right way but I am just so emotionally raw tonight that I can't...
KatZee Posted July 1, 2012 Posted July 1, 2012 Wow. I'm so sorry you're going through this. I think he's been unhappy for a while, and just hasn't told you. Maybe he was trying to give it one last shot but wasn't really into it. I've found that some people are capable of being fantastic liars. What's really crappy from his end is that he's probably felt twinges of this unhappiness and he still moved in with you, allowed you to give up all of your possessions in exchange for his, you have absolutely no entitlement to anything. Not the house, the furniture, and then he just pulls the rug out and does this. I would get out as soon as you possibly can. Do not "hang around" hoping he'll change his mind. If he wants you out the longer you just milk this, the more annoyed he's going to get. I think he's made some perfectly clear statements, and you can't change the way he feels. The only thing you can do is walk away with your dignity still intact. He wants you gone? Fine. You're gone. See if you can move in with your family temporarily, or if you have any friends who have rooms they can rent. I would also stop making dinner with him as if everything is fine. It's not. He can make his own damn dinner. I hope you're able to find a place soon and you can walk away from this mess.
CaliBabe Posted July 1, 2012 Posted July 1, 2012 WOW. I am so sorry you are going through this. I think the best move for you is to be strong and nonchalant and just get your stuff and move. Show him how strong you really are and do not act emotional. I think acting emotional will just justify his reasoning for having you leave. Be strong and move on gracefully, he will respect you more as a woman.
Samilia Posted July 1, 2012 Posted July 1, 2012 All the breakups, all the fights - I thought we had moved past them. For a year things had been good. Great in fact. I moved in a few months ago and I thought we were going well. There were little problems but I figured that was just part of us adjusting to living together. He tells me he's not happy. He doesn't like living together. In fact, he doesn't want to live with anyone. And apparently that's just it. So I need to move out. He's told me I don't have to go straight away and can wait until I have some more money and somewhere to go. We have nothing that is in both names so that's simple enough. When I moved in, I gave away my furniture, including my bed, thinking this was going to be it and I wouldn't need all that stuff again. Stupidly, I haven't protected myself. I am not on anything so really, If he wanted me out tonight, I'd have to go. I am completely devastated. I can't stop crying. Sitting here watching tv with him after we cooked dinner together, it's like nothing has changed except EVERYTHING has changed. And I don't know what to do, how to act. I'm so angry and so upset and I've yelled at him and made an idiot of myself which has just shut him down more. I guess what I want to know is - could I have prevented this? I cooked for us, we shared all our chores, we weren't fighting much and this just seems out of nowhere but he says he's felt like this since I moved in. Do I need to just get my stuff and go and not look back? Or if I stay for a while to save some money, is he likely to feel differently? I'm trying to be rational and see the right way but I am just so emotionally raw tonight that I can't... I'm really sorry you have to put up with this crap... Can you rent a room (craigslist is great for that), or move with your parents or friends? You don't have to be a weight if that's a concern, tell them you can participate to the rent. They sell air mattresses for 30 bucks at the store btw, not glorious of a bed, but it's still a bed. He will not change his mind, he probably gave it a go and found himself suffocating a little bit more everyday, to the point where he couldn't take it anymore. It's likely to get worse.. He knows it's a db move, that's why he hasn't kicked you out, he knows you gave up all your stuff to be with him. Just get out of there with your pride, I wouldn't even keep him informed, I would just move my stuff out and start NC immediately. I hope you find a decent living arrangement soon.
Appleness Posted July 4, 2012 Posted July 4, 2012 I agree with all the other posts. Went through the exact same thing. Do yourself a favor and leave asap. Bunk with a friend if you have to, before the pain of being in the same house with someone kills you. This is someone who's eat with you, looks in your eyes and tells you to leave with no remorse. Make sure that you get all your stuff and do NC otherwise.
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