weltschmerz Posted June 30, 2012 Posted June 30, 2012 (edited) OK, I am 33, he's 34. We were in a LDR, dated online for a while, met up in 6 months, he visited me, we even went on a weekend trip together, our families were happy, we were thinking of getting engaged and getting married. In short, we seemed perfect together. The good thing was we were very comfortable with each other, mentally, emotionally, and physically as well. But unfortunately, suddenly things went out of hand, with his mother's constant interference and our exhaustive debates on our political preference, way of living (he's too disciplined, I am easy going, he's an engineer, I am a filmmaker, he's an early morning lark, I am a late night bird!) etc. A stupid argument escalated into us breaking up. I took the call. He tried convincing me, but I was too upset. Anyway, we exchanged a couple of rude emails before we stopped communicating completely. I was convinced, I was not wrong in whatever I did. Anyway. We went NC. But 3 months later, on the eve of new year's, I received a mail from him, where he apologised for whatever happened, but he also said, he was not expecting me to reply back. Out of courtesy, I did. To which, he sounded very happy. But I continued being polite and to the point, and never encouraged a conversation. He took a clue, and then he acted the same and we went NC again. But I'll admit, all this while, I missed him but I chose not to communicate with him. Anyway, now I do not why but yesterday, I was watching this Cantonese film "In the Mood for Love", and suddenly I felt terribly sad. And in fact, all I could think of was him. I spoke to my friend, and she kept asking me to get in touch with him. I tried to distract myself, tried getting back to work, but the more I tried to write about the film, I realised, the more I started missing him. I realised, how foolish I was in not communicating with him, in not telling him things that I wanted to. Honestly, I am someone who would take a chance and fail, than regret not taking a chance at all! One never knows, after all! Also, at 33, to be honest, trying to hold back from confessing your affection for a person, only for the fear of rejection is too cowardly. Only because a certain person, doesn't think of you the way you think of him doesn't mean you're not good. People have their preferences. So it's all right. Anyway, coming back to the issue at hand, today, I wrote him a mail. I told him, "I do not know if I am missing you or it is because I have been thinking of you, but I wanted to write you a mail!" I also, told him, how watching the film "In the mood for love", made me think of our good and bad times together. And then I went onto suggest him to get and watch the film. Ended the mail with "Hope you're doing excellent". Then I just logged off and honestly, I didn't have the "courage" to sit and wait for his mail. Nevertheless, in the evening, I checked my mailbox. To my surprise, within an hour of my mail to him, he had replied back to me. Of course, he had kept it short and polite. He'd said, he'll certainly try and watch the film. And then he had added a chip of information about his life (I hadn't inquired about it!), he told me with a "Smiley", he was still "plugging away" in the city he had planned to move out from. He then asked me to pass on his regards to my family and said hope you're doing well. Honestly, I do not know how and if we stand a chance to be together again. But I do not regret talking to him and to an extent confessing things to him. The best feeling is we were "good" to each other. The bitterness of our break-up, was nowhere to be seen. I think, the first time around, the timing was not right, and we were too influenced, him by his mother and I had my own thing going on. Now, that it has almost been one year, of almost no communication, we have perhaps realised what we shared together was wonderful. We could laugh together and more than love, we shared a great friendship, which now I feel is growing into love. I think, distance has made us realise, we like each other, and we deserve another chance together. Also, one thing, I would like to highlight is, destiny is definitely playing a role here. When he had come to visit me, we had decided to go on a weekend trip together. We had chosen to board a train for that distance. Unfortunately we had separate berths, but at the last moment, on the request of a senior citizen, my bf had swapped his berth with his, which ended up in getting US together, next to each other. In fact, that night, we had cuddled up and in fact, kissed each other for the first time. Eventually, when his visit came to an end and he had to leave, he ended up missing his flight, he had to stay back and then we got one more day to spend together. I still remember the night, I was with him at the airport, it was pouring like anything, and by the time we came back home (after he missed his flight), we were totally drenched. I can easily say, those few days with him, were perhaps the best days of my life. But his mother was very upset that he missed his flight. He had to report back to his office, but people at the office managed things for him. In fact, when he spoke about how he missed his flight with his boss. She told him, perhaps, that was destiny. And we absolutely agree with it. Even now the way, either of us, initiates the contact every few months, seems like there's something in store for us. I wish, things get sorted out for us. ...Don't have a particular question here. But would like to hear your observations or suggestions. Sorry if I sound confused or messed up. Edited June 30, 2012 by weltschmerz
Recommended Posts