Is this a sign it's over already?

[rose45]

I started talking to someone online around mid June. We had a busy week so we got to know each other initially through texting and phone calls which was constant each day. We got along really well. I did notice he still went on the site which is perfectly normal I realize. We are both in our late 20's.

 

We met in person last friday night and things seemed to go well. We kissed a few times even. Saturday(the next day) he even texts me how he might be in my area to pick up something for his car and asked to get a coffee. I agreed since we aren't 10 minutes from each other. The drink turned into an evening out because he mentioned how his friend wants to go out tonight and I am more than welcome to come along.

 

I thought why not actually; I could learn more about him, meet his friends, see where he lives etc. It was a good night out. We both seemed to have a good time. I met his roommate who seemed to know about me already.

 

This week seemed to be pretty normal..we texted and spoke on the phone. But I did seem to notice he was on the site more often so I was feeling a little insecure. Rationally I know it's only been 2 dates and we don't owe each other anything. But the emotional side is just nervous he is going to flake on me or date a whole bunch of other girls.

 

He did mention again on Thursday how he might be passing through from work and asked if he could stop by. It was really a crazy day and I didn't want to have to worry about how I looked right after work etc etc..so i told him it's been a crazy day. I will go home first if you wanted to meet later which I knew he wouldn't be up for since he was heading home from work too.

 

We still spoke on the phone that night. He mentioned how he wants to work on his car tomorrow which is a Friday (he was off). I sort of assumed maybe we would see each other at night. I texted him in the morning joking around about something..no response til basically the end of my work day. I responded but that was all I heard from him ALL NIGHT.

 

I know we aren't together but it just seemed odd b/c the pattern since we started talking was constant contact in some way.

 

He texts me this morning what my plans were for the day. I just sort of get the feeling he may have went on a date with someone else from the site last night. I was actually on it at 1:30am and saw he signed in at that time(so it must have been when he got in)

 

I took my time to respond today and said i was going to grab lunch with a friend..you? and he said he wasn't sure etc etc No mention of us meeting or going out later which is a little confusing.

 

I sort of hinted and asked what his plans were for the weekend and if he had to study all weekend..he joked saying no, only if he feels guilty. But that's basically it..he said would call me in a bit which was a few hours ago. I fear if we don't see each other this weekend, it will fade away. Online dating is rough and my friend agrees you need to spend time with them fast b/c things fade so quickly through her experiences too.

 

I know at this point, don't do anything. But I guess it's just confusing. I know he owes me nothing but I guess I was hoping this would go past a 2nd date...i felt so secure last week with texting him whenever because he seemed to do the same and he didn't seem to follow rules. Now after yesterday, I feel like I can't and feel like I almost have to go with those dating games of backing off and keeping my distance.....

Edited June 30, 2012 by rose45

[Quest4_TheLost]

I'm going to put it to you strait.. You've been on 2 dates! Your not exclusive and if you start flaking out about these little things now your insecurity is really going to get the best of you down the line..

 

 

Gooooo with the floooow.. Don't wory about what he did what he is doing. Enjoy your conversations enjoy the dates you go on with him. This is the stage where your just having fun with them. So don't try to turn into somthing so serious so quickly. It wouldn't hurt if you found some other ppl to talk to txt and set up some dates... KEEP YOUR OPTIONS OPEN!

 

Good luck

[xpaperxcutx]

I have to disagree with the abovevposter. If you're already feeling insecure about where things are going chances are there is a problem.

How can something end when it hasn't started? Four dates is nothing compared to his lack of effort to continue with future dates. Sure he's contacting you and making theoccasiinal lackluster texts but all in all its half assed attempts ro keep tabs on you. If a guy is not making plans with you he's not interested.

So yes you have a right to be worried because this guy is clearly not serious about dating youfand you shouldn't have to put up with that.

[rose45]

i guess what threw me off a little was the sudden shift in contact, not hearing from him at all last night and then no plans made for this weekend to go on a date.

 

My question is I can go with the flow but what do I do from here since he's been somewhat unavailable in a sense. Do I mirror what he is doing not to play games but just follow his lead in a sense? Not text back right away, maybe not pick up if he calls later tonight (which i doubt he will). And then of course if/when we do talk or text be cool as a cucumber and the same as before? That's really my concern.

 

Because I probably would be texting him if this was last week but after yesterday, it just seems a little weird. He also said he would call me in a bit and that was a few hours ago.

[ScienceGal]

When a guy is truly interested in you, you will know it. My advice is to try to relax for now. If he doesn't make a stronger effort to be with you, then let him go. Also, even if he does make an effort, stay aware! If he is still on the dating site, he is keeping his options open. Just make sure that you are protecting yourself from being used and possibly hurt. Try to have a good time, but never ignore your gut feelings!

[rose45]

Thank you sciencegal,

 

I just feel upset b/c i am not the type to date multiple people. I know others are allowed to of course

 

My big question now is--how do i act from here? I feel like i have to be just as sweet b/c otherwise it looks like I am pissed he hasn't made as much contact with me and didn't see me this weekend. Do I mirror what he is doing on principle? Don't respond immediately to the text..don't pick up tonight if he calls??

[ScienceGal]

i guess what threw me off a little was the sudden shift in contact, not hearing from him at all last night and then no plans made for this weekend to go on a date.

 

My question is I can go with the flow but what do I do from here since he's been somewhat unavailable in a sense. Do I mirror what he is doing not to play games but just follow his lead in a sense? Not text back right away, maybe not pick up if he calls later tonight (which i doubt he will). And then of course if/when we do talk or text be cool as a cucumber and the same as before? That's really my concern.

 

Because I probably would be texting him if this was last week but after yesterday, it just seems a little weird. He also said he would call me in a bit and that was a few hours ago.

 

If it already feels "weird" and like you're playing a game, you should just back off. I dated a guy like this before. He likes taking women out and treating them well (very well) just so he can sleep with them and be on to the next. I obviously don't know if that's what he's doing, just be aware. Luckily I had people warn me about him, so all we did was kiss... and he moved on in no time (probably once he realized I wasn't going to give it up!)

 

It might be that he is looking for fun casual dating, possibly dating more than one woman at a time. It doesn't sound like that's what you want. Don't compromise. You deserve everything that you desire.

[ScienceGal]

Thank you sciencegal,

 

I just feel upset b/c i am not the type to date multiple people. I know others are allowed to of course

 

My big question now is--how do i act from here? I feel like i have to be just as sweet b/c otherwise it looks like I am pissed he hasn't made as much contact with me and didn't see me this weekend. Do I mirror what he is doing on principle? Don't respond immediately to the text..don't pick up tonight if he calls??

 

I sent my previous response before I saw this.

 

You should back off. I made the mistake of telling the guy I was dating that, and it made him try more... for a little while. Like I said, if he is genuinely interested, he will not let you slip away.

[rose45]

I am almost tempted to change the picture on my online profile which he will probably see just to show I'm not going to take treatment like that forever and wait around even if it's just dating. But i don't know if that's TOO passive aggressive since he hasn't changed anything on his profile since we started talking and can easily do the same if i do that. What are your thoughts?

 

He's been very nice, I enjoyed our convos and our time together so it just seems weird now.

 

Rationally I kno w we aren't together but it still makes me sad because we were in a lot of contact since we started talking. We weren't really following rules so to speak and now I feel like they are happening. It just makes me think he must have went out with someone else last night but also seems weird to do that and then log onto the site at 1:30am right after.

Edited June 30, 2012 by rose45

[Quest4_TheLost]

Shes been on 2 dates with him!! TWO!!! Not 5..

 

I'm sorry but this is also how dating works. When you begin to date someone you are the option. You are only an option. Yes you may have potential. But that is OPTIONAL!!

 

The point of dates is to go out have fun and get to know eachother not decide if this is your life partner in 2 dates!! SHe has along way to go for that. Just because he hasn't contacted you that much dosen't mean he is playing games.

 

I definetly agree its downs to lack of intrest. As I have said in almost all my posts lack of contact means lack of intrest. It dosen't mean this guy is a complete wash. But thats your call. Thats exactly why I said keep your options open and keep dating!

[Quest4_TheLost]

Thank you sciencegal,

 

I just feel upset b/c i am not the type to date multiple people. I know others are allowed to of course

 

My big question now is--how do i act from here? I feel like i have to be just as sweet b/c otherwise it looks like I am pissed he hasn't made as much contact with me and didn't see me this weekend. Do I mirror what he is doing on principle? Don't respond immediately to the text..don't pick up tonight if he calls??

 

I didn't see this post.. If thats how you feel about it then yes I would cut your losses.

[rose45]

you are right. but im not sure if i should just cut my losses just yet. I guess it felt different b/c we were in a lot of contact with each other each day.

 

Now it seems to have slowed down a bit. So it makes me wonder do I just act like I haven't noticed and be the same sweet girl he met?

 

or does that show he can keep being flaky?

[xpaperxcutx]

Shes been on 2 dates with him!! TWO!!! Not 5..

 

I'm sorry but this is also how dating works. When you begin to date someone you are the option. You are only an option. Yes you may have potential. But that is OPTIONAL!!

 

The point of dates is to go out have fun and get to know eachother not decide if this is your life partner in 2 dates!! SHe has along way to go for that. Just because he hasn't contacted you that much dosen't mean he is playing games.

 

I definetly agree its downs to lack of intrest. As I have said in almost all my posts lack of contact means lack of intrest. It dosen't mean this guy is a complete wash. But thats your call. Thats exactly why I said keep your options open and keep dating!

 

You"re only an option if yhou allow yourself to be an option. I disagree with the sitting back and wait approach, tghats wallowing IMO. My suggestion was for the OP to dol something not wait around for a disinterested guy. The guy is backburning her so she should remove herself as a second fiddle. So I,ll agree with dating other ppl.

[rose45]

I didn't feel like a second string person til last night so that's why I was upset.

 

Do i point this out at all in a joking way even??? Like if he doesn't call me today or tonight like he said and then texts me tomorrow..do i joke and say hey Mr. flaky lol Something to show that's not right?

 

That's really my question..how do you act when this suddenly happens..at this point we really don't owe each other explantions but it still a little rude in a sense after spending each day in contact etc...

[Quest4_TheLost]

you are right. but im not sure if i should just cut my losses just yet. I guess it felt different b/c we were in a lot of contact with each other each day.

 

Now it seems to have slowed down a bit. So it makes me wonder do I just act like I haven't noticed and be the same sweet girl he met?

 

or does that show he can keep being flaky?

 

No no.. I wouldn't play it that way at all. Thats exactly what he will do is continue to be flaky which is the last thing you want. Then he really will think he can play these games with you and string you along. I know its tough you meet somone you feel a real connection with them they start pullin bs and its hard to let go because you think in someway you can change it.

 

But if he is truly not interested in you you can't change it.

I still think after 2 dates its to early to say for sure. But keep in mind he is probably dating other ppl. If your able to just go with the flow at this point then I would do so. But if he continues the way he is now chances are they won't change.

[rose45]

So what is your advice on how I should act then? I'm caught in a hard place. It's early on to start asking questions like why did you disappear yesterday or anything in that nature. It's a turn off and needy. But then If I am sweet and the same when he does contact me, that makes it seem like everything is ok.

 

I feel almost the only option is no contact--meaning don't call back the same night or don't text back right away. But even that might come off weird....?

[Quest4_TheLost]

You"re only an option if yhou allow yourself to be an option. I disagree with the sitting back and wait approach, tghats wallowing IMO. My suggestion was for the OP to dol something not wait around for a disinterested guy. The guy is backburning her so she should remove herself as a second fiddle. So I,ll agree with dating other ppl.

 

 

Ok so in this statement what your saying is when you go out on a date that *bam* this person owes you all of their attention their time and should treat you as your the one? They should no longer date anyone else because they're dating you?

 

I'm sorry this isn't how the dating world works.. There is a time and place to become exculsive and if thats what you want from the beginning you should state it at the time because alot of ppl (mostly males) from what i've seen don't look at it like that when early dating stages.

[rose45]

also do i change the main picture of my dating profile which he would eventually see or that's a little TOO passive aggressive which can be a turn off as well?

 

might seem odd how i am "acting out" the moment he isn't giving me the same attention.

 

I get angry and upset when stuff like this happens It just seems like a weird shift from the contact we were in.

[xpaperxcutx]

I didn't feel like a second string person til last night so that's why I was upset.

 

Do i point this out at all in a joking way even??? Like if he doesn't call me today or tonight like he said and then texts me tomorrow..do i joke and say hey Mr. flaky lol Something to show that's not right?

 

That's really my question..how do you act when this suddenly happens..at this point we really don't owe each other explantions but it still a little rude in a sense after spending each day in contact etc...

 

According to a dating coach I follow nothing is for certain until a guy makes you his girlfriend. A title has security not contacts based around texting and phone calls that never come.

[Quest4_TheLost]

So what is your advice on how I should act then? I'm caught in a hard place. It's early on to start asking questions like why did you disappear yesterday or anything in that nature. It's a turn off and needy. But then If I am sweet and the same when he does contact me, that makes it seem like everything is ok.

 

I feel almost the only option is no contact--meaning don't call back the same night or don't text back right away. But even that might come off weird....?

 

 

I can't tell you whats the best for you. I can only tell you what I would do put in your sitation. I just wouldn't contact him anymore. If he continues to contact you leave it short and sweet don't put in any effort. He has shown he isn't worth it. Now if he tries to invite you out again thats when I would lay it on him and let him know things feel weird and why.

 

I would do this because your right after 2 dates it may come across as clingy and needy. But if he continues persuing you it may be worth a shot to iron out.

[rose45]

I agree, but how do i act from here? Follow his lead due to yesterday and be suddenly busy as well? Don't text back, don't call back right away.

 

He texted how he would call in a bit and that was around 1pm. So I am pretty much assuming when I didn't get back to him in the morning about what my plans were he made other plans with someone else. I texted him around noon and asked what his plans were and then he suddenly wasn't sure etc...

 

Should I change my main picture on my online profile which he will see? Just to show im not gonna wait around and will do my own thing too?......or is that passive aggressive

[xpaperxcutx]

Ok so in this statement what your saying is when you go out on a date that *bam* this person owes you all of their attention their time and should treat you as your the one? They should no longer date anyone else because they're dating you?

 

I'm sorry this isn't how the dating world works.. There is a time and place to become exculsive and if thats what you want from the beginning you should state it at the time because alot of ppl (mostly males) from what i've seen don't look at it like that when early dating stages.

 

No I'm saying the OP is allowing herself to be an option to a guy who she's already branded as the one. Its naive. If she doesn't want to be an option she should be seeing other people instead of allowing her world to revolve around him texting her. I still disagree with her sitting back and waiting for him to come around. Based on the ops personality she seems like the type to cling on to others. Instead she needs to meet other ppl rather than play a passibe role.

[Quest4_TheLost]

also do i change the main picture of my dating profile which he would eventually see or that's a little TOO passive aggressive which can be a turn off as well?

 

might seem odd how i am "acting out" the moment he isn't giving me the same attention.

 

I get angry and upset when stuff like this happens It just seems like a weird shift from the contact we were in.

 

 

Its ok rose.. I completley understand where your coming from and have also experienced this from someone I really liked. The weird shift in contact is yes a redflag that he isn't interested. My posts on this as to why not to worry about it was because its only the second date. But if you already like him that much and he is treating you like this, then I agree you definetly should find someone who will treat you the way you wanted to be treated and deserve such.

[rose45]

this may sound stupid but should I change my main picture on my dating profile which he will see? or is that too passive aggressive to do that after suddenly not hearing from him--like i am acting out or something?

 

Or will it show I'm not an idiot and can notice the change in pace compared to last week and won't wait around either....?

[nessaaa]

and this is why you should ALWAYS keep your options open no matter what even if he 'seems' like a good guy and totally into you.

it's good to have a back up never give one man 100% of your time..

they aren't worth it. have at least three on the side.

 

 

 

 

 

I started talking to someone online around mid June. We had a busy week so we got to know each other initially through texting and phone calls which was constant each day. We got along really well. I did notice he still went on the site which is perfectly normal I realize. We are both in our late 20's.

 

We met in person last friday night and things seemed to go well. We kissed a few times even. Saturday(the next day) he even texts me how he might be in my area to pick up something for his car and asked to get a coffee. I agreed since we aren't 10 minutes from each other. The drink turned into an evening out because he mentioned how his friend wants to go out tonight and I am more than welcome to come along.

 

I thought why not actually; I could learn more about him, meet his friends, see where he lives etc. It was a good night out. We both seemed to have a good time. I met his roommate who seemed to know about me already.

 

This week seemed to be pretty normal..we texted and spoke on the phone. But I did seem to notice he was on the site more often so I was feeling a little insecure. Rationally I know it's only been 2 dates and we don't owe each other anything. But the emotional side is just nervous he is going to flake on me or date a whole bunch of other girls.

 

He did mention again on Thursday how he might be passing through from work and asked if he could stop by. It was really a crazy day and I didn't want to have to worry about how I looked right after work etc etc..so i told him it's been a crazy day. I will go home first if you wanted to meet later which I knew he wouldn't be up for since he was heading home from work too.

 

We still spoke on the phone that night. He mentioned how he wants to work on his car tomorrow which is a Friday (he was off). I sort of assumed maybe we would see each other at night. I texted him in the morning joking around about something..no response til basically the end of my work day. I responded but that was all I heard from him ALL NIGHT.

 

I know we aren't together but it just seemed odd b/c the pattern since we started talking was constant contact in some way.

 

He texts me this morning what my plans were for the day. I just sort of get the feeling he may have went on a date with someone else from the site last night. I was actually on it at 1:30am and saw he signed in at that time(so it must have been when he got in)

 

I took my time to respond today and said i was going to grab lunch with a friend..you? and he said he wasn't sure etc etc No mention of us meeting or going out later which is a little confusing.

 

I sort of hinted and asked what his plans were for the weekend and if he had to study all weekend..he joked saying no, only if he feels guilty. But that's basically it..he said would call me in a bit which was a few hours ago. I fear if we don't see each other this weekend, it will fade away. Online dating is rough and my friend agrees you need to spend time with them fast b/c things fade so quickly through her experiences too.

 

I know at this point, don't do anything. But I guess it's just confusing. I know he owes me nothing but I guess I was hoping this would go past a 2nd date...i felt so secure last week with texting him whenever because he seemed to do the same and he didn't seem to follow rules. Now after yesterday, I feel like I can't and feel like I almost have to go with those dating games of backing off and keeping my distance.....