Anxious1974 Posted June 30, 2012 Posted June 30, 2012 (edited) I got into a LDR 2 months ago n things were initially great and moving fast. We met in person twice, chatted online daily. Then daily grind sets in, coupled with his ex who threatened to take his sons away becos she's worried I will be bad influence. He loved his sons very much and this, plus other stress areas in his life and our relationship, caused him to withdraw. During his withdrawal period, he still respond to me altho I'm the one initiating all the time. After one week of withdrawal I jokingly told him that he is not putting in much efforts n we are still a few days shy of our two months since we first met.(I didn't realized he was withdrawing then, had thought he was getting Co placenta in the relationship). Imagine my surprise when he replied back highly emotive, saying how he's been under great stress n I deserve someone who will treat me better. I asked him how I can help. Next day he send me a more coherent email which essentially said this is about him at a stage in his life which is extremely stressful (he's trying to get a new job) but he also said me picking fights with him is not helping. He then said he need time alone. I said ok. There days later he initiated contact and asked me how I was. We chatted like friends, I was cautious n reserved big showed genuine to him. We chatted again the following day but on the third day when I said hi to him online, he responded by sending me 5 pics, 4 of which are rather lovey dovey ones, all with the same female friend. My heart stopped beating. granted the female is not his type (n definitely not his ex wife), I fail to understand why he sent me those photos. He said he just got news that she is dying from cancer. I said u got to visit her, but he said no cos he can't handle death. I was puzzled as he claimed she was a dear friend whom he adored. He also claimed that the female has are bf. I asked for the nd pic but the ones he sent over r solo. He explained this by saying - who else do u think took most of the pics for us. I said the pics r clearly taken definitely taken using his iPhone frontal view n one was in fact taken from mirror reflection. He then said he got to go n he can't take such constant arguing. The next day we chatted online again n he reiterated there's nothing between him n the female in the pix, n that I don't trust him. Cos I caught him in some situations where his comments were not consistent. He reiterated his need for time of, this time he specify the period as one month although I have never ask him to. I ask him how he wants to do this time off thing. He said he doesn't know. We had another pleasant chat subsequently, and then I didn't hear from him again. The thing that perplex me is - why does he lie over some things yet are completely honest over others? And sending me those pics which is so unnecessary. Its almost like he is mind****ing me. Also, are we considered to be having a breakup/NC? Edited June 30, 2012 by Anxious1974
LovelyDaze Posted June 30, 2012 Posted June 30, 2012 No offense, but most of your post is incoherent. I understand that you are hurting so I tried to make as much sense of it as possible. Yes, you are experiencing a slow but sure breakup. I would go NC as you have originally asked and give him the break he is requesting since he is the one to initiate it. If it goes further than one month, than it should be your ex to come to you, if not...it is just your ex hoping you will lose interest and drop out of sight. The moment you think of being the one to initiate contact after this one month "trial separation", is the moment you turn over total control of yourself to your ex. He will be the one pulling all of the strings knowing you will accept any crumbs he passes out to you. I highly doubt he will forget you after just one month. He knows your number, where you live, etc. The ball is in his court now. Your job is to grieve over the inevitable loss and stay away from becoming a FWB.
Author Anxious1974 Posted July 1, 2012 Author Posted July 1, 2012 Hi LovelyDaze, thank you for taking the time to reply. I saw a reply to another posting and essentially that one says - a break is another form of breakup, just slower and worst cos it leaves the dumpee clinging on to hope. I guess I was trying to grasp on to any available straws to keep my hopes afloat, eg by trying to rationalise his request for a one month time out is not = NC because NC only occurs after a breakup.
Samilia Posted July 1, 2012 Posted July 1, 2012 He broke up.. the "it's not you it's me" line makes me say that. The excuse of work, the break (up) he asked for, etc.. I hope I don't sound too harsh, but I bet that's what it is. I wouldn't waste any more energy into this LDR.
Author Anxious1974 Posted July 1, 2012 Author Posted July 1, 2012 Thanks Samilia, I need this extra boost to make myself move on. I'm thirty seven turning thirty eight and this is the first time I experience a complicated relationship like this one.
Samilia Posted July 1, 2012 Posted July 1, 2012 Np, I'm 38 myself and I learned that if it feels like work, walk away.
SarahRose Posted July 1, 2012 Posted July 1, 2012 I think you have to see it for what it was. You basically had a pen pal and had a little fling. That is all. He obviously has met someone else in real life but is too cowardly to tell you that. I wouldn't waste another moment on this.
Author Anxious1974 Posted July 1, 2012 Author Posted July 1, 2012 Hi all, just want to say thank you for yr comments. My Brian knows what needs to be done, I just wish my heart will follow suit A favourite phrase by someone - keep calm, carry on. Take care and God bless!
Tiera D Posted July 1, 2012 Posted July 1, 2012 LDR dont work unless you have been with him atleast 1-2 years before he leaves to another state..to OP you only seen this guy twice,sorry but i dont believe a word he is saying,even he is genuine the odds are too heavily stacked against you,please get a man in your area' TD
Author Anxious1974 Posted July 14, 2012 Author Posted July 14, 2012 hi all, just to round things up, this is what I received from him today. I know, it doesn't sound good... I really dont know where we are at but I do know that I want you in my life in some capacity and care for you greatly. I also dont want to lead you on or hurt you in any way. I just dont know and that is me being as honest as I can be.*
Lovesmart Posted July 14, 2012 Posted July 14, 2012 This simply means that he likes you but he knows you are not "the one". And by saying up front he doesn't want to lead you on or hurt you, he is leaving the door open for non-committal sex.
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