ssmith3427 Posted June 30, 2012 Posted June 30, 2012 I really want to explore a statement made on this forum, it is as follows: I'd like to know how exactly you reacted in front of her when she broke up with you: did you beg,plead,cry...? If there's a little hope that she'll change her mind, the way you reacted counts a lot. I would like to know how reacting to the breakup infront of my ex really counts. The night before we both cried a lot, the day of the breakup, I was crying whilst she was moving out, she had to call my dad to come around because I was that upset (not proud to accepth this), before she left, she came to talk to me, I kissed her, she didn't kiss me back, then I told her to promise me she will find happiness, and then she ran out to her mum and dads car crying. It's the last time I so her. I want to know if how I reacted was good/bad? How does it look from my ex's perspective? Damn I am ashamed of that, but I guess show knows how much I loved her :/ So yeah, does this look really bad on me? Could I have reacted better? What is the best reaction one can have?
fificremefarben Posted June 30, 2012 Posted June 30, 2012 I think ideally you'd like to remain composed and tear-free, emotional but slightly unfazed at the same time. Come on though, how often does that ever happen, especially if you're the one being broken up with, and especially if it was a long-term relationship. I started crying a little in front of him and, when he walked away from me despite my tears, it hurt even more and I broke down when I was on my own. I mean full-on huddling on the floor in shock. Then I phoned my closest friend and she listened to my unintelligible ramblings through tears for about an hour. That evening, I didn't sleep a wink. I knew I wouldn't. I had a strange urge to watch "Forgetting Sarah Marshall", so I did that, then I spent the rest of the night watching movies til 7a.m. A bit too melodramatic, but it was my first heartbreak, in bad circumstances and after a 4-year relationship. I know it'll never be that bad again. You just react how you react. There no rhyme nor reason. Best to keep the real hysterics for when you're not in the vicinity of your ex, though. Don't give them the satisfaction. That's my one regret, that I ever let him see my tears.
BlazePT Posted June 30, 2012 Posted June 30, 2012 (edited) I really want to explore a statement made on this forum, it is as follows: I'd like to know how exactly you reacted in front of her when she broke up with you: did you beg,plead,cry...? If there's a little hope that she'll change her mind, the way you reacted counts a lot. I would like to know how reacting to the breakup infront of my ex really counts. The night before we both cried a lot, the day of the breakup, I was crying whilst she was moving out, she had to call my dad to come around because I was that upset (not proud to accepth this), before she left, she came to talk to me, I kissed her, she didn't kiss me back, then I told her to promise me she will find happiness, and then she ran out to her mum and dads car crying. It's the last time I so her. I want to know if how I reacted was good/bad? How does it look from my ex's perspective? Damn I am ashamed of that, but I guess show knows how much I loved her :/ So yeah, does this look really bad on me? Could I have reacted better? What is the best reaction one can have? Well, I think that the best reaction one could have is to keep cool, calm and listen to whatever he/she has to say, even if you're dying inside. It's best to contain your emotions and wait to let them all out when your now-ex has left already. You should even say something like "Ok, I understand. I respect you." Don't force an argument; don't try to change their mind. If you can even show a little smile, it will show you as a respectable person and you will keep your dignity. The impression that is left on them is one of you being strong and mature. It will leave them wondering... For the days and weeks that go by, if you somehow try to get them back, it will only push them away. On the other hand, if you can control yourself and stick to NC, there might be a chance that they'll start to wonder what you're up to and wonder whether you've moved on faster than they did. This way, not only you've avoided being pitied by the dumper, you've also maintained your dignity and left them maybe wondering if they've made the right decision. In my case, I hadn't beg or pleaded but I cried in front of her and said that I would change. On the following week, I contacted her, sent her flowers and got together with her a couple of times. However, since then, we agreed not to talk or see each other in any way and I haven't talked to her one bit. The results? Well, it doesn't mean anything, but at least it's kind of comfortable to hear from close friends that she is struggling and even wondered if she made the right decision; she is even trying to come up with more reasons to why she really left me. She also freaked out when she knew I was talking flirty with other girls and started to wonder if I had my eye on another girl already. This doesn't mean she wants to be back or that she loves me, but at least I'm glad that I've kept my dignity and self-respect and went on with my life like nothing had happened, and that it is kind of upsetting her in some way. Cheers Edited June 30, 2012 by BlazePT
jayy23 Posted June 30, 2012 Posted June 30, 2012 i stayd calm listend to what she had to say then said my part she was crying. when she was leaving my house she tried to kiss me on the lips but i just turned my head and kissed her on the cheek said by and watched her drive away outta my life and i havent seen her since nearly 4months. dont get me wrong tho ounce it sunk in i was pretty upset even phoned her a couple of times asking if i could see her again to talk more but she wouldnt come see me and still wont.
Samilia Posted June 30, 2012 Posted June 30, 2012 I'd like to know how exactly you reacted in front of her when she broke up with you: did you beg,plead,cry...? No I didn't cry (I did after, especially when it hit me I had been manipulated), and I am glad I didn't, I get to walk away with a sense of pride. Not to say that crying is a weakness, I don't think it is, but I didn't want to show him it was affecting me. I think crying is caring, and caring is a great quality in a human being. I just didn't want to show him I cared. I think Blaze is right, keep it together and show a calm collected front, even if you're screaming in pain inside. Would you be attracted to a crying whale crawling on your carpet? Best case scenario, you'd have pity, yeh? So be strong, win your independence back, be the guy she met, not the one she left. I hope you get better soon
BlazePT Posted June 30, 2012 Posted June 30, 2012 be the guy she met, not the one she left. Better yet, become an "upgraded version" of the guy she met .
Samilia Posted June 30, 2012 Posted June 30, 2012 Better yet, become an "upgraded version" of the guy she met . Yeh There you go, get back on track! Put the stuff that reminds you of her in boxes or give it back, whatever makes you feel comfortable, eventually you'll throw it away probably anyway. Show her you have decided to live without her and mean it. Then eventually one day you'll be better, you'll be walking around in your cool jeans with a nice sweater and a nice girl will say "hello"
Author ssmith3427 Posted June 30, 2012 Author Posted June 30, 2012 I don't know, yes it does dent the pride and self-wroth, especially how I reacted.. Geez.. it was like out of a movie for real. But, I am glad she knew how much I loved her, and how much I cared for her, because one day she might just realize that she "might" have made an error in judgement. I always said and thought I was a strong person, I am. So I will regain my self-worth. Yes I was a wreck :/ but I'm ok with her knowing how much she mattered to me, and just maybe that might one day lead her back to me when she gets a little more mature (she is only 20). Anyone agree with this?
DMS Posted June 30, 2012 Posted June 30, 2012 Personally she broke up with me while we were in the shower. She started crying and i was standing there in shock. i huggedc
BlazePT Posted June 30, 2012 Posted June 30, 2012 I don't know, yes it does dent the pride and self-wroth, especially how I reacted.. Geez.. it was like out of a movie for real. But, I am glad she knew how much I loved her, and how much I cared for her, because one day she might just realize that she "might" have made an error in judgement. I always said and thought I was a strong person, I am. So I will regain my self-worth. Yes I was a wreck :/ but I'm ok with her knowing how much she mattered to me, and just maybe that might one day lead her back to me when she gets a little more mature (she is only 20). Anyone agree with this? Well.... The thing is, there's a possibility that it will happen, yes. I won't say there isn't, but the truth is: you don't see it now, but when you've finally moved on, you won't see her with the "rose-tinted glasses" anymore... You will actually start to wonder whether you didn't deserve something better, and generally, they only call or ask to meet up with you, when you are already over them and don't even want them anymore! It is a true fact... I know it's hard to picture this scenario now, but trust me, it will go like this. And she WILL call some time. Not necessarily to get back together, though...
DMS Posted June 30, 2012 Posted June 30, 2012 (edited) Sorry phone sent message before I finished typing. Personally she broke up with me while we were in the shower. She started crying and i was standing there in shock. I hugged her and she cried on my shoulder for a few minutes and I remember repeating "It's OK" to the point she asked me why I was saying that. After she finished crying I left the shower, sat on the edge of our bed and cried my eyes out muttering about how everything was gone. She came in and hugged my shoulder. She didnt move out for nearly a month as we shared an apartment but I finally asked her to go. It was a rough time because I found out about her new BF less than a week after the breakup and I know I handled it poorly, I tried apologizing for what it was worth and trying to get her to consider giving me another chance but I know now she made up her mind well before she left me. We saw each other a few more times as she tried to remain friendly and she was the only friend in town that I had as I had moved 800 miles to live with her. Last time I saw her I was picking up our cats before she went and saw the BF for a week. I hugged her and kissed the top of her head and told her "I love and will miss you" then grabbed the cats and left. We talked a few more times after that but not since she moved up to Pennsylvania to live with him less than 3 months after our breakup. Edited June 30, 2012 by DMS
without Posted June 30, 2012 Posted June 30, 2012 I really want to explore a statement made on this forum, it is as follows: I'd like to know how exactly you reacted in front of her when she broke up with you: did you beg,plead,cry...? If there's a little hope that she'll change her mind, the way you reacted counts a lot. I would like to know how reacting to the breakup infront of my ex really counts. The night before we both cried a lot, the day of the breakup, I was crying whilst she was moving out, she had to call my dad to come around because I was that upset (not proud to accepth this), before she left, she came to talk to me, I kissed her, she didn't kiss me back, then I told her to promise me she will find happiness, and then she ran out to her mum and dads car crying. It's the last time I so her. I want to know if how I reacted was good/bad? How does it look from my ex's perspective? Damn I am ashamed of that, but I guess show knows how much I loved her :/ So yeah, does this look really bad on me? Could I have reacted better? What is the best reaction one can have? mine is a "he". First I burst into tears and I kept asking really?? I couldn't believe what I was hearing. It was a shock.
edelveis Posted July 1, 2012 Posted July 1, 2012 well i faced the whole situation with strength and maturity.i didnt cry or beged or anything like these..in the end i said that i respect it and even we joked for a while even if i was dying inside.but i made it clear to her that she should be totally sure that she wanted to leave me coz there is no way back after for us..the thing is that she wasnt sure but i try not to care anymore..sometimes i do sometimes i fall..i never contacted her again after then and generally had no contact and never seen her since then.blaze described it perfectly above..
Samilia Posted July 1, 2012 Posted July 1, 2012 Personally she broke up with me while we were in the shower. She started crying and i was standing there in shock. i huggedc First thought that came to my mind when I read your post was "wtf? In the shower, really?" Then I read more and realized you weren't finished. I read the rest of it and wondered if she had met him while being with you. Not that it mattered anymore.
Mariana345 Posted July 1, 2012 Posted July 1, 2012 I cried, beg and pleaded... I made a joke of myself... He didn't change his mind, not even a second... But the last time I saw him I was composed, kind of cold... just grab my stuff and left... (I know I was ok, but sometimes I wish I had talk to him more, I still have the idea that maybe he would change his mind... I know, crazy huh?)
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