baltimore50 Posted June 30, 2012 Posted June 30, 2012 I have been married 26 years, with my husband over 30 years! i am now 50, he is my best friend, but hes a drinker!! I have told him i want a separation dont think he really believes me as i've been down this road before. we all (kids 18/21) get on great with him but as soon as he starts drinking, its all downhill! he says he wont change and doesnt want to. I am at a fork, do i force a separation or stay put and just do my own thing? he has been in the spare room since feb and doesnt object to that, on anti depressants and has ed so I think its a pressure off him really. most of my separated friends/divorced ones say dont do it, its too lonely, i'll be broke and there are too many frogs out there! if they had to do it all again they would have stayed, but the big problem here is the drinking. i have been doing things more and more on my own, kids are older so they just ignore him when drinking, they wont invite him to anything or go out with him anymore. he has said he is willing to share the house and we stay as we are, but he has aked me to go on vacation with him recently when i said no think he was upset. is there anyone out there who is doing this? and do you take off your rings or what?? mad questions I know but i'm torn! i still love him and we get on well but like i said the drinking keeps rearing its ugly head. would love to hear from anyone who is living in an arrangement like this?
notbroken Posted July 1, 2012 Posted July 1, 2012 If you love your husband maybe give him an ultimatum. Tell him you love him and want to stay with him but will be unable to under the circumstances unless he stops drinking or limits it to once a week, etc. Seek counseling, try to move him back in the bedroom and seek treatment for ED if possible. Honestly, the current circumstances doesn't seem like much of a life. Good luck regardless. I have a friend that was in similar circumstances. She sufferred those conditions for ten years and ultimately divorced. It was ten long unhappy years for her. I'm sure she personally wished she left ten years ago as it only prolonged the pain.
YellowShark Posted July 2, 2012 Posted July 2, 2012 Easy. Tell him flat out. It's the bottle or you. His choice. Then act accordingly. Otherwise you'll waste years simply babysitting a drunk.
YellowShark Posted July 2, 2012 Posted July 2, 2012 (edited) I think you should go to al-anon meetings, that will be a source of support for you and will help you gain strength and direction as for dealing with what sounds like an alcoholic. Then you will probably be better equipped to make such big decisions and you will find others going through much the same things. Excellent advice. Definitely do it. But unless your husband deals with his problem 10,000 al-anon meetings won't change that she is babysitting a drunk. Edited July 2, 2012 by YellowShark
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