Owl Posted July 5, 2012 Posted July 5, 2012 Oh I don't blame the OPs mom for hating her MM. He's been married three times, he's a pastor and he was married to his 3rd wife when he started his affair with the OP. This guy is trash. I can't for the life of me understand why the OP would be pining for such a lying disgusting POS. DING DING DING!!! Maybe Mom doesn't know all these details...but Mom's been able to see what kind of man he is through other actions/etc... Mom is RIGHT for not being happy that this...person...is such a major influence in your life. I'm personally thinking that...at least in this situation...you should LISTEN to her. It sounds to me like your REAL issue here isn't mom...it's your 'man picker'. Remove this guy from your life. Find someone worthy of you...odds are...Mom will like him too!
Author TrebleClef Posted July 5, 2012 Author Posted July 5, 2012 DING DING DING!!! Maybe Mom doesn't know all these details...but Mom's been able to see what kind of man he is through other actions/etc... Mom is RIGHT for not being happy that this...person...is such a major influence in your life. I'm personally thinking that...at least in this situation...you should LISTEN to her. It sounds to me like your REAL issue here isn't mom...it's your 'man picker'. Remove this guy from your life. Find someone worthy of you...odds are...Mom will like him too! "Owl" I guess you and everyone else here is and has been right all along. Plz read my newest post about him (he removed himself out of my life). Please, give me your honest opinion/advice/feedback if you don't mind. I can't seem to stop crying. It's all for the better I know, but gosh this hurts.
MissBee Posted July 5, 2012 Posted July 5, 2012 What did you do (if I may ask) to finally break free? There were no concrete plans. In the beginning, I thought he was divorced and we were starting a true relationship. Once I found out, I did't run but cut intimacy. I know that doesn't make it any better. Now that he's truly divorced, there were still no concrete plans implemented. I knew he had tons to work through and needed tons of time and so did I. And together, we most definitely were taking very small baby steps. I wanted to be there for him. I genuinely love him. I didn't want to abandon him and I wanted to love him in action. Then suddenly he decides that he will not re-live another relationship with an overbearing mom-in-law. All in all, I was duped. BUT, I didn't run once the lies came to the light and now I'm suffering the consequences. If I get what you're asking, I have to say that I have not personally had to break free of an overbearing mother. I think you guys are bonded over your issues. It is no coincidence that he has an overbearing mom, so do you and you guys are in this mess. People often have hazy ideas about love and its parameters. Love doesn't mean putting up with ANYTHING and EVERYTHING in the name of "support". that's usually called enabling, hand-holding and doormatting. You know you should have run...it's not too late. He's not the last man on earth and as I said, I think you learning how to have a relationship with boundaries with your mom and overcoming the intimacy issues there, is the important thing. As him or no him, it will continue to be a problem. So step away from trying to be romantically involved with him or anyone else and focus on cleaning up that parental relationship and yourself. Guaranteed you'll have better relationship results after.
Author TrebleClef Posted July 5, 2012 Author Posted July 5, 2012 If I get what you're asking, I have to say that I have not personally had to break free of an overbearing mother. I think you guys are bonded over your issues. It is no coincidence that he has an overbearing mom, so do you and you guys are in this mess. People often have hazy ideas about love and its parameters. Love doesn't mean putting up with ANYTHING and EVERYTHING in the name of "support". that's usually called enabling, hand-holding and doormatting. You know you should have run...it's not too late. He's not the last man on earth and as I said, I think you learning how to have a relationship with boundaries with your mom and overcoming the intimacy issues there, is the important thing. As him or no him, it will continue to be a problem. So step away from trying to be romantically involved with him or anyone else and focus on cleaning up that parental relationship and yourself. Guaranteed you'll have better relationship results after. Oh, I thought you were speaking of you had gone through breaking free of a bad relationship with a man. His mom wasn't domineering but mean to him and his siblings. My mother and father are overinvolved and overprotective of me. I think there's a difference. As far as he and I are concerned, yes I think you're right but it no longer matters as he has told me I am not the woman for him after all. This morning he told me to stop crying, calling/texting him and to move on with my life all because I lifted his head up to look at me in a tiff we were having. He deemed it "puttiing my hands on him". "Whichwayisup" says it was just another excuse to get out permanently. I posted it earlier entitled "vapor chase has ended - Update" or something like that... I'm still crying and shocked.
MissBee Posted July 5, 2012 Posted July 5, 2012 Oh, I thought you were speaking of you had gone through breaking free of a bad relationship with a man. His mom wasn't domineering but mean to him and his siblings. My mother and father are overinvolved and overprotective of me. I think there's a difference. As far as he and I are concerned, yes I think you're right but it no longer matters as he has told me I am not the woman for him after all. This morning he told me to stop crying, calling/texting him and to move on with my life all because I lifted his head up to look at me in a tiff we were having. He deemed it "puttiing my hands on him". "Whichwayisup" says it was just another excuse to get out permanently. I posted it earlier entitled "vapor chase has ended - Update" or something like that... I'm still crying and shocked. I get that but I'm saying that IMO, it's not only about the relationship but you both have other issues (as most of us do) that contributed to the relationship being bad, and you should work on those to improve your future relationships. I have been in a relationship that wasn't good and an A and how I healed and got over it was working on myself to even understand why I was in that position. It is all fresh for you now and you're going to be focused on him and the break up, but after a while, you'll need to look at you. This man is no catch and I think it is good that he has ended it, as you wouldn't have probably. So now that it's over, you should focus on why it is not a good situation and on not returning to it, should he all of a sudden decide he's given you a time out and he wants you back....as men like this often do that. They know you are crazy about them and have little respect for yourself, so no matter what they do, you want them so much that they can run off and then come back and say sorry and you'll be so happy to take him back. Don't be that girl.
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