forgottenangel99 Posted June 30, 2012 Posted June 30, 2012 I will start by saying that almost every relationship I've had has ended and my ex tried to come back to me and by then it was too late. What I mean by too late is I have completely given up on them. Yes I have been the dumper but I do leave explanations and consider other's feelings........ Let me start with some background....My ex and I broke up some odd six months ago and I am now 8 months pregnant. Since then I have broken down and tried to rekindle things and even suggested relationship counseling. We were together for just over a year and had plans of marriage this summer. To keep this cut and to the point, right after we broke up my ex began sleeping with a co-worker and she also got pregnant. I learned of this 3 weeks after we broke up. He eventually ended up moving out and moving in with her, I was devasted that he had already created a new life so soon after our breakup and told him to get his things and get out. Shortly after he moved in with her he began to complain about his living situation with her in which he moved out and back in with me. Things seemed to be fine for the first two weeks then he began to stay away for long periods of time. Eventually I found out he was then texting and going over her house so I eventually asked him to leave. I wouldn't doubt it if there were other women in the picture but I know he was interacting with her. Not only did I feel used, lied to and disrespected to say the least, but since he has left (2 weeks ago) I have not contacted him and the only interactions I've had was when he was at my doctor's appointment and him asking about my upcoming appointments I go to the doctor every week). While we were living together he barely texted or called, didn't ever ask about my kids he just dumped his son off on me and went out to "mingle" with his "friends" (btw, we both have children from previous relationships). Once again I am plagued by the ex coming back after I'm completely done with trying to work things out. I was wondering if anyone else can see something I don't see, because if you tell someone you don't want to be with them then doesn't that mean leave them alone?? I'm confused on why is he so adamant about interacting with me after I told him to only contact me about our child. I know he's not over-excited about being a dad because he has 3 other children with his ex. When he was living here I must have been a "bad person" to him or he wouldn't have acted the way he did before he moved out. I don't understand what could've possibly have changed in a few days?? **Please on immature answers, I will take your questions seriously so I'd appreciate it if I could get the same respect.** Thank you
Balzac Posted June 30, 2012 Posted June 30, 2012 You sure have a busy life. What exactly are you asking for here? It seems clear you and this man share a child. You haven't mentioned financial concerns and it seems he is employed. I can tell you are upset. What are your top three concerns. What are the ages of your children?
misskai Posted June 30, 2012 Posted June 30, 2012 Men suffer from retardation at times that others may not. He is obviously trying to get you back which is what men do and it is a natural instinct of men. U should take it easy and move on like u have been as long as he doesn't turn crazy on you... then u call "authorities"
YellowShark Posted June 30, 2012 Posted June 30, 2012 I am now 8 months pregnant. .. my ex began sleeping with a co-worker and she also got pregnant.... I know he's not over-excited about being a dad because he has 3 other children with his ex. So he's doesn't like being a dad but has 5 children with 3 different women. Uhm, ok. My ex and I broke up some odd six months ago.. He eventually ended up moving out and moving in with her.. he moved out and back in with me... then he began to stay away for long periods of time... I found out he was then texting and going over her house so I eventually asked him to leave. So you two broke up, he moved out.. hooked up with some woman, and got her pregnant. That didn't work out so he moved back in with you.. and then you discovered he was playing both of ya. So far all I see is a con man who uses women and gets them pregnant. Three women so far in this sad tale. I'm confused on why is he so adamant about interacting with me after I told him to only contact me about our child. Not your problem. You have defined clear and cut boundaries, ("only contact me about our child,") and that is how it should remain. Don't even try to think whats in his twisted head. Just remain calm, cold and business-like. Also contact a lawyer regarding his financial responsibility for this child of yours. Good luck.
Author forgottenangel99 Posted June 30, 2012 Author Posted June 30, 2012 I have always been able to take care of myself and my children since early adulthood. I am employed (military) and I have friends and family to help out. I wouldn't doubt that he would be there for his child and I have no intention of stopping him I just don't want to be bothered with him otherwise. He has always been a good father to his other children, if not I wouldn't have gotten involved with him in the first place because I have children. He mentioned wanting to be "friends" and I don't think I want to be his friend after so much pain, confusion and feeling betrayed. My children are 10 yrs and 7 yrs (He and I are both 31). His children are 12yrs, and the other two are 8 yrs. I am very confused on why I still love him when I know I shouldn't. I don't want to get back with him or anything I just hate that I have to go though another failed relationship after getting so close to him then within weeks he became estranged. I guess my question is what does he want from me?? I have made it clear that I don't wish to be friends with him and all of our interactions are to be about our child. But I'm feeling he is using the child as a way of keeping some of the unnecessary emotional attachment that I want to let go of. He is the one that concluded that this can't work. As soon as I began to agree and decided to move on he turned into a concerned caring friend that seems to only care now that I don't want him to!! Why?? I don't understand why this always happens to me. Why I'm so loved AFTER I leave but can't be when I'm in love???......Is this some sort of game he's playing?? Does he really still love me like he said?? Is he too prideful to admit that he may have made a mistake because he didn't think I would walk away?? What do you think?? I'm stumped!!
Author forgottenangel99 Posted June 30, 2012 Author Posted June 30, 2012 So he's doesn't like being a dad but has 5 children with 3 different women. Uhm, ok. I think you mistook what I meant by him not being over-excited about the baby. I meant that I know he's not contacting me because he is excited about being a NEW father because he already has children. He calls or texts everyday now about what's going on but before he was involved but not interacting everyday. I was asking why the sudden change but I see you answered that....thankx!!!
Author forgottenangel99 Posted June 30, 2012 Author Posted June 30, 2012 thankx misskai, you're right. It sucks because I feel like my love life is pretty much over because I don't wanna go through this anymore....
YellowShark Posted June 30, 2012 Posted June 30, 2012 thankx misskai, you're right. It sucks because I feel like my love life is pretty much over because I don't wanna go through this anymore.... Not at all. You're 31! Plenty of love life left. As an outsider all I see is a con man who has gone through 3 women and has 5 kids.. and he's only 31!!! That's some track record. What's the score gonna be when he is 51? You're doing the right thing. Move on. His sudden interest is over-compensation to erase what little guilt may fester in his mind. After all he broke up with you and had another woman pregnant withing weeks. What's the debate? Think on the bright side.. now, when George Clooney dumps Stacy Keibler, you'll be free to date him. 1
Author forgottenangel99 Posted June 30, 2012 Author Posted June 30, 2012 Not at all. You're 31! Plenty of love life left. As an outsider all I see is a con man who has gone through 3 women and has 5 kids.. and he's only 31!!! That's some track record. What's the score gonna be when he is 51? You're right his first kids' mother went through this with him on and off for 8 yrs!!! She finally moved on and married a great guy. I say that I will never be able to be happy in a relationship again because it always turns out that I get left for some care-free, home-wrecking b****!! Then sometime later down the line I was the best thing they had. That's disheartening to hear that over and over again and I have absolutely no trust in men anymore. Seems like the goods ones have experienced what I have and have turned bad or are happy with someone so they're out of the question and the bad ones have taken over!! I just think I'm gonna lose it with him and seriously end up trying to strangle him for putting me through this (no I'm not crazy, just furious)!!!
Author forgottenangel99 Posted July 16, 2012 Author Posted July 16, 2012 Ok, so a lot has been going on since my last post and I have tried to be strong even though I am tired of this situation. I can fill in details if you need them but I wanna get to the meat and potatoes of my current concern. I knew that was not the end of things considering we have a child on the way....... Ok, we recently started back talking again (yes I got weak and decided to start trying to talk to him only for the simple fact that I was gonna have to eventually anyway, it's almost that time!!). He has been keeping up with my appointments and at my most recent one he brought his other children along, seemed to be really happy to see me and was very attentive and supportive. When we were leaving he walked me to my car opened the door for me and told me he loved me and kissed me on my cheek. I gave him a blank stare and he left without another word (this was last Monday). So yesterday we were talking and at the end of our convo he asked me if I could keep his children while he was at work the next day. Well they came over I talked to them and we had a little fun and laughter.....to make a long story short I decided to ask him why he wanted to be so close to me (I was getting at something to that nature). He replied that he would like to "get along" with me and he told me he loved me (again) and always will. He also said he told the girl (his gf??) that he will always love me and there was nothing she could do to change that and she could either accept it or move on and they have that understanding.........WHAT THE F--- DOES THIS MEAN??! Why would a guy tell his current gf that if he wants to be with her and where would that put the ex (me)???? I have never been in a situation like this before so please give me some feedback as to what this means... Thank you everyone!!! Love ya in advance!!!
jennisfora Posted July 17, 2012 Posted July 17, 2012 well, you will be the mother of his child, he may be telling her that no matter what you will be a part of his life, and she will have to deal with her jealousy issues. frankly, i don't see him as much of a catch, and the gf has to know that he has fidelity issues which is probably making her insecure. be glad you aren't in a relationship with him, and don't have to worry about him cheating or prowling for the next missus. she will never be able to be sure of him, and that isn't much of a life to me. i know it is cliche, but maybe you dodged a bullet with him being flaky. past behavior is a good indicator of future behavior, or can be at any rate. i think you can do better. *hugs* 1
Author forgottenangel99 Posted July 17, 2012 Author Posted July 17, 2012 Omg you are so right Jen!!! It's funny how I see these things but ignore them!! I still have feelings for him so that always complicates the thought process. Right now we are at the hospital because I'm having complications. Hopefully the baby stays put another couple of weeks but with all of this frustration with him I think I'm making myself go into early labor!! Well thank you Jen!!! Thats a good call on reminding me that the past will repeat itself because I believe his other kids' mother went through something similar to what I'm going through I just didn't put up with it as long as her (8 years on and off!!) and I should've paid attention to the signs. This defo made me smile despite him lying in the pullout bed next to me. Thanks again Jen
Sameold Posted July 17, 2012 Posted July 17, 2012 Jeez get him out of your life. Look after yourself and your children. Do not be a sit in mum for his kids from other relationships, he is probably out with other women when you are putting his kids to bed. Life would be easier by yourself here surely.
Author forgottenangel99 Posted July 17, 2012 Author Posted July 17, 2012 Thanks Sameold, your right it's not worth it!! I think the stress from this has got me in the hospital. He's not worth that or my kids' health & happiness or mine either!!
The Tallest One Posted July 17, 2012 Posted July 17, 2012 I agree with eveyone above about ditching this loser. He's not what you need in your life. He doesn't show you the respect you deserve, uses women, and to me he sounds like a total jerk. It's hard to break ties with someone when there's still emotions attached to them, going through this myself, but just give your self some real time away from him and you will gain better perspective and realize you can do much better. Cheers! 1
Author forgottenangel99 Posted July 18, 2012 Author Posted July 18, 2012 Hi Tallest!! Thank you for you response. Yes, he is a real jerk!!! I wish I could just walk away from him and never have to see or talk to him again but because of our child I do have to deal with him at some point and time. I just got out of the hospital because of false labor pains and unfortunately he was there. I'm trying my HARDEST, I repeat HARDEST not to be the type of mother to block the man/child from their father. I don't like women that do that because they are upset with the father about something that has nothing to do with their relationship with their child. I do think he is going to be a dedicated father and with all of the deadbeat fathers walking around who am I to turn a guy into one?? Right now I can't even stand to be around him without wanting to slap the selfish out of him. I want to get along with him and be able to ignore his crap but it seems that process is going to take a lot longer than I want to. Sometimes I have to pray about it it's so intense. I know deep down that once I have let go of this he's going to seriously regret his decision......
Author forgottenangel99 Posted July 18, 2012 Author Posted July 18, 2012 I forgot to add.... Since we've started talking again he has been extremely nice and attentive to me claiming that it's because he loves me and will be there for me no matter what. I call bs but whatever. Every time I am mean to him he gets nicer to me. When I try to be friendly and civil he's still nice but seems elusive and distant. How do I deal with him without all of the wishy-washy crap??
Author forgottenangel99 Posted July 19, 2012 Author Posted July 19, 2012 Just really wanted to vent.....I HATE HIM. I think I'm about to do something really hurtful to him but I feel he did this to himself. Nothing illegal but definitely something that probably should've been done a long time ago but I'm just now getting the strength and impatience to do it. I wish I could move away though.......
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