jobaba Posted June 30, 2012 Posted June 30, 2012 I am talking about the initial attraction. Personality DOES matter... but you have to hook her first. And you hook her with any of the things I mentioned. ANY of them. Once you've got her attention, then you fully catch her with a good personality. She has no way of being attracted to you right away, from your personality.... That's just absurd, she can't see your personality. Also this thread is about the female equivalent, so how about you stop belly aching about how hard MEN have it, since we hear about that constantly on this thread, and remember that ugly women have a rough lot in life.... maybe, possibly, even rougher than men. *Gasp* I'm not here to argue with you V. And I'm truly finally starting to get over my bitterness, so please don't try and bait me. I might slip every now and then post something that sounds somewhat bitter, but cut me some slack. I actually agree with your first P here. You can hit an emotional switch in a woman to create attraction. What I've tried to tell guys here.
SteveC80 Posted June 30, 2012 Posted June 30, 2012 How the hell did I miss this...? Fantastic post. I would agree that this is a very undervalued and "undersold" attribute...but I suppose that would be inherent in a humble person... And I'd go as far as to say that humility is just as important for men...though I speculate that it may not be as appreciated by women... lol at humility being important for men Its better to be arorgant as a man then be humble sad but true, women are turned on by arrogance because its in the "confidence" umbrella and shows status and social value
verhrzn Posted June 30, 2012 Posted June 30, 2012 I'm not here to argue with you V. And I'm truly finally starting to get over my bitterness, so please don't try and bait me. I might slip every now and then post something that sounds somewhat bitter, but cut me some slack. I actually agree with your first P here. You can hit an emotional switch in a woman to create attraction. What I've tried to tell guys here. You want some slack, how bout some sympathy and help for ugly, lonely women, instead of immediately latching onto all the ways girls are supposedly screwing over guys?
Pyro Posted June 30, 2012 Posted June 30, 2012 lol at humility being important for men Its better to be arorgant as a man then be humble sad but true, women are turned on by arrogance because its in the "confidence" umbrella and shows status and social value Certain women are turned on by arrogance Certain women are turned on by confidence and being humble. Difference between arrogance and confidence.
MrCastle Posted June 30, 2012 Posted June 30, 2012 I always thought the line between confidence and arrogance comes down to how you treat others. No shame in feeling good about yourself. I feel like I'm a pretty awesome dude. But I don't walk around expecting to get special treatment, nor do I think anyone is below me. I think we're all people at the end of the day. I think arrogance is when you walk around expecting to be treated differently and/or looking down on people. 1
jobaba Posted June 30, 2012 Posted June 30, 2012 You want some slack, how bout some sympathy and help for ugly, lonely women, instead of immediately latching onto all the ways girls are supposedly screwing over guys? I can do better than sympathy. I'll date them if they are cool, and wouldn't consider it settling one bit.
denise_xo Posted June 30, 2012 Posted June 30, 2012 We have all heard it before...a guy's greatest asset for dating is "confidence"...supposedly the surefire way to improve how you are perceived by women, yadda yadda yadda...I'm not really here to discuss the validity of that statement... However, I was curious...what is the woman's equivalent to "confidence" for men...? What is touted as the "key" for women to successfully winning the hearts and minds of men...? Is there one...? Confidence. My success with men has been very clearly related to my confidence and how I felt about myself. One data point.
zengirl Posted June 30, 2012 Posted June 30, 2012 (edited) Other people already said it but: Confidence. However, there are "generally accepted" versions of confidence that may differ in terms of gender expectations, to some degree. Looks matter, for men and women (slightly more so for women - and status slightly more so for men) and confidence is no magic bullet either way, but everything tigressA said is correct. People like positive, confident people who have self-esteem. ETA: It's not that confidence is a magic "get in" card so much as a lack of confidence is going to mess you up, no matter how hot you are. Truly. I could point out loads of hot girls and guys with low self-esteem who fail big-time at both dating and life, really. Edited June 30, 2012 by zengirl 4
DjinnAgain Posted June 30, 2012 Posted June 30, 2012 We have all heard it before...a guy's greatest asset for dating is "confidence"...supposedly the surefire way to improve how you are perceived by women, yadda yadda yadda...I'm not really here to discuss the validity of that statement... However, I was curious...what is the woman's equivalent to "confidence" for men...? What is touted as the "key" for women to successfully winning the hearts and minds of men...? Is there one...? Breasts. Umm, I honestly think it is that feminine charm - kindness/caring. Men seem to respond to that, women who truly are kind and considerate of them, in my experience. That softness/caring/maternal bit
verhrzn Posted June 30, 2012 Posted June 30, 2012 Other people already said it but: Confidence. However, there are "generally accepted" versions of confidence that may differ in terms of gender expectations, to some degree. Looks matter, for men and women (slightly more so for women - and status slightly more so for men) and confidence is no magic bullet either way, but everything tigressA said is correct. People like positive, confident people who have self-esteem. ETA: It's not that confidence is a magic "get in" card so much as a lack of confidence is going to mess you up, no matter how hot you are. Truly. I could point out loads of hot girls and guys with low self-esteem who fail big-time at both dating and life, really. I'll definitely agree that lack of confidence is a big hinderance, even in women. Lack of confidence can lead to showing signs of non-interest , so that even if a man shows interest in you, your insecurities are going to sabotage the situation. But can we really say that confidence is what triggers a guy? Again, an ugly girl with confidence is still not gonna be approached or taken as seriously as a hot girl with confidence... or even sometimes a hot insecure girl! In fact, an ugly girl with confidence just runs a risk of getting called delusional. Looks are the hook, confidence seals the deal, from the woman's perspective, anyway.
AD1980 Posted June 30, 2012 Posted June 30, 2012 In fact, an ugly girl with confidence just runs a risk of getting called delusional. That works the same way with Men,an ugly overconfident guy could be called a creep for being bold while a good looking guy can say the same thing and it will be called charming or confident The confidence thing is highly overblown and a fluff cliche in the dating world,maybe "confidence" and charm can turn a guy a women think is average or ok into a potential partner but if the women thinks the guy is physically unattractive this magic "confidence" will not sway her to become attracted
verhrzn Posted June 30, 2012 Posted June 30, 2012 That works the same way with Men,an ugly overconfident guy could be called a creep for being bold while a good looking guy can say the same thing and it will be called charming or confident The confidence thing is highly overblown and a fluff cliche in the dating world,maybe "confidence" and charm can turn a guy a women think is average or ok into a potential partner but if the women thinks the guy is physically unattractive this magic "confidence" will not sway her to become attracted No, for the last time, creep has NOTHING to do with looks and is all in behavior and nonverbal communication. There have been hot creeps and there have been ugly creeps, and the common dominator is ignoring body language, being pushy, saying socially inappropriate things, etc. And yes, if a woman thinks a guy is unattractive, he has an uphill battle, but it CAN be done, and it can be done without creeping the girl out. Insecurity is what leads to creepiness, not looks, not confidence.
Necromancer Posted June 30, 2012 Posted June 30, 2012 No, for the last time, creep has NOTHING to do with looks and is all in behavior and nonverbal communication. There have been hot creeps and there have been ugly creeps, and the common dominator is ignoring body language, being pushy, saying socially inappropriate things, etc. And yes, if a woman thinks a guy is unattractive, he has an uphill battle, but it CAN be done, and it can be done without creeping the girl out. Insecurity is what leads to creepiness, not looks, not confidence. Being creepy is mostly about looks, i have never in my life heard a gal say that a HOT guy is a creep. It´s always the bad looking guys. i have seen guys being called creeps when they did nothing wrong, only chatting up gals.
jobaba Posted June 30, 2012 Posted June 30, 2012 Being creepy is mostly about looks, i have never in my life heard a gal say that a HOT guy is a creep. It´s always the bad looking guys. i have seen guys being called creeps when they did nothing wrong, only chatting up gals. I wouldn't go THAT far. To be quite honest, it depends on the woman. A friend of mine has a stutter and is a little socially awkward but really not too much. He's short and a little chubby. There was a time when he was trying to be aggressive and hit on a lot of women. I introduced him to my friend C, who thought he was creepy. A few weeks later, a friend of a friend showed up at a bar where I was hanging out with C and a few others, and this guys is a total obnoxious creep. He started talking to her a little bit and then moving on to the next girl at the bar. She was so into it. He's also a pretty handsome guy. But for some women like my sister, good looking/hot guys mean nothing to them. If a hot guy was being creepy around her, she'd call him a creep. Now, if I could only find one that wasn't related to me by blood...
verhrzn Posted June 30, 2012 Posted June 30, 2012 Being creepy is mostly about looks, i have never in my life heard a gal say that a HOT guy is a creep. It´s always the bad looking guys. i have seen guys being called creeps when they did nothing wrong, only chatting up gals. Okay, I'm gonna quickly bring the hammer down again, because this thread is not about the oh-so-poor-men. Read any article on creeps and it'll say exactly what I'm saying.... that it has nothing to do with looks, and is all about attitude and body language. 1
Green Light Posted June 30, 2012 Posted June 30, 2012 I don't know if there is necessarily an "equivalent" in the context you're speaking of...but I'm going to go out on a limb and say humility might be a candidate. You've got it or you don't, if you've got it then you were probably born with it, and it's harder to come by than one might think. Young women (and men) of today tend to be self-absorbed; their social media and texting outlets make them celebrities in their own virtual world of gossip. Facebooks and twitters are plastered with self-taken photos, and are virtual bragging competitions over whose life is more "fabulous". It stinks, honestly. I think women by our nature are more prone to getting sucked up in this than men. And I think women who have a certain humbleness, a down-to-earth, ego-less air about them, are going to draw men in, to the same extent that confident men draw women in. So I'll cast my vote for humility. YES! Humbleness is a super sexy trait for a woman to have. And it's so rare these days. In fact, it seems that most women are encouraged to be the exact opposite of this these days. I agree about the Facebook and Twitter stuff as well. These things have made people into little celebrities in their own minds and it does indeed "suck"!
zengirl Posted June 30, 2012 Posted June 30, 2012 But can we really say that confidence is what triggers a guy? I don't think confidence, on its own, necessarily triggers anything per se. It's not a magic bullet. HOWEVER, it does enhance everything you do, especially if it's the right kind of confidence. Being self-assured, liking yourself, and being comfortable with who you are (not thinking you're the greatest thing since sliced bread, just having basic positive self esteem) really does impact every aspect of your life. Those who think they're going to fail are usually right - and they usually miss a lot of opportunities to succeed. I think that's why confidence is cited so much --- because confident people see opportunities for success that others miss and attract more positive energy into their lives in general. hot girls who fail at dating, really? Absolutely. There are oodles of hot girls who are unhappy with their dating lives and fail at getting the Rs they want. Assuming that 10,000 messages on a dating site means anything is silly.
ThaWholigan Posted June 30, 2012 Posted June 30, 2012 Yea but those hot girl dating problems aren't real dating problems compared to what the men on this forum have experienced They're the equivalent of a rich man being unhappy that his porsche only goes 200 MPH instead of 250 MPH Everyone's problems are unique and just as hard in dating. Guys need to take their heads out of their ass and stop thinking their problems in dating is the most dreadful thing in the world ever. It get's jarring. 1
verhrzn Posted June 30, 2012 Posted June 30, 2012 Everyone's problems are unique and just as hard in dating. Guys need to take their heads out of their ass and stop thinking their problems in dating is the most dreadful thing in the world ever. It get's jarring. And insulting, considering that I see a big overlap between guys who complain they have it the worst in dating... and those who are extremely hard on girls' looks (have very high standards to a woman's appearance, and flat out refuse to even acknowledge the fat/ugly ones.) Why do you think there is such an overlap?
Author USMCHokie Posted June 30, 2012 Author Posted June 30, 2012 And insulting, considering that I see a big overlap between guys who complain they have it the worst in dating... and those who are extremely hard on girls' looks (have very high standards to a woman's appearance, and flat out refuse to even acknowledge the fat/ugly ones.) Why do you think there is such an overlap? One possibility which works for either gender is that they have inflated views of their own self-worth and therefore believe they rate a certain kind of person...all that "confidence" mumbo-jumbo...so when their experiences demonstrate that they can't get what the think they deserve, they blame the whole system and the entire other gender... Just a thought.
ThaWholigan Posted June 30, 2012 Posted June 30, 2012 And insulting, considering that I see a big overlap between guys who complain they have it the worst in dating... and those who are extremely hard on girls' looks (have very high standards to a woman's appearance, and flat out refuse to even acknowledge the fat/ugly ones.) Why do you think there is such an overlap? Well the types of girls one is attracted to isn't really tied to poor social skills and/or fear of rejection.
jobaba Posted June 30, 2012 Posted June 30, 2012 One possibility which works for either gender is that they have inflated views of their own self-worth and therefore believe they rate a certain kind of person...all that "confidence" mumbo-jumbo...so when their experiences demonstrate that they can't get what the think they deserve, they blame the whole system and the entire other gender... Just a thought. I'm going to test this theory in the near future. Stay tuned.
Author USMCHokie Posted June 30, 2012 Author Posted June 30, 2012 Well the types of girls one is attracted to isn't really tied to poor social skills and/or fear of rejection. I personally feel it's tied more to personal expectations... 1
PJKino Posted June 30, 2012 Posted June 30, 2012 One possibility which works for either gender is that they have inflated views of their own self-worth and therefore believe they rate a certain kind of person...all that "confidence" mumbo-jumbo...so when their experiences demonstrate that they can't get what the think they deserve, they blame the whole system and the entire other gender... Just a thought. Thats definitely some people..For me im attracted to what im attracted to by no means am i looking for 9's and 10's but id rather be alone the rest of my life then be with somebody i have zero attraction to but be with just because its my supposen "league"
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