Author USMCHokie Posted June 30, 2012 Author Posted June 30, 2012 I don't think you really understand how much it means till you are with someone who totally lacks confidence. I once hooked up with a girl that was a friend of mine for quite some time, worked for me for a couple of years... we had a relationship. One night it turned into hooking up. She kept fighting to turn the lights out. When it was still NOT dark enough for her, she kept trying to cover up her body so I couldn't see it, while we were having sex. Talk about buzz kill. She was a very attractive, very petite girl, who had no business being self concerned. She looked great. However her lack of confidence just killed it for me, that night and from that point moving forward as far as a relationship. I understand what you're saying, and I certainly agree that true confidence is important for both men and women...but is "confidence" in the traditional sense for men as important for women, and does traditional dating advice tell women they just have to be "confident" to be more successful with dating...?
verhrzn Posted June 30, 2012 Posted June 30, 2012 But those younger women arent sexually attracted to those older men they use for status. Lets talk about real sexual attraction here. Those younger girls will be more sexually attracted to hot guys their age...or hot guys of any age...not ugly dude they use for money. Eh, you'd be surprised. There's something... intoxicating about male confidence and power. It's no coincidence that most of the main male love interests in romance novels are business leaders, or CEOs, or royalty. Yeah, riches are nice, but there's something very... masculine about power. Some girls actually prefer a seasoned, "powerful" older man over a hot guy their age. But are these not also behaviors of non-interest...? Exactly. Non-confidence in a woman can look suspiciously like non-interest. So, a woman displaying confidence shows interest. A woman who might not be confidence, could come across as not interested, thus losing a shot at a guy. So what about physically attractive men...? Their attractiveness alone can certainly be considered "bait"...so how are physical attractiveness and confidence related, if at all...? No, I don't think so. Of course physical attractiveness helps, but if a guy doesn't approach or show some sign of interest in a girl, being hot is only going to marginally help him. Confidence is what causes him to display interest in the girl (usually by approaching), thus getting his foot in the door.
verhrzn Posted June 30, 2012 Posted June 30, 2012 i've approached fifty gals and have gotten nothing but negativity. drains the confidence. Yes, but that's still fifty more than you would have approached had you not been confident. Like Hokie said, confidence is not a magic pill... it just allows you to take that step forward, without necessarily guaranteeing success. But without that first step, you'd fail for sure. If you want to up your chances of success, you need confidence AND. ('And' could be things like lowering your standards, changing where you approach girls, re-examining HOW you approach girls, etc.) Compare that to girls though... they have the first step chosen for them. They are either approached, or they aren't. If they are approached, THEN confidence matters. But to get that first step, they need a physical attractiveness that is good enough for the approaching guy. So guys need confidence to make the first step, girls need looks.
Author USMCHokie Posted June 30, 2012 Author Posted June 30, 2012 Exactly. Non-confidence in a woman can look suspiciously like non-interest. So, a woman displaying confidence shows interest. A woman who might not be confidence, could come across as not interested, thus losing a shot at a guy. Ok...now can a confident woman be mistaken for an interested woman...? For example, let's assume women who are in relationships tend to be more "confident" than their single counterparts and will be more likely to converse and mingle with men...can this "confidence" and propensity to socialize be mistaken for interest...? So continuing with the example, the guy chats up the girl and she responds positively..."confidently"...he asks her out, she says she's got a boyfriend... Awww shucks... No, I don't think so. Of course physical attractiveness helps, but if a guy doesn't approach or show some sign of interest in a girl, being hot is only going to marginally help him. Confidence is what causes him to display interest in the girl (usually by approaching), thus getting his foot in the door. But a guy's hotness is often enough reason for the girl to approach the guy...especially if alcohol is involved...and somehow I'd surmise that the girl defends her actions by saying he "looked confident"...
kiss_andmakeup Posted June 30, 2012 Posted June 30, 2012 I don't know if there is necessarily an "equivalent" in the context you're speaking of...but I'm going to go out on a limb and say humility might be a candidate. You've got it or you don't, if you've got it then you were probably born with it, and it's harder to come by than one might think. Young women (and men) of today tend to be self-absorbed; their social media and texting outlets make them celebrities in their own virtual world of gossip. Facebooks and twitters are plastered with self-taken photos, and are virtual bragging competitions over whose life is more "fabulous". It stinks, honestly. I think women by our nature are more prone to getting sucked up in this than men. And I think women who have a certain humbleness, a down-to-earth, ego-less air about them, are going to draw men in, to the same extent that confident men draw women in. So I'll cast my vote for humility. 2
Author USMCHokie Posted June 30, 2012 Author Posted June 30, 2012 So guys need confidence to make the first step, girls need looks. So is this why the flowers that are the most brightly colored get all the bees to pollinate...?
verhrzn Posted June 30, 2012 Posted June 30, 2012 Ok...now can a confident woman be mistaken for an interested woman...? For example, let's assume women who are in relationships tend to be more "confident" than their single counterparts and will be more likely to converse and mingle with men...can this "confidence" and propensity to socialize be mistaken for interest...? So continuing with the example, the guy chats up the girl and she responds positively..."confidently"...he asks her out, she says she's got a boyfriend... Awww shucks... Sure, that's possible. I'd say confidence and interest look fairly similar in women. Still, interest is interest. I don't see why her having a boyfriend matters; ya still got a girl to talk to you, without rejecting you. But a guy's hotness is often enough reason for the girl to approach the guy...especially if alcohol is involved...and somehow I'd surmise that the girl defends her actions by saying he "looked confident"... Meh, I say again, girls are weird. Here's the thing: approaching (showing confidence) INCREASES a girl's interest in you. Yeah, she might throw herself at the hot guy.... and she's not gonna throw herself at you. But if you approach her, she might give you brownie points and a boost up the Dating Ladder that the hot guy doesn't get. Speaking for me personally, I am far more interested in the average guy approaching me than the hot guy ignoring me.
WeAllMightBeNuts Posted June 30, 2012 Posted June 30, 2012 I think women willing to be open and friendly to men is equal to a man being sure of who he is (confident). Confidence is NOT an equal attraction between the two sexes. But a lady that is very open to converse and get to know a guy is equal to a man's confidence to me.
Author USMCHokie Posted June 30, 2012 Author Posted June 30, 2012 Sure, that's possible. I'd say confidence and interest look fairly similar in women. Still, interest is interest. I don't see why her having a boyfriend matters; ya still got a girl to talk to you, without rejecting you. Oh, at the end of the day, it really doesn't matter. Though the last time I was in Vegas, I met a very cool girl at a pool party and spent most of the day with her...she had a boyfriend back at home...I wasn't so much angry or disappointed as I was befuddled...and so it changed my view on a lot of things... Meh, I say again, girls are weird. Here's the thing: approaching (showing confidence) INCREASES a girl's interest in you. Yeah, she might throw herself at the hot guy.... and she's not gonna throw herself at you. But if you approach her, she might give you brownie points and a boost up the Dating Ladder that the hot guy doesn't get. I don't disagree. So "showing confidence" turns it entirely into a numbers game...confidence = balls to approach = someone's bound to say yes...? Reminds me of jobaba...
WeAllMightBeNuts Posted June 30, 2012 Posted June 30, 2012 if you approach her and she doesn't like you she's going to push you into the ground. dating ladder. i couldn't even get on the first rung when i looked better and had a bit of confidence. Not my experience. Win some, lose some. But often a woman will instinctively test a man in my experience. They test, you don't take any B.S. and pass it. And things will often start from there. Been there.
WeAllMightBeNuts Posted June 30, 2012 Posted June 30, 2012 thats the experience of 95% of guys. its not win some, lose some for me. it's lose all. now i'm obese, eat terribly, don't shower every day, and have a temper and get into all sorts of arguments. eg my neighbor owns guns. i don't believe in gun ownership, got into a naasty argument ower it and am nto on speaking terms with him. thats just one example. and so it goes. Sorry to hear. Hope you find something to bring you happiness now and again. Good Luck.
AD1980 Posted June 30, 2012 Posted June 30, 2012 Eh, you'd be surprised. There's something... intoxicating about male confidence and power. It's no coincidence that most of the main male love interests in romance novels are business leaders, or CEOs, or royalty. Yeah, riches are nice, but there's something very... masculine about power. Some girls actually prefer a seasoned, "powerful" older man over a hot guy their age. Thats great women can ovlerlook looks if youre in the top % of power and status in the country how accomodating:laugh:
verhrzn Posted June 30, 2012 Posted June 30, 2012 Thats great women can ovlerlook looks if youre in the top % of power and status in the country how accomodating:laugh: Well that helps, but confidence itself can overcome looks as well. To be good with women, a man must have either money, power, looks, or balls. (Balls, in this case, is another word for "confidence" and "courage.") Having the guts to approach a girl and putting on your best face/personality can go a long way.
HopelessRomantic76 Posted June 30, 2012 Posted June 30, 2012 I was never turned on by very powerful men,one of my friends dated one and said he was controlling thougth he owned her and never had time for her because of everyhtign else going on with his businesses and mistresses Maybe women who want to play the submissive slave do what your told good wife are turned on by powerful men not me 1
jobaba Posted June 30, 2012 Posted June 30, 2012 Well that helps, but confidence itself can overcome looks as well. To be good with women, a man must have either money, power, looks, or balls. (Balls, in this case, is another word for "confidence" and "courage.") Having the guts to approach a girl and putting on your best face/personality can go a long way. Ok. Excluding the balls part for a sec... So you're saying all women want a man with either money (say over $100K a year), power (let's say a politician) or good looks. So you're saying that all women chase after the top % of guys? Were you really trying to be helpful?
verhrzn Posted June 30, 2012 Posted June 30, 2012 Ok. Excluding the balls part for a sec... So you're saying all women want a man with either money (say over $100K a year), power (let's say a politician) or good looks. So you're saying that all women chase after the top % of guys? Were you really trying to be helpful? .... Or courage/confidence. Eh you can't just "exclude" that. That's a big, big factor for a lot of women.
jobaba Posted June 30, 2012 Posted June 30, 2012 .... Or courage/confidence. Eh you can't just "exclude" that. That's a big, big factor for a lot of women. Your whole thesis implies that personality means nothing to women. Sadly, I do somewhat agree with you. But let's just say 99% of women are like this and 1% are not. Just so I can keep my sanity and continue to believe there is a possibility I may have sex again in this lifetime.
verhrzn Posted June 30, 2012 Posted June 30, 2012 Your whole thesis implies that personality means nothing to women. Sadly, I do somewhat agree with you. But let's just say 99% of women are like this and 1% are not. Just so I can keep my sanity and continue to believe there is a possibility I may have sex again in this lifetime. I am talking about the initial attraction. Personality DOES matter... but you have to hook her first. And you hook her with any of the things I mentioned. ANY of them. Once you've got her attention, then you fully catch her with a good personality. She has no way of being attracted to you right away, from your personality.... That's just absurd, she can't see your personality. Also this thread is about the female equivalent, so how about you stop belly aching about how hard MEN have it, since we hear about that constantly on this thread, and remember that ugly women have a rough lot in life.... maybe, possibly, even rougher than men. *Gasp*
jobaba Posted June 30, 2012 Posted June 30, 2012 I am talking about the initial attraction. Personality DOES matter... but you have to hook her first. And you hook her with any of the things I mentioned. ANY of them. Once you've got her attention, then you fully catch her with a good personality. She has no way of being attracted to you right away, from your personality.... That's just absurd, she can't see your personality. Also this thread is about the female equivalent, so how about you stop belly aching about how hard MEN have it, since we hear about that constantly on this thread, and remember that ugly women have a rough lot in life.... maybe, possibly, even rougher than men. *Gasp* I wasn't bellyaching. I was just remarking. You turn toxic very quickly. Something to consider in terms of constructive criticism...
PJKino Posted June 30, 2012 Posted June 30, 2012 I am talking about the initial attraction. Personality DOES matter... but you have to hook her first. And you hook her with any of the things I mentioned. ANY of them. Once you've got her attention, then you fully catch her with a good personality. She has no way of being attracted to you right away, from your personality.... That's just absurd, she can't see your personality. Also this thread is about the female equivalent, so how about you stop belly aching about how hard MEN have it, since we hear about that constantly on this thread, and remember that ugly women have a rough lot in life.... maybe, possibly, even rougher than men. *Gasp* This is all starting to make sense now your plight with men, you claim you go after not great looking dudes but judging by your extremely strong attraction to men with power you must then go after the high status dudes making money not regular guys
verhrzn Posted June 30, 2012 Posted June 30, 2012 I wasn't bellyaching. I was just remarking. You turn toxic very quickly. Something to consider in terms of constructive criticism... ... I turn toxic when you take a thread that focuses on women, and make it all about "oh poor men," or when you misconstrue my words. I was trying to help by suggesting things that are attractive to women, and all you did was complain. I have never once seen you offer any help to the ugly, lonely women of this forum, so don't be surprised if in the ONE current thread that isn't about "poor men" there isn't a whole lot of sympathy from me. 2
MrCastle Posted June 30, 2012 Posted June 30, 2012 I don't know if there is necessarily an "equivalent" in the context you're speaking of...but I'm going to go out on a limb and say humility might be a candidate. You've got it or you don't, if you've got it then you were probably born with it, and it's harder to come by than one might think. Young women (and men) of today tend to be self-absorbed; their social media and texting outlets make them celebrities in their own virtual world of gossip. Facebooks and twitters are plastered with self-taken photos, and are virtual bragging competitions over whose life is more "fabulous". It stinks, honestly. I think women by our nature are more prone to getting sucked up in this than men. And I think women who have a certain humbleness, a down-to-earth, ego-less air about them, are going to draw men in, to the same extent that confident men draw women in. So I'll cast my vote for humility. I think it might be this. It's a breath of fresh air when I meet a girl who doesn't think she's a celebrity.
verhrzn Posted June 30, 2012 Posted June 30, 2012 This is all starting to make sense now your plight with men, you claim you go after not great looking dudes but judging by your extremely strong attraction to men with power you must then go after the high status dudes making money not regular guys NO. This is not f*cking about me!! Okay, attention, people of this forum: this is what freaking happens when I try to help. I was talking IN GENERAL, NOT about me, my observations of females have nothing to do with my personal preferences. And yet here is a poster making the thread all about how I suck and am a liar. STOP MAKING THIS ABOUT ME. I WAS ONLY TRYING TO F*CKING HELP.
SteveC80 Posted June 30, 2012 Posted June 30, 2012 Women want a man thats is better then her,usually in a area that turns her on If youre equal or worse in looks you better make more money
Author USMCHokie Posted June 30, 2012 Author Posted June 30, 2012 I don't know if there is necessarily an "equivalent" in the context you're speaking of...but I'm going to go out on a limb and say humility might be a candidate. You've got it or you don't, if you've got it then you were probably born with it, and it's harder to come by than one might think. Young women (and men) of today tend to be self-absorbed; their social media and texting outlets make them celebrities in their own virtual world of gossip. Facebooks and twitters are plastered with self-taken photos, and are virtual bragging competitions over whose life is more "fabulous". It stinks, honestly. I think women by our nature are more prone to getting sucked up in this than men. And I think women who have a certain humbleness, a down-to-earth, ego-less air about them, are going to draw men in, to the same extent that confident men draw women in. So I'll cast my vote for humility. How the hell did I miss this...? Fantastic post. I would agree that this is a very undervalued and "undersold" attribute...but I suppose that would be inherent in a humble person... And I'd go as far as to say that humility is just as important for men...though I speculate that it may not be as appreciated by women...
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