Author blownaway Posted July 24, 2004 Author Posted July 24, 2004 Been a while since I last posted so here is an update on my situation. I had a good time with my son. His behaviour was a lot more settled than before and the days went quickly. My wife used her time away from us to go to the OM's hometown where he took her out to a nightclub etc.... On Monday morning I had to take my son to the hospital. He was born with a hereditory bone disorder and has to have his blood taken regularly to see if his medication is working. My wife asked me if I could take him by myself. In the past we have always gone as a family to give my son support (he hates having his blood taken.) If I couldn't make it due to work commitments I would arrange for my mum-in-law or a close friend to take my wife. The reason my wife gave that for not making the appointment was that they would have to leave the OM's place very early to keep the appointment. Sure she offered to go but that is not the point. As his mother my wife should have put my sons needs first. No question. As it turned out my son and I had a good time at the hospital. We had to wait 2 hours before the nurses were able to see us but in those 2 hours we bonded and shared some intimate moments. My wifes loss. My wife asked if I could return my son to her Tuesday morning as her mum and husband would be away and my wife cannot drive. I told her that it was not a problem. When I arrived at her mum's house I saw my in-laws car in the drive and realised that they were in the house. Since my wife walked away from our marriage my in-laws, whom I have had a very good relationship in the past, have not contacted me once to ask how I am or offered any support at all. My wife let me in to their house and as we chatted about our son my in-laws shouted out 'Morning (my name)' I replied civilly. My mum-in-law was hideing in the bedroom and her husband was in the bathroom. Not once did they have guts to come out and talk to me face-to-face. I am the innocent party in all this. I have done nothing wrong. I left the house without seeing them. Cowards. I haven't seen my son since last Tuesday and won't see him until Monday when he has another hospital appointment. My wife asked to have him for a few days extra because she wanted to take him down to her Dads with the OM and the OM's daughter. According to my son the other man's daughter is being introduced to him as his sister. WTF!!! My son has never talked to the OM's daughter let alone seen her. I explained to him that she is not his sister. She is a little girl who is in the same position as him. He may like her, he may not. Without realising it my wife and her boyfriend are putting so much pressure on my son and expecting so much of him. Had a bad time last night as I tried to phone my wife to say goodnight to my son and I couldn't get through. Whether or not her mobile was playing up or the signal was too weak or she had simply turned it off I don't know but it made me realise how helpless and reliant I am on my wife when I want to speak to my son. I don't like being in that position. Starting from next week I am going to initiate No Contact with my wife. I will buy my son his own mobile phone and teach him how to use it responsibly. I can then phone or text him whenever I want to and he can do the same with me. When he is with me my wife can do the same. There is no reason then why I have to hear my wife's voice every night. I will still have to communicate with my wife whilst we are in the process of selling the house and eventually divorcing but this can be achieved through email writing letters. I will still have to see my wife when we attend hospital appointments together for my sons sake but this can't be avoided. I realised that for the last month I've still been my wifes lapdog. If she asks me to do something I rush around trying to do it for her. I'm going to pack up the rest of her belongings over the weekend as I'm fed up with returning from work and discovering more and more of her personal possessions disappearing. I still love my wife and care about her but I have to do this for myself. My weight has dropped 2 stone since all of this kicked off and although I've got my appettite back my body is still not digesting the food properly. I'm still anxious all the time and I can't concentrate for the hour before I arrange to phone my son because I'm dreading hearing my wifes voice. Am I doing the right thing? Will cutting down contact with my wife help me? Will this help my wife realise that she is losing me? I will explain to my wife that I am not doing this out of malice towards her but for purely personal reasons. Many thanks.
Author blownaway Posted July 28, 2004 Author Posted July 28, 2004 latest update and some interesting news.... It's been a hard time for me recently. I was supposed to see my son at his hospital appointment on monday but sunday evening I recieved a text from my wife saying that the OM's car had broken down and they could not get the part to fix it until wednesday morning. In the text she actually asked me to contact the hospital to rearrange the appointment. It came at the worst time for me. I had spent sunday afternoon boxing up the rest of my wifes personal possessions in an attempt to help me to move on and start thinking of myself. I phoned my wife back and told her it was her duty to call the hospital. I told her that I wasn't to happy with the situation and that I was missing my son. My son has a bone disorder and he was supposed to be seeing his bone specialist monday. My wife was only two hours drive away and her father has a car so there was no reason why she couldn't make it to the appointment. I informed her that I had starting boxing the rest of her possessions up and I was going to start moving myself into the bedroom. Once the move was complete there would be no reason for her to enter the bedroom. It would be my own personal space. She didn't seem to happy about this. She said a few times '...but I need to wear my clothes...' If that was the case why did she pack up all of her ornaments and toys from the living room and not her clothes? I said to my wife that I had bought my son a mobile phone and once he had it then I would like to start cutting contact with her. I explained that I found it too difficult to hear her voice every night when I spoke to my son. I tried to make her understand that I wasn't bitter and I didn't hate her but I had to do this for me. Because of our situation and the fact that we have a child and a house we would still have to contact each other but it could easily be done through email. So it's a no contact of sorts. It may not be perfect but it's a start. My wife is so deep in the fog at the moment that I don't think she understands the severity of the situation. When I spoke to my son the following day he relayed a message from my wife asking if I could get into the attic to bring down three bags of her cuddly toys. She's still using me as a crutch and a general dogsbody. I also learnt from a mutual friend that the situation at my In-laws house (where my wife is currently living) is getting nearer to boiling point. My wifes mum has actually complained to a friend that since my wife left me she has become selfish and lazy. My mum-in-law is starting to realise how much I actually did for my wife whilst we were together. My wife has been there for a month. She has no money. We have joint custody of our son so there has been no excuse for my wife not getting a job to help with the running of the household. Instead she is waiting for her benifits to clear. The OM (he of the tattoo business) has virtually moved in with them. (he sleeps in their caravan in the front garden) He has no money. He is looking for a job in this area. Why do I get the impression that he may have 'twisted' the truth a little in regards to his 'partnership' of the tattoo parlour. He originally told my wife that he owned a flat. He also rented a house. He ran a tatto parlour with his partner where he could make obscene amounts of money on a good day. The reality is that he is a grown man living with his parents with no money and is now looking for a job. I feel like I'm sitting back watching him dig his own grave. When my wife comes out of the fog surely she's going to see him for what he is. A loser who promised her the world only to destroy hers. The problem is I think the OM is a control freak with a strong hold over my wife. Mutual friends have noticed this and I think my mum-in-law may be waking up to this fact. I also found out that the reason my wife left me, as she told her mum, is that she was bored. HA!!!! The OM saw this and went for the kill. Classic!!!!!! I still love and miss my wife dearly. I'm not naive to think our relationship will ever be the same again but I'm strong enough to give it a second chance if that's what my wife wants. I'm starting to understand just how powerfull a force the fog is. I hope I can ride this out and still be here for when my wife's world starts to crumble. Thanks for reading and as usual any comments and questions are greatly welcomed.
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