blownaway Posted July 4, 2004 Posted July 4, 2004 Hi, I'm new here and I would appreciate any advice or suggestions on my own situation. 2 weeks ago I confronted my wife of 9 years because I suspected she was having an affair. She admitted to falling for a man she has been chatting to on the internet for 6 weeks. They had met twice for coffee and nothing else. I was absolutely devastated. We have known each other for 10 years and we were very happy together. We have had an open, loving relationship with no major rows or walkouts. We also have a 7 year old son who was planned and very much loved by both of us. The physical side of our marriage was also very good up until the end. The biggest compliment I can give our marriage is that me and my wife were best friends as well as husband and wife. It took my wife 4 days of soul searching and tears after admitting the affair to finally leave me for this other man. Throughout this I was very supportive towards my wife. We talked and talked. There was no shouting, namecalling or recriminations. I told my wife that I still loved her deeply and I would not hold this against her if she were to stay. I offered to make any changes that were required to make the marriage better for the both of us. Still she left. We agreed to look after our son jointly and despite this having a negative effect on our son in the short term(anger, tantrums and tears) we are both dealing with this and giving our son all the love and support he needs. I've spent the last 2 weeks, the very worst of my life going over and over the situation in my head. I still believe my wife loves me. She could have just upped and left when I confronted her but she stayed and deliberated to the point where she was making herself ill. She finally told me that she still has feelings for me, she loves me but she has fallen out of love with me. I know I can't hope to compete for her new, exciting, powerful emotions she has for this other man, I remember how I felt when I first fell in love with her. I still believe she was happy with me. If I worked a long shift she would tell me how much she missed me when I got home. Up until about a week before I confronted her we would hug and hold each other tightly as soon as I walked through the door. She would grab hold of my hand of her own volition when we were out driving. Throughout our marriage she wanted for nothing material and I always gave her emotional support. 2 days after she left we were talking on the phone and she mentioned about selling the house. 5 days after she left she talked about a quick divorce. 8 days after she left she introduced our son to this other man. Everything is moving so fast. Is it possible for her feelings for me to just disappear completely in the space of a couple of weeks. Can she forget 10 happy years with me just like that. Is this just an infatuation that will burn itself out quickly? Since she left I have remained strong for her and our son. I have not begged her or stalked her or put any pressure on her to return but I did make it clear to her when she left that as long as my love for her remained I would always be here for her. Did I do right? Please feel free to ask me any questions or offer any advice. Boy, do I need advice!
meanon Posted July 4, 2004 Posted July 4, 2004 Welcome, blownaway - a fellow Englander! No, her feelings will not have disappeared in the space of a couple of weeks. She either fell out of love with you some time ago or it is simply that nothing can compete with that heady rush of first love, not even a 9 year marriage. Which do you think is more likely? I think you have handled the situation admirably. If she still cares for you she will suffer for the loss of your love. If she is unsure of how she feels then that may surprise her, give her pause for thought. Of course you need to keep the relationship cordial for the sake of your son but apart from that I would withdraw your support. Why should she continue to take your love for granted? At the moment she has a safety net - withdraw it. Please only consider doing this if you feel comfortable with it. That's the way I think I would react but the dynamics of every relationship are different - it may alienate her further. What you know of her is true, despite what has happened. Good luck
Author blownaway Posted July 5, 2004 Author Posted July 5, 2004 Hi meanon and thanks for replying so quickly. What do I think is more likely? I may be wrong but I don't believe she fell out of love with me over a long period of time. Certain aspects of our marriage were stale. My wife didn't have a social life and I had given up trying to help her make one for herself. She was stuck inside for most of the day looking after the house and our son but there was still that spark between us. I believe I am a good enough judge of character and perceptive enough to notice if my wife was falling out of love with me. Looking back, her behaviour the last 2 weeks before I confronted her about the affair was distant and weird towards me but by then I think her new emotions towards this other man were in full flow. I will continue to be cordial towards her for the sake of our son and because I don't want to hurt her, even after she has done all this to me. To a certain extent I am already starting to withdraw the safety net. In this transitional period I have made it clear that I will not support her financially until I am forced to, which I fear I will be. One odd thing which has struck me is that twice now when we have talked about divorce she has said this is what I want as well. I do not want to divorce her. I love her. I will go through the process of divorce for her sake if it helps her to realise that she still loves me and wants me though. Many thanks.
meanon Posted July 5, 2004 Posted July 5, 2004 Yes I agree it seems odd that she has said you want a divorce. Other than that she seems fairly clear. It may be worth trying to clarify why she thinks this. I'd think carefully about agreeing to a divorce on the assumption that she will realise she loves you. Either agree to the divorce, telling her you are letting her go but that it is not what you want or resist the divorce. I know from your post you are aware of this but above all else try and limit the negative effect on your son. Withdrawing emotional support from your wife will not affect him but withdrawing financial support may. I have to say it does not sound hopeful but the speed with which it has happened and the degree of distress she has exhibited may be signs that all is not lost. Be patient. It is hard for anything to compete with the heady rush of first love but the degree of stress that this new relationship will be under may bring into sharp focus that which she has lost - her best friend, parent to her child and the support of a life long companion. I hope so.
LatsyrcSC Posted July 5, 2004 Posted July 5, 2004 Wow, you have a lot of patience. I definitely think you handled it well. A lot better then some men/women would have if they had been in your shoes. I'm really not sure what to tell you as I have never been married myself.....or been cheated on. This must be devastating. Your whole life changing in a matter of weeks. All I can say is that I'm praying for you.
mach3 Posted July 6, 2004 Posted July 6, 2004 Damn - I usually dont' have much to say, but in this case I will say you handled the situation very well. Better than 999 out of 1000 people - you must have exterme patience and self control. Not sure what else to tell you, but other here are thinking of you. Take care of yourself.
Author blownaway Posted July 6, 2004 Author Posted July 6, 2004 Thankyou for all your replies. One thing I want everybody to know is that I may appear calm and strong on the outside but inside this is absolutely killing me. Even now, after I have had time to get over the initial shock my insides still feel like they are a warzone. I can't explain or emphasize to people who haven't been through this themselves just how damaging this situation is. If it weren't for my sons sake I don't think I would have had the strength to cope with the situation half as well as I think I have. Seeing him confused and in pain just makes me want to protect him. Since I posted yesterday I have arranged an appointment this morning to see my local Doctor. I'm going to ask the Doctor to recommend councilling for me and my son to try and limit any long term effects. A couple of things happened last night. Firstly I phoned my wife to say goodnight to our son. After my son had said goodnight my wife and me had a little talk. I discovered from my son that she and the other man had already started dropping him off at school as a couple. I'm not too happy about this. She knows nothing about this man. She thinks she does but she hasn't lived with him long enough to know the real him. I told her my concerns and she replied that my son had asked for them to drop him off. Fair enough but as his mother she should know when to go along with my son's wishes and when to say no. Playing happy families with this new man and my son this early into the relationship is a bit dangerous and thoughtless I believe. My wife also asked about meeting me face to face and discussing the situation. I'm not naive enough to think she is having second thoughts already, she probably just wants to discuss the finances and divorce but at least it was some kind of breakthrough. For the last two weeks I have been asking her to talk and she has been putting it off. This gives me strength because last night she was putting the ball into my court. I told her on the phone that we should sort out what days are available to both of us and decide when to meet tonight. When we do meet it at least gives me an opportunity to ask her why she has done this and also to show her that I am coping without her. One thing I will insist on is that it must be just me and her. I refuse to talk with the other man present. I believe that is my right. I also spoke to one of her friends last night and discovered that my wifes Mum has been visiting her best friend and breaking down sobbing. Since my wife left I have had no contact with her parents and my self doubt has made me think that they are 100% against me. Perhaps this is a sign that they are not. Hi again meanon. Yes it is odd that she thinks I want a divorce as well. The first time she brought up the subject of divorce I told her I wasn't going to rush into anything without thinking it over first. Her exact reply was 'What, don't you want a divorce?' Her voice sounded a bit panicky and surprised when she said this. The second time she mentioned it she said 'After all, that's what you want as well' Make of that what you will. I want to make it clear that I am only withdrawing financial support to my wife. When my wife left to live at her mothers she asked if she could take our holiday savings with her. I agreed and she left with £380. I'm also giving her £25 a week for my son. Last night I spoke to her on the phone and asked if she could leave me a reciept for the money I gave her. She agreed. This new relationship will be under a lot of stress. My wife has been protected by men all her life, first her father, then myself. At the moment she has this unrealistic idea that she can get a house from the council, get a job, a credit card, look after our son and her new man and stay friends with me, and she wants this all to happen now. Life just isn't like that. She seems to have forgotten how hard me and her had to struggle in the early days of our relationship. Hi LatsyrcSC. Devastating is too small a word to describe this. For the first 2 weeks I felt I was being carpet bombed with pain 24 hours a day. I am a patient man. I work in a care home with dementia sufferers and believe me, patience is a virtue when working with the mentally ill. Crap money though Hi mach3, I hope I'm handling the situation well. I don't want to push my wife further away but at the same time I want to put myself and my son first. I suppose at the end of the day I can only be myself with all my strengths and faults.
meanon Posted July 6, 2004 Posted July 6, 2004 I know of one only one other person who has been in your specific situation. An initial breakthrough where she turned to her husband for support in a moment of doubt was eroded by continuing conflict over the extent of contact between the son and the new man which quickly became very personal. Of course as a parent you need to protect your son's interests. In these situations though, unless the situation is extreme, she can do as she wishes. I think you dealt with it really well, do continue to take care when you voice such concerns to avoid attacking her morals or judgement. You need to be a safe haven, not support on tap but she needs to feel what she is lacking and wish for it's return. Counselling may well help you in the longer term and you are wise to consult your Dr. now but the reactions you are feeling are totally normal. Do continue to talk about it, that will help. Often carers and copers find it particularly hard to ask for help, we settle into roles which define other's and our own expectations. I think your wife knows that you love her but in opting for leaving she has decided that the relationship will not make her happy, she lacks hope that it will change. Of course her feelings are influenced by the new man but still that hope needs to be restored if she is to return. We lack objectivity when it comes it comes to those closest to us, tending not to fully see them, to realise what they are capable of. If things do not go well with your wife, do think about whether it may help for her to see that you are not coping so well. As to her reaction to your view on divorce, I'm sure you read it right. She's panicked at the thought of opposition. Maybe she thought the difficult choices would no longer be her's to make once she left. Hang in there, blownaway
Author blownaway Posted July 6, 2004 Author Posted July 6, 2004 Well I've just been to the Doctors and he was very understanding. He signed me off work for a week and has given me sleeping tablets. He offered me a course of anti-deppressants but I refused. I asked about councilling for myself and my Son and he explained there was a 6 month waiting list but he did give me a list of numbers to phone. He told me in the meantime that if I was concerned about my son to book a double appointment and he would talk to him. I woke up this morning feeling good in myself but I guess I'm not feeling so good now. Thanks again meanon for your kind words. My wife is going to have to make some very difficult choices and decisions over the next few months. If she thinks that the most difficult decision was leaving me for this new man then she may have a surprise coming. I'm going to use this week off to start thinking about myself and what I want. I hope that will help clear this numbness and confusion that I feel at the moment and help me to deal with my wifes choices in the future. Thankyou.
meanon Posted July 6, 2004 Posted July 6, 2004 You could get on the waiting list and if you need it sooner, go private. The web site for the British Psychological Society has a search facility, if possible get one who does NHS work too - they are usually more experienced. I think it's a little early for counselling or anti-depressents. If your son does not improve soon he may well benefit from talking to someone with experience of counselling children. The main thing is that he finds someone to talk too and often kids do turn to people outside the family. Is there a teacher at school he particularly likes who could help? Don't let the fact that you need time off get you down, you are handling the situation just as well as this morning. Your self worth should not be measured by how little of your distress you show. That's not healthy. You will need help, ask for it. All the best.
Author blownaway Posted July 6, 2004 Author Posted July 6, 2004 My down in the dumps phase didn't last long. I visited my gran and her down to earthiness soon perked me up. I spoke to my wife again on the phone tonight and we agreed to meet face to face friday morning. She wants to discuss selling the house. This might sound strange but I really don't know how I feel about her now. I miss her badly and I still love her dearly but listening to her talking about selling our home, our future investment for our son was very tough. She almost sounded brutal. I told her that I had been signed off work for a week. Not to gain her sympathy but out of necessity. She didn't even ask how I was. 2 weeks ago she was making herself ill deciding whether or not to stay with me or leave for this other man. Is it possible for someone to exorcise their feelings for someone else in the space of a couple of weeks or is she just putting up a barrier? I'm in a real dilemma concerning the house. Part of me wants to fight for it, to use it as a symbol of our marriage but at the same time I want my share of the money. I've never been financially well off. I want money to provide for my sons future. I want money to be able to set up my own liitle home with my son and be able to take him on holidays and give him everything he wants. Part of me is looking forward to the challenge of providing for my son on my own terms. One thing my wife made clear on the phone was that she wanted both of us to have joint custody of our son. Whether or not she is putting our son first or whether she is doing this for her own selfish reasons (being able to spend more time with her man) I don't know. If I fight her for what I really want I will lose. She isn't thinking of me at the moment. I'm just unwanted baggage. If I give in to some of her demands it will give me money that I can put to good use for me and my son. Choices, choices. I did warn her on the phone that she may be dissappointed when we talk. She may not get everything she wants. We may have to have several face to face talks before coming to an agreement. I think we will have to barter before we are both happy. I've also been thinking of my future. There is so much I want to achieve and to be honest married life has held me back. Being a provider for my family has meant that my ambitions have been put on hold. I want to write a script. I want to make a film. I want a physique. I want to design my own tattoo. I want to go to adult college to learn and be able to choose the career that I want. Damn this soul searching is hard. At this moment in time I feel like a single man embarking on a journey of self discovery. Like I said earlier I am going to use this week to think about my future and my sons future. I believe that I am a good man. I have tried to do everything right for my wife and my son. Somewhere along the line I have lost the woman that I love. My partner, My best friend, My soulmate.... My lifelong companion as meanon has mentioned. But I have gained my son. I have the oppurtunity to guide and mould him into a good person. I have the oppurtunity to show him that his dad loves him more than anything else in the world. I think for me tonight has been a turning point. I must put my son first. If I agree to sell the house it will be for reasons my wife doesn't comprehend at the moment. Money, possessions, interests mean nothing. My future and my sons future is everything. At times like this I wish I was religous. I wish I could rely on God's judgement and support. I wish I could place all my problems and dllemmas and insecurities into the creators hand. Let him decide. Let him take away the indecision and pain. Please excuse my ramblings. Please comment on my situation. I just want to be surrounded by people that I can trust and rely on. Thankyou.
meanon Posted July 6, 2004 Posted July 6, 2004 I don't think it's so much that the feelings are exorcised as that people harden their hearts to them, attempt to ignore them in order to make the break. Yes there is pain but remarkably little indecision, blownaway. You've re-defined your situation in terms of the positive to be gained for yourself and your son. Keep that positive future in mind. With the attitude and resilience you have demonstrated I have no doubt you'll achieve it
LatsyrcSC Posted July 6, 2004 Posted July 6, 2004 You're a good man. Hang in there *BEAR HUGS* gosh my heart breaks just reading this. I'll continue to pray for you..each day...that God will give you the grace to get through this. He does answer prayers you know. But you have to believe in him, and in his son Jesus and what he did on the cross. Mat 11:29 Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls.
Author blownaway Posted July 8, 2004 Author Posted July 8, 2004 Hi, I spoke to my wife on the phone last night and something felt a little odd. Since she left she has sounded completely indifferent to me whe we talk. She never asks me how I am, we just talk about how our son has been during the day. Last night she sounded as if she was making smalltalk. She asked how I was. She asked if I had seen my best friend. We talked about the lousy weather. After I had put the phone down I realised just how much she had caught me off gaurd. I'm not building my hopes up but last night it sounded as if she wanted to talk to ME. I hope I didn't push things back by ending the conversation on my own terms and putting the reciever down. Shes popping over tomorrow at 11:00am. I insisted that I didn't want the other man to be present. She agreed. I'm worried about how I will react when I see her after this long time apart. I know she just wants to discuss the house and our son and the divorce but part of me will be looking for signs that she is missing me. I'm worried that after she has gone fresh wounds will be reopened. I am feeling pretty weak at the moment. My appetite still hasn't returned and I've lost a lot of weight. I feel as if I'm recovering from her leaving but slowly. I hope by seeing her it doesn't set me back. Any advice or tips on how to handle the situation would be greatly appreciated. Thankyou.
meanon Posted July 8, 2004 Posted July 8, 2004 Your gut instinct on how best to handle the situation is probably sound. Try not to hope for too much. She's sure to be missing you but that doesn't mean her feelings for the other man will have changed. Whatever happens, this is a necessary next step. Of course you are apprehensive but try not to worry too much about how you will cope, you've dealt with everything exceptionally well so far, you'll be OK. As far as what approach you should take, it's so hard to advise without knowing your wife but I think it's best to follow her lead. Stick to practicalities if that's what she expects. If things get more personal then I think it's important she knows you still care but that's it. Good luck, let us know how it goes.
Author blownaway Posted July 8, 2004 Author Posted July 8, 2004 Cheers meanon. Just spoke to my wife on the phone and my son let slip to her that we're going bowling tomorrow night with her best friend, husband and kids. Although the date was arranged in all innocence (her best friend is very level headed and will not take sides) and organised around the kids my wife sounded shocked when she got me to confirm it on the phone. I reassured her that it was just going to be a fun night out with no ulterior motives. Still can't help feeling a little guilty about my son springing that one on my wife. As for tomorrow I'm just going to be myself when I talk to her. I'm not going to put any pressure on her. She can make the difficult decisions for once. I'm just going to let her know what I want.
Author blownaway Posted July 9, 2004 Author Posted July 9, 2004 Phew! Just said goodbye to my wife after chatting to her face to face for an hour and 10 minutes. I was very nervous just before she was due to arrive. It reminded me of the start of our relationship when I used to prepare to meet her on a date, butterflies in the stomach and all that. When she arrived I made her a coffee and we started to talk. We both agreed to sell the house as soon as possible and we both agreed on joint custody of our son. I told her I didn't want to pay any sort of maintenance to her, that I wanted the break to be as clean as possible and she told me she didn't want any maintenance from me. We agreed to split up the furniture equally and fairly. Once we had got the nitty gritty out of the way we started to talk a little more personally. I asked her about our relationship and the reasons she choose to have the affair and end it. She told me there was no specific reason, just lots of little things that culminated in her looking elsewhere. When pushed for what these little reasons were she couldn't or wouldn't be specific on anything. I told her that on reflection did she think the marriage was in a rut. She said yes. She told me that her days rolled into one. She got up, she did the housework, she looked after our son, she felt her life was going nowhere. I asked her if she blamed me for this and she said no. I asked her if she started to hate me whilst we were together and she said no. We talked about me and I told her that in a way I was relieved this had happened. I told her that although I was scared I was looking forward to planning my own future. I told her about maybe giving up work and going back to college, about choosing my own career and realising some of my ambitions that had been put on hold. My wife asked me if I was trying to turn our son against her. Apparently life isn't as rosy as has been made out when I ask my wife over the phone how our son has been whilst he has been staying with her. He has said a lot of hurtfull things to her. Had a lot of tantrums. I told my wife that I was still the same person that I have always been. I reminded her that during our 10 years together I had always been honest with her and that I have never hurt her. I reminded her that I have always supported her and defended her and that I was not about to change now. I think I reassured her. A couple of times she said that her situation was **** at the moment, that she was stuck in limbo. I reminded her that she was the one that walked out, that chose to be in this position. When she had to leave I told her that I was happy the conversation had gone so well. I told her that I still wanted her friendship once things had settled. Forcing myself not to ask for a hug as she left was one of the hardest things I have had to do this week. Overall I was pleased at how well I handled meeting her. There were no tears, no recriminations from me. I cracked a couple of jokes which made her laugh (I told her that although the chest of drawers in our bedroom was hers, the handles on the drawers were mine) I made it quite clear that I was not her enemy and that I could still be relied on to support her in a crisis. I would be interested in hearing from others about how I handled the situation. Thanks!
Author blownaway Posted July 10, 2004 Author Posted July 10, 2004 Thanks meanon Went bowling tonight with son and our friends and had a really good time. It was the first time I have ever bowled and it really took my mind of the situation. Went back to friends for a coffee and had a chat. Being good friends to both me and my wife and being completely neutral made it really easy for me to open up to them. One of the things they let slip was that my wife mother is very distraught that my wife has seemingly made up her mind about her decision to start a new life with this OM. Despite the pain and disruption she is causing to others around her my wife is seemingly oblivious to it. Actually, whilst talking to her earlier my wife admitted to becoming 'hard' inside to help her get through this. She is not a hard person at heart so maybe this is actually a good thing. I really don't think she could keep that sort of effort up in the long run. One thing I forgot to mention in my last post is that I told my wife, whilst we were discussing our relationship, that I had used my time to reflect on our marriage and that I thought my wife had been selfish in regards to certain aspects of our partnership. I listed a couple of recentish examples where I thought the marriage was very one-sided as I gave a lot more support than I received. I made more effort than she did. I didn't have to tell her that but I wanted her to know that I don't hold her up on a pedestol. I don't know if I'm a soft touch but I spoke to my wife on the phone just before I left for bowling so she could wish our son a good night and I told her that I would secretly buy her a dvd to give to our son as a gift from her when she collects him from school on Monday. Despite what she has done and is doing to me I still cannot find it in my heart to hate her. I feel sorry that she is having a rough time. She has no money, no income at the moment and she refused to take any money from me. I know my son is giving her a hard ride and although she can't buy his acceptance of the situation with a mere present (as I can't either) I hope it will bring the two of them closer for a little while and give her a brief respite from everything. Maybe it will help remind her of how I have looked after them during our 10 years.
meanon Posted July 10, 2004 Posted July 10, 2004 That was a kind gesture, I'm sure she appreciates it. It's a sad situation for all of you. You have always looked after her and that instinct will not disappear overnight. You've managed to avoid bitterness to the extent that you can still show compassion. That's good. Take care not to get too involved.
Author blownaway Posted July 14, 2004 Author Posted July 14, 2004 Hi, been a few days since I last posted and just wanted to hit you guys and girls with a new problem. Firstly I've had a few good days. Went back to work properly and it's really helped. Getting a lot of good support from friends and family. Went to my sons end of year leaving assembly this morning with my wife and although it was awkward being so close to her it went well. I didn't feel the need to break down and beg her to come back and I'm quite proud of that. Now for my problem. Just got off the phone to my wife and I'm feeling pretty pissed off! My wife told me she has had her nose pierced by the OM (apparently he's a qualified Tattoist and piercer) I've got no problem with that. It's none of my business what my wife does to herself. What I have got a problem with is that my 7 year old son now wants his ear pierced. Can't my stupid, self centred (uh-oh just entered the angry phase I think!) wife see that the main reason he want's this is because of her. My son has shown no interest in this before apart from commenting on one of his schoolfriends earrings once. I had my nose pierced last year and he wasn't keen too follow suit. I had to tell him on the phone that we would discuss it over the weekend. How dare my wife put me in this position. I told her that I would think about it but I guess I didn't sound too happy as she got kind of defensive when I said '...If that's what my son truly wants I do not want the OM doing it...' She replied '....He's got a certificate...' Well whoop-dee-doo I told her that if my son gets his ear pierced it would be by a professional (not some prick she has just met off the internet.) She still knows nothing about the OM apart from what he has told her. And what he has told her doesn't ring 100% true in my opinion. What should I do guys? How do I get through this without alienating my son? Damn my wife for putting these stupid ideas into my son's head and making me shoulder the 'bad dad' role when I have to put my foot down hard. Rant over. I'm off to polish my guns
RoboHobo Posted July 15, 2004 Posted July 15, 2004 blownaway, you are amazing! I can't get over how wonderfully you are handling the situation. The courage and insight you have show is extraordinary. Keep it up, you are a brilliant person and you will be successful in life. Be proud of yourself. I'm am not a father and I have no idea what the right thing to do would be, but if I were in your position right now I'd talk to him about it. I'd find out why he wants the earring and give him my honest advice. He may lie about his reasons, but take his word for it anyway. If he is adamant about getting it then support him in his decision. As for who does it, maybe you could tell your wife that you want it to be done in a proper parlor. This new guy might be allowed to do the piercing there, and I understand why you would not want him to be the one to do it, but at least your son will be safe. I think he will also appreciate that you took an interest in his motivations and were sympathetic to his wants. If he really wants it he will get it one way or another, let it at least be under your guidance and protection. Good luck, and thank you for being such a wonderful example to everyone in such a difficult time.
Author blownaway Posted July 15, 2004 Author Posted July 15, 2004 Dear RoboHobo, Many heartfelt thanks for your kind words When I read your reply to my post I thought I was going to cry. To hear a total stranger offering such support and kindness in my darkest time really moved me. I've been through so much recently and I've been so emotional and to come back from work to an empty house and to log on to LoveShack to read such a positive message really made my day. RoboHobo, you can sleep soundly tonight knowing you have affected another human being for the greater good. Thankyou!!!! I am so happy because tomorrow I will have my son back. I can't wait to see him and hug him and make him feel loved. I haven't seen him since Monday and I have missed him terribly. To know that he is an innocent in all this and that his world has been turned upside down by the actions of his parent(s) sends me on such a guilt trip but I treasure my time with him. I'll take your good advice RoboHobo. I'm his father... his protector. I'll listen and discuss with him about what he wants. I'm his lifelong companion. I can only be myself for better or worse.
RoboHobo Posted July 16, 2004 Posted July 16, 2004 Excellent blownaway, I'm really so glad that you and your son are going to see each other, please let me know what happens. I know we are all waiting to hear what you and he do and how you begin this phase of your life together. As for the support and kindness, it is my pleasure. I'm behind you 100%, and if you ever want to talk please email me. Well, till I hear from you again, good luck! and keep being the amazing person you are!
Author blownaway Posted July 16, 2004 Author Posted July 16, 2004 Thankyou again RoboHobo Well, my wife dropped our son of for his 5 days with me and he seems a lot more settled than he was last week. He waited until my wife had left then showed me the earrings that he wants. Talk about building his hopes up. My wife made no mention of the fact that the OM had already brought up a pair of earrings in advance for him. My sons keeping them in a little container until I allow him to have his ears pierced. It's this short-sightedness on my wifes part that really niggles me. As for seeing my wife face to face again I found that I couldn't even look at her. The handover was very brief and I kept the converation civil but I found it so difficult to look at her face. I don't hate her, the opposite in fact, but it really sets me back when I have to see her. I know I have to curtail our nightly phone conversations if I am to stand a chance of getting my life back on track but it's sooo difficult when a childs involved. We both want the best for our son, we both want to be there for him but how can I cut down the contact with my wife? Any ideas?
Recommended Posts