Sox Man Posted June 29, 2012 Posted June 29, 2012 So guys here's my situation. I've known this lady for a little over a year. She's from out of town and works in my dept, but we are on different schedules. She separated and her ex lives about 500 miles away, with no chance of her going back to him. I've always thought she was attractive, but until recently that was about it. For the last few months, we've been going out for drinks,diner,running,golfing etc. I had been out of town for 4 days and when I got back into town she invited me over, and things got pretty intense. She asked me to stay over, but i didn't. If I had protection, we would've had sex. Ever since then, we've been out numerous times,but things seem different. I tried to kiss her in a parking lot after breakfast and she turned me down. The other day at work she was flirtatious, and funny and she hinted about wanting to get a beer after work but I declined. So she asked me if I had any plans the next night, because she was going out of town for a couple of weeks. I said no I had no plans and we went out to dinner the following night. She paid for dinner and we went to another place that was quieter for desert and more drinks, and I paid. After the evening she asks me"you want to kiss me don't you?" and I said "can I" and she responds " I guess so" and I did. when I walked back to my car she rolls the window down and I kissed her again. Throughout our entire time together, Ive been getting mixed signals. I've tried backing off, not texting her and she always texts me. Most of our time together seems to be initiated by her. The next day I texted her that I had a great time as usual and asked to let me know she got to her vacation destination ok. That evening she texts me "made it!" and that's it. Last night I had been debating on whether to text her or not, but I did anyway. A couple of days before, she asked me several times if I was going to miss her and of course I said yes,and she replied" I bet I miss you more." Based upon that quote, I texted her that I already missed her. Now I know it was only the next day,and its been almost 24 hrs and Ive gotten no response. So here are my questions: 1)Am I sounding too need/clingy? 2) Am I making a big deal out of nothing for her not responding to my text? 3)Should I continue to text her? 4) Is she playing games with me or does she sound genuinely interested just scared? Please guys any advice would be appreciated. I'm truly confused on how to proceed or if should just let it go.
writergal Posted June 29, 2012 Posted June 29, 2012 Separated = still married. 1) Never date a married woman. 2) Wait at least six months to date a legally divorced woman. 3) If you date a separated woman you're playing with fire. 4) Follow #2 and you'll have better luck.
Author Sox Man Posted June 29, 2012 Author Posted June 29, 2012 Yeah, that's all fine and good. Wish I had realized that sooner. Part of me wishes I had never gotten involved with her in any manner regardless of how innocent it had seemed. The problem now is how do I end it, if I choose to do so? Her divorce will be official in a few months. Do I confront her about her mixed signals, and admit to being confused or do I just drop it? We work together and are good friends and we have a number or mutual friends as well. I really enjoy her company and we get along so well. I'm 39 years old and never married and it's very difficult to meet girls my age where we live,and she's 38. I've tried dating younger girls and it does have it's advantages for obvious reasons, but we have nothing in common. I also can't help but wonder if I'm just the rebound guy/boy toy. It's interesting that we only do things when she initiates it and that now she's away with her friends and family, she's no longer bored and doesn't need me for the security and availability I provide her when she's here. Or is this her time to get away and think things through? Like I said it's only been 24 hrs since I've texted her, but she's posted pictures to Facebook, but doesn't have time to text me back? I'm just really hurting right now. I guess what I'm asking for is not to state the obvious "such as separated is still married"(don't mean to sound like a smart ass), but how to proceed. If I cut things off with her I feel it will hurt her, but at the same time I have to think of myself as well. She's not back for another week or so, and this is killing me inside. Please provide me with some sort of insight as to what to do.
FitChick Posted June 30, 2012 Posted June 30, 2012 If you are just looking for fun, date a separated or newly divorced person. If you want to get married, wait until they've been divorced two or three years and have had one serious relationship.
g450 Posted July 1, 2012 Posted July 1, 2012 Yep, separated = still married. My GF was separated for four years when I met her. That should have been a big red flag but I was blind. Turned out that she was not over her H. Even went back to him once when she was living with me. I had to kick her out. Wasnt a pretty picture. You dont want to really go there. How long has she been separated and why is she not divorced. Those are the questions you need to be asking her.
manup Posted July 1, 2012 Posted July 1, 2012 If you are just looking for fun, date a separated or newly divorced person. If you want to get married, wait until they've been divorced two or three years and have had one serious relationship. I'd stay away entirely, it makes his risk of divorce that much greater unless he doesn't care. I can already tell from how hot and cold she is that she's trouble. I'd break it off or proceed with caution.
writergal Posted July 1, 2012 Posted July 1, 2012 Well you could downgrade her to a casual acquaintance by filling up your time with other friendships, hobbies, etc. without telling her. Or there's always email, a phone call or in-person meeting to hash it out. She's using you as her option right now because she's not emotionally available and won't be for a few years most likely. Since you two work together and are good friends then you may just want to email her or call her and let her know that you understand she can't be what you need right now in a girlfriend and that you've decided that friendship is the best choice right now. I know it sucks to be someone's option when you have feelings for them. That was my situation four years ago when I met my former boyfriend through online dating. He was recently divorced, and was dating his coworker on the side but was dating me as well. I have no idea if he was intimate with her either because when I confronted him about going on dates with her, texting her and calling her he pled the fifth, until I finally caught him in a lie as the lie was happening and he broke up with me. Four years later I hear that he has married his coworker. So there you go.
DjinnAgain Posted July 1, 2012 Posted July 1, 2012 So guys here's my situation. I've known this lady for a little over a year. She's from out of town and works in my dept, but we are on different schedules. She separated and her ex lives about 500 miles away, with no chance of her going back to him. I've always thought she was attractive, but until recently that was about it. For the last few months, we've been going out for drinks,diner,running,golfing etc. I had been out of town for 4 days and when I got back into town she invited me over, and things got pretty intense. She asked me to stay over, but i didn't. If I had protection, we would've had sex. Ever since then, we've been out numerous times,but things seem different. I tried to kiss her in a parking lot after breakfast and she turned me down. The other day at work she was flirtatious, and funny and she hinted about wanting to get a beer after work but I declined. So she asked me if I had any plans the next night, because she was going out of town for a couple of weeks. I said no I had no plans and we went out to dinner the following night. She paid for dinner and we went to another place that was quieter for desert and more drinks, and I paid. After the evening she asks me"you want to kiss me don't you?" and I said "can I" and she responds " I guess so" and I did. when I walked back to my car she rolls the window down and I kissed her again. Throughout our entire time together, Ive been getting mixed signals. I've tried backing off, not texting her and she always texts me. Most of our time together seems to be initiated by her. The next day I texted her that I had a great time as usual and asked to let me know she got to her vacation destination ok. That evening she texts me "made it!" and that's it. Last night I had been debating on whether to text her or not, but I did anyway. A couple of days before, she asked me several times if I was going to miss her and of course I said yes,and she replied" I bet I miss you more." Based upon that quote, I texted her that I already missed her. Now I know it was only the next day,and its been almost 24 hrs and Ive gotten no response. So here are my questions: 1)Am I sounding too need/clingy? 2) Am I making a big deal out of nothing for her not responding to my text? 3)Should I continue to text her? 4) Is she playing games with me or does she sound genuinely interested just scared? Please guys any advice would be appreciated. I'm truly confused on how to proceed or if should just let it go. These days a lot of people are staying separated for financial reasons until there's a good reason to make it final -- a good agreement in place can make it quite feasible. However, her behavior is a big issue. Run, run, run.
irc333 Posted July 1, 2012 Posted July 1, 2012 These days a lot of people are staying separated for financial reasons until there's a good reason to make it final -- a good agreement in place can make it quite feasible. However, her behavior is a big issue. Run, run, run. If they don't have kids, I see no other reason why to make it a speedy divorce.
Author Sox Man Posted July 1, 2012 Author Posted July 1, 2012 So now today after 72 hrs with no contact after my last text, she decides to send me 3 texts back to back and one picture message. I haven't responded to any of them yet. I don't want to look like a jerk by not responding, but I don't want to be strung along either.
manup Posted July 1, 2012 Posted July 1, 2012 So now today after 72 hrs with no contact after my last text, she decides to send me 3 texts back to back and one picture message. I haven't responded to any of them yet. I don't want to look like a jerk by not responding, but I don't want to be strung along either. Just wait until the big D son. Tell her you aren't comfortable dating unless she is divorced. 1
Michael Johnson Posted July 1, 2012 Posted July 1, 2012 Okay, you're having an affair with a married woman? I agree with writergal, you're playing with fire, sir. 1
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