pies Posted June 29, 2012 Posted June 29, 2012 I know most people here don't pity dumpers and usually blame them for everything but please think that if I have come here it's because I need it... I was the dumper in a relationship where... I think I was the one who psychologically abused myself if that's even possible... I don't know... I'm 21 and I was in a LTR in which after a few months I began having trouble interacting with people, I had huge feelings of guilt because he was very nice but he was very jealous and I felt bad. I blamed myself all the time for talking to people fearing that I might fall out of love if I talked to boys... till the point of breaking up after I had a very rough time realizing I didn't feel the same way anymore. I felt relieved but I know that something isn't right with me because I still feel like crap, not guilty for breaking up but plain crappy... sh**ty, worthless.I barely talk to guys or look at their faces because, I feel like some sort of slut (I don't know why I feel slutty, I have never kissed anyone outside of a relationship) who might "fall" for ANYONE who talks to her, even people I don't even like, and that causes me huge anxiety, there are guys I find unattractive and I start panicking if they talk to me because of this fear of starting to like them or something and falling in love with them, this is my greatest concern.I am somewhat scared of people touching or hugging me (even girls... for some reason I think that people might think I am disgusting and it makes me want to cry when someone grabs my arm or something)I feel very confused because in the relationship I compared myself to him all the time and he told me what I should wear or read or listen to and now I don't know what to do, I feel like I have no personality for making choices...I miss having someone to rely on (he was my only friend for what the relationship lasted) but I don't want a partner now, I need to be alone and sort my issues out. I know that I don't deserve sympathy since I was the one dumping someone and making them suffer... but I don't understand why do I still hurt so much, I can't really move on, I know that he's doing good now because I can't control myself from checking his public FB profile (I have come to think that I envy the fact that he has recovered already and I haven't) but I am not doing well and I am again in a deep hole. I feel like I'm too messed up to be fixed and I don't know if I will ever feel right again. I know I'm young to say that, but the story is longer than this and I'm seriously worried about it.
Author pies Posted July 1, 2012 Author Posted July 1, 2012 I feel a bit better today but there's a long way to go...
TaraMaiden Posted July 1, 2012 Posted July 1, 2012 I know most people here don't pity dumpers and usually blame them for everything but please think that if I have come here it's because I need it... I was the dumper in a relationship where... I think I was the one who psychologically abused myself if that's even possible... I don't know... I'm 21 and I was in a LTR in which after a few months I began having trouble interacting with people, I had huge feelings of guilt because he was very nice but he was very jealous and I felt bad. I blamed myself all the time for talking to people fearing that I might fall out of love if I talked to boys... till the point of breaking up after I had a very rough time realizing I didn't feel the same way anymore. I felt relieved but I know that something isn't right with me because I still feel like crap, not guilty for breaking up but plain crappy... sh**ty, worthless.I barely talk to guys or look at their faces because, I feel like some sort of slut (I don't know why I feel slutty, I have never kissed anyone outside of a relationship) who might "fall" for ANYONE who talks to her, even people I don't even like, and that causes me huge anxiety, there are guys I find unattractive and I start panicking if they talk to me because of this fear of starting to like them or something and falling in love with them, this is my greatest concern.I am somewhat scared of people touching or hugging me (even girls... for some reason I think that people might think I am disgusting and it makes me want to cry when someone grabs my arm or something)I feel very confused because in the relationship I compared myself to him all the time and he told me what I should wear or read or listen to and now I don't know what to do, I feel like I have no personality for making choices...I miss having someone to rely on (he was my only friend for what the relationship lasted) but I don't want a partner now, I need to be alone and sort my issues out. I know that I don't deserve sympathy since I was the one dumping someone and making them suffer... but I don't understand why do I still hurt so much, I can't really move on, I know that he's doing good now because I can't control myself from checking his public FB profile (I have come to think that I envy the fact that he has recovered already and I haven't) but I am not doing well and I am again in a deep hole. I feel like I'm too messed up to be fixed and I don't know if I will ever feel right again. I know I'm young to say that, but the story is longer than this and I'm seriously worried about it. dumpers who are cruel and show no remorse, or flaunt a 'brand new' relationship under their ex's nose (When in fact it was already lined up) or who use the line, "it's not you, it's me" or "I love you but I'm not in love with you" generally do take a bit of flak, at times yeah... but it's all down to circumstances, and let me be the first to tell you honey - AIN'T NOTHING WRONG WITH YOU DUMPING HIM AT ALL - !! Sounds to me as if you did exactly the right thing, getting out when you did, and you dodged a damn torpedo, let alone a bullet... for now, forget dating and looking at guys - get yourself a good circle of friends, and get out of yourself. You deserve better, so work on your confidence, self-esteem and dignity. you're fine, and you did absolutely the right thing. Absolutely the right thing. ABSOLUTELY THE RIGHT THING. ABSOLUTELY THE RIGHT THING. ABSOLUTELY THE RIGHT THING. There. got it?
CopingGal Posted July 1, 2012 Posted July 1, 2012 I'm a dumper. I had to be. It was the only way to end the cruelty.
Author pies Posted July 1, 2012 Author Posted July 1, 2012 dumpers who are cruel and show no remorse, or flaunt a 'brand new' relationship under their ex's nose (When in fact it was already lined up) or who use the line, "it's not you, it's me" or "I love you but I'm not in love with you" generally do take a bit of flak, at times yeah... but it's all down to circumstances, and let me be the first to tell you honey - AIN'T NOTHING WRONG WITH YOU DUMPING HIM AT ALL - !! Sounds to me as if you did exactly the right thing, getting out when you did, and you dodged a damn torpedo, let alone a bullet... for now, forget dating and looking at guys - get yourself a good circle of friends, and get out of yourself. You deserve better, so work on your confidence, self-esteem and dignity. you're fine, and you did absolutely the right thing. Absolutely the right thing. ABSOLUTELY THE RIGHT THING. ABSOLUTELY THE RIGHT THING. ABSOLUTELY THE RIGHT THING. There. got it? Thanks for the support... I mean, I couldn't carry on like that, being messed up myself and tricking myself into thinking that I could bear that weight... I wish making friends was a tad easier because they're the thing I need most right now and I try so hard not to look desperate but sometimes I scare people away telling too much stuff or being uninteresting out of fear to scare them away... I'm a dumper. I had to be. It was the only way to end the cruelty. I know the feeling, dumpers have a big responsability (in some cases) when they truly care about the other person, it's a really sad situation and you are in pain BEFORE and after the break up. I have to learn and be stronger I guess.
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