pathetic1999 Posted June 29, 2012 Share Posted June 29, 2012 So I have posted before about how he loves me but he wasn't ready for our relationship etc. He dumped me out of the blue after 2.5 years together, after talking marriage we set a date, etc he started to freak out like identity crisis stuff at age 27. I wasn't pushing for anything he actually was, i said let's slow down we don't have to rush... He wrote me a letter (this is the last he wrote 8 weeks ago) the largest part of which said: "I have thought about you every single day and it has required a great deal of self restraint not to reach out to you since last Wednesday. But I know that keeping in contact with you would only make this more difficult and ultimately hurt us both even worse. I am just not ready or able to be the person that is required for our relationship to work. It kills me to admit it but if am not honest with myself now things would end up much worse down the road. it would be a few months before I even knew where my head was at and even then there is no telling where either one of us will be. I don't want to give you false hope by saying that I could see us get back together someday because I just don't think that is likely at this point. I miss you, I will always love you, but I think this is what is best for the both of us. I want you to be happy and I am just not able to give you the happiness you deserve. I am so sorry for hurting you and can only hope that someday you find it in your heart to forgive me." Can you guys help me figure out what he was saying??? It's been 8 weeks of NC and BU, I originally told him not to contact me unless he knew he wanted me, then he wrote me this...he's not contacted me once nor I him. I can't figure out if he's respecting my wishes or his or both. Did he love me or was this all to spare my feelings...after 2 1/2 years. Link to post Share on other sites
pies Posted June 29, 2012 Share Posted June 29, 2012 I think that he doesn't even know what he wants (you say you told him to contact you only if he was sure he wanted you): I miss you, I will always love you, but I think this is what is best for the both of us. I want you to be happy and I am just not able to give you the happiness you deserve. This "I love you but I don't love you" thing shows that he still likes you, but he can't give you happiness because he's not really into you. If he was sure about his feelings he wouldn't have backed out with the thought of marriage, which yes, is scary, but not when you feel like you don't want to date anyone else in your whole life. Maybe he hasn't found someone yet and feels plain lonely. I don't want to give you false hope by saying that I could see us get back together someday because I just don't think that is likely at this point I am not saying he is a bad person, but sometimes when we feel we are breaking someone else's heart we wish in the deepest part of our soul that someday we will love them again and we say things like these as a promise to ourselves, and without wanting it, we DO give false hopes which hurt in the long run. I've been there, wishing with all my strenght that my love for someone would come back, it just didn't. You really should move on, if you tell someone to NC you unless they want you and they contact you to tell you they don't want you now, they're being quite selfish in my opinion. Link to post Share on other sites
Author pathetic1999 Posted June 29, 2012 Author Share Posted June 29, 2012 He didn't say he didn't love me anywhere though, he kept on saying even on the phone that he was still in love with me and has no desire for anyone else. He just needs to re find himself. I appreciate your input, this has been very hard. Link to post Share on other sites
Author pathetic1999 Posted July 3, 2012 Author Share Posted July 3, 2012 I must be a dead end...never get many replies Link to post Share on other sites
Appleness Posted July 4, 2012 Share Posted July 4, 2012 I can't really answer the "Does he love me" part but I can tell you that I had a similar reaction out of my ex after bringing up the marriage thing. Except in my case he was really really pushing for us the have a baby. He told his mom, his aunt, our friends, etc. I told him that it's no deal if we don't get married first. Anyways, I tend to think that guys can be pretty literal. If he said that he loved you, then he probably did. But that's not the right question to be asking. The question is whether he loved you ENOUGH. Because it sounds like he didn't. If he did, he would have opened up to you about what was really going on and not say that whole "I can't love you" thing in such a cryptic way. Do what you want to this info but remember to cherish yourself. If he can't love you it's because he chose not to. You're not his mom (having to give him unconditional love). You love him because you made a CHOICE. And if you so choose, you can stop. Take back control of your life, because apparently he has no control over his. Don't let it suck you in. I hope this helps Link to post Share on other sites
hinatticus Posted July 4, 2012 Share Posted July 4, 2012 To me it sounds like he got cold feet. Some guys in their 20's don't want to settle down til their 30's or later. He seems like he feels guilty for hurting you or is scared about how you feel and isn't being completely honest. Either way it sucks. Just try and take comfort in knowing that no one knows what the future holds. You may get back together, you may end up happy with someone else or you may end up happy being single. Sorry I'm probably not helping much. I have a lot going on in my situation and I'm not able to give good advice. Stay strong. Link to post Share on other sites
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