writergal Posted June 29, 2012 Posted June 29, 2012 Yeah no doubt it's a generational difference. Here's the problem though; you're living life based on what was the norm in your generation (the past), I'm living my life based on what's the norm in my generation (present). Good luck! Good luck to you too, Simba. It's a circle of life...
Feelsgoodman Posted June 29, 2012 Posted June 29, 2012 Yeah no doubt it's a generational difference. Here's the problem though; you're living life based on what was the norm in your generation (the past), I'm living my life based on what's the norm in my generation (present). Good luck! Exactly. She's still stuck in the 60s-70s era and doesn't understand that things are different now (just like her grandmother would have never understood the lifestyle choices made by her generation). Old people always whine about "kids these days"
Quest4_TheLost Posted June 29, 2012 Posted June 29, 2012 I was speaking about the subject at hand; which is, a woman who just met a man. They're not even dating at this point, so yes, texting is not a problem. They're in the getting to know you stages. What exactly makes you think your really getting to know someone by txting them? This is ridiculous, as a 10 min conversation can take all day txting. You can't and won't really get to know someone by texting. If a guy is really interested in you then he will call you and take the neccesary steps to get to know you. 2
kaylan Posted June 29, 2012 Posted June 29, 2012 OP is taking this way too seriously. Jesus Christ, its just a freaking text message. You JUST met the guy. Calm the fudge down. 1
writergal Posted June 29, 2012 Posted June 29, 2012 OP is taking this way too seriously. Jesus Christ, its just a freaking text message. You JUST met the guy. Calm the fudge down. Spoken from a casual dater's POV I take it? Oh Kaylan, men will never learn the ways of the female force as long as they swing their light saber with their eyes closed. 1
Quest4_TheLost Posted June 29, 2012 Posted June 29, 2012 Yea you just met him.. But the fact he said he would call, I think is unacceptable. I ended up dating a guy for 5 months on and off that would ONLY TXT ME! He knew I prefered the phone. He would say he would call and wouldn't. Guess where his lonley @ss is now.. Yes still in his txting fantasies with someone else I'm sure. Since its new I wouldn't get to upset but I would just say strait out he should have called you. Let him know ahead of time thats what you prefer. If he can't do that get rid of him.. Life is to short to waste your time on ppl that can't give you the simple things in life. 1
FitChick Posted June 29, 2012 Posted June 29, 2012 Sounds like you dated someone who was clinically paranoid.. Not that I am aware of. I was chatted up by a guy who had gotten out of a celebrity rehab type clinic in London. Manic-depressive, abusing pharmaceuticals. Fortunately, he was manic whenever he called so he was entertaining.
BeautifulMan Posted June 29, 2012 Posted June 29, 2012 You're lucky he even texted you. Usually I just pretend to enter a girls phone number in my device. You ask him if you can call him if you want to talk to him, I hate when women call me, as if they have permission.
Ninjainpajamas Posted June 29, 2012 Posted June 29, 2012 I completely agree with RedRobin and writergal. It's really quite sad and frankly pathetic that you'd think that just because we're in age of technology that this negates the fact that you shouldn't have to take the initiative in anything and in no way romance even in the least bit to engage or even "court" a woman. In my book she shouldn't even respond, if the guy doesn't have the common sense, interest level or initiative to engage her with any half-ass effort like a phone call and has to make it easy on himself and text then she should assume that he really isn't that interested, even if his offer is to take her to a concert. That's just one of those "grand" gestures that men like to do while avoiding the little things to impress a woman into bed. Many men like to blame feminism for their lack of balls...they like to make excuses because they'd rather cry in a corner blaming the big bad woman just because they can't be successful instead of learning and adapting and figuring it out. A lot of men pussy out of situations, don't put on their big boy pants and do manly things yet they want to call themselves men!...HAHA!...what a riot!..I can't believe the kind of crap I hear from women about men that somehow think they are men...I feel like in this age we've got the biggest group of pussies in history! when in the history of the world could you be such a whiny little b!tch? For god sake (or whatever the hell you do or don't believe in) step up the plate, be a "man" and act like one If that's what you're going to call yourself, stop expecting women to drop their panties and show up naked at your door just for winking at them or feeling freaking sorry for you...it's sad and freakin pathetic and no wonder so many men struggle with dating...If I never came to these forums and spoke to other women and heard all the cowardly, offensive **** men do to women while other men stand by idle with their thumbs up their @ss or think they're big men and "players' for stringing along insecure women I wouldn't even think men think half of the BS that they really do...It's just sad that men would actually rather try and change the world just do accommodate their little world they feel secure in and they feel they are best in...what are you five years old? do you realize how sad and such a turn-off that is to women that you'd rather whine and cry about ***** then step up to the plate. If women didn't bend backwards enough for the pathetic crap that goes on in the dating world these days and let this slide, and that slide then they'd actually have unrealistic expectations, because that "man" you think you are, that casanova that some men think they do is nothing but women bending and submitting to the pathetic amounts of efforts and talents of most men...they've got no choice, they know no better! And then men want it even easier than that?...ffs some days I hope we nuke this whole damn planet, because I think we need to start over. I feel like we're actually regressing as a species. 6
RedRobin Posted June 29, 2012 Posted June 29, 2012 Ha! Ninja is in 'da house! Schooling the boys. You tell 'em! 3
kaylan Posted June 29, 2012 Posted June 29, 2012 ^School? Nah. Not every guy here thinks the same. However, most guys would tell OP shes over thinking all this. This over analytical and borderline obsessive-ness over such a small thing is just creepy when you just met this guy. Its one thing if youd been dating a little bit...but OP hardly knows the bloke. 2
kaylan Posted June 29, 2012 Posted June 29, 2012 Spoken from a casual dater's POV I take it? Oh Kaylan, men will never learn the ways of the female force as long as they swing their light saber with their eyes closed. Learn the ways of the female force? riiiight Women my age dont obsess over this stuff. At least not the girls Ive dated. People of my generation dont flip a crap over texting someone they JUST met.
RedRobin Posted June 30, 2012 Posted June 30, 2012 ^School? Nah. Not every guy here thinks the same. However, most guys would tell OP shes over thinking all this. This over analytical and borderline obsessive-ness over such a small thing is just creepy when you just met this guy. Its one thing if youd been dating a little bit...but OP hardly knows the bloke. I know it appears that way... but you know what? Little things make a difference. They make ALL the difference, in fact. Don't say you are going to do something and then do something else. It isn't that hard.
RedRobin Posted June 30, 2012 Posted June 30, 2012 Women my age dont obsess over this stuff. They are naive. They will figure it out.
Quest4_TheLost Posted June 30, 2012 Posted June 30, 2012 I can see both sides of this as in they just met.. 1. Why wouldn't you want to talk to someone if your really interested int hem. 2. The real point of all this is the fact he SAID he would and didn't. If he can't follow through with that little gesture! MAJOR FAIL!! But I wouldn't expect this guy will keep his word to anything else he says he will do either! 3
kaylan Posted June 30, 2012 Posted June 30, 2012 I know it appears that way... but you know what? Little things make a difference. They make ALL the difference, in fact. Don't say you are going to do something and then do something else. It isn't that hard. Its just a freaking text...if he was doing this for a prolonged period of time, then thats one thing. But she just met the dude. Its 2012, most people text one another because of its ease...and I actually rather speak to someone in person then on the phone because you get a way better feel for personality. If we are merely setting up a meeting, then Im just gonna text. If she actually wants to gab on the phone, which I really dont do, then she better wait to see me. They are naive. They will figure it out. Um no they arent. They just arent insecure twits who obsess over text vs calls, regarding a man they JUST met. Its not that serious. 1
Thieves Posted June 30, 2012 Posted June 30, 2012 You know, I get that some people aren't very good with phones and get anxious when calling people they just met, but how is running away from something or avoiding it ever a good thing? Wouldn't it be better to give it a shot and even if it doesn't go well, at least you can say you tried? Everybody texts 24/7 these days. Friends, family, co-workers. It's nice if somebody actually chooses to call for once instead of using their thumbs to do the talking. Personally, I'd give the guy a second chance, but I would be annoyed just like the OP is. It's simple: texting is an immature form of communication with someone you're interested in. In fact, it reminds me of the times in high school when most of my friends used to get annoyed with their boyfriends because they rarely actually called them. They texted more than half the time. Texting with friends? Sure, who cares. Family? Sure. But a potential boyfriend/girlfriend? A little more effort, please. At least until you know each other more. Texting is not romantic, it's not cute, and it's not a good impression when used often in the first stages of meeting someone. I also laugh at how people truly think you can actually "get to know someone" through texting. 2
Feelsgoodman Posted June 30, 2012 Posted June 30, 2012 You know, I get that some people aren't very good with phones and get anxious when calling people they just met, but how is running away from something or avoiding it ever a good thing? Wouldn't it be better to give it a shot and even if it doesn't go well, at least you can say you tried? Everybody texts 24/7 these days. Friends, family, co-workers. It's nice if somebody actually chooses to call for once instead of using their thumbs to do the talking. Personally, I'd give the guy a second chance, but I would be annoyed just like the OP is. It's simple: texting is an immature form of communication with someone you're interested in. In fact, it reminds me of the times in high school when most of my friends used to get annoyed with their boyfriends because they rarely actually called them. They texted more than half the time. Texting with friends? Sure, who cares. Family? Sure. But a potential boyfriend/girlfriend? A little more effort, please. At least until you know each other more. Texting is not romantic, it's not cute, and it's not a good impression when used often in the first stages of meeting someone. I also laugh at how people truly think you can actually "get to know someone" through texting. Men and women approach communication differently. When a man contacts you, he usually does so with a specific purpose - i.e. to set up a date. We don't call to chat for no reason. That's why text messaging works perfectly fine: it's quick and efficient. Women, on the other hand, get wet at the thought of wasting half and hour gossiping about some random crap on the phone. That's why guys hate calling their girlfriends...once she starts yacking, there's no way to stop her. 1
writergal Posted June 30, 2012 Posted June 30, 2012 I completely agree with RedRobin and writergal. It's really quite sad and frankly pathetic that you'd think that just because we're in age of technology that this negates the fact that you shouldn't have to take the initiative in anything and in no way romance even in the least bit to engage or even "court" a woman. In my book she shouldn't even respond, if the guy doesn't have the common sense, interest level or initiative to engage her with any half-ass effort like a phone call and has to make it easy on himself and text then she should assume that he really isn't that interested, even if his offer is to take her to a concert. That's just one of those "grand" gestures that men like to do while avoiding the little things to impress a woman into bed. Many men like to blame feminism for their lack of balls...they like to make excuses because they'd rather cry in a corner blaming the big bad woman just because they can't be successful instead of learning and adapting and figuring it out. A lot of men pussy out of situations, don't put on their big boy pants and do manly things yet they want to call themselves men!...HAHA!...what a riot!..I can't believe the kind of crap I hear from women about men that somehow think they are men...I feel like in this age we've got the biggest group of pussies in history! when in the history of the world could you be such a whiny little b!tch? For god sake (or whatever the hell you do or don't believe in) step up the plate, be a "man" and act like one If that's what you're going to call yourself, stop expecting women to drop their panties and show up naked at your door just for winking at them or feeling freaking sorry for you...it's sad and freakin pathetic and no wonder so many men struggle with dating...If I never came to these forums and spoke to other women and heard all the cowardly, offensive **** men do to women while other men stand by idle with their thumbs up their @ss or think they're big men and "players' for stringing along insecure women I wouldn't even think men think half of the BS that they really do...It's just sad that men would actually rather try and change the world just do accommodate their little world they feel secure in and they feel they are best in...what are you five years old? do you realize how sad and such a turn-off that is to women that you'd rather whine and cry about ***** then step up to the plate. If women didn't bend backwards enough for the pathetic crap that goes on in the dating world these days and let this slide, and that slide then they'd actually have unrealistic expectations, because that "man" you think you are, that casanova that some men think they do is nothing but women bending and submitting to the pathetic amounts of efforts and talents of most men...they've got no choice, they know no better! And then men want it even easier than that?...ffs some days I hope we nuke this whole damn planet, because I think we need to start over. I feel like we're actually regressing as a species. Right on Ninja! WOOT!
Thieves Posted June 30, 2012 Posted June 30, 2012 Men and women approach communication differently. When a man contacts you, he usually does so with a specific purpose - i.e. to set up a date. We don't call to chat for no reason. That's why text messaging works perfectly fine: it's quick and efficient. Women, on the other hand, get wet at the thought of wasting half and hour gossiping about some random crap on the phone. That's why guys hate calling their girlfriends...once she starts yacking, there's no way to stop her. Feelsgoodman, I totally get where you're coming from and how, to men, texting is more efficient. But I think what's ironic is that texting is seen as something quick and efficient, but the actual effort that goes into it is minimal... as well as the quality. And girls tend to care more for that quality. Can I be honest, though? I'm not a phone person, and I'm a girl. Hell, the shortest phone call I had with a friend recently lasted a maximum of maybe fifteen minutes. He called me to see how my day was, etc. Calls that short aren't unusual for me. I can certainly stay on the phone much longer, but if it's just a "Hey, how are you" thing? Not really. I think what the OP is saying is that the guy didn't do what he said he would. He kind of half-assed it. I'm not going to tell someone I'm gonna take them out to a nice restaurant and end up taking them to McDonald's at the last minute. Even if it is cheaper, easier, and more efficient since it's close by. Even if I am still taking the person out to eat. It's not what I said I'd do. I think the OP should just bring it up and maybe try to compromise. For example, the guy can explain to the girl that he's not much of a phone guy, but he'll call to make plans. The compromise is that the girl will appreciate the effort of calling, but knows to keep it short and not chat the dude's freakin' head off.
DuchessKaye Posted June 30, 2012 Posted June 30, 2012 (edited) I'm an extreme texter and literally sending hundreds of texts every day. I much prefer to text seriously, and I wouldn't mind if a guy doesn't call and just texts cause I consider the fact that most guys I know hate talking on the phone unless there's something really important to talk about, all my exes included. But the OP's guy said he'd call, so he definitely should call her, and he didn't. Well, for me that's terribly annoying! If he was that lazy, not willing to make such little effort in the beginning and didn't seem to follow what he said then I just couldn't imagine what it would be like when they moved out of the new-trying-to-impress-each other-phase. It's really going to be a dealbreaker for me in that case. I say, the guy must call as he should... Unless, he has a really annoying voice. To you OP, if he keeps texting, just don't respond. Hopefully he'll take the hint, notice that his texts are going unanswered, and finally dust off the call button on his phone Edited June 30, 2012 by DuchessKaye 2
xpaperxcutx Posted June 30, 2012 Posted June 30, 2012 It's not the texting its the ffort and how he said one thing and did another. My ex wss like that promising to do one thing then doing Another. If you allow a behaviour like this so early on you're basically telling them to do it again another time. Be firm about what's acceptable to you and what's not. Good behaviour is a must especially in the beginning of dating and not some half assed attempt. 1
johndoeonlinedating Posted June 30, 2012 Posted June 30, 2012 Why is sending a text "unacceptable" behavior? When I say that I'll call someone, it means that I will contact that person via telephone...it could be a call or a text, who cares? I swear, some women make it damn near impossible for themselves to date. They go out of their way to get offended by the most insignificant of things. "He said he would call but is texting instead...ooooh, unacceptable behavior!!!" WTF Totally agree. I think there's nothing wrong with that.. the point is he was asking you to go out with him nicely. How could it be unacceptable behavior??
RedRobin Posted June 30, 2012 Posted June 30, 2012 Hmmm... The overall jyst of this thread is... If one cares about making a positive impression, you do what you say you are going to do. Everytime. If you don't want to do that, just don't say it. Not difficult. Say "I'll be in touch". Or "I'll get back to you."... or something else that is vague. Don't say you are going to CALL and then don't. Does it surprise the guys that women notice?? It shouldn't. 'texting' is just one example. The fact that the guy BLEW a perfectly good opportunity to make a positive first impression and come out standing head and shoulders above the other dufus guys who might be after her... has got the be the most pathetic thing possible. The fact that other guys are defending this guy's, um, 'right' to disregard her, not follow through, act like she's not a priority. Huh. No wonder why you are on LS instead of with a GF... is all I gotta say. it really does suck big time that we ladies have to hold the line on behavior for some of you gents... that you don't see the wisdom of doing this yourself. But what can I say? I'm not surprised? No, not surprised at all. 3
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