Told me he'd call, but texted instead

[MrCastle]

No you wouldn't because you don't make women a priority, but an option. I get the sense that you really don't have much respect for women.

 

I absolutely respect women. That's a pretty extreme claim that because a 24 year old man prefers to text as opposed to calling a girl he's not dating exclusively he doesn't respect her. Quite a reach. Let's try to leave personal attacks out of this and look at things objectively.

 

And you're right that women are not a priority. My life is. My interests, my passions, my goals. Those are my priorities. If I was looking for a serious relationship, that would be different.

[RedRobin]

A woman invited me for dinner once. She said she was going to cook steak but prepared meatloaf instead. I guess, by your logic, I should have left in disgust because she SAID she would do one thing a did another

 

Maybe... if you felt that the offer of steak was just a pretense to get you over to her house to do some manual labor or something else you may not be otherwise inclined to do (not sex).

 

But since alot of men don't have that high of a requirement for 'character' in women (just look good and don't be a 'slut')... being accountable doesn't rank that high on many men's lists.

[writergal]

Okay, yeah. I'll concede to that. I don't do the exclusive relationship "thing". I suppose I would talk to my exclusive girlfriend on the phone.

 

So you contradicted yourself now because earlier in the thread you said texting was no big deal. Now you agree that if you were in an exclusive relationship you would call the woman and not text her. And texting is okay for you because you aren't interested in exclusive relationships with women. Glad we sorted that out.

 

But we're talking about dates. This girl doesn't know the guy at all; they're not thinking LTR at this point, just feeling each other out.

 

Yes, we are talking about dates. The way a guy asks you out for a first date lets you know right off the bat what he thinks of you. Actions speak louder than words. He SAID he would CALL HER. What he DID was TEXT HER.

 

By his actions of texting instead of calling, he's SHOWN HER that she's just a casual option.

 

Men who only want casual sex won't understand this and will defend the ol texting method to justify their actions of keeping women as options.

[RedRobin]

It sounds like you are insecure about being used for sex and that insecurity is causing you to overanalyze everything and find hidden meaning where none exits. Guys prefer texting because, from our standpoint, chatting on the phone is a waste of time.

 

You and your 'like' have stated up front that you more or less don't give women the time of day unless they are having sex with you..

 

and that you aren't looking for anything serious.

 

So, the lack of investment you put into getting to know a woman sort of supports the notion that texting = 'option' = not serious.

 

Yea, the OP should take this info and run with it. I think she is dead on.

[MrCastle]

So you contradicted yourself now because earlier in the thread you said texting was no big deal. Now you agree that if you were in an exclusive relationship you would call the woman and not text her. And texting is okay for you because you aren't interested in exclusive relationships with women. Glad we sorted that out. [/Quote]

 

I was speaking about the subject at hand; which is, a woman who just met a man. They're not even dating at this point, so yes, texting is not a problem. They're in the getting to know you stages. Then another chick had to present a case in which phone calling is more expected (ltr's), which is a totally different case. The initial topic was texting someone new, not someone you've been dating for months.

 

Men who only want casual sex won't understand this and will defend the ol texting method to justify their actions of keeping women as options.

 

This makes no sense. Is this really what women think? So if I call a girl, she'll think she's the only girl in my life, or the most important or whatever? What if after I call her I call my next chick on the phone. And after her I call another?

 

Using phone calls (or lackthereof) as an interest barometer, is probably not the best way to judge someone.

[writergal]

Whatever happened to romancing a woman?

 

Men don't ask women for their phone numbers anymore. They give women their phone numbers and then let the woman do all the work.

 

Texting should be outlawed in the world of dating as its a reliable method men use to avoid being emotionally available.

 

The OP could always cancel her text message plan so that she can't receive texts and see how men respond to that, knowing they actually have to make an effort to call her. Might be a good dating experiment.

 

I like what FitChick suggested. Don't text him back. Just call him back and if he doesn't return your call, nix him and move on.

[simpsonic]

The way a guy asks you out for a first date lets you know right off the bat what he thinks of you. Actions speak louder than words. He SAID he would CALL HER. What he DID was TEXT HER.

 

By his actions of texting instead of calling, he's SHOWN HER that she's just a casual option.

 

Men who only want casual sex won't understand this and will defend the ol texting method to justify their actions of keeping women as options.

 

This. I refuse to be a casual option. I've had enough of that. I'm looking for an LTR...my gut is telling me now that this guy is not looking for the same.

[Feelsgoodman]

You and your 'like' have stated up front that you more or less don't give women the time of day unless they are having sex with you..

 

and that you aren't looking for anything serious.

Where did I say that?

[Feelsgoodman]

Whatever happened to romancing a woman?

Feminism happened. Hello, it's not the 1950's anymore.

[simpsonic]

Feminism happened. Hello, it's not the 1950's anymore.

 

It might not be the 1950s anymore, but it doesn't mean romance should die.

[writergal]

It might not be the 1950s anymore, but it doesn't mean romance should die.

 

Maybe if you texted this message to Feelsgoodman he'll actually understand what you mean.

[Feelsgoodman]

It might not be the 1950s anymore, but it doesn't mean romance should die.

Yes it does. "Romance" is a product of a bygone era...the age when men were seen as the superior sex and women were considered private property. Chivalry and equal rights are incompatible concepts, no matter how much you may want to have the best of both worlds. We men are not as dumb as you think. You want us to give you the same rights we have and yet continue doing the heavy lifting when it comes to dating and "romancing"? Thanks but no thanks. With equal rights come equal responsibilities.

[nessaaa]

Two nights ago, I met a guy. We chatted for a while and at the end of the night, we exchanged numbers. He told me he would call me the next day. Well, yesterday instead of calling me he sent me a text, asking me if I wanted to go with him to a concert that is taking place in two weeks. I was a bit annoyed that I got a text instead of a call. I have not replied to his text; I feel like if I do, that he would think this kind of behavior is acceptable. But I don't want him to think I'm not interested either. Advice?

 

how kids do these days. they ask for your number just to text, sad sad sad.

[RedRobin]

This makes no sense. Is this really what women think? So if I call a girl, she'll think she's the only girl in my life, or the most important or whatever? What if after I call her I call my next chick on the phone. And after her I call another?

 

You can imagine how much more time that takes than it does to text all three.

 

Not to mention, you can't have a phone conversation with all three simultaneously.

 

That's our point. It is much harder to maintain a corral of chickies when you are obliged to call instead of text.

 

Not to mention, the intangible benefits of dating (for a woman) are much higher when there is some conversation in between dates.

 

Texts just don't do it. I can see why some men love it though. Women who are serious about finding a LTR should have a very low tolerance for texts, or eliminate them altogether.

[writergal]

I was speaking about the subject at hand; which is, a woman who just met a man. They're not even dating at this point, so yes, texting is not a problem. They're in the getting to know you stages. Then another chick had to present a case in which phone calling is more expected (ltr's), which is a totally different case. The initial topic was texting someone new, not someone you've been dating for months.

 

This makes no sense. Is this really what women think? So if I call a girl, she'll think she's the only girl in my life, or the most important or whatever? What if after I call her I call my next chick on the phone. And after her I call another?

 

Using phone calls (or lackthereof) as an interest barometer, is probably not the best way to judge someone.

 

Hello. How old are you? If you're in your 40s then you'll remember the days of yore when Generation Xers didn't have texting or cellphones and CALLED EACH OTHER ON THE PHONE.

 

Why should that dating etiquette change because of the invention of the cellphone texting feature?

 

If a man texts a woman he JUST MET to ask her out on a first date, that's really rude and completely lazy. It sends the woman a message "you're not important enough to talk to on the phone." What about first impressions? Do those even matter to someone like you? Clearly not.

 

And yes using the phone is a good barometer to get to know someone because 1) it's real time conversation 2) tone of voice reveals a lot and 3) it shows that the man is making an effort to get to know a woman.

 

Texting takes no effort at all and is very convenient. It's a shallow way to communicate with someone you're trying to make a good impression on. If you don't get that, then you aren't long term relationship material.

 

Video killed the radio star.

Texting killed the phone call.

Romance is doomed.

[MrCastle]

You can imagine how much more time that takes than it does to text all three.

 

Not to mention, you can't have a phone conversation with all three simultaneously.

 

That's our point. It is much harder to maintain a corral of chickies when you are obliged to call instead of text.

 

Not to mention, the intangible benefits of dating (for a woman) are much higher when there is some conversation in between dates.

 

Texts just don't do it. I can see why some men love it though. Women who are serious about finding a LTR should have a very low tolerance for texts, or eliminate them altogether.

 

It's more time consuming, sure, but that doesn't mean he can't do it to multiple chicks lol. Wow if I was a player I would definitely add this bit of info to my arsenal. Calling chicks by phone throws them off your path. They'll think they're the only girl on your mind.

 

And texts are more convenient for several reasons: you have time to craft a thought out response, you can reply at your leisure.

 

it's not like the guy is proposing to her via text. they just met, he's feeling her out. who knows if she gave him a chance and he got to know her better, he would start calling?

[writergal]

Yes it does. "Romance" is a product of a bygone era...the age when men were seen as the superior sex and women were considered private property. Chivalry and equal rights are incompatible concepts, no matter how much you may want to have the best of both worlds. We men are not as dumb as you think. You want us to give you the same rights we have and yet continue doing the heavy lifting when it comes to dating and "romancing"? Thanks but no thanks. With equal rights come equal responsibilities.

 

Wow, that's just....that's just dumb logic. Men earn higher paychecks than women who do the EXACT same job as they do.

 

Women have the same rights as men but men don't like that so they continue to create loopholes to prevent women from becoming true equals.

 

Romance is not a product of a bygone era. Romance is a biological imperative to the propagation of a species. Or don't you watch the Nature Channel on the Discovery Network?

[Feelsgoodman]

Hello. How old are you? If you're in your 40s then you'll remember the days of yore when Generation Xers didn't have texting or cellphones and CALLED EACH OTHER ON THE PHONE.

And I'm sure back in those days, there were people whining about the telephone. I bet there were women back then who were lamenting the telephone as the demise of romance. Instead of making the trip to a woman's home to speak to her in person, which could take hours, a man could simply telephone her...and ten other women.

[MrCastle]

Hello. How old are you? If you're in your 40s then you'll remember the days of yore when Generation Xers didn't have texting or cellphones and CALLED EACH OTHER ON THE PHONE.

 

Why should that dating etiquette change because of the invention of the cellphone texting feature?

 

If a man texts a woman he JUST MET to ask her out on a first date, that's really rude and completely lazy. It sends the woman a message "you're not important enough to talk to on the phone." What about first impressions? Do those even matter to someone like you? Clearly not.

 

And yes using the phone is a good barometer to get to know someone because 1) it's real time conversation 2) tone of voice reveals a lot and 3) it shows that the man is making an effort to get to know a woman.

 

Texting takes no effort at all and is very convenient. It's a shallow way to communicate with someone you're trying to make a good impression on. If you don't get that, then you aren't long term relationship material.

 

Video killed the radio star.

Texting killed the phone call.

Romance is doomed.

 

Romance is doomed because a guy texted a girl he just met as opposed to calling her?

 

Hey, you're right. Let's take it even further back, to the time of gentlemen callers. He can show up to her house with a bouqet of roses in the hopes of gaining her courtship.

 

If she agrees to date this fellow maybe they can see a picture show and go for a romantic carriage ride around the park.

 

It was a text message. Nothing more nothing less. Stop taking little things so serious. I'm 24 by the way

[Feelsgoodman]

Wow, that's just....that's just dumb logic. Men earn higher paychecks than women who do the EXACT same job as they do.

B.S.

 

Women have the same rights as men but men don't like that so they continue to create loopholes to prevent women from becoming true equals.

Even more B.S. You are not fooling anyone with your 1960's style feminist rhetoric.

[RedRobin]

Wow if I was a player I would definitely add this bit of info to my arsenal. Calling chicks by phone throws them off your path. They'll think they're the only girl on your mind.

 

No 'player' ever threw me off my path by calling. Just is alot harder for them to conceal their other activities.

 

This is just one of many ways I cut guys who aren't looking for a LTR or who have a habit of fibbing. Works like a charm.

[writergal]

Romance is doomed because a guy texted a girl he just met as opposed to calling her?

 

Hey, you're right. Let's take it even further back, to the time of gentlemen callers. He can show up to her house with a bouqet of roses in the hopes of gaining her courtship.

 

If she agrees to date this fellow maybe they can see a picture show and go for a romantic carriage ride around the park.

 

It was a text message. Nothing more nothing less. Stop taking little things so serious. I'm 24 by the way

 

Ah, your a wee 24 year old. A Generation Y-er, a Millennial. Well, you were raised with technology so you'll never understand courtship pre-text messaging. You can read about it in the history books like Tiger Beat and 17 Magazine.

 

Dating for your generation centers around the use of technology, rather than face to face communication and that's where the problem lies. Gen. Y'ers are superior multi-taskers for your technology suave. You weren't socialized the same way as my generation X was; we had maybe 3 tv stations, no cable, no internet (the internet wasn't even invented until 1971 but wasn't commercially available until the 1980s). You'd rather text, IM, Facebook, Email, SMS a girl than actually call her on the phone to talk. But a girl from your generation is still a girl, and wants to be pursued, to be woo'ed.

 

Do you really think texting a girl is akin to pursuing her? Woo'ing her? Nope. Not even in this galaxy, Buck Rogers.

 

Our different views of romance and dating reflect the generation gap between us. Same for every generation gap.

 

ETA: I totally agree with RedRobin that speaking to a guy on the phone can help a gal sniff out the b.s.'ers a lot quicker than wasting time with text messaging. It's easier to hold a guy accountable on the phone than it is with text messaging. You can tell when a guy is lying on the phone, whereas you can't with text messages.

Edited June 29, 2012 by writergal

[RedRobin]

If he wants to see her bad enough, he will call when/if the text isn't returned.

 

If not, he won't. Really simple.

 

She's saved herself the chore of dealing with a man who is only so-so interested in spending time with her.

 

On the other hand, there is another option...

 

go on the date, make sure he pays, and make sure to tell him that she doesn't like texts and prefers he calls instead.

 

If he continues texting or makes a fuss, then out he goes.

[MrCastle]

Ah, your a wee 24 year old. A Generation Y-er, a Millennial. Well, you were raised with technology so you'll never understand courtship pre-text messaging. You can read about it in the history books like Tiger Beat and 17 Magazine.

 

Dating for your generation centers around the use of technology, rather than face to face communication and that's where the problem lies. Gen. Y'ers are superior multi-taskers for your technology suave. You weren't socialized the same way as my generation X was; we had maybe 3 tv stations, no cable, no internet (the internet wasn't even invented until 1971 but wasn't commercially available until the 1980s). You'd rather text, IM, Facebook, Email, SMS a girl than actually call her on the phone to talk. But a girl from your generation is still a girl, and wants to be pursued, to be woo'ed.

 

Do you really think texting a girl is akin to pursuing her? Woo'ing her? Nope. Not even in this galaxy, Buck Rogers.

 

Our different views of romance and dating reflect the generation gap between us. Same for every generation gap.

 

ETA: I totally agree with RedRobin that speaking to a guy on the phone can help a gal sniff out the b.s.'ers a lot quicker than wasting time with text messaging. It's easier to hold a guy accountable on the phone than it is with text messaging. You can tell when a guy is lying on the phone, whereas you can't with text messages.

 

Yeah no doubt it's a generational difference. Here's the problem though; you're living life based on what was the norm in your generation (the past), I'm living my life based on what's the norm in my generation (present). Good luck!

[writergal]

I have a LAN line phone and tell guys that I don't have text messaging anymore (which is true, I don't because I detest it). Tonight I'm gonna date like its 1999...woo! 1999