BlazePT Posted June 30, 2012 Posted June 30, 2012 Eh... just woke up crying. Seems I can't even escape this with sleep. Now im having dreams about her :-( This is really terrible. It's only normal, buddy. I still have dreams about her as well and the worst time of day is the morning, no doubt about it. It will get better over time, though. I promise you . In my case, although I still dream about her (I did last night), it gets better throughout the day. I'm still not as happy as I used to be, and I'd say that I still miss her like hell, fair enough. But it's great to feel that after some time I am actually better now, because it will only get even better from now on Don't worry, it will soon pass. Keep going through it
Balzac Posted June 30, 2012 Posted June 30, 2012 Tough as it is, embrace your emotions now and trust us that the overwhelming pain subsides. I know it feels endless today. Keep telling yourself that you are in shock. Maybe learning about grief and the process can help you struggle through. No mentions by you but resist the urge to listen to music you shared, pour over photos, read old emails and texts. It only serves to prolong your misery.
YellowShark Posted June 30, 2012 Posted June 30, 2012 Oh. It soooooo gets better. Been there. Done that. Got the t-shirt. Now, after the fact, I am embarrassed what a spineless wimp I was. I hardly think about her anymore because I am having so much fun dating other women. And trust me, you will meet other women who blow this one out of the water. I know you don't believe me now, but you will. I am living proof of that.
Author Decapod33 Posted June 30, 2012 Author Posted June 30, 2012 Oh. It soooooo gets better. Been there. Done that. Got the t-shirt. Now, after the fact, I am embarrassed what a spineless wimp I was. I hardly think about her anymore because I am having so much fun dating other women. And trust me, you will meet other women who blow this one out of the water. I know you don't believe me now, but you will. I am living proof of that. Thanks you guys for listening to my bull****. I def appreciate it so much. I just wish this feeling of dread would go away already. Sometimes I feel like im having trouble breathing it hurts so much.
BlazePT Posted June 30, 2012 Posted June 30, 2012 Thanks you guys for listening to my bull****. I def appreciate it so much. I just wish this feeling of dread would go away already. Sometimes I feel like im having trouble breathing it hurts so much. Baby steps, buddy You might not realise this now but, the way I see what's happened to me, it's only been a blessing in disguise. Sure, my emotions are still raw but if I hadn't had this experience, I wouldn't gain the strength to overcome it. You'll see it this way, too. Believe me
Samilia Posted June 30, 2012 Posted June 30, 2012 Thanks you guys for listening to my bull****. I def appreciate it so much. I just wish this feeling of dread would go away already. Sometimes I feel like im having trouble breathing it hurts so much. Ah it's not bull*** it's your life and what you're going through. Like the guys said, it will get better, day by day. Force yourself to get back into your routine.. take a shower, eat, drink coffee, little things...And talk about it, talking is a great mind soothing tool, writing too.
DMS Posted June 30, 2012 Posted June 30, 2012 Hey man, i know what you are going through. my live in girlfriend of 3 and a half years left me in March for someone she met online. I too was shell-shocked and numb as we had talked of growing old together and i was one paycheck out from an engagement ring when she left. My best advice when you are feeling low is to go for a jog or bike ride. helps clear the thoughts and burns off some energy. also posting here is a great help
fetish1980 Posted June 30, 2012 Posted June 30, 2012 She left me last Sunday and still hasn't come here to grab her stuff. Its like she enjoys the fact that I have to sit here day after day and look at it for a constant reminder of what I don't have anymore. I will never trust another girl with my heart as long as I live. Sad to say but I can't take they risk again. This is my second heartbreak in 8 years (both serious relationships) and I will not go thru this again. Im actually physically sick. My body aches as well as my soul. Break-ups are filled with gut-wrenching pain. The most important thing is to not try to deny that pain or drown it out with drugs, alcohol, or a rebound relationship. Your break up is very fresh so you have quite a storm ahead of you... sorry! Sadly to say bro, the only way out of it is through it. Read self help books, join a gym, or take up a hobby like: art, dance classes, music, or anything. Keep a journal and write your progress down. The important thing is that although you're in grieving process, you're not putting your life on hold and you're continuing to live during the process. Many people make the mistake of thinking they can wait until the pain goes away to start living again. It might take 6 months, 1 year, 2, years or more depending on how fast you take to heal. Learn the difference: yes it will "take" time but don't "do" time in the process. I was in your same boat last year. My ex fiance and i had been living together and then she abruptly moved out. She grabbed up 2 large trash bags one night and threw clothes, toiletries, and shoes in them. She dragged the bags out and actually had the nerve to wonder why i didn't help her with her stuff out. She left the rest of her things in the apartment which I got to stare at it for the next 3 weeks. She slowly came and got the rest of her things until there was nothing left. My heart sank when she got the last of her stuff because it really felt final. But I am now stronger, have a newfound confidence and swagger. I'm dating other women now, attractive women, got a new job, and am moving forward to set things up for better things to come. The ex still contacts me from time to time for bs breadcrumbs, but in the end of the day, i can say I got through what probably what would be one of the hardest times of my life. I'm a better man for it and believe I can get through anything. You will too. Don't lose hope in love. You don't have to look for love, love will find you... So let the healing BEGIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!! fetish 2
Author Decapod33 Posted July 1, 2012 Author Posted July 1, 2012 Ok so, my ex left her journals here and my curiosity got the best of me and I read ALL of them. I cannot believe some of the stuff I read. Pretty much everything she ever told me was a complete lie. Im actually in shock. She told me she never cheated, yet there is an entry about how she was dating a guy and "seeing" another she met in barnes and noble. She also wrote explicit sexual things about multiple guys, even ending one entry with "im such a slut ". I know these were private and not meant to be read by anyone but I feel extremely stupid for having believed her. Mind blowing man. Maybe we were never meant to be together. Its going to take ALOT for me to trust another girl again.
Samilia Posted July 1, 2012 Posted July 1, 2012 Ok so, my ex left her journals here and my curiosity got the best of me and I read ALL of them. I cannot believe some of the stuff I read. Pretty much everything she ever told me was a complete lie. Im actually in shock. She told me she never cheated, yet there is an entry about how she was dating a guy and "seeing" another she met in barnes and noble. She also wrote explicit sexual things about multiple guys, even ending one entry with "im such a slut ". I know these were private and not meant to be read by anyone but I feel extremely stupid for having believed her. Mind blowing man. Maybe we were never meant to be together. Its going to take ALOT for me to trust another girl again. Pft.. she left the journals at your house, it was fair game. I would have read them too. And it's a good thing you did too, I think it will help you get back on track way faster now. Hell if it was me, I would give the dam journals back with bookmarks or something.. or highlights the "I'm such a slut". Oh maybe even add an entry of my own. *cough* sorry I am getting carried away here. Anyway, I hope you feel better today
Author Decapod33 Posted July 1, 2012 Author Posted July 1, 2012 Pft.. she left the journals at your house, it was fair game. I would have read them too. And it's a good thing you did too, I think it will help you get back on track way faster now. Hell if it was me, I would give the dam journals back with bookmarks or something.. or highlights the "I'm such a slut". Oh maybe even add an entry of my own. *cough* sorry I am getting carried away here. Anyway, I hope you feel better today After reading some of that stuff I def feel better. Wow, I was an idiot for believing anything she ever said to me. Jeez, some of the sexual entries are hardcore. There's even things in there about her hooking up with a girl while she was in a serious relationship. Couldn't believe my eyes. What a s***. And full of sh*!.
Samilia Posted July 1, 2012 Posted July 1, 2012 After reading some of that stuff I def feel better. Wow, I was an idiot for believing anything she ever said to me. Jeez, some of the sexual entries are hardcore. There's even things in there about her hooking up with a girl while she was in a serious relationship. Couldn't believe my eyes. What a s***. And full of sh*!. Oh, that good? You got a scanner? Ah joking! I am glad it gave you the kick in the butt that you needed to start your recovery!! That's awesome!! 1
Appleness Posted July 1, 2012 Posted July 1, 2012 Hell if it was me, I would give the dam journals back with bookmarks or something.. or highlights the "I'm such a slut". Oh maybe even add an entry of my own. *cough* sorry I am getting carried away here. I agree with Samilia, and I too would leave her highlighted notes. She sounds like a very broken person Decapod33. I know it sounds harsh but you really dodged a bullet. Look, you sound like a really good guy that truly loved her, a beautiful lie of her, but not very many guys I know would even admit how much that hurt if something like this happened to them. They would just take it out on the next girl. I think everyone here has his/her own battle scars and some of us have more than others. For myself, my ex told me that I had 3 days to "get my **** together and go... Oh and by the way, don't think that you can be cute and stay at my mom's again because if you even try, I will say something to herself that will make her slam the door in your face!" This is after I said I was going to propose to him. (I know, he sounds like a REAL catch ) Please keep posting here. Keep writing your feelings down. We all care and we all know what it's like. Sometimes just knowing that someone else understands the pain takes away some of the loneliness.
Author Decapod33 Posted July 1, 2012 Author Posted July 1, 2012 I agree with Samilia, and I too would leave her highlighted notes. She sounds like a very broken person Decapod33. I know it sounds harsh but you really dodged a bullet. Look, you sound like a really good guy that truly loved her, a beautiful lie of her, but not very many guys I know would even admit how much that hurt if something like this happened to them. They would just take it out on the next girl. I think everyone here has his/her own battle scars and some of us have more than others. For myself, my ex told me that I had 3 days to "get my **** together and go... Oh and by the way, don't think that you can be cute and stay at my mom's again because if you even try, I will say something to herself that will make her slam the door in your face!" This is after I said I was going to propose to him. (I know, he sounds like a REAL catch ) Please keep posting here. Keep writing your feelings down. We all care and we all know what it's like. Sometimes just knowing that someone else understands the pain takes away some of the loneliness. Everyone keeps telling me that this is for the best. Part of me agrees with them, the other part misses her terribly. It really hurts knowing someone who I felt really close to, who I thought was an honest, caring person could actually be harboring all these secrets. Im back to being numb. Seems like mornings and nights are the hardest for me now...
Balzac Posted July 1, 2012 Posted July 1, 2012 It's never a positive feeling to discover fraud and deception. I'm glad you read the journal, it cleared up doubts for you. Nobody puts into writing and fails to secure such deception. She wanted you to know. That's my take.
Samilia Posted July 2, 2012 Posted July 2, 2012 It's never a positive feeling to discover fraud and deception. I'm glad you read the journal, it cleared up doubts for you. Nobody puts into writing and fails to secure such deception. She wanted you to know. That's my take. mmh yeah because I myself hide my journal. Nothing bad in it, I didn't bang 3 dudes or a girl, it only contains my personal thoughts; I was still hiding it like it was the saint grail (no, not disclosing the hiding place ) I also think it's good for you to know. And no worries about missing her, of course you do, we always remember the good stuff, don't feel guilty, you're human.
Appleness Posted July 2, 2012 Posted July 2, 2012 Everyone keeps telling me that this is for the best. Part of me agrees with them, the other part misses her terribly. It really hurts knowing someone who I felt really close to, who I thought was an honest, caring person could actually be harboring all these secrets. Im back to being numb. Seems like mornings and nights are the hardest for me now... Keep your head up Decapod33, you'll get through it! I have faith in you. As for missing her, well, I think over time what you'll realize that what you miss is the image of her that you had in your head of her, not really the real person that she was. The journal is available to you for a reason. Not all of us get that kind of closure in knowing who that other person really thought or did. The missing part will ease, I promise. You have to not refuse to spiral out of control. The thing that helped me a lot to get through my situation was the gym. You work out and work off the frustration and by the time you get home, you're dead tired to even think about her. Give it a try. Lots of places give free 2 week passes now. When I told the girl at the sign up desk, she gave me a full month. She was shaking her head and saying "Girl, we've all been there..." 1
Author Decapod33 Posted July 7, 2012 Author Posted July 7, 2012 So, a little update. My gf came back and we talked for hours about everything. We are doing better than ever, and are MADLY in love. I couldn't see my life being complete w/o her. I want to say a BIG thank you to everyone here. You helped me immensely!
CopingGal Posted July 7, 2012 Posted July 7, 2012 (edited) Hi. First- you should have never, NEVER read her journals. Those are private..but since you did and found out she lied about so many things...why are you getting back with her? I feel this relationship is just doomed. Somewhere down the road you will be right back where you are when you started this thread. Be careful. Ask yourself...."Should I get back with her?" Not if you can, but if you should. Did she respect you? Did she respect the relationship? Don't just jump back in because you are hurting. Edited July 7, 2012 by CopingGal
Author Decapod33 Posted July 7, 2012 Author Posted July 7, 2012 Hi. First- you should have never, NEVER read her journals. Those are private..but since you did and found out she lied about so many things...why are you getting back with her? I feel this relationship is just doomed. Somewhere down the road you will be right back where you are when you started this thread. Be careful. Ask yourself...."Should I get back with her?" Not if you can, but if you should. Did she respect you? Did she respect the relationship? Don't just jump back in because you are hurting. The reason we got back together is because we simply cannot live w/o each other. I told her about reading her journals, she came clean about everything and we are just crazy in love. I did alot of crappy things in the relationship also. She is an amazing person and not e/o flaws just like everyone else on this planet. We can't ever see ourselves being apart and that is a sacred thing to BOTH of us.
Author Decapod33 Posted July 7, 2012 Author Posted July 7, 2012 Hi. First- you should have never, NEVER read her journals. Those are private..but since you did and found out she lied about so many things...why are you getting back with her? I feel this relationship is just doomed. Somewhere down the road you will be right back where you are when you started this thread. Be careful. Ask yourself...."Should I get back with her?" Not if you can, but if you should. Did she respect you? Did she respect the relationship? Don't just jump back in because you are hurting. The reason we got back together is because we simply cannot live w/o each other. I told her about reading her journals, she came clean about everything and we are just crazy in love. I did alot of crappy things in the relationship also. She is an amazing person and not w/o flaws just like everyone else on this planet. We can't ever see ourselves being apart and that is a sacred thing to BOTH of us.
fetish1980 Posted July 8, 2012 Posted July 8, 2012 (edited) The reason we got back together is because we simply cannot live w/o each other. I told her about reading her journals, she came clean about everything and we are just crazy in love. I did alot of crappy things in the relationship also. She is an amazing person and not w/o flaws just like everyone else on this planet. We can't ever see ourselves being apart and that is a sacred thing to BOTH of us. Well you know what makes you happy, sad, hurt, etc., so if you're happy with this decision, I'm happy for you. However, I'm not going to lie to you. I may not know you, but I am very concerned for you. You discovered things about her that you didn't know before: she will keep things from you and will be dishonest. If you can deal with that, I tip my hat off to you bro! The reason we got back together is because we simply cannot live w/o each other. I'm sorry for saying this, but this seems to describe the last word you used in your opening title of this thread. It almost seems that this is a band-aid fix. Like Coping Gal said, Be careful. Just be aware of what she can do and make sure that you guys aren't doing this out of desperation or to avoid going through the pain. In the end of the day, you have to know what you want for yourself and no one can live your life for you. She didn't move completely out so hopefully you guys can continue this reconciliation. Best of luck fetish Edited July 8, 2012 by fetish1980
ilikeapplepie Posted July 8, 2012 Posted July 8, 2012 The first week or so, is pure hell. Thissss!!! :sick: I'm on around week 4 of breaking up with my first love, still hurting alot.. but mateee the FIRST WEEK!!!! HORRIBLEEEEEEEE, haha if you're not swinging from a noose by the time the first week is over then you're going to be alright trust me
CopingGal Posted July 9, 2012 Posted July 9, 2012 By the way...you can live without her. She can live without you. It really is true.
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