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Men think they know when a woman fakes...but they really don't.


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Posted
It can....

 

Well then I guess men should just not worry about pleasing women and just get "theirs".

 

So fake away, hope that works wonders for ya;)

Posted
But a lot of women also know this, including myself, so they can keep a pulsation for a bit to be convincing.

 

I can tell a pulsation from a woman "squeezing". There is a big difference.

 

But lets assume you are correct, what does that say about women and being true to relationships? As a man, I am not into women who play head games, and faking certainly would be part of that. If a woman wants to fake, then they are doing a disservice to herself, and disrespecting the man they claim to care about.

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Posted
I can tell a pulsation from a woman "squeezing". There is a big difference.

 

But lets assume you are correct, what does that say about women and being true to relationships? As a man, I am not into women who play head games, and faking certainly would be part of that. If a woman wants to fake, then they are doing a disservice to herself, and disrespecting the man they claim to care about.

 

What about women in my situation? They have tried almost everything and they still can't orgasm. Would a man really be happy in a relationship where his girlfriend never orgasms from him and only from her own masturbation?

 

Would a guy really be okay with that for the entire relationship?

Posted
What about women in my situation? They have tried almost everything and they still can't orgasm. Would a man really be happy in a relationship where his girlfriend never orgasms from him and only from her own masturbation?

 

Would a guy really be okay with that for the entire relationship?

I have 2 possible (controversial) theories.

 

1) Guy is inadequate lover sexually.

2) Woman trying too hard to have an orgasm and guy trying too hard to give one.

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Posted
I have 2 possible (controversial) theories.

 

1) Guy is inadequate lover sexually.

2) Woman trying too hard to have an orgasm and guy trying too hard to give one.

 

That still doesn't answer my question. Would a man be okay with having a relationship where he never pleases his girl? (Whatever the reason may be)

 

I don't think he will feel good being the only guy whose girl can't orgasm from him, while the other men boast about how they made their girl comes last night.

Posted
That still doesn't answer my question. Would a man be okay with having a relationship where he never pleases his girl? (Whatever the reason may be)

 

I don't think he will feel good being the only guy whose girl can't orgasm from him, while the other men boast about how they made their girl comes last night.

A lot of guys likely wouldn't feel good. There will be quite a few who just don't care though, as long as they got to cum :laugh:. But there are men who do get emasculated at the thought of their woman not being satisfied sexually. I admit it would get to me too, as I would never know whether she would cheat to get her satisfaction somewhere else if I wasn't doing the job. I am not worried about my abilities personally, but sometimes it's simply sexual compatibility, and a lot of the time it's the man's ability to be sexually attractive.

 

My personal feelings are that all (or at least like 95% of) women are capable of orgasm, but that there are psychological factors that prevent them from doing so, and a man being an inadequate lover or not attractive to the woman is definitely one of those factors. As is the woman's belief that she cannot orgasm from sex, which would additionally make it more difficult for her to do so.

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Posted
That still doesn't answer my question. Would a man be okay with having a relationship where he never pleases his girl? (Whatever the reason may be)

 

I don't think he will feel good being the only guy whose girl can't orgasm from him, while the other men boast about how they made their girl comes last night.

 

:laugh: Of course they can, most women can't cum with sex alone. Should most woman fake? How dumb can a guy be to expect that? I'm honest with men and it's never been an issue. Why don't you try oral sex or ask him to manually work on you?

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Posted
:laugh: Of course they can, most women can't cum with sex alone. Should most woman fake? How dumb can a guy be to expect that? I'm honest with men and it's never been an issue. Why don't you try oral sex or ask him to manually work on you?

 

Don't let him touch you. Make him watch you do it for yourself. Would he not like that? Would you be too embarrassed?

 

Oops, quoted wrong post.

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Posted
Why don't you try oral sex or ask him to manually work on you?

 

I've done both.

 

Personally, I don't and never have enjoyed oral sex. I don't know why but men love going down on me, and I let them because they always ask, but honestly I don't enjoy it.

 

I don't like when they use their hands because I am very sensitive down there, and any skin that isn't penile skin irritates my skin and it begins to hurt.

 

I enjoy foreplay the most to be honest, but I have never been so turned on that I absolutely needed to have sex. The few times when I enjoyed penetration I never orgasmed from it either, even though it felt really good.

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Posted
Don't let him touch you. Make him watch you do it for yourself. Would he not like that? Would you be too embarrassed?

 

Oops, quoted wrong post.

 

I've tried that also, but I feel so weird having them watch me. I feel uncomfortable and almost violated. Like i'm being forced to have someone watch.

 

The thought of having someone watch me AND my partner is a turn on, but watching me touch myself is a scary concept to me.

Posted
What about women in my situation? They have tried almost everything and they still can't orgasm. Would a man really be happy in a relationship where his girlfriend never orgasms from him and only from her own masturbation?

 

Would a guy really be okay with that for the entire relationship?

 

From reading these threads, I get the idea that women separate orgasms from sex and orgasms from masturbation, and never the two shall overlap.

 

But in reality, I think men would have no problem at all if their women got their own fingers into the action, and "pulled the trigger" on their own during sex play, even if it was every time. I think they would still take credit for getting their woman to that place of sexual frenzy, as they should!

 

Which begs the question--are we talking about just faking orgasm, or faking sexual pleasure on the whole? Is it a case of truly being turned on (wet, swollen, flushed, sweaty) but not able to let go and orgasm? Or is it a case of usually being far from orgasm the whole time?

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Posted

In my case it's usually being far from it the whole time simply because he wants sex everyday, and I rarely want it. 90% of the time we have sex is because he wants to have sex, the other 10% when I want to, i'm usually disappointed because even though I don't orgasm, the overall sexual experience wasn't even worth the trouble. When I masturbate for the urges, he gets upset and offended because I would rather masturbate than have sex with him.

 

We introduced a sex toy into the bedroom, but that only made things worse. He uses it often but he only over stimulates me and I get turned off even more. I tried using it on myself while he was penetrating but that didn't do anything either, I couldn't keep the toy steady while he was penetrating me, and overall he was just a distraction in the mix (meaning he distracted from the toy doing anything).

 

I get overstimulated very easily which I think is why it's difficult for me to orgasm. Men get excited and go harder and faster (because that was feels natural to them) but it only throws me off.

 

I have been with an older man too, who supposedly should be experienced, but he was the worst of all. I have been with experienced but he was arrogant and said he "knew" when I came even though I told him that I didn't, he didn't "believe" me.

 

I don't know if it's bad luck or what, but a great part of it has to do with the fact that I've never been attracted to any man I have been with. I waited to find a guy that I was attracted to so I could start having sex (lose my virginity) but by the time I hit 21 I gave up and had sex with some guy that I sort of liked in high school.

Posted
In my case it's usually being far from it the whole time simply because he wants sex everyday, and I rarely want it. 90% of the time we have sex is because he wants to have sex, the other 10% when I want to, i'm usually disappointed because even though I don't orgasm, the overall sexual experience wasn't even worth the trouble. When I masturbate for the urges, he gets upset and offended because I would rather masturbate than have sex with him.

 

We introduced a sex toy into the bedroom, but that only made things worse. He uses it often but he only over stimulates me and I get turned off even more. I tried using it on myself while he was penetrating but that didn't do anything either, I couldn't keep the toy steady while he was penetrating me, and overall he was just a distraction in the mix (meaning he distracted from the toy doing anything).

 

I get overstimulated very easily which I think is why it's difficult for me to orgasm. Men get excited and go harder and faster (because that was feels natural to them) but it only throws me off.

 

I have been with an older man too, who supposedly should be experienced, but he was the worst of all. I have been with experienced but he was arrogant and said he "knew" when I came even though I told him that I didn't, he didn't "believe" me.

 

I don't know if it's bad luck or what, but a great part of it has to do with the fact that I've never been attracted to any man I have been with. I waited to find a guy that I was attracted to so I could start having sex (lose my virginity) but by the time I hit 21 I gave up and had sex with some guy that I sort of liked in high school.

No wonder you can't come. You have never been with a man you find attractive? That's obviously going to factor into your ability to orgasm.

 

I'm gonna make some speculations here, so bear with me if I'm wrong.

 

I think you need slow foreplay, seeing as it's easy to get you stimulated. I firmly believe that all the lovers you have been with in the past have been inadequate, and that's a big part of the reason. You have to know your own body and orgasmic cycle, and experiment with that if you want to truly get there. Find some resources on how to help yourself too - but only if it's a source of contention for you personally. Your past lovers have been too eager and not really been in tune with your desire - add to the fact that you allege that you have never been attracted to them, and it's likely going to be difficult to ever orgasm from sex in such scenarios.

 

As for your current BF, wonderful human being he may be, but he doesn't strike me as the most secure fellow in the world, from what you have posted so far since you've been on this forum. I understand you think him to be a great person and want to stay with him, and although I think it's a bad idea in the long run, if you really think you should continue, then that's fine. I still don't agree with it though, as he should really be with someone who actually finds him attractive, and you should try to find someone who is a good person - but actually makes you want to have sex with them! It's not that hard - really! :laugh:

 

Anyway I digress - you want to stay so do that then.

 

But you shouldn't fake. I understand why you do it, and I think your BF is a little fragile for letting it harm his ego. I would do what is necessary to learn how to please my woman - but then, it's doubly hard for him because you don't even find him attractive :confused:.

 

What a pickle you've got yourself into!! :laugh:

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Posted

lol yes, your'e right

 

I've dated hot guys that turned me on but they were a**holes and I didn't feel comfortable going to bed with them, so I didn't. I went to bed with incredible men with whom I was comfortable with, but the sex isn't good.

 

I need to find a guy I find attractive who is also great, but that's the problem, I can't find him. I'm also really picky when it comes to looks. I never have a problem finding a great guy, it's finding one that I think is good-looking. I don't even have a hollywood example (looks-wise) because a lot of it has to do with pheromones and how he carries himself, and I have never even seen a man that made me turn my head.

 

The one guy I met who really got me going, and I mean makes me want to do really, really naughty and nasty things (and my body is just throbbing for him), is married. Just my luck.

Posted
lol yes, your'e right

 

I've dated hot guys that turned me on but they were a**holes and I didn't feel comfortable going to bed with them, so I didn't. I went to bed with incredible men with whom I was comfortable with, but the sex isn't good.

 

I need to find a guy I find attractive who is also great, but that's the problem, I can't find him. I'm also really picky when it comes to looks. I never have a problem finding a great guy, it's finding one that I think is good-looking. I don't even have a hollywood example (looks-wise) because a lot of it has to do with pheromones and how he carries himself, and I have never even seen a man that made me turn my head.

 

The one guy I met who really got me going, and I mean makes me want to do really, really naughty and nasty things (and my body is just throbbing for him), is married. Just my luck.

And thus is the difficulty.

 

I understand your dilemna, and it must be difficult sifting through the masses of men to find someone who not only appeals to you logically and mentally but emotionally and sexually too. Especially given that you are quite picky.

 

It really depends on what you are comfortable with doing from this point on. Are you comfortable with settling with this man, all while lying to keep him happy? Or do you do the hard thing and let him go (hurt as he may be), so that you can both find authentic happiness on all levels? If it's hard for you to be attracted to a man, then this will be a tough choice. But you will have to think about it. Because whatever choice you choose, you will have to be comfortable with it later on.

 

Stay if you want. I would recommend leaving it personally. But if being alone for the time being as an alternative is not viable for you, then some compromise must be made, because lying about your satisfaction will take it's toll on you in the end.

 

Hope it all works out for you :)

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Posted (edited)
What about women in my situation? They have tried almost everything and they still can't orgasm. Would a man really be happy in a relationship where his girlfriend never orgasms from him and only from her own masturbation?

 

Would a guy really be okay with that for the entire relationship?

Simple solution;

 

DATE MEN WHOM YOU ARE SEXUALLY ATTRACTED TO AND WILL ENJOY SEX WITH.

 

That will get you a lot closer to orgasm than you are with your current guy.

 

I mean come on....could you imagine a thread on this forum with a guy talking about going limp on his girlfriend half the time they have sex because he isnt much attracted to her? I doubt anyone would tell him to stay with his gf and lead her on with lies thinking shes who he really wants.

 

The reason I hate settling is because in your responses to Ninja a couple pages back, you basically said youd bail on your man if something better came along. That shows how selfish you are and how you dont truly love him if you sit wishing for something else. When I was with my ex she was the only girl I ever wanted. Thats how you should feel about your guy...and this is where RR gets everything wrong.

 

When you settle as much as you have OP...we all know your bf will be left high and dry if a better package comes along. And he will have wasted his time and be hurt. Either you are truly committed to him or you arent. But your posts dont make it seem so. You truly yearn for something better...and no person would want their partner feeling that.

 

PS - people are variable in who they are. All attractive men are not jerks, and all great character dont suck in bed. People are all over the map in shades of grey...this isnt all black and white.

 

And tbh...im starting to think your options and luck with men have to do with your own character and physical attractiveness as well. If you were a decently attractive girl with good character, you should have no problem finding decent looking dudes who are understanding of a womans sexual needs with good character as well.

 

I know several of these guys...so like I said...im wondering if your looks or character keeps you from having the pick of the litter...and if the attractive guys you met just used you for sex. Some attractive dudes will do that and be jerky with women who are seen as not that attractive. Just my honest assessment here.

Edited by kaylan
Posted
What about women in my situation? They have tried almost everything and they still can't orgasm. Would a man really be happy in a relationship where his girlfriend never orgasms from him and only from her own masturbation?

 

Would a guy really be okay with that for the entire relationship?

 

A guy would be happier knowing the truth instead of thinking he is pleasing his woman, the whole time she is lying about it. And there are just some women that can't have an orgasm through conventional sex. That isn't something a man needs to be ashamed of, it just is what it is. So by "faking" it, you just cut out the possibility to explore unconventional methods that would be to your advantage.

 

I had a woman who couldn't cum by sex alone, so either before or after I got mine, we'd bring her to climax in other ways.

 

If she faked it, she wouldn't be happy, and I sure as hell wouldn't be happy.

 

So what your saying is faking it is a way of keeping your man, otherwise if he knew you couldn't orgasm during sex, he just might leave you?

Posted
There is a difference between squeezing up the canal, and a pulsation.

Again, takes experience to know the difference.

Heh heh - are you sure you want to brag about how much experience you have with women faking orgasms when they're with you? :eek:

Posted
Heh heh - are you sure you want to brag about how much experience you have with women faking orgasms when they're with you? :eek:

 

It isn't about experience with fakers. Its about experience knowing when a woman has an orgasm via intercourse or not. Some women can, some can't, and its not hard to tell when I woman hasn't.

 

Its not an ego thing. If it were, since alot of women can't cum during vaginal intercourse, then there wouldn't be an ego among a man that wasn't bruised.

Posted
DATE MEN WHOM YOU ARE SEXUALLY ATTRACTED TO AND WILL ENJOY SEX WITH.

 

That will get you a lot closer to orgasm than you are with your current guy.

 

Ah, Kaylan is a sex therapist now....

 

I mean come on....could you imagine a thread on this forum with a guy talking about going limp on his girlfriend half the time they have sex because he isnt much attracted to her?

 

If he had a problem keeping a hard on with any woman, we wouldn't blame the woman or fault the relationship.

 

I doubt anyone would tell him to stay with his gf and lead her on with lies thinking shes who he really wants.

 

People might recommend he seek medical assistance and therapy from a professional if he has problems reaching orgasm either alone or with a partner.

 

The reason I hate settling...

 

Has nothing to do with the OP...

 

because in your responses to Ninja a couple pages back, you basically said youd bail on your man if something better came along.

 

She said nothing of the sort.

 

And tbh...im starting to think your options and luck with men have to do with your own character and physical attractiveness as well. If you were a decently attractive girl with good character, you should have no problem finding decent looking dudes who are understanding of a womans sexual needs with good character as well.

 

This assumes that there are an equal number of decent looking men with good character as there are decent looking women with good character, but there aren't.

 

Simple math dictates that... Subtract the number of men with criminal records, a history of violence, or substance abuse compared to women... and you will observe that there are indeed, fewer men with good character than there are women. I'm not even talking about the other things people screen for. Just the basics...

 

I know several of these guys...so like I said...im wondering if your looks or character keeps you from having the pick of the litter...and if the attractive guys you met just used you for sex. Some attractive dudes will do that and be jerky with women who are seen as not that attractive.

 

Um... that means they have poor character. And your point was exactly? They only have good character with attractive women? How does that make them good character?

 

Just my honest assessment here.

 

Thanks for sharing!!

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Posted

If a woman fakes all the time and guys can't tell the difference, and by this thread it's obvious we can't, then why should we care if the woman's orgasm is real or not? She's not going to tell the truth and nothing we do will make her orgasm if she's faking all the time, why should it matter to us if it doesn't matter to her?

 

If you don't care enough about your own orgasm that you fake it all the time, why would a guy care?

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Posted
A guy would be happier knowing the truth instead of thinking he is pleasing his woman, the whole time she is lying about it. And there are just some women that can't have an orgasm through conventional sex. That isn't something a man needs to be ashamed of, it just is what it is. So by "faking" it, you just cut out the possibility to explore unconventional methods that would be to your advantage.

 

So what your saying is faking it is a way of keeping your man, otherwise if he knew you couldn't orgasm during sex, he just might leave you?

 

It's true that I might miss out on other alternatives that just might work, but to be honest i'm not really excited about trying them. I don't really care about the sex, as long as he gets his and is happy about it.

 

Faking is not a way of keeping a man, but it's a way of keeping him happy. A man takes great pride when he can make a woman orgasm (because we all know how frickin hard it is) so when he can do it, he has better confidence that spills over into other areas.

 

Every since we started dating, he got so confident sexually that he revealed his fantasies to me (which I appreciated so much). He started dressing better, being more confident and altogether women really notice him now. So it made a big difference (maybe because I was the first one who had as much sex with him and actually "enjoyed" it?) Because before hand, he wasn't like that.

 

He knew at one point that I was faking, he was deeply hurt and upset, and for the next few weeks when I stopped faking, his confidence went back down. He didn't want to have as much sex anymore because when we did, I wouldn't orgasm. It even got to the point where he would tell me "If you don't want to have sex, then don't come over because i'm really horny and ill hound you, and i know how much you don't want that". Ouch!

 

Poor baby. And everything else in the relationship is perfect! He is planning kids names for christs sake!

 

So to answer your question, yes, I need to fake to keep (him) because he will stray (he confessed he thought about cheating during that time because he felt so low and needed a sexually release and confidence boost). I don't know why people are calling him insecure when 80% of men are like this.

 

 

 

If a woman fakes all the time and guys can't tell the difference, and by this thread it's obvious we can't, then why should we care if the woman's orgasm is real or not? She's not going to tell the truth and nothing we do will make her orgasm if she's faking all the time, why should it matter to us if it doesn't matter to her?

 

If you don't care enough about your own orgasm that you fake it all the time, why would a guy care?

 

Because a lot of men base their egos on if they can make a woman orgasm. I don't really care, and clearly showing that side (I don't care, I don't orgasm) was upsetting to him. So many couples make huge compromises, and things in the bedroom are no exception.

 

Men are sexual beings (lol) and they are constantly horny, so for someone to say that a lot of their ego is not based on their sexuality doesn't know what they are talking about.

 

That's like saying a woman's ego has nothing to do with how many men want her. Yeah right.

Posted
I don't know why people are calling him insecure when 80% of men are like this.

 

Wanting you to be into the sex doesn't make him insecure. That's normal, and good.

 

What is strange is that he can't tell that you aren't aroused at all. That's a bit harder to fake than an orgasm. I really hope most experienced men could tell that....but maybe not?

Posted
If I had a dime for every time I heard that and then....

 

::six months later after breakup from that relationship::

 

"Oh my god I found the perfect guy!...he's everything I'm looking for!...he's smart, intelligent, good-looking..."

 

Zzzzzzz...

 

Let's hope that will happen to me too! Although so far with all my exes it hasn't. Each one is better than the last...but never in looks. Actually, the better the person the worse the looks. That has been my experience.

 

Does that make sense? Good looking people don't need great character to get a girl, but men that aren't that good looking have to try harder to get a girl so they are better men altogether?

 

I think that's why there is such a discrepancy between looks and goodness when it comes to men (and women).

Your right RR.

 

This exchange between Ninja and OP doesnt at all say shed trade up her bf in a second if a better option sprung up.

 

Saying "lets hope that happens to me to", when "that" is dumping her bf for a different option 6 months down the road, clearly doesnt show her lack of commitment to her man.

 

Youre right...I was wrong...shes clearly committed and deeply and truly loves her boyfriend.

 

How off the mark was I? :rolleyes: /sarcasm

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Posted
Your right RR.

 

This exchange between Ninja and OP doesnt at all say shed trade up her bf in a second if a better option sprung up.

 

Saying "lets hope that happens to me to", when "that" is dumping her bf for a different option 6 months down the road, clearly doesnt show her lack of commitment to her man.

 

Youre right...I was wrong...shes clearly committed and deeply and truly loves her boyfriend.

 

How off the mark was I? :rolleyes: /sarcasm

 

I know, right?

 

Some of the things the OP has said about her bf and R genuinely concern me. Especially the part where she says she's 'never been in love' and that he was looking at other women when he couldn't bring her to orgasm. And many others. I did not think that she should leave him when I read the initial post, but the more I read the more this entire thing sounds wrong to me.

 

I am completely FOR staying in a R with someone you love and working out all the kinks and incompatibilities with them. However, I am against staying in an R with someone you have already admitted you are not in love with, just because you don't think there is anybody else that you could be in love with and he's the 'best of the lot'. It's unfair to the person who does so herself, and even more unfair to the partner, who presumably has no idea any of this is going on.

 

Plenty of us are in Rs with people who are lacking in certain aspects. The difference is that we genuinely love them and aren't just with them because we don't feel we can get what we truly want and they're the next best option. And THAT is what makes 'settling' bad - not the fact that your partner is imperfect but the fact that you're not in love with them.

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