LittlePrince Posted July 2, 2012 Posted July 2, 2012 I did respond to that. I said the emotional connection likely had to be developed first before a man would be willing to take that on. ... and that it would be a VERY rare man who would knowingly go into that situation without a significant emotional connection being developed first. So, I posited the question... what is she supposed to do? Be celibate? I guess the answer for the 'radical honesty' crowd must be yes. :rolleyes: I would prefer if people would be honest enough to tell others what they are really looking for from the get go so we can all make as informed of a decision as it is possible. 1
RedRobin Posted July 2, 2012 Posted July 2, 2012 Again, you are completely misrepresenting my posts, RR, and, I believe, completely misunderstanding the OP's intent as well, perhaps because you personally identify with her (just a hunch). Yes, I've been where she is at and came through the other side. I already mentioned that. I also know very well (which is obvious from this thread) that men get very defensive about their so-called ability to please a woman... and obviously... need to feel like superman in the bedroom in order for MOST (not all, obviously) to want to proceed forward in a relationship. the only reason I keep responding to you is because of your need to keep attacking her. I don't see how it is helpful. Could be wrong, but I do think she has taken the suggestions... She just hasn't shown it the way you like. We can agree to disagree on that one.
RedRobin Posted July 2, 2012 Posted July 2, 2012 I would prefer if people would be honest enough to tell others what they are really looking for from the get go so we can all make as informed of a decision as it is possible. Yep. That is the extent of my 'radical honesty' as well.
xxoo Posted July 2, 2012 Posted July 2, 2012 (edited) I did respond to that. I said the emotional connection likely had to be developed first before a man would be willing to take that on. ... and that it would be a VERY rare man who would knowingly go into that situation without a significant emotional connection being developed first. So, I posited the question... what is she supposed to do? Be celibate? I guess the answer for the 'radical honesty' crowd must be yes. :rolleyes: Maybe it was different because we were young. (Do very young women get a pass for taking longer to learn to orgasm? Just how soon, in men's minds, and in women's minds, are women "expected" to be orgasmic or risk losing the relationship?) But it took a few months for me to learn to orgasm with my current partner--my eventual husband. We were super hot for each other at the time, but not yet in love. I remember his cockiness--he was so sure that he would be able to "give" me an orgasm with his attention and skills! But, nope. And I stubbornly refused to fake (never even considered it. Too young to know I was supposed to?). Anyway, his young ego survived. And with trust and radical honesty, we managed to achieve the real thing So, based on my own experience, I do think the male ego thing is overstated. I know there is way to feed egos while being honest about orgasms. Edited July 2, 2012 by xxoo 2
RedRobin Posted July 2, 2012 Posted July 2, 2012 Maybe it was different because we were young. (Do very young women get a pass for taking longer to learn to orgasm? Just how soon, in men's minds, and in women's minds, are women "expected" to be orgasmic or risk losing the relationship?) But it took a few months for me to learn to orgasm with my current partner--my eventual husband. We were super hot for each other at the time, but not yet in love. I remember his cockiness--he was so sure that he would be able to "give" me an orgasm with his attention and skills! But, nope. And I stubbornly refused to fake (never even considered it. Too young to know I was supposed to?). Anyway, his young ego survived. And with trust and radical honesty, we managed to achieve the real thing Thank you for sharing your experience.... I think she can come through this. I think they both can together. If she wants to. 2
Els Posted July 2, 2012 Posted July 2, 2012 Maybe it was different because we were young. (Do very young women get a pass for taking longer to learn to orgasm? Just how soon, in men's minds, and in women's minds, are women "expected" to be orgasmic or risk losing the relationship?) But it took a few months for me to learn to orgasm with my current partner--my eventual husband. We were super hot for each other at the time, but not yet in love. I remember his cockiness--he was so sure that he would be able to "give" me an orgasm with his attention and skills! But, nope. And I stubbornly refused to fake (never even considered it. Too young to know I was supposed to?). Anyway, his young ego survived. And with trust and radical honesty, we managed to achieve the real thing So, based on my own experience, I do think the male ego thing is overstated. I know there is way to feed egos while being honest about orgasms. Yeah, it wasn't easy for me either. I think the first orgasm that I achieved with my bf took like 2 hours, mostly because of nerves. We had to try a lot of different things, and finally ended up with a mix-up between oral, manual, and vibrators to bring me to orgasm, as well as lots of good foreplay, both of the kinky and vanilla variety. I think the key to honest communication is doing it in a loving and kind way. ie, reinforcing how much you still love him and what you think would help you orgasm.
RedRobin Posted July 2, 2012 Posted July 2, 2012 So, based on my own experience, I do think the male ego thing is overstated. That's where I disagree. I know there is way to feed egos while being honest about orgasms. Up to a point. We still don't know how long it takes the OP to achieve orgasm on her own... or how much she even cares about them, really. Keep in mind, your then BF (now husband) probably had little or no experience to compare with either. Am I wrong? Had he been more experienced, it is just as likely he'd *shrug* and say you two were not sexually compatible. That's the take-away I get from this thread and many other threads on LS... That would be my observation IRL too. Which is probably another reason why relationships are harder to establish as people get older... AND another reason why I say go for character first... even with more experienced people, there will ALWAYS be some learning involved. It has been a topic in many other threads... the topic of sexual compatibility... people think it has to happen instantaneously. 1
xxoo Posted July 2, 2012 Posted July 2, 2012 I believe it is completely N-O-R-M-A-L for a woman to need a lot of comfort, trust, and time experimenting to learn how to reach orgasm with a man. I don't consider that abnormal difficulty. I'm very orgasmic, but only after time spent building trust, opening up, and most of all relaxing and feeling comfortable showing him exactly what need (and that takes a lot of trust--it felt risky at first, but it was worth the risk). But the key to supporting his ego was my honest and complete sexual fixation on him, orgasm or no! 1
RedRobin Posted July 2, 2012 Posted July 2, 2012 It isn't my intention (with the above post) to sound pessimistic.... just acknowledging what I perceive as a very rational fear of alot of women. I do think these things get ironed out between people who sincerely care about each other... ...this is the main thing I'd like to emphasize.
LittlePrince Posted July 2, 2012 Posted July 2, 2012 I believe it is completely N-O-R-M-A-L for a woman to need a lot of comfort, trust, and time experimenting to learn how to reach orgasm with a man. How many partners does that take? Double digits or triple?
RedRobin Posted July 2, 2012 Posted July 2, 2012 But the key to supporting his ego was my honest and complete sexual fixation on him, orgasm or no! Ha! I can't imagine any guy not being hot for THAT! (complete sexual fixation, that is)... 1
xxoo Posted July 2, 2012 Posted July 2, 2012 Keep in mind, your then BF (now husband) probably had little or no experience to compare with either. Am I wrong? No, he'd had a few gfs, and one serious gf of a couple years. And he really did have quite good skills....I just needed a specific launch sequence, plus a new trick or two There was no question of our sexual compatibility. We could keep your hands off each other!
xxoo Posted July 2, 2012 Posted July 2, 2012 How many partners does that take? Double digits or triple? Only takes one, if his ego can stand it 1
LittlePrince Posted July 2, 2012 Posted July 2, 2012 We could keep your hands off each other! So you and your boyfriend can keep RR's hands off you two and herself? 1
xxoo Posted July 2, 2012 Posted July 2, 2012 So you and your boyfriend can keep RR's hands off you two and herself? That made me laugh. As did my typo.
RedRobin Posted July 2, 2012 Posted July 2, 2012 Only takes one, if his ego can stand it You've got a great sense of humor, xxoo. 1
RedRobin Posted July 2, 2012 Posted July 2, 2012 And then after awhile you find there is no right path. There was never a path. You are just free fallin. Maybe... "The voyage of the best ship is a zigzag line of a hundred tacks. See the line from a sufficient distance, and it straightens itself to the average tendency." Emerson, Self-Reliance. Or... Maybe I like falling "i'm going to go ahead boldly cause a little bird told me that jumping is easy that falling is fun right up 'til you hit the sidewalk shivering and stunned..." Ani DiFranco, Swan Dive
nofool4u Posted July 2, 2012 Posted July 2, 2012 Men have no idea when a woman's faking, I have faked it at one point or another with literally every guy I've been with. Then obviously the guys you were with didn't know to feel for the contractions, or rather the absence of them. When a guy can't feel that pulsation every 5 seconds or so after a woman has had an orgasm, then he will know she faked it. The guys you were with that couldn't tell just didn't know what to look for.
LittlePrince Posted July 2, 2012 Posted July 2, 2012 Then obviously the guys you were with didn't know to feel for the contractions, or rather the absence of them. When a guy can't feel that pulsation every 5 seconds or so after a woman has had an orgasm, then he will know she faked it. The guys you were with that couldn't tell just didn't know what to look for. That can be faked.
nofool4u Posted July 2, 2012 Posted July 2, 2012 That can be faked. There is a difference between squeezing up the canal, and a pulsation. Again, takes experience to know the difference. 1
LittlePrince Posted July 2, 2012 Posted July 2, 2012 There is a difference between squeezing up the canal, and a pulsation. Again, takes experience to know the difference. Still can be faked.
nofool4u Posted July 2, 2012 Posted July 2, 2012 Still can be faked. Yes, but won't fool the experienced.
LittlePrince Posted July 2, 2012 Posted July 2, 2012 Why do people take anything that's written on yahoo seriously? That article basically said all women lie pretty much all the time about sex and yet some women on here find that article interesting? It boggles the mind! Women being hardly honest is the hook. They could relate to it. 1
Author Leopard Posted July 2, 2012 Author Posted July 2, 2012 Then obviously the guys you were with didn't know to feel for the contractions, or rather the absence of them. When a guy can't feel that pulsation every 5 seconds or so after a woman has had an orgasm, then he will know she faked it. The guys you were with that couldn't tell just didn't know what to look for. But a lot of women also know this, including myself, so they can keep a pulsation for a bit to be convincing. And to Elswyth, I don't understand why you are so threatening to me, but to respond to one of your posts, you said that after 2 weeks of no orgasm with my bf things started going bad. It's not because our relationship is bad, but imagine being a guy who needs a sexual release every so often (for biological reasons). Now imagine all of a sudden these releases stopped. Of course two weeks in you will start feeling like crap. Imagine yourself really really horny for two weeks and suddenly you stop having sex with your boyfriend because you no longer feel good about yourself. This frustration leaks over into other parts of your life. You accused me of "future cheating" if I don't have a sexual orgasmic sex life with my boyfriend, now take your own words and think about them. If I will cheat with unsatisfied sex, then what makes you think a man is any less likely to do it? He has confessed to me that he has thought of cheating because our lack of sex (during the time period when I confessed about faking and we barely had sex). I'm thankful that he at least told me and was honest about it, so what am I supposed to do? We started having sex again but he wasn't satisfied because I wasn't. He confessed that he thought about cheating. Am I really the bad person for starting to fake again? If it's SO easy to save a relationship just by faking a few orgasms, only a dumb woman wouldn't do it for the sake of "honesty" in a relationship. Some things are just better left unsaid. And for the record, i'm not one to cheat. If all this time I have never cheated once on any of my bfs (given that I have never had an orgasm) then what makes you think I will start? And how did this thread go in this direction? All I asked is if women could relate to the article and all of a sudden im the centre of attention. That says more abotu LS posters than myself.
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