Author Leopard Posted June 30, 2012 Author Posted June 30, 2012 I love how you are justifying your faking (lying essentially). Something tells me that you would justify other lies too in your relationship as long as you think they serve you well. I'm not justifying anything. I'm explaining why I do it. Are you suggesting i'm completely honest with him and let the relationship go to sh*t again? Sounds pretty selfish to me. That's like throwing away an incredibly amazing person just because of something that isn't even that big of a deal to me. It's like a guy confessing to you that you actually look fat in your favorite pants, and he lied this whole time, so now you feel self conscious and hate wearing tight pants because of what he told you. All for the sake of "honesty".
ThaWholigan Posted June 30, 2012 Posted June 30, 2012 Exactly and that's why I fake. If a man doesn't have sex in a while, he thinks his gf is cheating or he becomes extremely unhappy. With my boyfriend, he can't come unless I do, and the sex will go on and on and on and he will withhold himself until I come. So I have to fake otherwise he would have not come once in the 8 months we have been together, and he would be the most unhappy man in the world. I can go without sex with him for as long as our entire relationship, but he obviously can't, so I have to fake otherwise he doesn't get off. This is exactly it. The point of my post was to see if women could relate to the article and what an orgasm from a man feels like. I don't know where posters are getting this idea that i'm asking for validation. I don't think you can sustain that for an entire relationship, but if you think you can then by all means, go for it. I don't personally think it's going to end very well. Good luck..... All I know is, I wouldn't be in a relationship with a girl who didn't find me attractive and couldn't even orgasm. Exercise in futility. Wouldn't last at all.
mesmerized Posted June 30, 2012 Posted June 30, 2012 I'm not justifying anything. I'm explaining why I do it. Are you suggesting i'm completely honest with him and let the relationship go to sh*t again? Sounds pretty selfish to me. That's like throwing away an incredibly amazing person just because of something that isn't even that big of a deal to me. It's like a guy confessing to you that you actually look fat in your favorite pants, and he lied this whole time, so now you feel self conscious and hate wearing tight pants because of what he told you. All for the sake of "honesty". lol, you just don't see it, do you? It's apparently very important for him that you DO orgasm. He has the right to know the truth. Yet you have decided you are going to lie to him to keep him around because that is what's convenient for you. People who cheat often use the exact same justification btw.
ThaWholigan Posted June 30, 2012 Posted June 30, 2012 lol, you just don't see it, do you? It's apparently very important for him that you DO orgasm. He has the right to know the truth. Yet you have decided you are going to lie to him to keep him around because that is what's convenient for you. People who cheat often use the exact same justification btw. I'm not justifying anything. I'm explaining why I do it. Are you suggesting i'm completely honest with him and let the relationship go to sh*t again? Sounds pretty selfish to me. That's like throwing away an incredibly amazing person just because of something that isn't even that big of a deal to me. It's like a guy confessing to you that you actually look fat in your favorite pants, and he lied this whole time, so now you feel self conscious and hate wearing tight pants because of what he told you. All for the sake of "honesty". Observe the bolded OP. What to you is more selfish? Lying to keep this guy around, or being honest and telling him you can't come? Like I say, if you believe the former then fine. If it's the latter then it would probably be better for both of you in the long run in my opinion. It might not seem that way though, but hey.... But I'm not going to attempt to change your mind, I just hope that it works out for both you and your BF, and neither of you end up hurt.
Author Leopard Posted June 30, 2012 Author Posted June 30, 2012 lol, you just don't see it, do you? It's apparently very important for him that you DO orgasm. He has the right to know the truth. Yet you have decided you are going to lie to him to keep him around because that is what's convenient for you. People who cheat often use the exact same justification btw. I see it differently. If it's so important to him and it still can't happen, am I going to throw away an otherwise absolutely perfect relationship because of that? If we had great sex and I orgasmed all the time, and its important to him, that wouldn't make the relationship last at all, and he wouldn't be happy either if other aspects were bad. Essentially you're asking me to choose between lying about orgasms or throwing away the entire relationship just by confessing that I don't orgasm. Are you seriously suggesting I do the second? Would you do the second if you were with an otherwise perfect guy? I doubt that you would.
mesmerized Posted June 30, 2012 Posted June 30, 2012 I see it differently. If it's so important to him and it still can't happen, am I going to throw away an otherwise absolutely perfect relationship because of that? If we had great sex and I orgasmed all the time, and its important to him, that wouldn't make the relationship last at all, and he wouldn't be happy either if other aspects were bad. Essentially you're asking me to choose between lying about orgasms or throwing away the entire relationship just by confessing that I don't orgasm. Are you seriously suggesting I do the second? Would you do the second if you were with an otherwise perfect guy? I doubt that you would. It's the perfect relationship for you not for him cause he would kick your lying ass to the curb if he found out about the "real you".
Author Leopard Posted June 30, 2012 Author Posted June 30, 2012 It's the perfect relationship for you not for him cause he would kick your lying ass to the curb if he found out about the "real you". No hunny he wouldn't, because he found out before that I faked. I don't know if you read that post, but basically he saw me texting my friend saying I didn't understand why I couldn't orgasm. We discussed it and he asked me to stop lying, so I did. A few weeks after when I stopped faking entirely, I never came and we had same amount of sex, so we started having less sex, he was discouraged and the relationship started going to sh*t. Once I started faking again (less often though) he was glowing and extremely happy and the relationship was back on track. So no, he wouldn't kick me to the curb, and yes, I have been honest with him and it only made things worse. It's only an orgasm for f*cks sake, it's not like i'm a fugitive and putting his life at risk. Jesus. Maybe you just don't understand because you're the kind of woman who can achieve orgasm much more easily. Try being a woman who can't orgasm at all. I think then you would be more sympathetic. 1
xxoo Posted June 30, 2012 Posted June 30, 2012 Maybe you just don't understand because you're the kind of woman who can achieve orgasm much more easily. Try being a woman who can't orgasm at all. I think then you would be more sympathetic. Can you orgasm when you are alone? If so, use your hands, vibe, whatever during sex and help the process along. It doesn't even have to be during intercourse, but just during sex play. Over time, you will get accustomed to orgasming with him, and it will get easier to have orgasms with him in different ways. 3
Author Leopard Posted June 30, 2012 Author Posted June 30, 2012 Yes, I can orgasm alone but only clitoral orgasm, and it takes a lot of effort also lol
bac Posted June 30, 2012 Posted June 30, 2012 WTF. YOU guys are SERIOUSLY misinformed. it is NOT ABOUT HAVING THE RIGHT GUY. a lot of women simply cannot have vaginal orgasms!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! That is true and most women know that it is true. But, most men think differently. The fact is that men do not want to believe that genders are different in terms of sex. Men want to believe that we are 'mini' them. They want to believe in female's O. The idea turns them on. It makes sense for them because men are capable to O easily and naturally. Also, women have no choice to fake O unless they want a man to drop them for a smarter woman. Female's O is kind of impossible thing but any man can have it any time because it is so easy to fake. All you have to do to please your man is to say him that you had O and he is happy and satisfied. Once, I had sex with an experienced man, 42. I did not like the man and the sex with him. But, he was really excited. When he had orgasmed, he looked at me so happy and he asked me how many orgasms I had with him. He was deadly serious about that. I was very surprised because I did not have any O during the hopeless sex. So, I just looked at him silently. With no answer, he was excited again and he told me that he completely understood that there were many Os and he did a great job. 1
RedRobin Posted June 30, 2012 Posted June 30, 2012 It looks like there is a finer point being missed here... Some people have concluded that, because she is not having orgasms with her BF, that she would want to or be able to with another man she was more physically attracted to... then they got all up her backside saying she ought to dump the guy in favor of someone she was more attracted to physically... and that's when the train jumped the tracks on this thread.... Sounds to me like she is just so-so on the idea of reaching orgasm at all. Not just with him. Which is a totally different situation. I like xxoo's suggestion for the OP... 1
TDash Posted June 30, 2012 Posted June 30, 2012 But the thing is... oh gawsh...i'm not that attracted to him. Actually, i'm not attracted to him at all (physically). Why am I with him? Because he is an absolutely incredible human being. If all this time the sex wasn't a problem (for him) then yes, I am prepared to fake for the rest of my life so long as I spend it with the most incredible human being on the planet. Oh, wow. I've heard it all now. I need to kick back and stay away from this site because of this spew. Yes, spew. I'm not going for an insult, but rather a proper name for what you just wrote and what you depicted of your relationship. You are not attracted to him at all, but you are only with him because he's a great person? Not because there's any chemistry between you two or anything that actually draws you together on a platonic level? Sounds selfish. That's unfair to him. At least you are honest about your intentions, however. Still, I feel for him. Ah, oh well. I hope you'll realize this inane mentality soon. Likely, you'll reply, scolding me that I shouldn't 'judge' and ask for a verbose list of reasons from myself as to why I said that it's selfish, causing this thread to elongate to 50 pages while other members jump sides and all that jazz. I'd rather not delve into that, and leave it all at this. Think about what you are doing to him. Please. 1
kaylan Posted June 30, 2012 Posted June 30, 2012 (edited) For the record, I am one of the many guys who care if a woman enjoys sex and has her orgasm. But I can only care if she cares. I wont care if she refuses to be open and communicate honestly with me. Of course Id want someone to enjoy sex with me...who wouldnt? And I know orgasms dont happen everytime. Its not like I have them every time myself. Part of the reason why some chicks fail at making their sex life enjoyable is because they make assumptions about a guys response instead of just being real with him. If the guy has too much ego or immaturity regarding sex, then find a better guy. Its simple. Why stifle your sexuality and stall the inevitable end? Lets be real...lord knows once you start chatting with guys you seem to spark with, that youll be unhappy with your partner. Like I keep saying, sex is as important as the emotional and mental bond. With my ex, the sex was good, and we really clicked intellectually...but the emotional bond wasnt there so the relationship failed. If somethings missing, the relationship will feel incomplete and thats no fun. PS - OP stop saying this is all about the orgasm. Most of us arent just arguing the orgasm. You arent even attracted to your guy. I dont know any man whod want to stay with a woman who found him unattractive and didnt really enjoy the sex at all. Youre being selfish and making him live a lie. He deserves a woman who enjoys everything he is as a partner. Edited June 30, 2012 by kaylan 2
RedRobin Posted June 30, 2012 Posted June 30, 2012 My observation is that most relationships die due to to things totally unrelated to sex... Seems the OP's priorities (character first) has a BETTER chance of success... not worse than those who feel the need to constantly gauge their relationships according to physical attraction and the number of orgasms one has. The other advice, where people have given the OP some coaching on how to be more orgasmic in general, and find a way to introduce this into her intimate time with her BF seem more respectful and helpful.
mesmerized Posted June 30, 2012 Posted June 30, 2012 My observation is that most relationships die due to to things totally unrelated to sex... Seems the OP's priorities (character first) has a BETTER chance of success... not worse than those who feel the need to constantly gauge their relationships according to physical attraction and the number of orgasms one has. The other advice, where people have given the OP some coaching on how to be more orgasmic in general, and find a way to introduce this into her intimate time with her BF seem more respectful and helpful. A relationship without sexual attraction/fulfillment is not a relationship, it's a friendship. OP is selfish and I have no doubt that their relationship won't last or she will cheat at some point. And to the OP, just like you, I can't cum with sex alone and men I've been with were able to make peace with it. They made me orgasm in other ways and my enthusiasm for sex and their bodies was enough to make them happy. Maybe your boyfriend is extremely ego driven and lacks basic logic, but not all men are like that and they respond to communication well, if you know how to communicate that is. 1
RedRobin Posted June 30, 2012 Posted June 30, 2012 (edited) A relationship without sexual attraction/fulfillment is not a relationship, it's a friendship. She has never said she is not sexually fulfilled. She says she doesn't have orgasms with him and is not physically attracted to him. There is a difference. Would you argue for men to divorce wives whose bodies became unattractive to him after childbirth? What if he really loved her in every other way? What if he had minimal desire to orgasm or it was difficult for him? Would you and others here draw the same conclusions? Edited: My observation of people who cheat is that it has little or nothing to do with their partner or even the quality of their relationship sometimes. I can't imagine how faking an orgasm has any correlation with infidelity. Edited June 30, 2012 by RedRobin 1
Phennyphen Posted June 30, 2012 Posted June 30, 2012 Men have no idea when a woman's faking, I have faked it at one point or another with literally every guy I've been with. Sometimes its just to get them to stop, when you're not in the mood and you want them to finish, other times its an ego thing, my ex used to take it personally that I didnt/couldnt/wouldnt orgasm, so I'd fake it to avoid upsetting him. As for not being able to fake throughtout a relationship, I was with the ex mentioned previously for almost 4 years and he never suspected a thing and I never once had an orgasm with him.
xxoo Posted June 30, 2012 Posted June 30, 2012 The other advice, where people have given the OP some coaching on how to be more orgasmic in general, and find a way to introduce this into her intimate time with her BF seem more respectful and helpful. I think there is a possibility that her sexual attraction to him would grow if she learned to orgasm with him. We are flooded with "attachment hormones" when we orgasm with our partners, increasing the bond. I agree that this is not simply a case of low sexual attraction, since she's never orgasmed with anyone else. This is a case of a woman who needs to trust enough to be open, be honest, and trust a man with her self-perceived fault. That level of trust will be necessary for her to get there with any guy. But I do, absolutely, believe that good sexual connection (including orgasm for both partners) is important for a lasting relationship. 2
Badsingularity Posted June 30, 2012 Posted June 30, 2012 (edited) The fact is that men do not want to believe that genders are different in terms of sex. This is one of the major things that causes problems with relationships nowadays. Men and women don't understand how eachother realy work and some just refuse to believe some of the differences that exist. Also. Don't fake it. Just be honest with eachother and educate eachother. Edited June 30, 2012 by Badsingularity
Author Leopard Posted June 30, 2012 Author Posted June 30, 2012 Oh, wow. I've heard it all now. I need to kick back and stay away from this site because of this spew. Yes, spew. I'm not going for an insult, but rather a proper name for what you just wrote and what you depicted of your relationship. You are not attracted to him at all, but you are only with him because he's a great person? Not because there's any chemistry between you two or anything that actually draws you together on a platonic level? Sounds selfish. Ahaha No you're right. Let me rather pick the hot idiot who I have great sex with but don't actually love or respect. There you go. That's not selfish at all. And to the OP, just like you, I can't cum with sex alone and men I've been with were able to make peace with it. They made me orgasm in other ways and my enthusiasm for sex and their bodies was enough to make them happy. Maybe your boyfriend is extremely ego driven and lacks basic logic, but not all men are like that and they respond to communication well, if you know how to communicate that is. You don't sound like a very smart woman, and my guess is that you are single. And my boyfriend is absolutely incredible, he doesn't need me to orgasm to be a great man. I fake it because we have tried the alternative and it didn't work. You are making it out to be like he is miserable and our relationship is based on a lie, when you have no idea that he has met my family and wants to spend the rest of his life with me. And that, my darling, has nothing to do with how many times he can or can't make me orgasm. Food for thought She has never said she is not sexually fulfilled. She says she doesn't have orgasms with him and is not physically attracted to him. There is a difference. Would you argue for men to divorce wives whose bodies became unattractive to him after childbirth? What if he really loved her in every other way? What if he had minimal desire to orgasm or it was difficult for him? Would you and others here draw the same conclusions? Edited: My observation of people who cheat is that it has little or nothing to do with their partner or even the quality of their relationship sometimes. I can't imagine how faking an orgasm has any correlation with infidelity. Yes. I agree with this entirely. Men have no idea when a woman's faking, I have faked it at one point or another with literally every guy I've been with. Sometimes its just to get them to stop, when you're not in the mood and you want them to finish, other times its an ego thing, my ex used to take it personally that I didnt/couldnt/wouldnt orgasm, so I'd fake it to avoid upsetting him. As for not being able to fake throughtout a relationship, I was with the ex mentioned previously for almost 4 years and he never suspected a thing and I never once had an orgasm with him. I am like this too. And the fact that you faked didn't make or break your relationship. Other factors did. So I don't understand why so many people are telling me to dump this incredible person for someone who can make me orgasm. Like another poster said: "So you made me orgasm, big deal you're not jesus."
kaylan Posted June 30, 2012 Posted June 30, 2012 (edited) Your relationship is based on a lie. You arent even attracted to him yet you PRETEND to be. Thats lying and no man would want to be with a woman who finds him unattractive and then lies about it. If he ever found out he would leave you for sure so he could find a woman who actually feels passion for him. And you know this to be true. ITS NOT ABOUT THE ORGASM. You dont even find him sexually appealing in general. Sucks for you. Obviously you cant do better...and Im guessing you dont think you can land a good man you are attracted to. They arent this rare species of Pokemon or anything. But do your thing and settle. There are posters here who arent single and can tell you they love their partner, think their great human beings, AND find them attractive. What you have right now is a friend...not a real boyfriend. I feel you are being selfish and are robbing this guy of finding a girlfriend who will treat him like a man should be treated. If a lot of time passes and if he ever finds all this out, he will resent you for a long time. Dont waste his time. PS - I have to Lol @ the women who chime in taking pride at not being able to be honest and openly communicate with their partners. Who takes pride in faking? Seems pathetic to me. Luckly I dont date women who take pride in not being able to speak freely with their partners. Its just sex....it aint that hard to talk about honestly. Edited June 30, 2012 by kaylan 2
mesmerized Posted June 30, 2012 Posted June 30, 2012 (edited) You don't sound like a very smart woman, and my guess is that you are single. And my boyfriend is absolutely incredible, he doesn't need me to orgasm to be a great man. I fake it because we have tried the alternative and it didn't work. You are making it out to be like he is miserable and our relationship is based on a lie, when you have no idea that he has met my family and wants to spend the rest of his life with me. And that, my darling, has nothing to do with how many times he can or can't make me orgasm. Food for thought I'm actually very smart and not at all desperate like you are. Believe it or not, not all people are so desperate to have someone that they would be willing to settle for someone unattractive that can't fulfill them sexually. Apparently once you were the real you, your relationship went to ****, apparently him wanting to be with you has something to do with how many times he could make you orgasm or this wouldn't happen, I wouldn't be too proud of my relationship status if I were you lol Edited June 30, 2012 by mesmerized
mesmerized Posted June 30, 2012 Posted June 30, 2012 PS - I have to Lol @ the women who chime in taking pride at not being able to be honest and openly communicate with their partners. Who takes pride in faking? Seems pathetic to me. Luckly I dont date women who take pride in not being able to speak freely with their partners. Its just sex....it aint that hard to talk about honestly. I've rarely had an encounter where I didn't orgasm in any way and that has little to do with me orgasming easily. I'm just honest and communicate and more often than not, guys are more than happy to help you out and make it happen. Fakers lack confidence/self worth and communication skills and they often have tens of ways to justify their act, like most liars do. 1
Author Leopard Posted June 30, 2012 Author Posted June 30, 2012 Well, I've never been dumped and i'm seldom single because i'm so sought after. I guess I can settle with that
mesmerized Posted June 30, 2012 Posted June 30, 2012 (edited) If you're so sought after, why are you with a guy you're not even attracted to? I wouldn't touch a guy I'm not attracted to with a pole, let alone want to spend the rest of my life with him. Honestly, other than desperate, you sound childish and immature. How old are you? Is this the same guy you posted about that you are so ashamed of his looks that wouldn't put his pics up on facebook? That it is nothing serious to you but it is to him?? Edited June 30, 2012 by mesmerized 1
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