utterer of lies Posted June 29, 2012 Posted June 29, 2012 I have had good sexual relationships, and I still ended up breaking up with the guys because they were psychos. I guess you're the kinda gal who would stay. You misunderstand. It doesn't matter if the incompatibility is based on sex or personalities or whatever - if you have to fake it, he's not the right partner for you. His other benefits do not make up for it, cannot make up for it. You can be honest and give both of you a chance for real happiness, or you can fake it and waste both of your time living a lie. 3
dasein Posted June 29, 2012 Posted June 29, 2012 Intentional liars are low quality. IMO there's a hierarchy of lies. At the bottom are white lies used as social excuses. Most people lie in this fashion, nbd. Also at this level are the petty self-deceptions, cosmetic enhancements and distractions all humans engage in to a degree. Higher up, you have general lies not aimed at a particular person, such as plagiarism or doctoring a resume'. Then at the top are the active lies that require the liar to make an intentional, definitive false statement to a specific person or audience usually face-to-face with the intent of advantaging the liar or obtaining a favorable immediate result for the liar. So IMO orgasm liars are pretty high up there, and claims that it is the same as medicinal white lying are just BS and compounding the lies. 2
InJest Posted June 29, 2012 Posted June 29, 2012 They can't fake excessive leaking, and uncontrollable spasming/contracting of their legs. 4
RedRobin Posted June 29, 2012 Posted June 29, 2012 (edited) You're basically telling me that I should leave him just so I can have a great sex life. That's pretty selfish if you ask me. I get lots from him that has nothing to do with money, and to me that's more important than sex. I have had good sexual relationships, and I still ended up breaking up with the guys because they were psychos. I guess you're the kinda gal who would stay. Given the number of good looking men with poor character who are able to help a woman achieve an orgasm, I'd happily take a man with sterling character who never gave me one. Hell, I've been taking care of myself for years while holding out for a decent man. It takes very little effort for any run-of-the-mill sh*thead to give a woman an orgasm, so it's not like he should feel all that special. Any man past the age of 25 or so can accomplish it given a little bit of learning on his part. Take a look around LS. You think these guys are all that wonderful just because a woman (either in reality or fakes) has an orgasm? Big deal. So no. I don't agree with the others. ...but I will ask you this... is it necessary to 'lie' to your BF about this? Why not just tell him you aren't orgasmic or can't have them? Edited June 29, 2012 by RedRobin
jobaba Posted June 29, 2012 Posted June 29, 2012 To be perfectly honest ... I have faked more times than the women I have been with. I can keep an erection going forever because of so many years spent masturbating to porn. So I can get a woman off easily. Sometimes a woman can't get me off and I just give up. But not often. I'm sure everybody wanted to hear that.
Feelsgoodman Posted June 29, 2012 Posted June 29, 2012 To be perfectly honest ... I have faked more times than the women I have been with. I can keep an erection going forever because of so many years spent masturbating to porn. So I can get a woman off easily. Sometimes a woman can't get me off and I just give up. But not often. I'm sure everybody wanted to hear that. Stop watching porn or masturbating for a few days prior to having sex...you'd find it much easier to get off. 1
jobaba Posted June 29, 2012 Posted June 29, 2012 Stop watching porn or masturbating for a few days prior to having sex...you'd find it much easier to get off. Oh yea. I do this. It's tough, but definitely worth it.
Quiet Storm Posted June 29, 2012 Posted June 29, 2012 (edited) I don't think it's right to trick a man into thinking they've pleased you. I understand that it may make the relationship go smoother, but it's still a lie to someone that you are supposed to respect and be honest with. Lots of women marry men that they are not sexually attracted to. Most of the time it is for financial reasons or friendship. At the time that they marry, they usually genuinely believe that they can live without sexual fulfullment. What usually happens, though, is that she eventually becomes unhappy. It is not easy to sustain a relationship without attraction, and faking it gets really old after awhile. Many of these women end up cheating. Others leave the marriage. The sad part is that by this time there is usually a few kids in the mix. So when she cheats and gets caught, or breaks up the family, it's the kids that suffer and bear the brunt of her bad choices. Chemistry is not a requirement of a long term relationship, but honesty is. I understand choosing someone that you don't have chemistry with because of his other qualities, but what I don't understand is the lying. If a man is so wonderful and amazing that you are willing to give up sexual fulfullment for a lifetime, then why isn't he amazing enough to deserve honesty and respect? A person has every right to choose to live their life as a big phony, but it is very selfish to take away your partner's right to an authentic life. Edited June 29, 2012 by Quiet Storm 3
Trimmer Posted June 29, 2012 Posted June 29, 2012 That's because what people see in movies they think it's real. If the penis doesn't do the job, get your fingers in there! And if that isn't firing her rocket, get the head down there next! Well if that's the deal, then I think I've figured out my problem: I've been doing the steps backwards! It takes very little effort for any run-of-the-mill sh*thead to give a woman an orgasm, so it's not like he should feel all that special. Any man past the age of 25 or so can accomplish it given a little bit of learning on his part. Take a look around LS. You think these guys are all that wonderful just because a woman (either in reality or fakes) has an orgasm? Big deal. So you can make me cum, that doesn't make you Jesus.... - Tori Amos, "Precious Things" 1
fishtaco Posted June 29, 2012 Posted June 29, 2012 As a man, I say... don't care. If she is expected to give me an orgasm, I'll try my best to return the favor. But it's her choice. She's an adult, she can make her own decisions. If she fakes it, to me that means she's over this sex session. She could either tell me verbally it's okay that she didn't orgasm, we can stop now, or fake one, either way I don't care, I get the message. Once in awhile, I could be over the sex session without an orgasm. It doesn't mean the sex was bad. There are a lot of other factors that contribute to sex. Even with the exact same partner, I could have mind blowing sex one day, and so-so sex another day. It all depends on what chemicals, naturally produced by your own body or not, that are flowing through your veins at the time. But sexual compatibility is tricky. Sometime people just assume the sex part will work out. Not always the case. Faking an orgasm is silly, but it's her choice. 2
RedRobin Posted June 29, 2012 Posted June 29, 2012 So you can make me cum, that doesn't make you Jesus.... - Tori Amos, "Precious Things" I love Tori 1
Shaun-Dro Posted June 29, 2012 Posted June 29, 2012 I'm sure men do base a lot on how much they can please a woman. I read the article (interesting) and the last parts are basically bog-standard knowledge that most men should know. How they don't is beyond me, even I know this stuff . I think that turning a woman on mentally is the key as well, beforehand. Like the article says, the internet has every piece of information about all of it, even illegally (pirate bay ). This is true. I don't know what you guys are doing wrong but I never had a problem getting women to pour out their juices. The key is not so much in how big your package is or how long you go. It's the foreplay that gets her hot and bothered and how good you are with that, period. 1
Feelsgoodman Posted June 29, 2012 Posted June 29, 2012 This is true. I don't know what you guys are doing wrong but I never had a problem getting women to pour out their juices. The key is not so much in how big your package is or how long you go. It's the foreplay that gets her hot and bothered and how good you are with that, period. I think it's a mix of both...the quality of the instrument and the skill of the operator 1
Disenchantedly Yours Posted June 29, 2012 Posted June 29, 2012 Well, if we men can' tell the difference between real and fake orgasm, than what difference does it make to us? lol. It's not my problem that some chick can't orgasm. That's the spirit!
Disenchantedly Yours Posted June 29, 2012 Posted June 29, 2012 No no not at all. I appreciate the honesty. So thank you for that. But the thing is... oh gawsh...i'm not that attracted to him. Actually, i'm not attracted to him at all (physically). Why am I with him? Because he is an absolutely incredible human being. If all this time the sex wasn't a problem (for him) then yes, I am prepared to fake for the rest of my life so long as I spend it with the most incredible human being on the planet. Why aren't you attracted to him?
Quiet Storm Posted June 29, 2012 Posted June 29, 2012 I think it's a mix of both...the quality of the instrument and the skill of the operator I think bad sex may be the only scenario where a man doesn't blame his tools.
Disenchantedly Yours Posted June 29, 2012 Posted June 29, 2012 To be perfectly honest ... I have faked more times than the women I have been with. I can keep an erection going forever because of so many years spent masturbating to porn. So I can get a woman off easily. Sometimes a woman can't get me off and I just give up. But not often. I'm sure everybody wanted to hear that. Why do you fake Jobaba?
fishtaco Posted June 29, 2012 Posted June 29, 2012 This is true. I don't know what you guys are doing wrong but I never had a problem getting women to pour out their juices. The key is not so much in how big your package is or how long you go. It's the foreplay that gets her hot and bothered and how good you are with that, period. This is not my personal experience. Maybe your package is bigger than mine. But some women cannot orgasm through intercourse, for example. In fact, a surprising large percentage of women fall into this category. I was with this woman that never had an orgasm, she even told me before we had sex for the first time, and I wasn't able to give her one either. She was very religious, and because of the impact of religion and her upbringing, thinks sex is dirty. But that's not how she felt naturally, because she does enjoy sex, so there's a disconnect within her mind. I remember this one time I pulled out all the tricks, and maybe she was getting close, but she just said... Fishtaco, what are you doing to me?! And then I seemed to have lost all progress, almost as if she felt having an orgasm is wrong. That's my take anyway, I'm not a therapist, I don't know what really is the issue. She's a good woman though, she's religious, but not gay-hating-fundamentalist religious. I'd categorize her as the "good" type of religious people. Although maybe not so good for her own sex life. And on the flip side, this other one who happens to be the shortest woman I've been with, first time we had sex, a couple of minutes into it, she orgasmed, and sheepishly told me she just did. I thought that was really cute. So I'd say the woman is as much of a determining factor as the man. One person can't just shoulder the responsibility and power it through all the way to success. It takes two. Sexual compatibility is tricky. What I think anyway. But that might be the perspective of a man without an amazing package. I don't know. I don't compare packages. 1
Disenchantedly Yours Posted June 29, 2012 Posted June 29, 2012 Nevermind Jobaba. I don't think it's uncommon for women to fake it. I read an article that said when a couple focuses on the things that turn the woman on, both end up happy. But when the focus is simply on what the man wants in the bedroom, there was also less dysatifiaction. I am paraphrases because it was a little more complicated then that. I think a lot of men probably do believe their partners are orgasming when they aren't. Sometimes a man can put too much pressure on you to orgasm that it seems like this is his primary goal instead of having an experience with you. Although I do think that if a woman isn't orgasming with her partner, she should be honest about that. However, no one here is 100% transparent with their partners about any matter of topics. To the OP, I encourage you to be honest with your partner in terms of if you don't orgasm. I don't think you have to go back now and tell him he hardly ever orgasm with him but going forth, you could try to be more open about that part of your life. Perhaps focusing less on how physically attractive you do or don't find him, perhaps you may need to focus more on sounds, touches, moves and encourage him more in the direction you want him to go there. It's a partership and I think you may be denying both of you something special to a relationship. BUT, you are allowed to judge for yourself what needs are more important then others and I don't think it's fair for other people to tell you that because sex is more of a low priority for you, that you somehow don't have a good relationship. Everyone has different priorties. 1
Feelsgoodman Posted June 29, 2012 Posted June 29, 2012 I think bad sex may be the only scenario where a man doesn't blame his tools. Because bad sex is usually the woman's fault?
TaraMaiden Posted June 29, 2012 Posted June 29, 2012 no because the only thing in the toolbox is a rusty screw.
Feelin Frisky Posted June 29, 2012 Posted June 29, 2012 That author discredited herself in the first sentence and I found a bias permeating everything thereafter to the point I couldn't put up with reading. To take her personal experience and make a generalization that a women--the whole gender--fake it and that she has a percentage which represents fact is nonsense. The rest of the article goes on to defend or justify this sensationalist attention-grabbing diatribe. Do some women fake? Yes. But beyond that this is a very personal thing that each person experiences in their own way with their unique partner. Just because someone may have faked it once or with one guy does not mean that she's disposed to doing this all the time or worse "not knowing the difference" between a faked orgasm and a real one. And not all men are just slugs with the same small range of sensitivity. I find this kind of commentary sexist and muck-raking.
kaylan Posted June 29, 2012 Posted June 29, 2012 (edited) Some guys will know, and some guys wont. Simple. If a chick wants to fake and doesnt wanna work with me so we both can enjoy sex? Well sucks for her. Its pathetic in my mind. Be an adult. Sex shouldnt be mind games. Its not just men worrying about getting women off, people. Women get even more self conscious than men if a guy doesnt orgasm. Especially since women get lead to believe that all men are easy to get off and are easily please. Some dudes are very picky and hard to please in bed. And take a look around the interwebz. There are women with guys who dont orgasm all the time who contemplate leaving him or being with a guy they get off all the time. Point being is that people like to get off their partners. Its not just one gender obsessing over it. Edited June 29, 2012 by kaylan
Bristolius Posted June 29, 2012 Posted June 29, 2012 "I came but it wasn't very good." Was she faking it?
kaylan Posted June 29, 2012 Posted June 29, 2012 (edited) No no not at all. I appreciate the honesty. So thank you for that. But the thing is... oh gawsh...i'm not that attracted to him. Actually, i'm not attracted to him at all (physically). Why am I with him? Because he is an absolutely incredible human being. If all this time the sex wasn't a problem (for him) then yes, I am prepared to fake for the rest of my life so long as I spend it with the most incredible human being on the planet. Lol, youre settling. Why am I not surprised this is why you cant orgasm. Dont settle. Find a guy who gets you going physically, emotionally, and mentally. You need all those for a happy lasting relationship. Youll get orgasms, a loving connection, and someone you really click with personality wise. Trust me, when you meet a guy who really turns you on and that you are attracted to...your relationship wont stand a chance. Why are you settling? Its truly your fault that you dont orgasm. Im sure you cum easily with a guy you found sexy."I came but it wasn't very good." Was she faking it? Lol...there are different degrees to orgasm...for me at least. For me theres "busting a nut" and then theres an "Ooooorrrrgasm". The former is a climax, and while its good and gets rid of your sexual appetite for a little while, its dull in comparison to the latter. The latter leaves you sooooo got-dang satisfied. You feel like you could die happy in that moment. Everything just feels better on the inside. The intensity of orgasm really depends on how turned on I am. Edited June 29, 2012 by kaylan 1
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