Men think they know when a woman fakes...but they really don't.

[RedRobin]

Actually its stupid of you to assume everyone life is or will be like yours. You do know there are posters on this forum who have a partner they click with on all 3 of the levels I mentioned right? They get a good personality and good sex. So its very real.

 

Good for them. I never said it wasn't possible.

 

I said that, if I had to choose, I'd choose mediocre sex with a man who had a heart of gold.

 

If she was really happy, she wouldnt be in this thread talking to us about her sex life or lack thereof. She knows she isnt truly happy and that something is lacking.

 

 

We should have never went through that exchange. Next time refrain from putting words in my mouth.

 

ooo! Big man. Giving out orders? Calling people names?

 

You think your d*ck is going to make up for behavior like that?

 

Better keep that pre-nup handy.

 

Im sorry. Im not a proponent of settling and being in an unfulfilled relationship such as yourself.

 

You will settle on something. You just don't know what it is yet. By the time you do, you will have rationalized that it isn't actually settling. That's how it goes with the un-self-aware.

 

Since your in such good support of settling, wheres your husband? Oh yeah...thats right....

 

There is only one thing I won't 'settle' on. That is poor character. Alot of men don't think they need to develop it. *shrug*

Edited June 30, 2012 by RedRobin

[Quiet Storm]

oh em gee. So much TMI....lolz I love it. And wow...do women think men are stupid? We all know squirting porn is fake and most of us hate it.

 

I do find it funny how women always seem the need to be able to hold claim to this faking thing though. God forbid a guy say a certain aspect isnt easily mimicked before a chick runs in saying it can be done with good skill and patience. Why would you want to be good at something unfulfilling?

 

For the most part, most women arent going to put all this thought into faking, nor are many going to be good enough to truly mimic their legitimate orgasms. To be real, Id think the person on the other end would be able to more accurately record your reactions than the orgasmer could.

 

Think about it...while you are having a true orgasm...are you really able to concentrate and focus enough on your response in a way that allows you to know exactly every which way your body reacts? Every single contraction, every single limb movement, your skin tone, your fluid amounts. In a true orgasm...how is one about to record that?

Kaylan, I really have no motivation to lie about this. You choose not to believe. It would be like me telling a man what his penis is capable of doing, when I don't have the experience of having one.

 

Faking does not require good skill and patience, IMO. It is just a rapid muscle flex. It's not hard, so there would be no thought put into it. And women that have difficulty orgasming are very motivated to fake because they want their man to feel like he pleased them.

 

Once you learn to squirt, it's not hard. A g-spot is like an ATM card, it has to be activated. After that, it's even hard not to squirt sometimes. So no, I don't think all porn squirting is fake. I'm sure some is. Once you learn how, it's not that difficult of a feat, so why wouldn't porn showcase the real thing? It can be a sight to see, lol. Look closely next time, and you might see the kegal's pushing out. Watching porn is how I learned to squirt. And don't speak for other men, many love it.

 

If I suddenly started faking with my husband, who has had sex with me for 21 years, yeah, he could tell. But if a woman never has a genuine orgasm with a guy, he has no basis to compare her real O with her fake O.

[kaylan]

^I never said you were lying. I simply said that theres always women who feel the need to be cavalier about the faking thing. It really does seem like something women as a collective need to have over men. And there always seems to be this notion that "how dare any guy think he can tell....no man could ever be able to tell if its fake or not"

 

Like I said, let the fakers have at it. Doesnt bother me none. Im still getting off and Im not going to be butt hurt by her lack of orgasm if I tried to help her and she didnt try to help herself.

Edited June 30, 2012 by kaylan

[kaylan]

Good for them. I never said it wasn't possible.

 

I said that, if I had to choose, I'd choose mediocre sex with a man who had a heart of gold.

You insinuate its not possible when you push OP to settle and then whine about how your ex was a crappy guy but great in bed.

ooo! Big man. Giving out orders? Calling people names?

 

You think your d*ck is going to make up for behavior like that?

 

Better keep that pre-nup handy.

Really?, youre whining about name calling when you keep talking to me in a condescending manner? You speak down to me because of my age and act as if Im some kid, when your own peers have said the same thing I have said about settling on this forum. Give it a rest.

 

And honey....my wang doesnt need to make up for anything I do...however there are quite a few ladies who enjoy my wang lolz.

 

You will settle on something. You just don't know what it is yet. By the time you do, you will have rationalized that it isn't actually settling. That's how it goes with the un-self-aware.

Im sorry...but Im self aware enough to know I dont settle on important things. Im aware enough to know I want to click with someone in all facets of my relationship. Not being attracted to your partner is a huge thing to settle on.

 

Settling on something small like her hair color, or what she does for a living is one thing...But settling on sexual attraction, or emotional connection, or how we relate mentally (conversation, intellectualism, etc) is an entire different thing. I wont settle on any of that.

There is only one thing I won't 'settle' on. That is poor character. Alot of men don't think they need to develop it. *shrug*

Shame you cant find a guy with poor character. Sucks to be you I guess.

[Quiet Storm]

I don't really know how many women fake. I think it's sad that they do. It just puts them in a deeper hole when they do want more. It can't be easy to admit to your man that all this time he thought he was pleasing her, she was acting. If the man loves her & expresses his love through sex, I think that would be big blow to their relationship. And you're right, it is all on her.

 

My point was just that it would not be that difficult to fake one.

[yongyong]

I don't know how you can't tell the difference as a guy. Even just watching a porn, you can tell if she is faking or really enjoying it.

 

Let's say you humped her for 3 min like a rabbit. she acted like she came. there is something wrong with that.

 

If I pounded her good for 30 min and she was acting all crazy, I know she didn't fake at all.

[Leopard]

I haven't had any problems finding men I have good sex with. Finding ones who have good hearts is a bigger problem.

 

Really? I have the opposite problem lol

 

I think the problem for men is sex is generally about the big O, not the other components that a woman feels that makes it an enjoyable and pleasurable experience for her.

 

As far as faking orgasms, I think both sides can lie about sexual pleasure and fake orgasms, especially if the others persons feelings will be hurt or it's a sign that a woman would wants the sex to finish.

 

Men egos are pretty vulnerable because they all want to believe they are giving maximum pleasure and know exactly what they are doing...regardless of the whether the woman is telling them what they're doing is wrong ,And It's an important part of sex for men, so men have a hard time believing why it's not the beginning and end for women.

 

Women feel obligated to portraying a satisfied woman but they also don't often communicate with men out of fear of hurting their feelings and emotions. And a lot of women don't know how to explain or break this down to a man, If you're a man that knows how to please her then you've probably figured her out better than she could explain it.

 

Intimacy is a complex beast and includes a big psychological, emotional component which I think men fail to properly combine...for them it's always a complete physical interaction or at least for the most part...that might work or do well when you've just met a person and she's already horny over you and into you but as the real relationship starts to develop a lot of those missing proponents will start to be a big deal. That's why the honeymoon phase won't last forever If you're just relying on this initial peak interest and attraction chemical injections in your brain to hold together the relationship. Especially as the trust, bond, and companionship, support is properly tested and revealed.

 

Why on earth are you single?

 

I don't know how you can't tell the difference as a guy. Even just watching a porn, you can tell if she is faking or really enjoying it.

 

Let's say you humped her for 3 min like a rabbit. she acted like she came. there is something wrong with that.

 

If I pounded her good for 30 min and she was acting all crazy, I know she didn't fake at all.

 

Not true. So not true. Maybe she just got tired or sore so faked it after 30 minutes. And you're comparing knowing a woman's sexual responses with porn?

 

lol

[Leopard]

No one has responded as to how it feels like to orgasm from a man.

[Els]

No one has responded as to how it feels like to orgasm from a man.

 

You need to be more specific. There are lots of ways a man can bring a woman to orgasm and they don't all feel the same.

[RedRobin]

You insinuate its not possible when you push OP to settle...

 

My bad.

 

I should have told you about the people I know who chose character first, and 'great sex' somewhere else down their list.

 

I will add.. it was women I know who made this choice.

 

Since most men place a higher priority on sexual satisfaction and looks in a woman... and many women tend to place a higher value on character and integrity, I can imagine it seems totally impossible for you to understand.

 

The number one reason women divorce men is for neglect. Not bad sex. Go check it out.

 

Then we have the myriad other reasons why women divorce men... violence, substance abuse, cheating... all three much more prevalent in men than women.

 

Really?, youre whining about name calling when you keep talking to me in a condescending manner?

 

Yes, you really hate it when people call you out on your lack of experience.

 

You speak down to me because of my age and act as if Im some kid,

 

Because you are.

 

when your own peers have said the same thing I have said about settling on this forum. Give it a rest.

 

My own peers? Who is that?

 

And honey....my wang doesnt need to make up for anything I do...however there are quite a few ladies who enjoy my wang lolz.

 

Good for you. Keep 'riding' that as long as possible. Like I said. Men don't seem to care about developing their character.

 

Im sorry...but Im self aware enough to know I dont settle on important things. Im aware enough to know I want to click with someone in all facets of my relationship. Not being attracted to your partner is a huge thing to settle on.

 

Define 'important'. The OP has placed character and integrity first. Alot of women make this choice.

 

Even more reason why men should pay attention to their character and integrity first. Alot of men on LS make that mistake.

 

Shame you cant find a guy with poor character. Sucks to be you I guess.

 

Sucks to be me? I'd say 'sucks' to be a woman. Women who manage to find a man with good character who wants to be in a committed relationship do so within a very small time frame.... within their 20's and 30's mostly.

 

The OP is rightly acknowledging the importance of placing a man's character... because THAT is what bodes BETTER for the relationship long term. Not her sexual satisfaction... Anyway, she never said she is not satisfied with their relationship. Just not having orgasms. That might change.

 

Character and ability to relate to one another? Much harder to change and much harder to find.

 

As for me... I've said many times that I made a bad choice back then. I did the best I could at the time.

 

As it is, I'm now stuck dating men other women chose to divorce or leave... most likely due to the reasons I mentioned above... neglect, substance abuse, violence, cheating, etc.

 

So, no. I'm not blaming myself for men's bad choices and bad character. I only blame myself for not making a better choice back when I had the chance.

 

Hence, my advice to the OP. Finding a man with a good heart whom you enjoy IS like finding gold.

[RedRobin]

Really? I have the opposite problem lol

 

No worries... the 'good' guys will get snatched up quick enough. Then you will be stuck with the guys who know how to make a woman orgasm, but have nothing else going for them.

 

So, you are wise to place a priority on who he is as a person.

 

The quality of sex with your partner can be improved over time. So can looks/attractiveness if they take care of themselves. Character and integrity? Not changing. Never compromise on that.

[RedRobin]

No one has responded as to how it feels like to orgasm from a man.

 

What parts are you specifically interested in? For me, if I'm not in love with him or don't have a significant emotional connection, having an orgasm with him feels no different than using any number of sex toys. Quite mechanical and routine. Not worth worrying about, TBH.

 

He's like a walking, talking dildo in other words. Towards the end of my marriage, I continued to have sex with him because that was all we had... we were trying to work on the marriage. But honestly, there was nothing there.

 

I thought it was unique to him and to our situation... but it wasn't. I've experienced the same with a few men I dated since then.

 

For me, having an orgasm with a man I don't have an emotional connection with is no different than playing with myself... add to that the risk of STD's and other craziness from men? People would understand why I don't have sex with any 'ol guy....

 

Having an orgasm with a man I love or could love? Totally different story.

When I am having an orgasm with a man I care about and trust, especially when he is inside me... I feel like our bodies become one. Every smell, sound, touch... is enhanced and increased. Waves of sensation wash over me and us... from my head to my toes.

 

... but this is exactly why I choose character first... and physical attraction second. I'm much more likely to develop the kind of relationship that leads to the SECOND type of orgasm (and want to keep repeating that!!) with a man like that than I am with the guy who is good at mechanically getting me off (yawn).

[RedRobin]

I find that the most pleasurable position if thinking solely through genitals, for men and women is doggy style, probably makes sense since virtually all mammals hit the bullseye like this.

 

... but the missionary position, or any face forward position, is uniquely human.

 

I suspect because intimacy and connection do more to 'bond' humans (hence making their children survive longer) than the doggy style does.

 

[Leopard]

... but the missionary position, or any face forward position, is uniquely human.

 

I suspect because intimacy and connection do more to 'bond' humans (hence making their children survive longer) than the doggy style does.

 

 

Actually I've heard that missionary isn't natural. Think about it. The guy is above you, his bely hangs down, his face hangs down, while the girl is lying there, her breasts look smaller and her bottom isn't in view.

 

Doggy style is the natural way to do it. The womans breasts and bottom are shown off, while the guy is behind her and has a great view (since they are so visual) and the woman doesn't have to see him! (lol jokes to the last part)

[Els]

Actually I've heard that missionary isn't natural. Think about it. The guy is above you, his bely hangs down, his face hangs down, while the girl is lying there, her breasts look smaller and her bottom isn't in view.

 

Doggy style is the natural way to do it. The womans breasts and bottom are shown off, while the guy is behind her and has a great view (since they are so visual) and the woman doesn't have to see him! (lol jokes to the last part)

 

I really hope the entire post was a joke...

 

Seriously, though, OP, I doubt you're looking for advice, only validation. You have ignored or lambasted the posts giving suggestions on how to improve your sex life, and seem content with continuing to lie to your husband all your life (and yes, faking IS a lie, white lie or big lie, there's no way around the fact that it is a lie). So, more power to you. I just really hope for both of your sakes that he won't blow a gasket if/when he discovers that the pleasure that he thought he had been giving you for years had all been fake.

[RedRobin]

Gaging from the responses on this thread, alot of men don't really care whether the woman has a real orgasm or not.

 

Sure, some resent being lied to about it... But if the rest of the relationship is great, he is getting sex regularly, and she seems to enjoy it well enough... I doubt most guys care.

[Els]

Gaging from the responses on this thread, alot of men don't really care whether the woman has a real orgasm or not.

 

Sure, some resent being lied to about it... But if the rest of the relationship is great, he is getting sex regularly, and she seems to enjoy it well enough... I doubt most guys care.

 

I really do not think Feelsgoodman is representative of all men.

[ThaWholigan]

Gaging from the responses on this thread, alot of men don't really care whether the woman has a real orgasm or not.

 

Sure, some resent being lied to about it... But if the rest of the relationship is great, he is getting sex regularly, and she seems to enjoy it well enough... I doubt most guys care.

Wrong. I wouldn't get mine if she didn't get hers.

[RedRobin]

I really do not think Feelsgoodman is representative of all men.

 

A couple of others pretty much said the same thing, in different words.

 

If a woman doesn't want to emotionally bond with a man, one way to do that is to avoid having a real orgasm with him. Faking helps women keep emotional distance from the man, while keeping him satisfied.

 

yes, the same thing men are accused of doing (having sex without emotion), women can do... either intentionally or unintentionally... when they fake.

[Els]

Then why are you suggesting that the OP continue to keep emotional distance from her HUSBAND?

[RedRobin]

Then why are you suggesting that the OP continue to keep emotional distance from her HUSBAND?

 

The OP started with faking... because she is not having orgasms with her BF (he's not her husband).

 

She wants to stay with her BF because he's a wonderful person.... having an orgasm is secondary to her. In that respect, my advice would be no different if she were married to him or not.

 

I'm not suggesting she keep faking. Never did. I only said that I felt her priorities were totally fine. Character first, physical attraction/orgasms second.

 

Regarding my comment above... that was for other people debating the merits of faking/not faking. Also to explain to the guys why women fake.

[mesmerized]

I didn't bother reading all the comments regarding why women fake it. Why so many excuses? Stop being a dumbass and get yours...If a guy's ego is so fragile that he can't take it or if hes too lazy to please you, is he really worth being with? If your answer is yes, you are one desperate girl.

[Leopard]

Wrong. I wouldn't get mine if she didn't get hers.

 

Exactly and that's why I fake. If a man doesn't have sex in a while, he thinks his gf is cheating or he becomes extremely unhappy.

 

With my boyfriend, he can't come unless I do, and the sex will go on and on and on and he will withhold himself until I come. So I have to fake otherwise he would have not come once in the 8 months we have been together, and he would be the most unhappy man in the world.

 

I can go without sex with him for as long as our entire relationship, but he obviously can't, so I have to fake otherwise he doesn't get off. This is exactly it.

 

The point of my post was to see if women could relate to the article and what an orgasm from a man feels like. I don't know where posters are getting this idea that i'm asking for validation.

[ScienceGal]

And even if the guy is doing it wrong, communicating your needs (appropriately of course ) would surely suffice in making the experience better.....

 

Communication is key. Also, I don't need to orgasm every time. I'm fine with a quickie, or even a longer session where I don't orgasm. This is for reasons listed in the article (I'm tired, not in the mood, etc). I'm usually willing to accommodate him getting off though. It's important to relay this, as I suspect some men wouldn't feel they've 'done their job'. If they feel that way, they need to check their ego and remember sex is about sharing that level of connection and pleasuring each other. If I wasn't pleased, you wouldn't be touching me, trust me!

[mesmerized]

Exactly and that's why I fake. If a man doesn't have sex in a while, he thinks his gf is cheating or he becomes extremely unhappy.

 

With my boyfriend, he can't come unless I do, and the sex will go on and on and on and he will withhold himself until I come. So I have to fake otherwise he would have not come once in the 8 months we have been together, and he would be the most unhappy man in the world.

 

I can go without sex with him for as long as our entire relationship, but he obviously can't, so I have to fake otherwise he doesn't get off. This is exactly it.

 

The point of my post was to see if women could relate to the article and what an orgasm from a man feels like. I don't know where posters are getting this idea that i'm asking for validation.

 

I love how you are justifying your faking (lying essentially). Something tells me that you would justify other lies too in your relationship as long as you think they serve you well.