joby Posted June 29, 2012 Posted June 29, 2012 I was with my girlfriend for 3 and a half years. The first time we saw each other we knew this would be it. She was the love of my life, I genuinely thought it. Now I feel like a fool. We moved in together after 5 months. We used to run home from work to see each other, we couldn't wait. My heart, my stupid heart. My ex, she has suffered in her life. She lost her mum to cancer and was mentally abused by her grandmother for years which left her with BDD. She disliked intimacy but felt comfortable enough with me to let herself go. At times she was depressed and wouldnt leave the house. She was always looking for an escape. Booking holidays, wanting to move every six months. She craved new-ness to escape who she was. We argued quite a lot. I was always biting my tongue due to her hyper critical behaviour, telling myself it was due to her past. It was like living with two different people: my funny, beautiful, caring girlfriend and an insecure, possessive girl who would lock herself in the bathroom for hours. Twice she bullied me after I went out and made me feel bad, accusing me of looking for someone new because she was so insecure. It became hard to go out. She would take so long to get ready, and get upset about herself. She would become snappy and bad tempered which put me off wanting to go anywhere with her. We became a little bubble. Just the two of us. I dont know how it happened. I stopped going out as much. I stopped seeing people as much. I loved her desperately. I do love her. Her past broke my heart. We broke up sometimes, due to her insecurities. Her not believing she was good enough. At one point, after seeing a CBT Specialist, she became confdent in herself again, and broke up with me because she wanted to enjoy being single, enjoy life because she couldnt before. This broke my heart, but we discussed it and got back together. She joined uni last year to be able to get into a job that could allow her to travel. Our plan was for her to complete uni and then go live somewhere like Canada. Her course taught her about human beings, about why we behave the way we do. She became resentful of relationships, said we were mere animals, not meant to be tied to one person. She met a girl on the course and they grew close, this girl has more in common with her than I do. They are both hostile to the world and want to escape responsibility. This girl used to flirt with my girlfriend in front of me. I never liked her. This girl has rich friends who pay for her to travel. My ex saw this way of life and resented her own. She decided to quit uni and, despite oweing 5k in debt, has decided to travel the world. She told me she is in love with me, but needs some time out. I said I would wait for her. She said she didnt know when she was coming back and might never come back. She said she cant be trapped by the Westernised world any more and is going to camp in a jungle (without health insurance) and find herself. She is going away for some of the time with the flirty girl from her course. I feel so angry and hurt that it hurts to breathe. We broke up 3 months ago, but have been discussing breaking up for 3 months before that. I am not moving on. My ex and I still live together and after we broke up she kept kissing me, holding me, holding my hand, and saying innapropriate things. In response at first I got excited, but then she snapped at me that we were over and I shouldnt think we are getting back together. After that, any time she held me or kissed me I would cry openly, in front of her. It used to make her angry. Yesterday I woke up (my ex and I have different rooms but sometimes she sneaks into mine, even though I do not enjoy her company in bed with me any more, in fact it irritates me.) and was making a coffee. My ex woke up and said 'Sssh, G (the flirty friend) is trying to sleep.' I said 'She shared your bed?' and my ex said yes. I started to cry. They shared a bed for the rest of the day until 4pm. At one point I thought they had gone out and went into my exes room to get my make up and saw G spooning my ex. My heart. I said something sarcastic to my ex, about how sweet they looked, and she followed me out of the room and told me to not be ridiculous. I was so angry and hurt I shouted at her, I felt like a fool, a mug, a complete idiot. I know it was only spooning, but I wouldnt spoon my friends, not with my ex (who I claim to still be in love with) in the next room. I cried for hours, I cried until my brain might explode. This morning I wrote a list of reasons why I sholdnt be with my ex and put it on my wall. She came in and read it even though I told her not to. She accused me of losing the plot. I said of course I am, you have tore my heart out. She said I was very rude to her friend yesterday. I asked why her and her friend were in bed together all day yesterday, why didnt her friend go home when she woke up, why was she spooning into the back of my ex at 3:15pm?? I feel like love is a lie. Like love doesnt exist. My faith in everything has been destroyed... and I hate my ex for that.
Author joby Posted June 29, 2012 Author Posted June 29, 2012 BDD is Body Dysmorphic Disorder. Body dysmorphic disorder (BDD, also body dysmorphia, dysmorphic syndrome; originally dysmorphophobia) is a type of mental illness, a somatoform disorder, wherein the affected person is concerned with body image, manifested as excessive concern about and preoccupation with a perceived defect of their physical features.[1][2] The person complains of a defect in either one feature or several features of their body; or vaguely complains about their general appearance, which causes psychological distress that causes clinically significant distress or impairs occupational or social functioning. Often BDD co-occurs with emotional depression and anxiety, social withdrawal or social isolation.[3]
Emilia Posted June 29, 2012 Posted June 29, 2012 I think people with deep insecurities and personality disorders or mental health issues can be too wrapped up in their own issues a lot of the time to be the sort of partner that can give you a healthy and fulfilling relationship. I think this is the problem with dating people that are not very healthy mentally, not so much their emotional reactions but the fact that they often put themselves first and they are incapable of acting differently from that.
Chi townD Posted June 29, 2012 Posted June 29, 2012 The only advice I can give you is that you need to get the HELL out of that apartment. Break the lease, pay the fine. Just get out! She more than happy to rub this other girl in your face because now she's under the belief that a committed relationship is for saps. Well, that's her opinion. Not yours. Move out, and cut her out of your life. You are not friend and you shouldn't be roomates. 1
biogirl05 Posted June 29, 2012 Posted June 29, 2012 it sounds like it's awful still living with her. She doesn't sound like she's taking your feelings into account at all. You've got to move out as soon as possible. Maybe you have a friend or family you can stay with until you find a permanent solution? Just take your most important things and get out ASAP. Or maybe it's time to splurge on a hotel? Just to give you some peace because it sounds like she won't stop throwing everything in your face. Maybe once you're by yourself you can think a little more clearly, and work toward moving out.
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