Crissile Posted June 29, 2012 Posted June 29, 2012 (edited) I am a 24 yrs old woman and have been dating this amazing man for the past 4 yrs. We live together and we get along very very well and barely argue. Where do I begin the story? So, the last a few months have been totally crappy and we fought about this same topic that he slept with someone while I away. 6 months ago I went to visit my parents and ending up spending 2+months time because we had a few problems and I kept telling him I would come back next week and next week. He was really unhappy about it and I guess it led him to cheating because of the loneliness and depression. I asked him if he had been good when I was away and he lied he was until I found a condom which was a solid evidence at the back of the bedside's draw. I confronted him about it and he finally admitted. After a few angry, crying and grumpy days things were back to normal. I also felt bad that I left him alone too long although I still believe he should not have cheated on me. 2months ago, we were dancing at the club with his coworkers and all of us being drunk. One of his female coworkers, who he was very close to, just broke up with her bf that time. I don't know their whole story. That's what I was told by him. She was totally wasted and started kissing him on the cheek which was fine with me. I liked her. I thought she was acting like a silly child. Then she and her another friend suddenly popped up at our table and asked me for dancing which I agreed to. Then I and her friend went ahead to the dance floor where she sat with my bf. From where I stood I saw she was trying to kiss him on the lips and almost got onto his lap. Then her friend dragged me to a bar for a drink, so I could not see them anymore. I believe they cleverly planned it to get me away from my bf so she could get a chance. At that time, I started getting annoyed, later the girl told me that she was "sorry" and she had an urge to kiss him. By then, I was really really angry and lash out on him for not telling her to move or anything while he was totally enjoying the attention he was getting. He scolded me, telling me that I had no sympathy over a girl who just broke up with a bf. I was like really? Why my fault? I ain't the one who started and I was yelled. In the morning, he apologised that he was drunk, didn't kiss her back and also wasn't thinking properly but it was too painful for me. I was too hurt. I cried all along that night. I also wanted him to warn her but he didn't do anything about that. I asked him if she was the girl he slept with while I was away which he said NO. In the same time, I keep wondering if that woman and my bf are flirting. A few days ago, I caught him watching porn, normally I have no problem with it. But he always denied whenever I asked which he said was out of embarrassment. Last night, I opened up to him if he wanted an open relationship. He's been wanting to try 3some but I am not interested to do anything with another girl. I also can't watch him having sex with another woman. I really can't. I told him 3some is too much for me but if he wants I will consider an open relationship. Basically he said he loves me so dearly and he wants us stay together but from time to time look for an excitement somewhere else. I am not entirely sure if I can handle it. He said human are animals, the harsh reality is we lost passion over time but still want that little excitement and attachment in the same time. My best friend said he is psychologically tricking me and trying to get me believe that's ok to do it. The whole morning, I have been crying every time I think about a break up and a life without him. I love him so much but part of me is telling me that it's not right about this relationship. I am too heart broken at the moment. There are a few things he is unhappy with me, 1) I've been hiding him from my parents and have not introduced them yet. I thought maybe I will do it when we plan to start our future together, possibly marriage. 2) At the moment, I have been financially depending on him because I quit my job to start running our home-based business, so he is feeding me and paying for our rent. It's just that I earn very little at the moment. The other night, he complained that our lives not going anywhere. What would you do if yo were me? Any constructive suggestions are welcome. Thanks Edited June 29, 2012 by Crissile
Philosoraptor Posted June 29, 2012 Posted June 29, 2012 It sounds like you're hurting because you've found yourself bending your boundaries. You seem to know what kind of relationship you want but are willing to sacrifice in order to not lose him. Be true to yourself and only accept what you'd feel truly comfortable with. It seems like you want to be monogamous but he doesn't... 1
Author Crissile Posted June 29, 2012 Author Posted June 29, 2012 Yes, I just want us to complete each other. I don't care any men apart from him. He is very patient and kind to me, apart from wanting to have fun with other women for some his sick pleasure. I love him to death. I also believe once he starts seeing other women, there is a chance that at one point he will fall in love with some woman and another harsh reality will kick my butt to wake me up again. Start feeling all heart broken again. He said we will set certain rules in our open relationship if we ever try it out. For example, not seeing the same person for a long time to preventing from falling in love. I said it's scary, too many diseases today. I know deep down inside me that, he is really afraid of me leaving him though.
Philosoraptor Posted June 29, 2012 Posted June 29, 2012 Your issue is right there. You are trying to complete one another but a healthy relationship exists of two already complete people. Until you feel complete within yourself you will continue to bend your boundaries and have him on a pedestal. 1
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