Meeks7 Posted June 29, 2012 Posted June 29, 2012 I wonder why it is some guys, while they can't get ANY woman they want, have the "goods" (not always physical) to end up with an attractive woman, go on to get married, have 2 kids and have a house. It's not easy, but they make it look easy. And on the other end of the spectrum, you have guys who always struggles around girls, can't get a date to save his life, and is constantly frustrated. What are the everyday life choices that separate two such people? What are the attitudes? What are the human connections? Because I know it's not just "fate" and it's not just "luck." I know a bunch of friends in their late 20's, working full time, attractive GF, on the verge of marriage or recently married with kids on the way. They go on to live the so-called American Dream, what most guys seem to want (a GF at the very least). You know they work hard and make the right choices. Yet other guys flounder around and struggle massively. I dunno, I just find it fascinating. Have you ever thought about why for some guys it looks so easy while for others they find themselves in the same exact position year after year? Is it just a self-perpetuating vacuum of suck the person self-inflicts? Making poor choices daily? Not willing to step out of comfort zone? Not willing to take constructive feedback? Recently this guy messaged me complaining about how people have the wrong idea about him, and how "rumors" cause others to (mis)judge him. I've known him and it's his MO. He's really a strange dude who constantly puts his foot in his mouth, and then acts shocked when people avoid him. I tried helping him out but he would not want to hear anything remotely "negative." I wonder if these sort of people will ever grow up, for a lack of a better word. Mature. Anyone else have any thoughts on this topic?
Author Meeks7 Posted June 29, 2012 Author Posted June 29, 2012 Social ranks. Alpha males get the girls Alpha-beta is the family top dog Beta male is the woman's slave Omega male has no chance in life Delta's don't give a damn Sigma males do as they please. Ladies this is all you need to know. So what constitutes as a guy on the bottom rung of the ladder? I'd say: -No full time job (maybe no job at all) -No friends (or a severe lack of friends) -Lacking in social skills/awareness -No special talents developed -Being lazy/repeating same routines I know plenty of guys who don't look handsome AT ALL (i.e. average 5/10 guys, maybe even 4/10) but why do they have GFs? I notice they all work full time, have a healthy social circle, have great personalities, have their own special talents, and they're certainly not lazy but self-driven. The guy I was talking about in my 1st post, he told me he's been misjudged wherever he goes for the past 10 years. A whole decade! At some point, it's not others. And you have to look in the mirror. Sadly, he believes it's other people's fault; he never acknowledges that he is the one who is making poor choices which is leading to the constant poor quality of his life.
Emilia Posted June 29, 2012 Posted June 29, 2012 I dunno, I just find it fascinating. Have you ever thought about why for some guys it looks so easy while for others they find themselves in the same exact position year after year? Is it just a self-perpetuating vacuum of suck the person self-inflicts? Making poor choices daily? Not willing to step out of comfort zone? Not willing to take constructive feedback? Recently this guy messaged me complaining about how people have the wrong idea about him, and how "rumors" cause others to (mis)judge him. I've known him and it's his MO. He's really a strange dude who constantly puts his foot in his mouth, and then acts shocked when people avoid him. I tried helping him out but he would not want to hear anything remotely "negative." I wonder if these sort of people will ever grow up, for a lack of a better word. Mature. Anyone else have any thoughts on this topic? No-one's life is easy. Some actively seek to project a successful facade whle others are more honest with their struggles. That's the only difference. 2
oldshirt Posted June 29, 2012 Posted June 29, 2012 I know plenty of guys who don't look handsome AT ALL (i.e. average 5/10 guys, maybe even 4/10) but why do they have GFs? I notice they all work full time, have a healthy social circle, have great personalities, have their own special talents, and they're certainly not lazy but self-driven. . There's your answer right there. those are all attractive traits to women. There's a difference in what men and women find attractive. Men are very simple, they are attracted primarily to looks, fitness and sexyness. If a woman is pretty, sexy and physically fit and healthy, she is attractive to men. She can be a bitch, she can be lazy, she can be unemployed, she can be a generally bad person but as long as she looks good and puts out she will always have a man at her side (he may not be the best man but she will always have men available nonetheless) Women are more complex and have more requirements than men. Looks matter just as much to women and carry just as much weight but women also have other things that they find attractive too such as social and professional status, wealth, dominance, assertiveness, self-driven, etc etc. All those things play into it and each individual has their own value system on how much each of those things are worth. Some people may value social status more than looks so someone that is very popular and social will be more attractive to them than someone who is better looking but not as socially popular. Some people value professional status and wealth and so on. All those things add up together for an aggregate score so a guy can be quite average or even slightly below average but if he is all those other things he is still in the game. And conversely a guy that is very good looking but is a flop in all those other areas, he isn't going to do as well whereas if a woman is very good looking she is going to have dating/sex/marriage opportunities even if she is pretty much a failure in all those other areas.
jobaba Posted June 29, 2012 Posted June 29, 2012 Nothing is so cut and dry. I have long been the struggling guy, yet I have also been the guy with the attractive GF. Now, if you are talking about which guys are more successful than others, it's pretty simple. Looks play a big factor. So does charisma, but I have known likeable guys who have never had GFs. The guys in the bottom 1/3 to 1/4 in terms of desirability must be aggressive and go through numbers to get women. Those guys can either realize that, play the game and do what it takes to get a woman, or sit around and whine.
PJKino Posted June 29, 2012 Posted June 29, 2012 Looks and social skills are a huge part..The more you lack in looks the more in social skills you better bring to the table.. I lack both..i just have never bene able to connect with a women on a level where she finds me attractive and feels chemistry.. Im in my 30's now and as time goes on less chance ill ever learn to do it
ThaWholigan Posted June 29, 2012 Posted June 29, 2012 I wish there could be a study too Meeks, but everybody has a story to tell, and usually it will be different. I think people naturally react differently to things, and even when we can hand them the tools to try and augment how they view things and go about actions, they will always have their own way and unique reaction to something, so sometimes it doesn't get through. I hear you though, I have long been interested in this. I am around a lot of guys who range from just about OK with women to chick-magnets. Rarely do I know guys who have no sex life, disability barring. Although my ADHD/Aspergers cousin has always been good with girls even though he's mad! He just had a baby actually! I hope he calms down - at least he stopped selling crack. I think one can be honest about their struggles and their insecurities without being a whiner. I also think that one can have a healthy level of optimism without being delusional. Sadly, sometimes people don't react in the appropriate way. It's understandable, but annoying nonetheless. I also think people who lack belief that things will look up are more likely to be this way. If they really think it's impossible, it would probably be a better idea for them to try and become apathetic rather than moany .
FitChick Posted June 29, 2012 Posted June 29, 2012 My guess would be most of them come from broken homes so have no role models.
fishtaco Posted June 29, 2012 Posted June 29, 2012 When you see couples out and about, often you are seeing them at their best. Not many people will pick a fight in public unless things are really bad. When you're being envious of others, most of the time it's not even justified, if you know the truth behind closed doors. So I propose there's no need for that. It doesn't do you any good to idealize dating, or in fact, any aspects of real life.
Feelsgoodman Posted June 29, 2012 Posted June 29, 2012 Sometimes it's nothing more than random chance. Being part of the right social circle and the right time in your life can pretty much determine what your experience with the opposite sec will be like. If you hang out with the right crowd, where you get to meet many attractive single women, you will date some of them, your confidence will grow, and then you meet and date even more...It's a self-fulfilling legacy. On the other hand, if you're stuck with a sucky crowd (i.e. video game playing nerds), you will hardly meet any chicks, have no experience with women, become frustrated and depressed, which will in turn make your confidence even lower.
udolipixie Posted June 29, 2012 Posted June 29, 2012 Likely some guys can get an attractive gf because he has qualities she wants while some guys can't get a date because he doesn't have qualities many gals want. I doubt it's everyday life choices that separate the two rather than looks, status, wealth, social/conversation skills, and opportunity. I don't doubt it's likely the attitudes with the guys who can get an attractive gf more willing to try and having more self-esteem and confidence in themselves versus the guys who can't get a date. It's likely there may be human connections as in social circle as the guys who can't get a date may also be lacking in friends and a network. I haven't thought once about why for soem guys it looks easy while others find themselves in the same exact position as I had already my answer in general form of why something is easy for some and difficult for others. My answer being some people have innate skill, some have competent skills, some have difficulty learning, and some never will learn the skill. My thoughts are these bunch of late 20's friends what are they working hard and making the right choices at?
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