Everyone is Dating, So Why Can't You...?

[Jane2011]

I wouldn't say that I can't date, but most times I won't. I admit that I am a picky guy and I would like a woman who is as ambitious as I am. Trouble is, I recognize that I myself need to step up to meet those ambitions of mine myself. As of now, I'm all talk . So I consciously don't date, and I make exceptions if a girl I like actually wants to date me.

 

I'd have to attribute it to that too. I'm admittedly a little picky about men. I have to be attracted to them. (Is that "picky," though?) - lol.

 

But yeah, I think I have relatively high standards. That hinders me a bit. Yet, men have met those basic standards before (and occasionally liked me in return), so I don't think they're too high.

[FitChick]

For me personally, it's limiting beliefs.

 

Such a shame you don't try the Lefkoe Method. I understand that change is scary for most people who'd rather stick with the familiar, no matter how unproductive, than change for the better.

[Mr Scorpio]

The only woman who has ever accepted me was my ex. Everyone else led to friend-zone or rejection. My relationship with my ex was amazing and I still have her up on a pedastal. Thus, I fear I'll compare anyone I should be fortunate enough to run across to her.

 

On top of that, I'm terribly afraid of getting involved with someone and then getting dumped a few months in after I've developed an attachment. I don't have career, so school is my top priority (aside from my mental health which would belong in a different thread), and if I were dumped mid-semester it would wreck me.

 

Finally, I don't have a social circle to expose me to single women. What few friends I have are perpetually single men, several of whom are unemployed.

 

I would like nothing more than to have someone in my life to care for/be cared by, but with my depression and low self-esteem I don't even bother trying. As I noted in a different thread, my therapist has even offered to cut his hourly-rate in half for me if I spend money on dates with women. I just can't imagine myself doing it. I'm still hung up on my ex, even though I'm pretty sure she got married earlier this year.

 

When you've spent years telling yourself that you are going to die unloved and alone, that is a hard thing to overcome.

[USMCHokie]

OH YES SHE CAN!

 

They can walk away from you when you are trying to talk to them, look completely uninterested in what you are saying, or pretend to be falling asleep while you are trying to chat her up.

 

I especially love the last one.

 

I don't approach women unsolicited...and I have very little patience in talking with someone who doesn't talk back...I usually leave before they do...

[USMCHokie]

Such a shame you don't try the Lefkoe Method. I understand that change is scary for most people who'd rather stick with the familiar, no matter how unproductive, than change for the better.

 

That's actually where I got the term limiting beliefs from...maybe one day if I put together the coin...

[PJKino]

low self esteem no positive results through 30 years

 

Evne if i went out on a date and got into a relationship which is something so out of reach that seems like spliting the atom to me right now i would probably be a insecure doormat who would avoid any conflict and be walked over because id figure it might be another 30 years before i find someone else so i might as well not be picky

[Eternal Sunshine]

Simple. Noone that I want wants me back.

 

My only options are guys that I have no attraction for. No, thank you.

[jobaba]

I don't approach women unsolicited...and I have very little patience in talking with someone who doesn't talk back...I usually leave before they do...

 

It's still a rejection. For whatever reason, she doesn't want to get to know you better. Unless she has a boyfriend or husband.

 

But I have found that married women are usually pretty chatty to me in social settings.

[AD1980]

It's still a rejection. For whatever reason, she doesn't want to get to know you better. Unless she has a boyfriend or husband.

 

But I have found that married women are usually pretty chatty to me in social settings.

 

Same here most women in relatinships are more friendly to me probably because theryes no pressure and they know i wont get the wrong idea..

 

Single women are pretty cold to me because i guess they dont want anything to be interpreted from them as interest in me..

[USMCHokie]

I guess I just can't wrap my head around why you wouldn't approach. I mean... it isn't gonna kill ya, it'll up your chances of dating. Just doesn't make sense to me.

 

I have created generalizations of women based on personal experiences...so I don't approach...

[verhrzn]

I have created generalizations of women based on personal experiences...so I don't approach...

 

Well that's silly. Just start trying, THEN maybe form some generalizations.

[USMCHokie]

It's still a rejection. For whatever reason, she doesn't want to get to know you better. Unless she has a boyfriend or husband.

 

But I have found that married women are usually pretty chatty to me in social settings.

 

As are older women...

 

And when I said a rejection, I meant she said the word "no" when I said "want to go out" or "can I get your number" or the such. It's only a rejection if YOU are interested...otherwise, your mom could reject you, yes...?

[FitChick]

I'm terribly afraid of getting involved with someone and then getting dumped a few months in after I've developed an attachment.

Then don't date anyone ever. There are no guarantees in life. After you finish school and are massively in debt, there is no guarantee you will get a job and if you do get a job, you might get fired. I suggest you go to bed and pull the covers over your head.

 

I would like nothing more than to have someone...but with my depression and low self-esteem I don't even bother trying.

Good plan. Unless you want to find someone else equally depressed who thinks badly of themselves. That might be a match!

 

I'm still hung up on my ex, even though I'm pretty sure she got married earlier this year.

Being hung up on your ex keeps you stuck and therefore safe. You don't have to do anything other than feel sorry for yourself.

 

When you've spent years telling yourself that you are going to die unloved and alone, that is a hard thing to overcome.

Yet people do it all the time.

 

Sorry, forgot how to multiquote so I bolded my answers.

[jobaba]

As are older women...

 

And when I said a rejection, I meant she said the word "no" when I said "want to go out" or "can I get your number" or the such. It's only a rejection if YOU are interested...otherwise, your mom could reject you, yes...?

 

If she's a woman and young and semi-interesting to talk to, I'm interested!

 

At least at first. So, if she's not game in getting to know me, it's a rejection.

 

Move on...

 

I COULD go the extra mile and ask for their phone number and if they begrudgingly gave it to me ask them out on a date, but that's like beating a dead horse to me...

[Thierro]

Well that's silly. Just start trying, THEN maybe form some generalizations.

 

You are full of it. You ignore the guys that tell you you are good looking. Again and again you tell yourself that people find you unattractive. You really want to believe that, don't you?

 

Stop bitching and take responsibility for your own negative thinking.. jeez

[ThaWholigan]

You are full of it. You ignore the guys that tell you you are good looking. Again and again you tell yourself that people find you unattractive. You really want to believe that, don't you?

 

Stop bitching and take responsibility for your own negative thinking.. jeez

Where did that come from? Must have thrown it before you walked in the thread!

 

[verhrzn]

You are full of it. You ignore the guys that tell you you are good looking. Again and again you tell yourself that people find you unattractive. You really want to believe that, don't you?

 

Stop bitching and take responsibility for your own negative thinking.. jeez

 

Addressing this one last time, then no more for thread-jacking:

 

I have only, EVER, heard that I am "cute" (not HOT, just "cute") on this forum. Never, not once, in real life. And it has only been from a select handful of posters, who I'm pretty sure are just being nice/would think ANY woman is decent-looking because they haven't been out of their basement dwelling in months.

 

Online is not real life.

 

The OP has never actually been rejected when approaching a woman, by his own words (unless I'm misunderstanding?), but I have heard constantly in real life how unattractive I am. Why is it "negative thinking" for ME, even though I have actual proof?? "Geez" right back at ya.

[louise_23]

After the latest slew of bitter threads and my own delve into the bitter world, I look around and see everyone else around me coupled up or otherwise dating. And I guarantee that for every single person here, there are many more who are uglier, poorer, dumber, or more awkward.

 

Everyone else is dating, so why aren't you...?

 

i like sleeping alone, without being woken up by some tool snoring or suddenly jumping about in their sleep.

 

i like wearing unattractive yet comfortable underwear in disgusting colours.

 

i like not answering to anyone and looking after number ooonnnee.

[effervescent]

I would not necessarily rate myself highly in terms of looks, personality, etc., but I have seen people who seem objectively worse off than I am currently involved in relationships. So why I am in particular still single?

 

I have romantic/sexual longings of course, but on the whole I am pretty happy with myself and my life. I am rather lacking when it comes to putting in effort, honestly.

 

I am young enough so that there is little pressure societal or otherwise to settle down and most relationships I could have now would be little more than exploratory trials.

 

I am a loner; an introvert. I rarely feel a connection or pull towards a person, so I mostly just keep my nose in a book and forget about that whole human contact thing.

 

I have trouble building and maintaining (but not initially forming) connections to other people, whether romantic or platonic. I also tend to write off any interest shown to me as friendly or inconsequential.

 

I am a bit of a closet romantic with high (but not impossible) standards and I would rather be alone than settle for just good enough.

 

I am quite ambivalent to love, which seems to involve some unsettling practices (letting my guard down, being vulnerable, losing control) which I also have an odd attraction and imaginary affinity for.

 

My most pressings attractions (all three of them) have been to men who are of remote location or are otherwise unavailable.

[Ross MwcFan]

No confidence. And I don't beleive any woman would stick around after the first date considering the way my life is right now (no job, still living at home, no friends).

[Woggle]

If I ever ended up single again I would probably just stick to casual sex and never go on an actual date again. I admit people who have no sex drives because they don't have to deal with drama.

[2.50 a gallon]

You guys give up after a single no.

 

My Ex-fiance said no at least a half dozen times in a 3 month period. She even explained to me she was not attracted to me in the slightest and I should give up asking her out. I was too short, too old, and she liked her men wearing a sport coat and tie

 

My current girl friend also turned me down several times over a three year period. She was living with a guy so I backed off. We were just short of being friends, and I lost track of her for over a year. Then one day by chance I happened to see her and this time she had just separated from the live in BF. Aha my chance, shot down again.

 

But two weeks later she called me.

 

Faint of heart never won fair maiden

Edited June 29, 2012 by 2.50 a gallon
Missing word

[runner]

I wonder the exact same thing. It can't be THAT hard, everyone else is doing it. So why does it seem so hard??

 

because lots of people don't want to leave their comfort zones, even if it means becoming more attractive to the opposite sex.

[USMCHokie]

You guys give up after a single no.

 

My Ex-fiance said no at least a half dozen times in a 3 month period. She even explained to me she was not attracted to me in the slightest and I should give up asking her out. I was too short, too old, and she liked her men wearing a sport coat and tie

 

My current girl friend also turned me down several times over a three year period. She was living with a guy so I backed off. We were just short of being friends, and I lost track of her for over a year. Then one day by chance I happened to see her and this time she had just separated from the live in BF. Aha my chance, shot down again.

 

But two weeks later she called me.

 

Faint of heart never won fair maiden

 

Is it possible that in these cases, after repeatedly getting asked out over such a long period of time, these women are just saying yes and settling for lack of any other options...?

 

Just a thought.

[irin]

because ive given up on the opposite-sex. im not a man hater, just have no interest in relationship with a man anymore. i like them as people, friends, whateva.