Lucybadlands Posted June 29, 2012 Posted June 29, 2012 I met an interesting person on eHarm. We had drinks for our first date and though I didn't think he was attractive initially, he was great to talk to and we got along almost as friends. During the first date he asked me out on the second date and though I had plans for that weekend out of town he called to set up the second date the following week, and I said yes. For the second date this guy pulled out the stops! A romantic dinner, amazing bottles of wine, walks on a golf course. We stayed up talking until six am during which he never made a move to kiss me, only touched my arm and squeezed my knee. Even when he dropped me off at home he didn't kiss me, only gave me a hug which threw me for a loop! He said he wanted to get together the following week. I knew he was traveling out of town that week, so I wasn't sure when we'd see each other again. He texted me twice afterwards saying he wanted to get together, but then waited 8 days to call me, at which point he wanted to know if I was free that very night. I was out on another date with someone else, but im sad hes dropping the ball a bit. Why would he wait so long to make definitive plans? Is he not interested? Should I even call him back?
veggirl Posted June 29, 2012 Posted June 29, 2012 So you like him now? Have you initiated any of the contact? 3rd date, time for you to ask him IMO.
Author Lucybadlands Posted June 29, 2012 Author Posted June 29, 2012 Hell yes I liked him after that second date as he was such a gentleman and didnt make any moves! What a Jedi Mind Trick!!
veggirl Posted June 29, 2012 Posted June 29, 2012 Hell yes I liked him after that second date as he was such a gentleman and didnt make any moves! What a Jedi Mind Trick!! Then contact him and encourage him. Even just a "hey you! how have you been?" text would be better than making him do ALL the legwork.
mortensorchid Posted June 29, 2012 Posted June 29, 2012 He indicated with those text messages before he left that he was interested in another get together. I say shoot another text saying "Hey how are you?" or something like that, and then see if he responds. He indicated that he was interested, if he changed his mind between now and then, then you will know, right?
Author Lucybadlands Posted June 29, 2012 Author Posted June 29, 2012 I wasn't clear above. He has contacted me to have dinner but he waited 8 days to call after his last text. I haven't called him back yet. I'd actually written him off that he's just not that into me. I've never contacted him first, not bc I play games but it's fun when a guy is more traditional and old fashioned. If I chase a guy I often wonder if I really like what I'm chasing and lose interest.
SJC2008 Posted June 29, 2012 Posted June 29, 2012 I don't like the 8 day bs that's not how you handle communiction with someone you're interested in. When he texted you twice saying he wanted to get together again what were your responses??
Author Lucybadlands Posted June 29, 2012 Author Posted June 29, 2012 I agree. 8 days is sketch. When I texted him back I was cheerful and said getting together sounded great etc. I do have to say, even if I never see him again the talk during our second date was magnificent! I think that's why I'm surprised it's fizzing after such a deep conversation. But alas this must be how things work. You have to appreciate the time together for what it is and not read into it beyond that moment....it's hard for us girls but it's kind of beautiful that way too.
SJC2008 Posted June 29, 2012 Posted June 29, 2012 When I texted him back I was cheerful and said getting together sounded great etc. Yeah the only logical guess was if you were nonshalon with your responses which is why I asked but you said you were cheerful so you did your part OP.
Eddie Edirol Posted June 29, 2012 Posted June 29, 2012 In the 8 day absence, he was dating other people just like you were. 1
Trimmer Posted June 29, 2012 Posted June 29, 2012 I agree. 8 days is sketch. When I texted him back I was cheerful and said getting together sounded great etc. I do have to say, even if I never see him again the talk during our second date was magnificent! I think that's why I'm surprised it's fizzing after such a deep conversation. But alas this must be how things work. You have to appreciate the time together for what it is and not read into it beyond that moment....it's hard for us girls but it's kind of beautiful that way too. So just for the sake of argument, you are saying that you should not read too much into the actual face-to-face time you spent with him and how it made you feel..... But you are reading so much into the specific number of days it took for him to call you back that you are not even willing to call him back? Isn't that kinda backwards? Shouldn't you be "reading into" what you actually felt about the human connection you made during your time together, and not "reading too much into" the number of days? I'm not saying the 8 days is no big deal - a more eager demonstration of interest would certainly be welcome. But given that you did really enjoy your second date together ("magnificent", you called it...), wow, wouldn't it be worth a shot at another halfway decent date just to give it a chance? From your experience with him so far, what are the chances that a third date would be horrible and painful, vs. the chances that it would be at least pleasant and fun and maybe even better? Perfect conversation starter if things get quiet somewhere along the way: "Hey, how come you waited so long to call me after my last text?" Shows you might be interested, and gives him a chance to show just how interested he is - in person, instead of making guesses by counting days...
threebyfate Posted June 29, 2012 Posted June 29, 2012 The 8 days might be: He's dating others.Scared himself off since you connected so well on the 2nd date and wanted to slow it down.He's gaming you for that "will she put out" third date.He's hooking you. Regardless of why, don't like the delay at all. This isn't the way to increase trust, although it appears to be the norm with online dating that guys play this stupid game.
Author Lucybadlands Posted June 29, 2012 Author Posted June 29, 2012 What do you mean by he's hooking me? That I'll like him more?
Author Lucybadlands Posted June 29, 2012 Author Posted June 29, 2012 Oh well, that's never worked on me. Lol. Thx all for the sage advice!
danm Posted June 29, 2012 Posted June 29, 2012 (26y/o guy here) If I were you, I'd play him at his own game. Its not traditional, but life is short, and time is precious. He called on the spot for a date THAT night? Crazy, but cool. Do the same. But you organise it, flip the coin. Modern men are still traditional, but truthfully we also like AND need to be chased a bit too. We want to be wanted as much as you, beyond basic sex like people think. But treat it as a last chance saloon. He either comes to the spontaneous date (great!) or he says he is busy. Now if he is busy full stop and says nothing else, write him off, keep dating. If he says he's busy BUT then immediately suggests the next date and is specific, ie, what you doing tomorrow/day after/etc then game on. Otherwise, move on!
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