spiderowl Posted June 29, 2012 Posted June 29, 2012 Is there a way to tell if a guy is shy or just not interested? I just can't figure this guy out. When I glance at him, I often find he is looking at me. He has asked me how I am, a couple of times, but he's not doing any of the usual flirting things. He seems pleased when I talk to him but he doesn't have much to say for himself and I feel I'm the one making more effort to communicate (which is very unusual with a guy). He's a musician and tends to spend most of his time playing music rather than chatting, so I'm not the only one he's quiet with. I have pretty much left him to it as I'm not getting much positive response to my friendliness to suggest he's interested but I've never seen him show interest in other women either. He's been married twice before so I know he's not gay. I seriously don't know whether he's shy or not and if it would be good to make more of an effort with him. So far I've just been friendly but I'm shy too! I don't want a guy who can't take the initiative when it comes to it.
USMCHokie Posted June 29, 2012 Posted June 29, 2012 This is easy. How does he interact with others...? Especially other guys...
Author spiderowl Posted June 29, 2012 Author Posted June 29, 2012 He talks to other guys occasionally, if they happen to be sitting next to him or something, but generally he's the quiet, thoughtful type who just plays music.
USMCHokie Posted June 29, 2012 Posted June 29, 2012 He talks to other guys occasionally, if they happen to be sitting next to him or something, but generally he's the quiet, thoughtful type who just plays music. So you'd say he's merely takes advantage of social opportunity (e.g., talking to someone who sits next to him) rather than creates social opportunity (e.g., sits down next to someone to talk to them)? The former is characteristic of a more shy person. I don't want a guy who can't take the initiative when it comes to it. Well then I don't see the issue here. Move along. You can't force or goad someone into taking the initiative...otherwise it'd be you taking the initiative...
Author spiderowl Posted June 29, 2012 Author Posted June 29, 2012 Thanks. Yes, I'd say generally he talks to people who happen to be nearby and I suspect they often initiate conversation. I haven't seen him go out of his way to chat to someone. If he can't take the initiative with a woman sometimes, then it's not a good sign. Beats me how he got married twice! He plays music beautifully and has lovely blue eyes (sigh). Pity it looks like it's not going anywhere.
Titanwolf Posted June 29, 2012 Posted June 29, 2012 He sounds like an introvert tbh. He probably does his best work in solitude and probably isn't the biggest fan of large social gatherings.
Author spiderowl Posted June 30, 2012 Author Posted June 30, 2012 Could be right there. Can't see this going anywhere.
amantis Posted June 30, 2012 Posted June 30, 2012 If you like him and want to know him what do you have to lose in asking him out ? I got divorced months ago and i can tell you that most of the time i feel like being alone . That doesnt mean that im shy ( i am a bit) but i dont have trouble asking girls out and talking to them , but what do you have to lose if he seem like a nice guy . If he doesnt change you can move on and you dont lose anything , maybe he can open to you and he can be a great guy and possible your future husband (just a example)... you never know if you dont try
Feelin Frisky Posted June 30, 2012 Posted June 30, 2012 Is there any intermediary party who could play cupid for you--maybe tell him for you that you're interested or find out for you if he's interested? I just recommend keeping your expectations in check because no one gets divorced twice who is the perfect prize themselves. He could be self-absorbed, even deluded. Some musicians really take the dream seriously even though they have not the ambition or the real goods as a talent.
mortensorchid Posted June 30, 2012 Posted June 30, 2012 I've thought about this issue myself before. If the man is shy or unfriendly with you, chances are he is unfriendly or shy with most other women. You said so yourself, if he does not respond positively to you or you do not want someone who doesn't take the initiative, then you are not interested in him either. If he is unfriendly or shy with you now, he will be the same in other areas and further disappoint you. Move on.
Author spiderowl Posted July 1, 2012 Author Posted July 1, 2012 Thanks for your replies though krx's sounds incredibly rude! I agree, FeelinFrisky, that one doesn't get divorced twice for no reason. Until I know the reason though, I'll keep an open mind. I know he plays music a lot and this could have been a bone of contention in a marriage - who knows? I'm not getting the kind of positive and warm response from him that I get from others, though he smiles and is friendly, so I'm leaving it to him to make some move if he wants to. What I don't get is that he seems to be looking at me a lot (or maybe it's me looking at him that bothers him - I hope not). A guy I know (that I'm not interested in, incidentally), sat near to me last night and told me I looked very attractive that evening. I can't imagine this other guy doing anything like that, but maybe he does with others? One day I might experience that magic feeling of a two-way attraction!
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