JJC Posted June 29, 2012 Posted June 29, 2012 I have been very thin for most of my life but gradually gained a significant amount of weight over the past five years or so and am now a little over weight. Before I gained weight I was in a long-term relationship which has since ended. I'm very self-conscious about the prospect of having sex with someone new at my current weight. People always tell me how beautiful I am and there have been men who were interested in dating me but I end up pushing them away because I'm scared that they'll be disappointed when they see me naked. I have the type of body that generally looks alright in clothing (I know how to dress in a way that camouflages my problem areas) but I'm very nervous about putting everything out there--cellulite, tummy fat, and all--and not being able to hide my flaws. I would love some men out there to be honest about whether or not this would be a turn off for you, especially if you maybe didn't realize someone was as heavy as they are until things got intimate.
Kamille Posted June 29, 2012 Posted June 29, 2012 You do realize men are experts at guessing what we look like naked? There's no way you can dress in such a way that the men who approached you can't guess that you have some love handles. This means: they like it. Ps: if you are seriously asking (and not part of their crew), be aware there is a vocal part of the LS membership who are men who feel that the only way they can ever get women to be interested in them is to make all women feel insecure about their looks. If a poster pontificates about how "women should bla bla bla", there's a good chance he's part of that group. 5
utterer of lies Posted June 29, 2012 Posted June 29, 2012 Being weird and insecure about your body when naked is a much bigger turn-off than your physical imperfections. Don't worry so much, it will be fine. 1
ascendotum Posted June 29, 2012 Posted June 29, 2012 the best way to find out first hand if it is a turn off for guys is by actually going all the way with them, and not pushing them away. If guys are telling you you're beautiful then take them on. Most guys are not that clueless when it comes to a woman's body shape when she is dressed. some things can surprise like bad stretch marks, cellulite and sagging, but your major stumbling block seems much more to be you are benchmarking your current body shape with your past bodyshape. Guys only see who you are now, and not how you were (well until they see old photos of you). You could always insist on having sex in a dark room when you start out again, though from my perspective, I find that a turn-off when a woman is not comfortable with her figure that she has to hide in the dark. Question for you..If you are avoiding men because you dont like the fact that you are now overweight (fat), why dont you actually do something about it, and lose the weight, so you get what you want out of life? I would love some men out there to be honest about whether or not this would be a turn off for you Posting a recent bikini shot would help if you really want to know where you stand with LS guys.
ascendotum Posted June 29, 2012 Posted June 29, 2012 a few extra pounds isn't. self conscieness is. I totally agree, I find the self conscieness aspect more of a turn off than a few extra pounds. I find when women talk about their weight that they always downplay the 'need to lose a few pounds' element. It really might be true in her case and she is being hard on herself because she used to be thin, but if she put this in a dating profile..."gained a significant amount of weight", most guys are going to read 'fat'.
Ninjainpajamas Posted June 29, 2012 Posted June 29, 2012 (edited) When I was younger and a woman was very insecure about her body then I'd just try to reassure her and make her feel more confident with herself about her body because she was clearly exaggerating from a mans pointo of view especially when it comes to sex...until of course I picked up real quick that it has nothing to do with what I think about her body but everything to do with how she feels about her body and It was fruitless and futile trying to make her feel any differently about it. So of course now that I'm older and having experienced this phenomenon...since you not only hear it from women with already great bodies as equally as women who could stand to lose a few pounds or more (but let's face it, most could including men) I've decided for the most part to tune it out...because well it has nothing to do with me and frankly as a man you get pretty tired of hearing it and there's nothing you could do about it anyway in that respect, so it's basically... Insecure woman..."I look so fat" Zombie man .."No...you look great" Insecure woman "You're just saying that to be nice or because you have to!...look at my butt, It's so big, my boobs hang too low and are too far apart I wish they were bigger/smaller, the left boob is at a slight degree angled where the nipple is from the right boob it looks deformed, look at my legs/thighs/calves, I wish I had smaller legs, my feet are so big why can't I have cute small feet or nice feet because mine are ugly look at hers, ugh I have a pimple on my nose I look disgusting...look at my arms their so big, my shape is wrong, I wish I had smaller hips like her...look at this fat on my side, omgod I have to go to the gym I knew I shouldn't have ate that sundae!...blah blah blah blah blah ::hypnotic fading spin noise::" Zombie man ::day dreaming:: He's running down the field folks! the 10, the 20...omgod he breaks 20 tackles hes so amazing, look at him go folks, touchdown!!!!...crowd goes wild! he one the game with only .1 secs on the clock! raaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah! ::/end daydreaming:: "What? what!...Noooo! you're crazy, you look really sexy, I love the way you look! you sexy, foxy thang!" Insecure woman "Are you sure? do you REALLY find me sexy and attractive? you probably don't even want want to have sex with me do you, you're probably not even turned on or even disgusted...you probably find other women much sexier because I'm not attractive/sexy enough" Zombie man "Yeah.....you're right, my penis drops like an old sock." Insecure woman "WHAAAAAAAAAAT!!!" Zombie man "Sike!...really...you look fine, you're complaining about nothing!" Insecure woman "Ugh, whatever...I know I look horrible, I'm so ugly/fat...I'd look so much better If I was like this or that!" ::proceeds to stand in the mirror shifting angles for 20 mins:: So sure you can help make a woman feel sexier and desirable at times but If she's so insecure that she's just moaning and groaning...moving awkwardly and uncomfortably because she's worried you're going to notice a few flaws in her body and run out the door screaming, and tries to cover up or her flaws every chance she gets It's just a HUGE TURN-OFF! I'd rather a woman accept her body for how it is, feel sexy and attractive because obviously If I'm into her than I'm not going to nit pick every little detail of her body apart. That will do far more for me regardless of her body type than just acting weird about it, insecure and make the sex feel awkward and self-conscious when that's not what intimacy is about! But If a woman doesn't feel sexy, she doesn't act sexy and she doesn't feel as comfortable and that just really spoils it for both of you....some women you can make them feel completely comfortable and sexy and then it's fine, however some will constantly insist on acting or commenting on their flaws and not looking perfect. And I've never heard any guy who got up during the act and said "well I'd really like to have sex..but that roll on your side there....good god woman, I am just leaving you all naked and horny on that bed and getting the hell out of here because I'd rather go home and play some video games or watch a movie!" So really just stop it, It's not about us or what we think... we can pretty much tell how big you are or not underneath it all and we for the most part do not care unless you got some wild amazonian bush where your vagina should be...we've got a good general idea of what you look like, you're not as sly as you think you are and in time most men see a womans bag of tricks, and we're not looking at the little flaws we're looking at the whole package and we can get a pretty decent gauge of your body type...so If a guy is into just go with it, you're just creating problems at this point. Edited June 29, 2012 by Ninjainpajamas 3
Author JJC Posted June 29, 2012 Author Posted June 29, 2012 Thank you everyone! Of course I feel like an idiot for posting this and wish I could feel more confident because I'm an intelligent, educated, progressive woman and I shouldn't be one of "those" girls. But, what can I say, I'm human and it's hard. I think this reassurance might make it a little easier, though. Thanks again for your help!
fucpcg Posted June 29, 2012 Posted June 29, 2012 I gotta tell ya, I am never happy with my body, ever, especially in winter when I try to bulk up and have to eat to gain weight, and I know my gut pays the price. Having said that, when the time comes I rip my clothes off and don't ever give it a second thought. There's time for working on my body, and there's time for sex, and they are NOT the same time. 1
yongyong Posted June 29, 2012 Posted June 29, 2012 this is not about height or other structure that can't be changed. Instead of worrying about your image and observing a monitor to get validations from people, I would hit the gym and lose it healthy way.
mortensorchid Posted June 29, 2012 Posted June 29, 2012 First off, how old are you? Because when we get to be about 24-27, if we do not change our eating habits then that's when the metabolism of youth starts to slow and we are no longer able to burn up the calories as quickly. Second, are you depressed? I started putting on my weight in my late twenties, then took it off in 06. Most of it had to do with depression, and it's a vicious cycle because once you get depressed over weight gain all you want to do is eat some more.
SJC2008 Posted June 29, 2012 Posted June 29, 2012 I wouldn't worry about it, I think most women are insecure about thier bodies. Would you date a cute/handsome man that could lose a few pounds??
Emilia Posted June 29, 2012 Posted June 29, 2012 Thank you everyone! Of course I feel like an idiot for posting this and wish I could feel more confident because I'm an intelligent, educated, progressive woman and I shouldn't be one of "those" girls. But, what can I say, I'm human and it's hard. I think this reassurance might make it a little easier, though. Thanks again for your help! Perhaps it's a lesson for you that 'those' girls are people with feelings too
Thierro Posted June 29, 2012 Posted June 29, 2012 Being insecure about it is a turn-off. I have always been with very thin girls. My ex was the first girl with a bit of extra weight. I had to get used to it, but once I did, it was wonderful. Cuddling feels SO much better and the sex is incredible, warm and loving. Even though a thin girl is easier on the eyes, I prefer the cuteness and the way a girl feels when she is a bit fuller.
darkmoon Posted June 29, 2012 Posted June 29, 2012 if a man gets a boner, then you're doing fine there is no ideal look; what one man likes another man might not
danm Posted June 29, 2012 Posted June 29, 2012 (edited) Average 21st Century UK guys perspective (I am 26)... Modern men have a rather good guesstimate if a girl is hiding something about her weight. Lets face it, guys have also seen Gok Wans how to look good naked. We know about stripes, colours, higher + wider belts to distort waistline and emphasise boobs. We know the latests tricks, we're not stupid! Lol. If you are very unconfident with how you look, I would most likely pick up on your reserved behaviour from this more than anything, as opposed to actually seeing or thinking about your weight. That would be laughed off at first if you brought it up, because I simply like you, face value. But if you were to be continually be super conscious, it will honestly become annoying. Whilst we like flattering you and hope to make you feel more at ease, theres a point where it does start to wear thin. It's the same for super slim girls who complain their boobs are too small etc. I mean, if we are THAT shallow of a guy to even think that was an issue, we wouldn't be on a date with you in the first place. Even if you think you are hiding things, you really aren't. Girls have Bums. Tummys. Cellulite. Its called being human! Real guys do know this, we don't expect real girls to look like the airbrushed crap on the cover of FHM or Maxim. Its not real, and nobody looks like that. If you can be comfortable with what you are, all the better! I LOVE girls without the worry or need to compare/complain about themselves against others all the time. I regretfully only ever dated girls who were size 8-10 'ballet dancer' look. But guess what!? Even they had cellulite and tummy and bum worrys. But the most annoying part what that they were far more vain and image conscious than anything I have ever known. The second they ate more than 3 lettuce leaves the world would end; or they'd have a meltdown after eating meatballs and getting bloated for an hour. No thanks. Sex was terrible too. They were far too conscious of their hair being out of place; their legs and arms bouncing around. What a distraction. I have to say jumping out of that bracket was the best thing I ever did. Im now dating a typical UK girl (Size 12) who eats pizza, crisps, coke cola, burps, farts and does all the things I do. All without the constant comparisons to the crappy magazines. She is gorgeous and doesn't even realise. There is no point worrying what someone else thinks of you. Be yourself. Embrace who you are. There is no right or wrong, and hiding things doesnt work. And if it does, well, you are lying and deceiving to the guy before things get going. Thats not exactly the best start, is it? I am sure you are very beautiful. You're just one of those girls that needs to learn to accept it, and find a guy who isn't looking for something on a list! Edited June 29, 2012 by danm 1
Algermas Posted June 29, 2012 Posted June 29, 2012 Personally I can't maintain an erection with a woman who is fat.
curlygirl40 Posted June 29, 2012 Posted June 29, 2012 I'm agreeing with the majority here in that it's more about your confidence about your body than it is what you look like naked. I was so nervous just coming out of a long term marriage and entering the dating world again in my 40's after having 2 kids and NEVER being stick thin to begin with. I have the typical problem areas but I love my body. I love what I can do with it. I'm completely uninhibited in the bedroom with someone I feel comfortable with and I'm telling you, no guy has ever said 'get that thing outta my face!!'. O.K, making light here. But just saying, being uninhibited and confident about your body is sexy. From what I have found, men are just happy to have you naked, they are looking at the big picture. Women's bodies are beautiful. One of the guys I dated for a while actually said to me the first time 'you have a banging body, where have you been hiding that, you should wear clothes to show it off!!' He was on the short and skinny side too, I was a little afraid of the big reveal but he LOVED my nakedness. And like all of the others have said, you can't hide under clothing, they have a good idea about what you look like under those clothes. So if they are attracted to you in your clothes, they are going to be attracted to you out of them.
maybealone Posted June 29, 2012 Posted June 29, 2012 I have always been told that when a woman and a man get naked, the woman is thinking something like, "I hope he likes my boobs, I'd better suck in my gut, oh my gosh my thighs are too big and he is going to hate them!" Meanwhile, the man is thinking something like, "Naked woman! Yay!" And every guy I've talked to about this seems to agree. They do not see the imperfections we see, especially when they like us. 2
SincereOnlineGuy Posted June 29, 2012 Posted June 29, 2012 Being weird and insecure about your body when naked is a much bigger turn-off than your physical imperfections. Don't worry so much, it will be fine. This is a great premise, but I think the word "weird" should be omitted. "Weird" implies you're unlike the majority, and it's a fair bet that m-m-m-m-m-MOST women fuss far too much about their bodies. If a woman considers herself 15 to 25 pounds-ISH overweight, she should just shu'p about it, because the effects of her own resulting self-image/self-perception are far more off-putting than 15 to 25 pounds-ISH could ever be. On typical women, those additional pounds have a way of NOT all forming in a big knot in the middle of her forehead - they tend to land in, um, good places... so let them be, and think nothing of it.
Sid6.7 Posted June 29, 2012 Posted June 29, 2012 I have been very thin for most of my life but gradually gained a significant amount of weight over the past five years or so and am now a little over weight. Before I gained weight I was in a long-term relationship which has since ended. I'm very self-conscious about the prospect of having sex with someone new at my current weight. People always tell me how beautiful I am and there have been men who were interested in dating me but I end up pushing them away because I'm scared that they'll be disappointed when they see me naked. I have the type of body that generally looks alright in clothing (I know how to dress in a way that camouflages my problem areas) but I'm very nervous about putting everything out there--cellulite, tummy fat, and all--and not being able to hide my flaws. I would love some men out there to be honest about whether or not this would be a turn off for you, especially if you maybe didn't realize someone was as heavy as they are until things got intimate. How much weight are we talking here?
YellowShark Posted June 29, 2012 Posted June 29, 2012 I have always been told that when a woman and a man get naked, the woman is thinking something like, "I hope he likes my boobs, I'd better suck in my gut, oh my gosh my thighs are too big and he is going to hate them!" Meanwhile, the man is thinking something like, "Naked woman! Yay!" Quoted for truth.
WeAllMightBeNuts Posted June 30, 2012 Posted June 30, 2012 Healthy is attractive in all shapes and sizes. Pursue a healthier lifestyle, you'll be happier and healthier. Good luck, you can do it.
Recommended Posts