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Trying to do no contact with an ex but he is contacting me everyday

Fizzleedge

By Fizzleedge
in Breaks and Breaking Up

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Fizzleedge New Member

Fizzleedge

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Hello

 

I was in a relationship for only 5 months but was dating before that, we have known each other a long time and get on amazingly.

 

I know he cares a great deal about me but he was having trouble being in a relationship again due to a rather long term destructive one previously which ended badly and messed him up. He was with her for 6 years and broke up about 9 months ago.

 

We always agreed not to get too close, but it happened and he kept saying it just felt too soon and he wanted to be on his own.

 

I am ok with this and after having this 'talk' so many times i broke it off with him, as i respect him enough to give him space to sort his head out.

 

I really want it to work out again so i am trying to distance myself and not agree to be his friend and been trying to go NC, in the hope he will feel that we are worth saving. He has said to me he wishes i was the girl he got wit when he was 18 instead of her its just not the right time for him.

 

This is my problem however...

 

I am trying to do NC but he is texting me everyday!!! I have taken a while to respond acting very happy and over it. I have never once text him first only replied to his messages and then ending them saying im off out or something.

 

I went out on a nature walk today with some work collegues (various ages) to survey the area and was messing about taking photos of the scenery and posting it on facebook. I have one collegue who kept jumping in the photo (young guy) and i got a text from my ex asking what i had been doing. I said 'i'm out with work mates looking at the area' at which he replied ' i only see one guy...'

 

I dont want to argue with him either and have swayed the convo away acting jokey and changing the subject.

 

But what do i do? Of course i want him back but its so confusing!!!

 

Any advice would be very appreciated :)

Samilia Established Member

Samilia

Posted
Posted

That's where you ask him not to contact you anymore, until he decide what he wants.

 

It seems to me like his reaction is giving you hope and that the question you want to ask is "does he still like me". I think he's keeping you on the back burner but that if he really wanted to be with you, he would be with you.

 

I honestly believe you should have listened when he said it was too soon, the only advice I can give is to force him to give you space, as he asked for space too. Change your number if that's what it takes, take him off your facebook, etc.. you don't have to be brutal about it, you can explain why.

Breck Established Member

Breck

Posted
Posted

How long do you plan on giving him space? A month? Two months? Six months? Space will help you two improve yourselves and figure out what you want, but it will also make it difficult to eventually reconcile as you will both eventually move on.

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Fizzleedge New Member

Fizzleedge

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I was thinking of leaving it for the summer, maybe getting some more space immediately and showing him i am happy without him. Then maybe stepping it up a bit and agreeing to meets ups etc, we live very close so its still going to be hard.

 

~I am so reluctant to tell him to back off, i am responding very chirpy and i know i am holding on to this and he is responding positively.

 

I am also not oppossed to leaving it even longer and keping it as a future option as he will then no longer be my top priority.

 

We have a connection though which is strong, just this issue he is not over. I knew this from the start but he wanted to give it a go...

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Fizzleedge New Member

Fizzleedge

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All the guides i have read just say to respond to him with happy messages making sure he leads the convo and not ask him questions. But i'm not sure if he is going to miss me enough, although he is geting irritated by me taking so long to reply, he said today..

 

'I guess your busy again.... or are u making up some kind of new rule where u have to wait half a day to reply'

 

I think its working, but still confused if im making the right choices.

 

I actually feel in control and quite happy :)

Samilia Established Member

Samilia

Posted
Posted (edited)

That connection you're talking about, if it was that strong, he'd be sitting right next to you. Sorry to be brutal, but that's true.

 

You want him back, back off, for real. No contact.

 

I will add that you don't have to be rude about it, you can tell him you need a break till he figures things out. And you maintain NC this time.

 

The only way that I know of to get someone back is the nc rule.That's probably why they have a short for it.

 

Good luck

Edited by Samilia
betterdeal Established Member

betterdeal

Posted
Posted

He's messing with your head.

 

Phone him up immediately you receive a text from him and ask what does he want, because one day he says he wants to be alone then he sends you texts all the time. He says one thing and does another.

 

So either call him each time you get a text and put an end to the cowardly text bullcrap, or change your phone number. Either way, you will be done with all this nonsense.

Jono85 Established Member

Jono85

Posted
Posted
He's messing with your head.

 

Phone him up immediately you receive a text from him and ask what does he want, because one day he says he wants to be alone then he sends you texts all the time. He says one thing and does another.

 

So either call him each time you get a text and put an end to the cowardly text bullcrap, or change your phone number. Either way, you will be done with all this nonsense.

 

i don't think that is a great idea. she should just either tell him "i think we should take a break from talking for a while so we can move on" etc or simply just start ignoring and implement NC.

betterdeal Established Member

betterdeal

Posted
Posted
i don't think that is a great idea. she should just either tell him "i think we should take a break from talking for a while so we can move on" etc or simply just start ignoring and implement NC.

 

I agree that the OP's best interest is in drawing a conclusion to this chapter. How she does it is up to her. This limbo-land of not being in a relationship but being in a sort-of relationship is no good for anyone.

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Eddie Edirol Established Member

Eddie Edirol

Posted
Posted

I think you shouldnt bother trying to get back with him. You were his rebound, he made that clear. You cant get over a 6 year relationship that "messed him up" in 9 months, that takes a couple years. You dont know if he used you to get over his ex, and wasnt really into you in the first place, just used you as a place holder until he felt better. He couldnt even hold out for that, he was so NOT into you, he had to go try and find someone else.

 

I dont think he could ever be into you, if you couldnt make him forget about his ex the first time.

 

To answer your question, you cant have it both ways. You cant keep the door open for a possible future hoping he wont forget about you and move on while cutting off communication. It doesnt work like that. He is keeping communication with you as a backup just in case he doesnt find someone better first. I highly doubt he is keeping communication with you until he wakes up one day thinking "Wow, I think im over my ex and I think I really like Fizz now!"

 

The real way to do it is make him think he doesnt have a chance again NOW. If he thinks he does, he might not value you because he doesnt have to earn your trust. That means telling him he cant contact you at all so you can move on and see other guys. That way he might change his mind about you months down the line, and contact you, then you can reconsider.

 

But honestly, if he couldnt see how valuable you are now, then he isnt really into you, maybe you arent his type, whatever his reasons may be, I wouldnt count on it. Go find a guy that is really into you, and isnt using you as a rebound.

  • Like 1
Samilia Established Member

Samilia

Posted
Posted
I think you shouldnt bother trying to get back with him. You were his rebound, he made that clear. You cant get over a 6 year relationship that "messed him up" in 9 months, that takes a couple years. You dont know if he used you to get over his ex, and wasnt really into you in the first place, just used you as a place holder until he felt better. He couldnt even hold out for that, he was so NOT into you, he had to go try and find someone else.

 

I dont think he could ever be into you, if you couldnt make him forget about his ex the first time.

 

To answer your question, you cant have it both ways. You cant keep the door open for a possible future hoping he wont forget about you and move on while cutting off communication. It doesnt work like that. He is keeping communication with you as a backup just in case he doesnt find someone better first. I highly doubt he is keeping communication with you until he wakes up one day thinking "Wow, I think im over my ex and I think I really like Fizz now!"

 

The real way to do it is make him think he doesnt have a chance again NOW. If he thinks he does, he might not value you because he doesnt have to earn your trust. That means telling him he cant contact you at all so you can move on and see other guys. That way he might change his mind about you months down the line, and contact you, then you can reconsider.

 

But honestly, if he couldnt see how valuable you are now, then he isnt really into you, maybe you arent his type, whatever his reasons may be, I wouldnt count on it. Go find a guy that is really into you, and isnt using you as a rebound.

 

Brutally honest, and true.

Breck Established Member

Breck

Posted
Posted
All the guides i have read just say to respond to him with happy messages making sure he leads the convo and not ask him questions. But i'm not sure if he is going to miss me enough, although he is geting irritated by me taking so long to reply, he said today.

 

What guides are these? I ask because I'm in a similar situation, girlfriend left me so I could figure things out, I didn't want to break up and still want her, we still text but she doesn't initiate any questions/just responds to them, is upbeat when we talk in person, posts photos on Facebook to show me she's happy without me, etc. She is more responsive over time, she just wants me to take this time to get my sh*t together. It's been 2 months.

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Fizzleedge New Member

Fizzleedge

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I have been reading Matt Hudson's 'Get him back forever' and i recently downloaded 'text your ex back' as that sounded interesting.

 

I think you are right, however i really don't think it was a rebound. He had 2 before me that only last weeks,but he was the one chasing and chasing me and i was pushing him away as i did not want to be with anyone.

 

I know he does not want his ex back, the things she did to him are worse than cheating and he has forgiven her and completely moved on.

 

However i think i might tell him nicely to back off and maybe call me in a few weeks give us both some time see what happens...

forgottenangel99 Member

forgottenangel99

Posted
Posted

Like most of the others that have posted here said, you should really look forward instead of trying to get back with him. Sometimes people do get back together just to discover that it's just not meant to be but some get back together and it all works out because they are BOTH ready for it and want it.

 

Sounds to me like he is not completely over his ex and there is nothing you can do or say to change that. You have your life to live and so does he but you cannot sit around waiting to see if he is going to get over his ex and be in your life like you want him to be.

 

Who knows once you get on with your life he may come back around to see if things can work and by then you may not even want him back!! It happens all the time, trust me I know......

 

Bottom line is wish him well and move on. Once he has figured out what he wants you should have already been pursuing your dreams and maybe even find someone who is available to you that can return that you are willing to give.

 

Good luck!!

misskai Member

misskai

Posted
Posted
Hello

 

I was in a relationship for only 5 months but was dating before that, we have known each other a long time and get on amazingly.

 

I know he cares a great deal about me but he was having trouble being in a relationship again due to a rather long term destructive one previously which ended badly and messed him up. He was with her for 6 years and broke up about 9 months ago.

 

We always agreed not to get too close, but it happened and he kept saying it just felt too soon and he wanted to be on his own.

 

I am ok with this and after having this 'talk' so many times i broke it off with him, as i respect him enough to give him space to sort his head out.

 

I really want it to work out again so i am trying to distance myself and not agree to be his friend and been trying to go NC, in the hope he will feel that we are worth saving. He has said to me he wishes i was the girl he got wit when he was 18 instead of her its just not the right time for him.

 

This is my problem however...

 

I am trying to do NC but he is texting me everyday!!! I have taken a while to respond acting very happy and over it. I have never once text him first only replied to his messages and then ending them saying im off out or something.

 

I went out on a nature walk today with some work collegues (various ages) to survey the area and was messing about taking photos of the scenery and posting it on facebook. I have one collegue who kept jumping in the photo (young guy) and i got a text from my ex asking what i had been doing. I said 'i'm out with work mates looking at the area' at which he replied ' i only see one guy...'

 

I dont want to argue with him either and have swayed the convo away acting jokey and changing the subject.

 

But what do i do? Of course i want him back but its so confusing!!!

 

Any advice would be very appreciated :)

 

It appears that he feels that he has an option still. My advice is to kp ur distance (no matter how hard it is) until and if he decides that he wants u instead of "her"... If he wishes he went for u when he was 18 instead of her then y is he not w. u now???

Samilia Established Member

Samilia

Posted
Posted
I have been reading Matt Hudson's 'Get him back forever' and i recently downloaded 'text your ex back' as that sounded interesting.

 

I think you are right, however i really don't think it was a rebound. He had 2 before me that only last weeks,but he was the one chasing and chasing me and i was pushing him away as i did not want to be with anyone.

 

I know he does not want his ex back, the things she did to him are worse than cheating and he has forgiven her and completely moved on.

 

However i think i might tell him nicely to back off and maybe call me in a few weeks give us both some time see what happens...

 

4 years ago I ended a relationship with a man who treated me like sh*t, I still have feeling for the guy to this day. Getting over someone isn't that easy, even if they did things "worse than cheating" (cheating isn't the worse we can do to someone).

 

I know you think that if you're patient and nice and fuzzy he'll eventually open his eyes but that's not the case.

 

End things with him and maybe in 6 months (not weeks) or a year he'll be ready for you, but honestly if you were the one I think he'd be with you now.

 

I remember that guy I used to date when I was a teenager, my first bf actually. We broke up, I was devastated, as much as a teenager can be. Without knowing it I entered the NC, I chose to kick him out of my life. A year later we went back together. We eventually broke up again, we were young. Anyway, NC is the way to go to get someone back, or to forget about them.

Breck Established Member

Breck

Posted
Posted
I have been reading Matt Hudson's 'Get him back forever' and i recently downloaded 'text your ex back' as that sounded interesting.

 

I think you are right, however i really don't think it was a rebound. He had 2 before me that only last weeks,but he was the one chasing and chasing me and i was pushing him away as i did not want to be with anyone.

 

I know he does not want his ex back, the things she did to him are worse than cheating and he has forgiven her and completely moved on.

 

However i think i might tell him nicely to back off and maybe call me in a few weeks give us both some time see what happens...

 

I read Get Him Back Forever and all I really learned was the importance of the 20-30 day mark and how to use Facebook to get him back.

 

What are the key ideas of text your ex back? Did you like it?

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Fizzleedge New Member

Fizzleedge

Posted
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Posted

Test your ex back does all the similar things like NC but it devises special texts that when you do go back into contact are supposed to get him to think of happy memories from your past without being obvious and so he doesn't see it coming. He lays the texts out for you to folow and you input your own detail to it is relevent.

 

Also he talks bout choice of words to use to trick him psychologically which seems a bit underhand to me but when you read it it's kind of harmless really.

 

Maybe try it out. I know Matt Hudson says NC is only if he does not contact you and you can reply to messages waiting a while and not all messages, but text your ex back is firm no contact so its up to you. My ex has contacted me in some form everyday now for 2 weeks... Sometimes i text him back sometimes i don't, i'll see what happens...

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