Author StarlaStardust Posted June 30, 2012 Author Posted June 30, 2012 I understand. I guess I'm kind of both a dumper and a dumpee because in the relationship he started to ignore me and my phone calls and went to another women while pretending to still be my boyfriend. But I understand what you are saying. Power to the dumpees!! ::::::::::::hugs::::::::::::: I read somewhere that men often do not dump. They act so atrociously that you must dump THEM. And they do this all without realizing they're doing it. Ohh, the male mind of denial and mindlessness. So happy to be a self-aware woman:)
freefalling84 Posted July 2, 2012 Posted July 2, 2012 I learned that i will never let anybody else get close to me again
Exit Posted July 2, 2012 Posted July 2, 2012 The upside for me is that now I am forced to face a lot of my shortcomings and work on my issues, and get back to pursuing some of my dreams that I always let slide when I am happy and comfortable in a relationship. I am also happy that she left me before I put on a ring on her finger or got married. I'm glad she revealed her true colors after only a couple of years rather than wasting 5 or 10 years together. 1
CopingGal Posted July 2, 2012 Posted July 2, 2012 (edited) I learned that i will never let anybody else get close to me again No, no, no. You feel like that now. One day that feeling will dissolve and you will be close with someone again. - Sorry, I remember this was to be a dumpees thread only. I tried to delete the entry, but I could not. Edited July 2, 2012 by CopingGal
Author StarlaStardust Posted July 2, 2012 Author Posted July 2, 2012 LOL it's all good, Coping gal. I really just mean I don't think it'd be very comforting to come to this thread as a dumpee and find dumpers talking about how much a dumpee deserved it <3 And freefalling, you are in the dumps right now, but we're here for you. 1
Author StarlaStardust Posted July 2, 2012 Author Posted July 2, 2012 I remembered some more things on the way to work this morning: -He couldn't get an apartment on his own because he was evicted some years back. I know evictions happen, people get bad luck, etc., but he's 30 years old and unable to get his own apartment. I've been evicted in the past, but I was 19, and I paid off my debt so I could get my own apartment like an adult. -Therefore, I would have been the signer on all contracts, and as someone who just disappears, he's not the best candidate to cosign for, no? Yikes! The sad thing is, I was so in love, I would have signed for anything if he had moved us toward more serious relationship ground. -His phone got shut off from time to time. I was always very kind and patient about this, but dude, pay your phone bill/keep track of due dates. Funny how he used to righteously complain about his old roommate (who is also his step brother) not paying the bills on time. This is also why he didn't "support" his brother getting married. What a hater. Haha, go on and find yourself a decent girl who is kind and patient about these things. Good luck, buddy. 1
Appleness Posted July 4, 2012 Posted July 4, 2012 1) Because he NEVER defended me. Not when his catty girl friends said things like "Oh C****, I thought you only dated pretty girls!" or when his best friend lied about me being a rude person (which was the ignition point for the breakup). Never introduced me at parties, just let me kinda fend for myself. Luckily, I am both charming and witty enough to shrug this off for YEARS. 2) Because no man should have control over when I have a child. Not when he's not ready to marry me first. Or refuse stop clubbing. 3) Because after 8 years, telling me you forgot my birthday because your best friend's wife claimed you had the wrong day is NOT a valid excuse. I don't sleep with her. My birthday is only 2 days off of what it says on Facebook. Err on the side of caution. 4) Because anyone who tells me to neglect my mother is an a**hole. Period. No, I will not put you before her. You didn't give birth to me. Just because you don't respect your mom doesn't mean that you can make me do the same. And having someone set up an intervention to berate me with this is a b*tch move. 5) Because when you break up with someone and then tell them to move, you should give them more than 3 days. 6) Just because you like being someone's back-up plan doesn't mean that I'll settle for being yours. 7) Just because you lose an argument doesn't mean that I don't fight fair. It means you're not articulate and you give up instead of standing up for your viewpoint. 8) Because one day, you'll wake up and realize that all you have are toxic friends and an empty heart.
Niaka44 Posted July 4, 2012 Posted July 4, 2012 1. He was never as interested in knowing me as I was about knowing him. 2. He forgot all the little details that meant so much to me...always. 3. Despite the fact that we were living 1200 miles apart and both had classes and work all day, he almost always chose hanging out with his friends at the end of the day over calling me when I asked. 4. He found it impossible to think seriously about the future, but would jokingly ask me to marry him as if I was supposed to find it funny. 5. Whenever I went over to his place, he just wanted to f*ck, then play video games or watch TV, then invite over a bunch of his friends to join him. Whenever he came to my place, he just wanted to f*ck, watch TV, then leave to go hang out with his friends. 6. He could be incredibly sexist when he wanted to be, and seemed to like this about himself. 7. His idea of supporting me when I was stressed was to say "don't worry about it, everything will be fine." Every. Single. Time. 8. He always said he loved the fact that we were so different, and yet in the end it was the traits I consider most essential to who I am that he seemed disgusted by. 9. He was incredibly respectful of his father, his community, and the majority of his friends...yet somehow found it impossible to respect his mother, who probably deserved it the most. 10. He bragged about our sex life to his friends while I was in the room, which I will admit was flattering at first, but then it became way too personal. 11. He just didn't get me. No matter what I said to him, there were certain things that he could never see from my point of view. This made it impossible to communicate clearly enough to overcome an issue, resulting in the same problems coming up again and again. 12. He thought that I was purposely trying to challenge him and start a fight whenever I asked for his opinion on something and then told him mine. I just wanted to know more about him and wanted him to know more about me. 13. He treated me with less respect whenever any of his friends were around, to ensure that they would never call him "whipped." 14. He didn't have the balls to tell me he'd fallen out of love with me. He continued to tell me he loved me every single day. He said it only hours before he broke up with me, which was when he finally admitted that he really didn't anymore. 15. He made jokes about my mom being a MILF, and didn't seem to care if she realized what he was talking about. 16. He took so much pride in always being himself, no matter what, and yet he was an entirely different person when we were alone together. Add anyone he might want to impress to the equation, and he became an instant *******. 17. He told me all the time that I was his female best friend, and that I was as important to him as his male best friend, but I know I never was. If that was really the case, he would have treated me with much more respect than he did.
Tazzy Posted July 4, 2012 Posted July 4, 2012 First I want to make very clear that I have been out of this relationship for 2 years but still think about him every day and still cry and hope that we will find our way back to each other: It's for the best we are not togherther for the following reasons: 1.) I loved him way more than he ever loved me. 2.) He beat me weekly. 3.) He never respected me. 4.) He lied about me over and over again to his family. 5.) He ruined every holiday or specail day by starting a fight. 6.) He NEVER put me first---EVER! 7.) He made me feel stupid-fat-and worthless. 8.) He gave me a STD. 9.) He had other girls call me up in the middle of the night threatenting to beat me up. 10.) He had multiple affairs on me.
rAFC Posted July 4, 2012 Posted July 4, 2012 First I want to make very clear that I have been out of this relationship for 2 years but still think about him every day and still cry and hope that we will find our way back to each other: It's for the best we are not togherther for the following reasons: 1.) I loved him way more than he ever loved me. 2.) He beat me weekly. 3.) He never respected me. 4.) He lied about me over and over again to his family. 5.) He ruined every holiday or specail day by starting a fight. 6.) He NEVER put me first---EVER! 7.) He made me feel stupid-fat-and worthless. 8.) He gave me a STD. 9.) He had other girls call me up in the middle of the night threatenting to beat me up. 10.) He had multiple affairs on me. Ummm, why one earth would you want to be with someone who treats you like that?
Tazzy Posted July 5, 2012 Posted July 5, 2012 Good question rAFC, If I could answer that I could move on with my life, write a book and save alot of women from going through this mess. I don't know why i miss him so much---i wish it would finally stop.
Author StarlaStardust Posted July 5, 2012 Author Posted July 5, 2012 Have you talked to "a professional" about this, Tazzy? Could help A LOT. I've been there. I'm glad you're not together anymore:) Thanks for contributing to the thread!!
xenomorph Posted July 5, 2012 Posted July 5, 2012 He never made me feel like going to the top of a mountain and belting out some ridiculous pop love song. Instead, I felt like he was a constant maintenance project; the norm was he unhappy, never really feeling like he was an inspiration; 9 morning out of 10 were an absolute drag. Who wants to feel half-mast for the rest of their lives? For this, I know it was for the best. I feel so free and silly again. Not 100% yet, but I know I can only go up from here. Bonus: friends and family all say I can do a lot better than him, because next to me, he was an unaccomplished military brat stunted at the age of 16. So yeah, I'm way better off. 1
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