Six91 Posted June 28, 2012 Posted June 28, 2012 Me and my girlfriend have been together for three and a half year. We have one child, two years old. We are 21 and 22 We love each other very much and the relationship has been good for the past months. I found out recently that about six months ago my girlfriend was thinking a lot about a guy she worked with. She was not seeing him, only a little talk on facebook. At this time the relationship was in a big downhill and we almost broke up. I knew that something was not right and was suspicious that she was seeing someone else at the time. She thought about him for a month and planned to meet him at a party and in that party he kissed her. After the kiss he stopped talking to her and she didn't talk to him. He knew she was in a relationship, that must have scared him away. All this happened in January I found out by reading her facebook chat from that time that some part of her wanted to break up with me and she wanted an "adventure" and not another long term relationship. she also said on Fb chat to one of her friends that she was proud of kissing this guy. I recently confronted her with this and she told me that she is ashamed of herself that this happened and said that it didn't do anything for her, she says that she wanted it to never happen. Now I am having a problem with trusting her. Also when i asked my girlfriend when she was going to tell me about this she cant answer.. i think she was never going to Now she said that she wants to be with me and i want to be with her.. What should i do? Should i brake up with her? One more thing. Almost everyone in our friend group knew about this. She even told two of my closest friends about this. Should i be angry with my friends not telling me? six months have passed and no one told me.. i found out by myself
Philosoraptor Posted June 28, 2012 Posted June 28, 2012 Should you trust her? She opened herself to another man emotionally and by kissing(at the very least) him. Your trust should be shaken. I would also be very upset with my friends as they should be honest with me even if it would hurt me. In this situation I would end the relationship. Not because of the kiss, I think I could work though that. But for the dishonesty and her unwillingness to tell me what had happened. If I was told right away I would forgive much easier and be able to find trust again. Having to find out myself would cause that trust to be very shaken for quite a long time. 1
HopelessinDTW Posted June 28, 2012 Posted June 28, 2012 Me and my girlfriend have been together for three and a half year. We have one child, two years old. We are 21 and 22 We love each other very much and the relationship has been good for the past months. I found out recently that about six months ago my girlfriend was thinking a lot about a guy she worked with. She was not seeing him, only a little talk on facebook. At this time the relationship was in a big downhill and we almost broke up. I knew that something was not right and was suspicious that she was seeing someone else at the time. She thought about him for a month and planned to meet him at a party and in that party he kissed her. After the kiss he stopped talking to her and she didn't talk to him. He knew she was in a relationship, that must have scared him away. All this happened in January I found out by reading her facebook chat from that time that some part of her wanted to break up with me and she wanted an "adventure" and not another long term relationship. she also said on Fb chat to one of her friends that she was proud of kissing this guy. I recently confronted her with this and she told me that she is ashamed of herself that this happened and said that it didn't do anything for her, she says that she wanted it to never happen. Now I am having a problem with trusting her. Also when i asked my girlfriend when she was going to tell me about this she cant answer.. i think she was never going to Now she said that she wants to be with me and i want to be with her.. What should i do? Should i brake up with her? One more thing. Almost everyone in our friend group knew about this. She even told two of my closest friends about this. Should i be angry with my friends not telling me? six months have passed and no one told me.. i found out by myself You should be angry at her for not telling you, but I think she thought it would just go away on it's own. The issue here I think is that you are both very young, and already have a kid together. I'm sure that has an affect in that it brings extra stress into a relationship. And the tendancy of many, I think, is that when things aren't rosy to start thinking "what if". BUT, I don't think you should just break up with her. If she was sincere in her apology, then you should except it. At the same time, you both need to talk to each other about your relationship, and what the expectations are going forward. I know you're not married, but you may want to consider going to a councilor? As always, communication is key.
Author Six91 Posted June 28, 2012 Author Posted June 28, 2012 My problem is not the kiss, it is that she opened herself to another man emotionally. We love each other very much, should i not give her a chance to regain my trust?
HopelessinDTW Posted June 28, 2012 Posted June 28, 2012 I repeat....you two are very young. You have a lot of learning to do...and that happens by making mistakes, and even doing things that you know are wrong. If there wasn't a child in the mix here, I would probably lean toward breaking up. BUT, that's not the case, and you owe it to your child to do what you can to make things work. You say you love one and other very much...that should be enough reason to put effort into your relationship. This is why having a kid at a young age can lead to problems because as your trying to raise a kid, you are growing yourself....and in this case your GF has some growing up to do.
DollWelch Posted June 28, 2012 Posted June 28, 2012 OP, I don't think you should walk away just yet. There is one very special person you forgot to take into account in this situation: your child. You have a child with this woman, this child connects you to her. You can't simply throw away a love that brought forth this gift. IF she didn't have your child, I would understand if you chose to leave her. However, don't you want to be around your child enough that he/she sees you as a father figure, a family unit? She is a young woman, exploring the world and continuously growing and learning about yourself. And so are you. Sometimes, doing the right thing means sacrificing and starting anew. You own it to yourself and your child. I think you should have a heart to heart conversation with her. Ask her where "you and her" stand as a couple in this relationship. How will both of you take on the next 10 or 30 years of this relationship? Just because the ship is sinking doesn't mean you should abandon ship!
FitChick Posted June 28, 2012 Posted June 28, 2012 A good example of why you shouldn't have kids until you are married. Now you are tied to her through this child when you would have been able to walk away. 2
Ninjainpajamas Posted June 28, 2012 Posted June 28, 2012 If feasible you should break up with her, and I only say feasible because of the child. She hasn't had an opportunity to live her life, the majority of women need that experience or adventure or they'll feel like they never got to "live life". Trust me, I've seen these women stay married until they're 30's or 40's, finally divorce their husband or the relationships go dry and they're out partying it up at the clubs/bars like their 21 years old..they're living backwards to a life they never got to experience. You also need to realize that this isn't the only life you have to live, this is your first real love it sounds like...this is always hard to forget and leave but you'll realize that being in love and loving someone are different things..however some people never really learn the difference so that's not necessarly something that comes with age or experience. Bottom line of what I'm saying, Is you're both obviously very young and there's still a lot of life to live. Your responsibility is your child but it doesn't mean your whole life is completely over, just take care of your priorities first. You should be more career/educational oriented to get yourself a good job as you'll need good insurance that doesn't come cheap and a decent wage to support the hefty load of raising another growing human being and she should be the same. If possible I'd say end this relationship, stabilize your own lives...If you really belong with each other and really do love each other you'll find your back to each other. You're too young to really have a kid but be in a relationship that isn't working and you're both not happy in or just one person wants it to work, you have to see the bigger picture...when you try to force a relationship that doesn't work it doesn't increase the chance of it lasting it just prolongs the inevitable and you can scar each other pretty deeply during that process so it's wise to let things go before they get to that level. Have a real, and serious grown-up conversation about the future, how both of you really feel and what you both really want...get your priorities straight, have a plan and get on the same page...be honest with each other though and don't try to force this relationship...and don't get upset or angry with her just because she doesn't feel the same way,it's tough but take and choose to be honest with yourself rather than live in denial...be mature and handle things with responsibility as much as your age and inexperience will permit. Try to do the right thing, which doesn't always line up with what you want.
Author Six91 Posted June 28, 2012 Author Posted June 28, 2012 Thank you all for your answers A good example of why you shouldn't have kids until you are married. Now you are tied to her through this child when you would have been able to walk away. No one has to be tied to be with someone, even if they have a child. IF you don't want to be in the relationship you can walk away.. not as easily but you still can. We both know this, Thank you FitChick for judging us. Marriage is not something that is usually not popular nor desirable where I live, even if people are perfect for each other. We both love each other and want this to work, the relationship is not forced. We usually talk each day about our relationship and most of the time the conversation is positive.
luvinthesun Posted June 28, 2012 Posted June 28, 2012 Sorry this happened to you. Obviously u caught her...so trust is an issue. Is feel different i she came and spilled the beans. As far as the friends go...not friends. They should have told u or atleadt told her shed better tell before they do. My ex cheated on me and everyone knew...except me... Is also be suspicious she did something with the friends...
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