FitChick Posted June 28, 2012 Posted June 28, 2012 Men who are too closed and too guarded turn me off. There is such a thing as being open but neutral and having a healthy "let's see what happens" attitude. The opposite is just as bad -- having an agenda and trying to mold the other person to fit that agenda.
truth_seeker Posted June 28, 2012 Posted June 28, 2012 (edited) I know many an open person who doesn't want to play games yet feels like they have to. Dating games themselves represent how artificial dating and getting to know someone has become. Too many believe that if it doesn't follow some set path that something is wrong. Being open doesn't have to mean attachment by any means though. I'll sit down with strangers I meet out and about and can have a heart to heart conversation with them. Why is naturally being an open person considered such a strange thing? It comes down to what is in a person's head. I agree with you and can be open, but someone else may act differently. I don't think anyone is wrong here, just have different philosophies. Edited June 28, 2012 by truth_seeker
Author Philosoraptor Posted June 28, 2012 Author Posted June 28, 2012 Being open is just a way of accepting people are/do/want/think similar things and that we are all in the same bowl of fish here. Pretty much. We're all just as weird but in our own ways. Men who are too closed and too guarded turn me off. There is such a thing as being open but neutral and having a healthy "let's see what happens" attitude. The opposite is just as bad -- having an agenda and trying to mold the other person to fit that agenda. Open with patience. It makes for an interesting yet rewarding life. It comes down to what is in a person's head. I agree with you and can be open, but someone else may act differently. I don't thing anyone is wrong here, just have different philosophies. I agree with you. I'd never ask anyone to change anything about themselves. If you don't like someone for just who they are you probably shouldn't be with them anyways. 2
pteromom Posted June 28, 2012 Posted June 28, 2012 On the other side of things those comfortable enough within themselves to open up can come off as desperate just based on how far it leans from the social "norm". I know in the past when talking to people I could see they were uncomfortable with the level of comfort I have with myself and my lack of fear to open up to others. So what do you think? Does that level of comfort just have the tendency to scare people away? If so, why do you think it does? YES. I am a very open person and small talk annoys the heck out of me. In the words of Larry David, I am always trying to elevate the small talk to medium talk. LOL I like having cut-to-the-point meaningful conversation, and yes, people are uncomfortable with it. I think people are afraid of being judged.
Author Philosoraptor Posted June 29, 2012 Author Posted June 29, 2012 YES. I am a very open person and small talk annoys the heck out of me. In the words of Larry David, I am always trying to elevate the small talk to medium talk. LOL I like having cut-to-the-point meaningful conversation, and yes, people are uncomfortable with it. I think people are afraid of being judged. True point. Opening up leaves us open to the judgements of others. Many are unable to handle the possibility of someone judging them in a negative light. your rare among females. males shouldn't have deeper or serious conversations with females. exceptions are older 40 plus and some less attractive females. I understand the points you've made but you seem to be speaking much out of hurt. Overall plenty of people both feel comfortable and uncomfortable with openness. This is directed at both genders. 1
Emilia Posted June 29, 2012 Posted June 29, 2012 Well that's your natural. I'd certainly never advocate anyone not being themselves. But plenty out there are quite open and have no fear of sharing themselves with the world. I know many an open person who doesn't want to play games yet feels like they have to. Dating games themselves represent how artificial dating and getting to know someone has become. Too many believe that if it doesn't follow some set path that something is wrong. Not being open isn't the same as playing games. I have my boundaries and I don't think a stranger has the right to interrogate me. Being open doesn't have to mean attachment by any means though. I'll sit down with strangers I meet out and about and can have a heart to heart conversation with them. Why is naturally being an open person considered such a strange thing? I think having a heart-to-heart with strangers is strange yes. Not wrong of course as we are all different but I think there ought to be a difference between your relationship with people you are closed to and strangers or acquaintances. This is because in my opinion trust shouldn't be given willy nilly to anyone
Author Philosoraptor Posted June 29, 2012 Author Posted June 29, 2012 Not being open isn't the same as playing games. I have my boundaries and I don't think a stranger has the right to interrogate me. I think having a heart-to-heart with strangers is strange yes. Not wrong of course as we are all different but I think there ought to be a difference between your relationship with people you are closed to and strangers or acquaintances. This is because in my opinion trust shouldn't be given willy nilly to anyone Good on you for not subjecting yourself to such games and holding strong to your own personal boundaries. 1
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