Star Gazer Posted June 28, 2012 Posted June 28, 2012 I've always thought it was a sort of "lie" that men don't like to talk about their "feelings" (not just about the relationship/woman in his life, but anything really - work, family, stress, whatever). However, a conversation I had today with some girlfriends left me wondering if maybe I'm wrong... and that maybe the pool of men I have had to sample from (IRL) just so happens to be really open, expressive men, and that maybe most men actually are less communicative about how they feel. So guys, tell me: Are you an emotionally expressive person? What are you comfortable/not comfortable sharing with your SO?
joystickd Posted June 28, 2012 Posted June 28, 2012 When I was with someone I didn't really express my feelings. Sometimes you feel really they wouldn't understand exactly what you are feeling or you just don't want to be seen that vulnerable to the woman you are with. When I was with that person I had a really hard time dealing with my feelings anyway because I felt certain feelings really intense so it was best to say nothing at the time I was experiencing those feelings.
Manimal Posted June 28, 2012 Posted June 28, 2012 I'd say I'm fairly transparent and forthright, so communication is one of my strong points. One of the toughest things for me to endure regarding dating was all the games people'd play instead of just being honest and open. I understand the finesse and chess men and women (or same sex couples) play and the importance that has in structuring relationships, but some folks just let it run amok. Hate it. 1
Thierro Posted June 28, 2012 Posted June 28, 2012 If you appear more emotional than the girl you're with, you're gonna have a bad time.
Pyro Posted June 28, 2012 Posted June 28, 2012 Expressing what is on the inside I never really had a problem with. That is something that I always had confidence in. The tricky part is the balance. Don't be an emotionless robot (no offense Johan) and don't be a needy whiny b*tch either.
Woggle Posted June 28, 2012 Posted June 28, 2012 I do but it took a lot for me to do it because I know how it can work against a man with some women. Some women really will use it as a weapon against you. How do your friends feel about their men being expressive?
Philosoraptor Posted June 28, 2012 Posted June 28, 2012 When my heart wants someone all the walls just kinda drop. So yea, I'm not afraid to say or express much of anything. It's true that it can get you in trouble, but it's just the way I am and I accept it. 1
melodymatters Posted June 28, 2012 Posted June 28, 2012 In my experience, a guys SO tends to be the one person he DOES talk about his feelings with. Watch a bunch of guys together and it's sports, politics, whatever, they do NOT talk about their feelings much with each other. When I was bartending, I'd learn more about a guy in a half an hour than his best friend of ten years who's sitting right next to him ! 1
Woggle Posted June 28, 2012 Posted June 28, 2012 In my experience, a guys SO tends to be the one person he DOES talk about his feelings with. Watch a bunch of guys together and it's sports, politics, whatever, they do NOT talk about their feelings much with each other. When I was bartending, I'd learn more about a guy in a half an hour than his best friend of ten years who's sitting right next to him ! Which in many cases is a bag mistake because sometimes it kills the attraction.
melodymatters Posted June 28, 2012 Posted June 28, 2012 Which in many cases is a bag mistake because sometimes it kills the attraction. ...Maybe for little girls who want big tough "bad boys". I like manly men, BELIEVE me, but my dudes GOT to talk to ME at least. I ran a biker compound and these guys were NOT p*ssies, lol, but they would spill a LOT, and I liked them better for it !
Author Star Gazer Posted June 29, 2012 Author Posted June 29, 2012 I do but it took a lot for me to do it because I know how it can work against a man with some women. Some women really will use it as a weapon against you. How do your friends feel about their men being expressive? You're one of the people I thought of who doesn't share your feelings, Wog. You've talked a lot here about how you feel, but I remember many a conversation where you were asked why you didn't share your feelings with your wife, and you didn't really have a reason. As for my friends, we're all pretty much in agreement that we wish the men in our lives would be more expressive about how they feel about things in general.
Woggle Posted June 29, 2012 Posted June 29, 2012 You're one of the people I thought of who doesn't share your feelings, Wog. You've talked a lot here about how you feel, but I remember many a conversation where you were asked why you didn't share your feelings with your wife, and you didn't really have a reason. As for my friends, we're all pretty much in agreement that we wish the men in our lives would be more expressive about how they feel about things in general. I finally opened up to my wife and it has worked out well but I know from what I have seen in my first marriage and with my father and what I have witnessed in friend's relationships that often sharing feelings with a woman is the kiss of death for attraction.
Els Posted June 29, 2012 Posted June 29, 2012 I think it depends on how the particular individual communicates love, ie the 5 'languages'. IME women do so more via 'words' and men via 'acts of service', with the other three being roughly equally split up. My viewpoint could definitely be biased due to personal experience though.
SarahRose Posted June 29, 2012 Posted June 29, 2012 i really don't men are all that demonstrative with their feelings. they do it at first because they feel they have to but it dies off; the old bait and switch. my first husband was more verbal about his feelings towards me and showed it with acts of love but he was also very mean and verbally abusive so that negated the positive things. my 2nd husband seldom says anything to me. if we are on chat and i put xoxo he doesn't do it back. he seldom says he loves me, unless i say it first. he has a pet name for me that is supposed to be affectionate but it isn't very flattering. it is silly, not insulting. let's just say his never expressing his feelings towards me leave me with this disconnected lonely feeling. i am sure he loves me and i am happy in my marriage but if he just made the slightest effort even, it would make a world of difference. that is the thing guys don't realise, just a little bit of effort really helps but for some reason they just won't do it.
Got it Posted June 29, 2012 Posted June 29, 2012 My ex husband was the most disconnected from his feelings. I remember when we started dating, back in high school, he started crying and had no idea why. That was amazing to me to not know why one would have that outburst. But as we continued to date I learned how much he would stuff his feelings, due to issues growing up, and be very disconnected from himself. He got better over time but until he went to therapy never seemed to really bridge the gap. But he was expressive with his feelings and would discuss. I don't recall him not saying I love you and such though I do remember the harder conversations on why things weren't working would cause him to shut down. My fiance is very vocal about his feelings and communicates quite well. He has no issues telling me how he feels both good and bad. I am big on communication so this is very important to me. Both of these men are very open about their vulnerabilities and were expressive with their fears and weaknesses. I don't think it has caused me to feel less about them. The one thing that does bug me, in regards to emotions, is persistent negativity. When one complains about things but does nothing to fix it. That does drive me batty and I don't understand it. 1
BetheButterfly Posted June 29, 2012 Posted June 29, 2012 I've always thought it was a sort of "lie" that men don't like to talk about their "feelings" (not just about the relationship/woman in his life, but anything really - work, family, stress, whatever). However, a conversation I had today with some girlfriends left me wondering if maybe I'm wrong... and that maybe the pool of men I have had to sample from (IRL) just so happens to be really open, expressive men, and that maybe most men actually are less communicative about how they feel. So guys, tell me: Are you an emotionally expressive person? What are you comfortable/not comfortable sharing with your SO? My hubby does not like nor has the time for online discussion forums (although he's fine that I write on forums, though he tells me I need to get unaddicted lol) but I would like to say that he is an emotionally expressive person. He tells me when and why he is sad or happy or excited or tired or whatever he is feeling at the moment, and why he loves me too! I really like how verbal he is and think that helps our connection be so strong!!!
EasyHeart Posted June 29, 2012 Posted June 29, 2012 Men tend to express their feelings by doing things for their SO, not talking about them. In ManWorld, talk is cheap and actions speak louder than words, so why waste time talking about stuff? If a guy shovels the snow from your driveway, it's his way of saying, "You are my sun and stars and I dream of spending eternity with you!" Talking about their feelings is learned behavior that most men never have to bother learning about. 2
Eddie Edirol Posted June 29, 2012 Posted June 29, 2012 I avoid talking about my feelings for an SO much of the time, because it makes me uncomfortable, I dont like it. Once you say one lil feeling, the woman gloms onto that and wont leave the subject alone, and wants more. But once in a while, I'll say something, but it isnt often. I guess once I meet someone that I feel a lil stronger about, it wont be as much of an issue.
zengirl Posted June 29, 2012 Posted June 29, 2012 Men tend to express their feelings by doing things for their SO, not talking about them. In ManWorld, talk is cheap and actions speak louder than words, so why waste time talking about stuff? If a guy shovels the snow from your driveway, it's his way of saying, "You are my sun and stars and I dream of spending eternity with you!" Talking about their feelings is learned behavior that most men never have to bother learning about. In my experience, men do talk about their feelings, though they do it differently than many women. Of course a lot of that will be generational too! Really, for a long time, men were discouraged from building that particular behavior as EH says. Even if a man DOES talk about his feelings, what I'd really look for is what EH says here, though. Talk is cheap, and any man who's talking more than he's acting. . . well, there's usually something fishy there, IME.
BetheButterfly Posted June 29, 2012 Posted June 29, 2012 (edited) Men tend to express their feelings by doing things for their SO, not talking about them. In ManWorld, talk is cheap and actions speak louder than words, so why waste time talking about stuff? If a guy shovels the snow from your driveway, it's his way of saying, "You are my sun and stars and I dream of spending eternity with you!" Talking about their feelings is learned behavior that most men never have to bother learning about. One of the most difficult areas in marriage or a relationship is communication. It is true that sadly many men do not understand how to communicate/express their feelings and thoughts with others. However, learning how to effectively communicate greatly helps relationships to endure and grow. Interestingly, I have a much more difficult time communicating/expressing my thoughts and feelings than my hubby does. However, my hubby's gift of communicating has really helped us grow closer together. For example, there have been times when I have sulked and left when I have been upset about something. However, he seeks me to talk, and asks me about my feelings, and tells me his. I really appreciate that about him. He doesn't want a wall between us, and communication about our feelings in a kind way helps no wall to be built. Edited June 29, 2012 by BetheButterfly
Recommended Posts