Why don't you want kids?

[manup]

How is that post any of those things? I think what she said makes perfect sense. There is no reason for a person to be viewed as "better" than someone else because they want kids.

Just because someone has a kid doesn't mean they are making society any better either. There are PLENTY of ways to make society better that have nothing to do with kids.

 

no one is saying anyone with kids are better, everyone just got extra combative for no reason

[Jane2011]

Here are the reasons I don't want kids:

 

1) I like having free time and just doing what I feel like on the spur of the moment.

 

2) I don't make enough money to have a kid. If I had a husband who made enough money to have a kid, I might be willing to have ONE if he (my husband) and I were in love and wanted to nourish the life of a child for 18 years.

 

3) I don't generally feel THAT much desire to have a kid. My maternal instinct is on the low side. (Doesn't mean I don't like kids; I do; I just don't have a strong inclination to have one of my own).

 

4) Older sister # 1 has two kids, and older sister # 2 has three, and I get to enjoy their children as the cool and doting aunt. I have children in my life, and enjoy it. They love me, and I love them.

 

5) As someone else said, why bring a child into the world when my own life has been a lot of struggles? I've had plenty of happiness, too, I think, but on the whole, things have been more disappointing and dreary than joyful. So...I don't want to bring a kid into the world when he/she might experience the same thing.

 

6) I'd like to adopt if I did have a kid. But I can't afford to adopt. Mind you, it'd be nice to have a kid who was my own flesh and blood. But then when you consider how many kids there are out there who have sucky lives who need parents who care and who will steer them in a positive, prosperous direction, it seems kind of strange to ignore them.

[zengirl]

This is racist, classist, elitist, and small minded. I mean you sound like a nihilist for christ's sake. I doubt you contribute much to society, other than maybe some petty volunteer work and what a job? Are you employed? How do you make society better?

 

How did I discuss race, class, or elitism at all? I mean, clearly you're just using incendiary words, but you could at least feign an argument. Of course, I'm employed, and I do a lot for my community (even my work is nonprofit -- nonprofit work with at-risk kids, as a matter of fact -- and plenty of volunteer work on my free time and plenty of my disposable income, which would be depleted if I had kids, goes to charitable organizations as well), but none of that is the point. The point is that there's nothing inherently unselfish about having children. There just isn't and historically has never been. Another poster suggested that not having kids was all "me me me" selfishness -- I'd agree it is sometimes, about to the same degree having kids is generally as well.

[Pierre]

I read the thread once again. The reasons some folks don't want kids are clear:

 

1. Some folks cannot afford kids. Nothing wrong with that!

 

2. Others state they are living in misery and there is no need to bring kids into misery.

 

3. Others claim to have no paternal or maternal instincts and that is OK. Not everybody likes sex, some folks are asexual. By the same token some people have no interest in procreation, they just don't feel it.

 

4. Others want to travel and this falls in the economics category. They just cannot afford children.

 

5. Other are simply vain and fear their bodies will change. This is probably the ony suspect reason for avoiding kids and it is probably pathological.

[KatZee]

I'm 28 and I have yet to feel that "urge" to have babies. I never have particularly have wanted to have kids. I've been force-fed that I am "supposed" to by my mother, and that I need to start soon or else I'll soon be too old to.

 

1. Way too much responsibility. I enjoy the feeling of doing what I want, when I want. With a child, you can't just pick up and go wherever you want. You essentially no longer have a life, your life becomes your child's life.

 

2. The world is so over populated as is, and with each generation that is born, the farther humanity continues to fall into the sewer. I am not so naive and over-inflated to think that some child of mine would be the best person on earth, caring, wonderful, etc. I would be horrified if I spawned some of the garbage I see walking around the earth today.

 

3. I value my sleep and personal time. This is a huge part of my personality. I become a nightmare if I sleep less than 8 hours per night. And I need frequent alone time to recharge my batteries. Neither of these things are possible to have with a baby.

 

4. I'm too spontaneous for a baby. I love to travel. There is too much I want to do and being stuck with a baby is not on any list I have for my life.

 

5. On AN EXTREMELY superficial level, I would most likely become extremely depressed over my body. Sure, celebrities and supermodels bounce back from pregnancies with no stretch marks, flawless skin, flat abs... but in the real world, real women do not look like this. I've seen quite a few "real women" bodies, and it freaks me out. The wrinkled skin, the pouchy stomach, stretched out belly buttons, dozens of thick stretch marks... I on a superficial level would be in despair if that was the way my body would look from there on out. No bikini's. No tight shirts. Always trying to cover it up.

[OliveOyl]

 

5. On AN EXTREMELY superficial level, I would most likely become extremely depressed over my body. Sure, celebrities and supermodels bounce back from pregnancies with no stretch marks, flawless skin, flat abs... but in the real world, real women do not look like this. I've seen quite a few "real women" bodies, and it freaks me out. The wrinkled skin, the pouchy stomach, stretched out belly buttons, dozens of thick stretch marks... I on a superficial level would be in despair if that was the way my body would look from there on out. No bikini's. No tight shirts. Always trying to cover it up.

This part is not necessarily true. For most women I know, their bodies did not significantly change post childbirth. Yes there was SOME change but nothing so very obvious or extreme. Stretch marks are not a given. I have had two kids but no stretch marks. The biggest factors that are largely within one's control, are weight gain, both during and directly after childbirth. If you don't gain a lot of weight then you won't have big problems with wrinkled skin, pouchy stomach, etc.

[SunandMoon]

I wouldn't mind having kids one day - not any time soon, still got things I need to get in order and, well, "live" before I'm tied down with such a responsibility.

 

And I've yet to date someone I'd want to marry or have children with (to be fair my track record is very scarce in that regard.) Someday perhaps, when I feel I'm ready.

[Pierre]

I'm 28 and I have yet to feel that "urge" to have babies. I never have particularly have wanted to have kids. I've been force-fed that I am "supposed" to by my mother, and that I need to start soon or else I'll soon be too old to.

 

Exactly! Women that have no maternal instinct should never have children. This is a huge problem in the world.

 

1. Way too much responsibility. I enjoy the feeling of doing what I want, when I want. With a child, you can't just pick up and go wherever you want. You essentially no longer have a life, your life becomes your child's life.

 

Good point! Those that cannot be responsible should not have kids. The world will be a much better place if these folks do not reproduce.

 

I would be horrified if I spawned some of the garbage I see walking around the earth today.

Good for you for not passing your genes!

 

 

 

5. On AN EXTREMELY superficial level, I would most likely become extremely depressed over my body. Sure, celebrities and supermodels bounce back from pregnancies with no stretch marks, flawless skin, flat abs... but in the real world, real women do not look like this. I've seen quite a few "real women" bodies, and it freaks me out. The wrinkled skin, the pouchy stomach, stretched out belly buttons, dozens of thick stretch marks... I on a superficial level would be in despair if that was the way my body would look from there on out. No bikini's. No tight shirts. Always trying to cover it up.

 

Vanity and superficiality are not crimes.

 

Start saving money for all the plastic surgery your vanity will require when you get old.

[Leigh 87]

I'm 28 and I have yet to feel that "urge" to have babies. I never have particularly have wanted to have kids. I've been force-fed that I am "supposed" to by my mother, and that I need to start soon or else I'll soon be too old to.

 

1. Way too much responsibility. I enjoy the feeling of doing what I want, when I want. With a child, you can't just pick up and go wherever you want. You essentially no longer have a life, your life becomes your child's life.

 

2. The world is so over populated as is, and with each generation that is born, the farther humanity continues to fall into the sewer. I am not so naive and over-inflated to think that some child of mine would be the best person on earth, caring, wonderful, etc. I would be horrified if I spawned some of the garbage I see walking around the earth today.

 

3. I value my sleep and personal time. This is a huge part of my personality. I become a nightmare if I sleep less than 8 hours per night. And I need frequent alone time to recharge my batteries. Neither of these things are possible to have with a baby.

 

4. I'm too spontaneous for a baby. I love to travel. There is too much I want to do and being stuck with a baby is not on any list I have for my life.

 

5. On AN EXTREMELY superficial level, I would most likely become extremely depressed over my body. Sure, celebrities and supermodels bounce back from pregnancies with no stretch marks, flawless skin, flat abs... but in the real world, real women do not look like this. I've seen quite a few "real women" bodies, and it freaks me out. The wrinkled skin, the pouchy stomach, stretched out belly buttons, dozens of thick stretch marks... I on a superficial level would be in despair if that was the way my body would look from there on out. No bikini's. No tight shirts. Always trying to cover it up.

 

 

 

 

 

You outlined my own reasons better than I could myself. Except, in regards to my body, I would not care if I had everything ELSE in life that would make having a baby otherwise pleasant (a lot of money, and could hire a cleaner and nannies, so that I could still have some semblance of my life, such as a a once a year travel trip without the kids, for instance).

 

Basically, I would have kids and ignore the things it does to my body, if everything else was in place. My body would not be the ONLY reason holding me back.

I guess I would need': enough money to support a child, the right man, and I would have had to have experienced the essentials in life that I desperately want to explore, such as extensive travel.

I am 25. By the time I travel extensively, I will be in my mid 30's. I will be far less fertile by then, may not have the right guy, and may not be able to afford a child.

 

I hate how pierre alluded to the fact that I am a lazy b8tch, because I want to travel and back pack and be child free while I travel! He was like "

gee, women can travel and see the world and have kids, and study to boot!"

........ hello, I am 25 and want to travel MY way, I want to back pack and party and not have to take a baby with me, when I have no desire to have a child right now!!!

What;s more - studying full time, working full time, and looking after a child full time IS BEST LEFT FOR SUPER MUMS. I am NOT of that ilk! I do NOT WANT to struggle that way! For me, is is VERY unnappealing, to study, work, and look after a kid - and there you go, that IS your life.

 

Really, it is not vain, superficial, or selfish of me to not want a child for my reasons I outlined... You know, if you do not have the urge to have kids, and have other plans you desperately want to fulfill - WHAT is the problem with not " wanting to give up all the things I want to do in live, just to have a kid I do not actually have maternal desires for"

 

I am still reeling from the stupid " well u can have it all AND have kids - travel study, work full time... ( obviously I am a faliure and less of a women should I not WANT to take everything on)

[Titania22]

He was like "

gee, women can travel and see the world and have kids, and study to boot!"

 

I just want to address this point. Yes, it is possible to travel with kids, but the type of holiday is extremely different, and way more expensive then you can do on your own.

 

For example I am coming to LA for a week. Alone my airfare is $1600, if my kids were coming too, $4800 in airfare. I will sleep on someones couch for the week, for free, with kids you have to get a hotel room, even at a backpackers, you have to pay for a private room, $?. Then I can choose whether to eat or not and how often to do it, but kids need food regularly, and will whine at you until you feed them. Also you may be content just to spend the holiday walking around looking at stuff for free, and maybe going to the beach, but they won't. It's LA for goodness sake, full of tourist attractions the kids would enjoy and they all have their admission prices. And forget adult time, meeting new people and sitting around talking to them. Kids hate that stuff, and will drive you crazy if they aren't being entertained. No, there is a reason I am going alone, and I can only do it, because my kids are teenagers now (and my parents live close by). If they were any younger forget it.

 

I have been enjoying this thread, many people have said things that I absolutely agreed with. I have kids and I love them, but being on this path has closed many options for me along the way and limited my choices. Everyone is different and has different physical limitations. Some poeple have boundless energy, can cope with very little sleep, work full time and still give their kids their best. Most of us aren't capable of that, and when those people try to do it all, the kids suffer and the parents suffer. For me I always chose my kids over work or career (I literally don't have the physical energy for both.), because I already had the kids, I was bound to them and so I wanted to do my best for them, but the downside is we don't live extravagant lives. We didn't have the money when they were younger to be doing all sorts of extracurricular activities (like music lessons etc). I don't regret my choice, but if I had realized what I was committing too I probably would have chosen differently. I know today, I wouldn't do it again.

[KatZee]

Not quite sure why you felt the need to comment so condescendingly.

 

1. I am extremely responsible. I have my sh*t together. I own my own home, my own car, have a career, and don't need anyone to care for me in this world. What I do NOT like, is the feeling of "obligation." A baby is an OBLIGATION.

 

2. Good for me for not passing my genes? If I lived in a naive little world and wanted kids, I'd have as many as possible. I'm a good person. I treat others the way others would like to be treated. I forgive. I love. I respect. I care for and support.

 

UNFORTUNATELY, there are a lot of sick individuals out there. Bullying, criminals, hatred, peer pressure. Even the kindest of individuals can become manipulated, brainwashed and sucked into a life of crime and negativity. I would never want to even watch that for one second with something that came out of me.

 

3. I would NEVER get plastic surgery. Being "vain" about an appearance, and going overboard due to extreme insecurity are two very different things. I fully accept my body. I take pride in it. I work out, I take care of it, and I make sure to always look my best. Surgery would never be an option with me.

 

Thanks for all of your comments though.

 

Exactly! Women that have no maternal instinct should never have children. This is a huge problem in the world.

 

 

 

Good point! Those that cannot be responsible should not have kids. The world will be a much better place if these folks do not reproduce.

 

Good for you for not passing your genes!

 

 

 

 

 

Vanity and superficiality are not crimes.

 

Start saving money for all the plastic surgery your vanity will require when you get old.

[GKM]

To me, there is a difference between people who just happen to have kids, and those who take the role of parent seriously and put in a lot of time and energy.

 

I know Im currently not able to be that awesome parent. No time/money/selfish etc. Im not ruling out the possiblity - I'm only 26, by the time Im 35 and its crunch time perhaps I will have evolved and met an awesome life partner...heres hoping

[kaylan]

This part is not necessarily true. For most women I know, their bodies did not significantly change post childbirth. Yes there was SOME change but nothing so very obvious or extreme. Stretch marks are not a given. I have had two kids but no stretch marks. The biggest factors that are largely within one's control, are weight gain, both during and directly after childbirth. If you don't gain a lot of weight then you won't have big problems with wrinkled skin, pouchy stomach, etc.

Actually Id say many, if not most women will go through permanent body changes due to pregnancy and not be able to control it. Over at bodybuilding.com, many of the hardcore fitness girls will tell you their stomachs, butt, and boobs were never the same again. Its a fact of life and happens to a lot of girls.

 

Hell, heres a support site for those body issues. The Shape of a Mother

 

Sure women can get fit again, but many still come out with stretch marks, a pooch, and different breasts. And Ive seen the before and after pictures of fitness women who didnt gain much weigh at all during pregnancy. A lot of this cant be avoided and is expected to happen since your tummy grows, sometimes splitting your ab muscles, and your breasts and hips enlarge too. Even if a girl doesnt gain much weight, shes prolly gonna see many body differences more often than not.

 

I dont blame woman who wanna avoid pregnancy if theyve dealt with body issues in the past or really care about their look. More power to them.

Edited August 30, 2012 by kaylan

[Hopeful30]

i dont like them and am not willing to dedicate my life to one

[kaylan]

Good point! Those that cannot be responsible should not have kids. The world will be a much better place if these folks do not reproduce.

 

Good for you for not passing your genes!

This is about choice for many people...not just ability. I and many others have the ability to be responsible for kids, wed just rather not at this time. Calm the condescending attitude.

 

Vanity and superficiality are not crimes.

 

Start saving money for all the plastic surgery your vanity will require when you get old.

Just because a woman doesnt want her body ravaged by pregnancy, does not mean she wants to get plastic surgery. Why do people treat it like a crime to enjoy your appearance and vitality? Usually folks who dont take care of themselves shame those who do.

[Leigh 87]

Actually Id say many, if not most women will go through permanent body changes due to pregnancy and not be able to control it. Over at bodybuilding.com, many of the hardcore fitness girls will tell you their stomachs, butt, and boobs were never the same again. Its a fact of life and happens to a lot of girls.

 

Hell, heres a support site for those body issues. The Shape of a Mother

 

Sure women can get fit again, but many still come out with stretch marks, a pooch, and different breasts. And Ive seen the before and after pictures of fitness women who didnt gain much weigh at all during pregnancy. A lot of this cant be avoided and is expected to happen since your tummy grows, sometimes splitting your ab muscles, and your breasts and hips enlarge too. Even if a girl doesnt gain much weight, shes prolly gonna see many body differences more often than not.

 

I dont blame woman who wanna avoid pregnancy if theyve dealt with body issues in the past or really care about their look. More power to them.

 

 

 

 

I had anorexia in the past, and a main factor in not having kids, is the risk of me reverting back to my old ways whilst pregant.

I do not trust myself to be able to handle gaining MORE weight. Gaining to my natural 130 lbs at 5 ' 5 has been hard enough.

I cannot put my unborn baby, who I would probably already love and feel very attached to, at risk. Just no.

 

Women who have had anorexia should think very hard about having children; what if you freak out about your weight gain! You will be putting your unborn baby's life at risk if you refuse to gain enough weight during pregnancy!

I am at the upper limit of what I CAN tollerate, weight wise! My medium/slim version of myself is ALL I can handle! I do not want to be a heavy version of myself.

[Leigh 87]

Pierre, what is your issue with women who enjoy being slim and fit, and

who would rather not go through pregnancy for that reason alone?

Your opinion only serves to make you look judgmental. Which is just as bad as being " vain" in my books.

How does it make them too vain to have a good character?

 

You do realize there are PLENTY of women who enjoy being slim and/or fit, who would not have a baby because of what it would do to their body, who are actually just as nice, caring, and giving as those women who WOULD have babies?

...........I really enjoy being slim and fit. It makes life better. Of course that is not ALL there is to life, without friends, family, love, and giving back to others, being slim and fit would not BE enough to fulfill me.

 

Can you please tell me, how does wanting to have a great body diminish your strength of character?

Last time I checked, I knew of a few charity workers who travel overseas to help out the less fortunate, who also enjoyed maintaining a slim figure.

Clearly, even the most giving of people can still also prefer having a fit body, than having babies?

 

I want to reitorate: I KNOW people who have babies and do not let losing their figure deterr them. And they are real b*tches!

I MUST add - if the maternal insinct was THAT strong, losing your figure and thinness would NOT supercede having a baby!

[Pierre]

Actually Id say many, if not most women will go through permanent body changes due to pregnancy and not be able to control it. Over at bodybuilding.com, many of the hardcore fitness girls will tell you their stomachs, butt, and boobs were never the same again. Its a fact of life and happens to a lot of girls.

 

Hell, heres a support site for those body issues. The Shape of a Mother

 

Sure women can get fit again, but many still come out with stretch marks, a pooch, and different breasts. And Ive seen the before and after pictures of fitness women who didnt gain much weigh at all during pregnancy. A lot of this cant be avoided and is expected to happen since your tummy grows, sometimes splitting your ab muscles, and your breasts and hips enlarge too. Even if a girl doesnt gain much weight, shes prolly gonna see many body differences more often than not.

 

I dont blame woman who wanna avoid pregnancy if theyve dealt with body issues in the past or really care about their look. More power to them.

 

Another vanity post???:o

[FitChick]

My friend makes a lot of money running a Montessori nursery school. She has never had kids, although she initially wanted them. After starting her school, she had her tubes tied.

[FitChick]

For example I am coming to LA for a week.

 

How did you like your trip? Who did you meet from LS finally?

[MercuryMorrison1]

I don't want to have kids for several reasons.

 

#1 - Quite simply...I want to focus on improving my own life. Some people call that being selfish, but people who say that are ignorant fools. I want to go to college and better myself intellectually, which is something that is very hard to do if you are responsible for one or more children.

 

#2 - The world is already overpopulated...We just supassed 7-billion people worldwide. Food, Gas, Water, Oil...etc...etc...All our issues we currently have with our resorces aren't just going to go away. In essence, I would actually feel as though I were being selfish if I chose to have kids.

 

#3 - Children annoy me for the most part. I find it rare that I cross paths with a child who doesn't get on my nerves after awhile. As far as I am concerned children are...Noisy, Messy, Smelly and Expensive.

 

Don't get me wrong...If I were to ever get someone pregnant, I would be there for and support my would be child. But I do take every percaution while having sex, condom's, birth control all that stuff, because I don't want to find myself in that situation.

[Leigh 87]

Pierre sounds very misguided and misiformed... He honestly sounds like he does notbelieve that people who want to protect their bodies,and avoid having kids to help do this, are not as worthy of good as people who DO have kids:sick:

Mate, you have to seriously have a think about your attitude; remember, there ARE plenty of people who do not want kids for vanity reasons, who are also very lovely, caring people.

YOU could even meet a lady who was everything you wanted; kind, caring, selfless, did so much for you... And for all YOU know, she could feel this way about kids.

What you claim to be vain and therefore some bit weakness in character, is actually NOT indicative at ALL that the person is overall a selfish person ingeneral.......

 

You really have it wrong with this!

[MercuryMorrison1]

The problem is that the reasons given sound selfish.

 

Furthermore, I would bet that if you told a dog lover that you do not like dogs he or she would be offended.

 

What I want to know is why people like you think its selfish for people like me and many others to choose not to have kids? Like I stated in my above post...The world is already over populated and our resorce's are getting less and less abundent as time go's by...In fact, the logical thing to do seems to be to not have kids! To me it just sounds like you are old fashioned in your belife's about procreation.

 

Not one single person on this planet is obligated to have a child. Having a child is a personal choice made by an individual or in most cases a couple. If they choose not to based on vanity alone, who cares?? Its not their job to have children, and if they want to take mesures to preserve their body then they have every right to. Most of that stated applys to women.

 

If you want to know why I as a man choose not to have kids...Read my above post.

[KungFuJoe]

I have three kids and I wouldn't think twice if someone said they didn't want to have kids. It definitely ain't easy! Don't get me wrong, I love them to death...but you better be 110% sure you really want them before doing so.

[kaylan]

Pierre...isnt having kids selfish in the first place? Its about what the inner self wants a lot of the time, irrespective of the fact that those kids may not have it easy growing up depending on their parents ability to take care of them.

Another vanity post???:o

Lol @ people who dont have good physical appeal, hating on those who do and care about their physical appeal and fitness levels. Fitness and looking good tend to go hand in hand. I like to be a top performer when I play sports. I love them and dont wanna be all broken down and unable to run around past age 30. I want to look sexy too. So I kill two birds with one stone by working out. Fitness girls do the same thing, and pregnancy is something to really think about for some of them.

 

You can say "looks fade" or "looks arent the most important thing" until you are blue in the face. Looks fade and they arent the most important part of a person, but that doesnt mean people shouldnt want to look good at any age. If you actually looked at that site I linked, youd see many of those women cannot stand what pregnancy did to their bodies, despite the blessing of children.

 

Wanna call them vain for caring about the effects of having kids?

Edited August 31, 2012 by kaylan