FitChick Posted June 28, 2012 Posted June 28, 2012 I love kids, but don't want them. I love being around kids so much, that I considered a job in child care. Still, I do not want kids. I had a friend who criticized me for not wanting kids. She opened up her own very successful Montessori daycare, hiring three assistants. She made more money than her engineer husband. They had no kids, by the way. She got her tubes tied. 1
Ross MwcFan Posted June 28, 2012 Posted June 28, 2012 Selfish because you don't want a dependent (responsibilities) and want to continue to live your life by the seat of your pants...People have to grow up sometimes! I'm not good with kids but I want a couple someday:) Wanting to have or not have kids has nothing to do with maturity.
FitChick Posted June 28, 2012 Posted June 28, 2012 Here's an article about the myth of Having iI All.
Eddie Edirol Posted June 28, 2012 Posted June 28, 2012 See if your mindset changes when your old and have no one to look after you...That's pretty sad! Not being able to have kids (due to biological or not finding the one) are perfectly legit reasons...But not wanting kids because you want to travel around the world is a bit naive and selfish. It is selfish, but how is it naive? When you want to burden the world with another mouth to feed for your own entertainment, I think that just as selfish. Making a baby isnt a charity. BTW, most kids dont look after their parents when they get old, at least not in the way that is needed. So you grow old the same way, alone, kids or not.
Eddie Edirol Posted June 28, 2012 Posted June 28, 2012 Selfish because you don't want a dependent (responsibilities) and want to continue to live your life by the seat of your pants...People have to grow up sometimes! I'm not good with kids but I want a couple someday:) Who WANTS a dependent? After you finally get on your feet, get finacial freedom, you want someone depending on you for everything? The whole idea is narcissistic. You dont have to have kids to grow up. Its perfectly "grown up" to travel the world and do things other than have a family. 1
Ross MwcFan Posted June 28, 2012 Posted June 28, 2012 I don't like it when people use the word selfish to describe people who don't want kids, since it's a negative word, it's like they're trying to make you out as a bad person and that it's wrong that you don't want kids. And I find that offensive because it is simply not true. It just smacks of jealousy on their part because they're saddled with kids, and you're free to enjoy your life. 1
SmileFace Posted June 28, 2012 Posted June 28, 2012 Some people want kids and some don't. It doesnt matter the reason, it will be different for all. Some people will agree and some won't.
Ross MwcFan Posted June 28, 2012 Posted June 28, 2012 I always reveal my true intentions about not wanting kids within the first few dates. Usually the topic comes up somehow (the guy usually asks what I want in the future) and I make sure to tell them I don't want kids. I have never been in love. Most guys don't care though. I have never been rejected because of this. I don't want kids because aside from the obvious time, money and effort it takes to have and raise one, kids would get in the way of my life. I have a growing career, I love to travel, I don't want to ruin my body and to be quite honest, I think i'm one of the few people who thinks that pregnancy and pregnant women are disgusting. I think that having a baby inside of your belly is the nastiest thing in the world. I see a pregnant woman and I feel sympathy for her, because not only is she going to be stuck with this kid for the rest of her life (which isn't bad for them I guess because they want one) but they ruined their body, and in the rare case that they don't, they can't make any decision without having to think about their kid first. I just think it would ruin my life. I know that eventually I need to have one so I don't end up old and alone and I have someone to take care of me, but the concept of getting pregnant and actually being a mother is repulsive. All my boyfriends knew this about me within the first month of dating, yet somehow one still proposed and they all tried to convince me to marry them and have kids. I don't see how I can possibly be wife material if this is how I think about family values. You're not the only one, I find pregnancy and the way a pregnant woman looks is disgusting, whenever I see a pregnant woman I think 'Ewwww'. I've got no idea how people can say that a preggers woman is the most beautiful thing in the world. I also think that the thought of a baby growing inside someone, or myself, is utterly nasty. I really don't mean to offend anyone, but that is how I genuinley feel. There's no need to have kids to have someone look after you when you're old, since supposedly, what I've heard, is that most or a lot of kids put their parents into care homes when they're too old to look after themselves, if this is true then there's a really decent chance that your kids wouldn't look after you. Also, the money that you will have saved from not having kids can be used to pay for a carer.
Ross MwcFan Posted June 28, 2012 Posted June 28, 2012 (edited) reasons for not wanting children: Me, me, me, me, me, me,me,me,me,me,me,me,me,me,me,me,me,me,me,me,me,me,me,me,me,me,me,me,me,me,me,me,me,me,me,me,me,me,me, -------------------- to infinite. Reasons for wanting children: Me, me, me, me, me, me,me,me,me,me,me,me,me,me,me,me,me,me,me,me,me,me,me,me,me,me,me,me,-------------------- to infinite. Reasons for your parents wanting you to give them grandchildren, despite the fact that it isn't what you want and would make you serverely unhappy in life: Me, me, me, me, me, me,me,me,me,me,me,me,me,me,me,me,me,me,me,me,me,me,me,me,me,me,me,me,-------------------- to infinite. Reasons for why people call childfree people selfish: It's not fair, I'm saddled with kids while you've got a great life. Wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, -------------------- to infinite. Edited June 28, 2012 by Ross MwcFan 3
zengirl Posted June 28, 2012 Posted June 28, 2012 Here's an article about the myth of Having iI All. That's a really good article. Of course, it also outlines precisely how you COULD have it all and how all workers could be happier, generally, if we were to move forward to a more progressive workplace.
El Brujo Posted June 29, 2012 Posted June 29, 2012 I actually enjoy babysitting for my friends but the cycle of abuse in my beyond screwed up family will stop with me. I have no business being a father. Woggle, I think you're my missing twin brother.
kaylan Posted June 29, 2012 Posted June 29, 2012 Im undecided. Im just not thrilled about having a stressful second job for 18 years. And parenting is indeed a stressful second job despite how cute and awesome kids can be. I just like the freedom of only being responsible for myself. And I like being able to do spontaneous things with a chick Im seeing. Kids zap the spontaneity and some fun out of a relationship. Ive read so many horror stories about what kids due to a marriage that it scares me. I do love how cute lil ladies seem to be, and love the idea of a daughter....but I dunno. Ill see what happens. And ill be honest...Im not to thrilled about all the things pregnancy will do to my love's body either. Im also scared about pregnancy wrecking my wife's figure and zapping my attraction for her. Ive read enough stories about men and womens bodies changing after kids that the sex goes way down the tubes. Its funny how dudes let themselves go when they werent even pregnant though lol
RedRobin Posted June 29, 2012 Posted June 29, 2012 I really admire people most people who voluntarily, and with eyes wide open, take on parenthood. Even those who had parenthood thrust on them (for whatever reason)... The decision to take on caring for another human being is monumental. For me, I never felt I was capable of doing so. That, paired with the observation that there were so many kids who need good homes, or even just a few hours of time from a responsible, caring adult. I just didn't see the wisdom of bringing a child into this world just to satisfy my ego or out of fear (ie someone when I get old). It was shortly after my divorce that I volunteered for at an assisted living senior center, and also volunteered in an inner-city school (in Atlanta). There was an elderly lady who had SIX children who lived nearby who almost never visited her. Her husband had recently died. Talk about lonely. The child I mentored was in third grade. Barely knew how to read Dr. Seuss... (he did by the end of that semester ) I met his mom and aunt one day. Both were there to take adult reading lessons. So... seeing those examples. I knew that having a kid out of my own body was never something I wanted. Too many other who are already here who are suffering who would benefit from my time. 1
kaylan Posted June 29, 2012 Posted June 29, 2012 (edited) Btw Im sure my previous post is a product of my being a 25 year old sexually virile male whos still very much interested in dating around. I might feel different at 30, however, having the freedom to travel all around and do fun things with my wife without kids to worry about seems like a great thing. Why wait till my late 40s to get my adult freedom back? We will see what happens. Im sure one or both of us may catch the baby fever. It is rather amazing I imagine, to see the woman you love holding your child inside her. Plus, I remember there were times where I was so into my ex, that I wanted to get her pregnant even though I didnt logically want kids. It was sorta just chemical I think...like I just wanted to mark her with my seed and start a clan lol. Like Id get this primal urge to screw her against a wall and straight up tell her "im knocking you up". Thank god for condoms though. Thank god for masturbation too. Because like I always say, jerk off first, then think about it. 1. I have no beliefs - What will I teach them? 2. I can't organize my own life - How can I fit kids into that? 3. I am not the best with money - How would I provide for them? 4. I don't want to get married or be in a ltr - Why would a kid want to live in that environment? 5. I am not fond of them - That is reason alone to not have kids. 6. They are tons of kids out there with no homes - Why add more when I can give my time to those kids. 7. My child hood - I would not want a kid to deal with that. 8. Commitment to a next human being - Yeah, no thanks. 9. Selfish - I am. I lol'd at number 9. The way it was worded, coupled with your avatar, made me think of Sam I Am and Green Eggs and Ham. Edited June 29, 2012 by kaylan 1
Pierre Posted June 29, 2012 Posted June 29, 2012 1. I have no beliefs - What will I teach them? 2. I can't organize my own life - How can I fit kids into that? 3. I am not the best with money - How would I provide for them? 4. I don't want to get married or be in a ltr - Why would a kid want to live in that environment? 5. I am not fond of them - That is reason alone to not have kids. 6. They are tons of kids out there with no homes - Why add more when I can give my time to those kids. 7. My child hood - I would not want a kid to deal with that. 8. Commitment to a next human being - Yeah, no thanks. 9. Selfish - I am. The above are the real reasons why some folks should never have children. Regarding the Me, me, me, me, me, me,me,me,me,me,me,me,me,me,me,me,me,me,me,me,me,me ,me,me,me,me,me,me,me,me,me,me,me,me,me,me,me,me,m e, -------------------- to infinite syndrome. In reality there are folks that need to be childless to be able to travel and to have a career. Furthermore, some of these folks have no prospect of ever finding a mate to form a family and being childless is the right thing to do.
Pierre Posted June 29, 2012 Posted June 29, 2012 I And ill be honest...Im not to thrilled about all the things pregnancy will do to my love's body either. Im also scared about pregnancy wrecking my wife's figure and zapping my attraction for her. Being extremely shallow is another good reason not to bring kids into the world. Only those that can afford to have children should have children. The world would be a much better place if those that cannot afford kids were sterilized. 2
Pierre Posted June 29, 2012 Posted June 29, 2012 IA child or children would leave me feeling restricted and that's my quickest route to depression. Yep, those with mental illness should not have children. Agreed!
Pierre Posted June 29, 2012 Posted June 29, 2012 I really admire people most people who voluntarily, and with eyes wide open, take on parenthood. Even those who had parenthood thrust on them (for whatever reason)... The decision to take on caring for another human being is monumental. For me, I never felt I was capable of doing so. Wow! Anyone feeling this way should not have children.
Pierre Posted June 29, 2012 Posted June 29, 2012 why? Just so you can spread your seed? Not good with kids but why not bring more people into the world so my (probably inferior) DNA can carry on? Another good reason. No need to further damage the gene pool.
Pierre Posted June 29, 2012 Posted June 29, 2012 People with young children look perpetually exhausted and stressed. It doesn't appeal to me. When I see people with small kids, I never think "aww I want that". I think what a relief not to have that responsibility. BS! I suspect that if you ever found a nice man and he wanted to have kids you would give him a child in a heartbeat. You are rationalizing.
Pierre Posted June 29, 2012 Posted June 29, 2012 1. I remember my own kidhood and it was NOT a happy or fun time in my life Here is another good reason to avoid having kids.
eleanorhurting Posted June 29, 2012 Posted June 29, 2012 I love kids, but don't want them. I love being around kids so much, that I considered a job in child care. Still, I do not want kids. What are your reasons for not wanting kids? And how does it impact your dating life? Surely there are cases where you fall in love before you reveal your true intentions regarding kids? I have left my career until age 24, due to stuffing around in life, and now I have to focus on getting quaifications, which will lead to employment, and try to work at bars at nights in the meanwhile. No time for kids - only time for fitness ( a nice walk or run) and to socialize once or twice a week. In addition to studying for my career, earning money on weekends, and maybe a visit or two with a friend - getting a run in most days is all I WANT to do. I am not UN maternal - I just am not so maternal that I NEED kids to complete me. I could have been a great mother -I had great parents myself. I have PCOS also, and will have to gain about 20 lbs to concieve, and get disfiguring acne, because I need the pill to control my acne. Getting fat, acne, and not being able to fulfill my dream of extensive travel- are ALL valid reasons for me to not want kids. If I had my career sorted, and had travelled a lot, I would be willing to settle down amd have kids. I would have loved to have had kids, and would have done it if my life had turned out differently. I am interested to hear your reasons why you don't want children, or WHY you never did it! It is not longer a awkward topic in many circles, either. There is none of that stero types " oh... well, you'll find the right man" or ( if their older) " maybe you could adopt?" Although I would adopt, if I get a lot of money later in life; although, I digress... I would rather help shalter stray dogs:lmao: Well I am going to be the first to say that I have always wanted kids. I am super sure and look forward to it. However, I am definitely not ready now! Leigh how old are you? 24? 25? Its OK to not want kids but you don't need to have them now if you don't feel your life is "together". You can focus on doing all the things you mentioned and then have kids. You definitely don't have to if you don't want to but its just something you can consider. I am 25 and still in school, still getting my life together, unemployed... everything you mentioned above. But I still see having children in my future.
Pierre Posted June 29, 2012 Posted June 29, 2012 hmm I never wanted kids before, now I am torn. I look at my bf and think I would have his kid eta: I never wanted the responsibility of children before. Honestly I think now I'd be fine either way. I don't have a strong biological desire in me to reproduce, but I would have a kid if I married my bf and he wanted us to have one. Exactly! Many women that don't want kids simply say that to rationalize the fact they don't have a permanent mate.
kaylan Posted June 29, 2012 Posted June 29, 2012 Being extremely shallow is another good reason not to bring kids into the world. Only those that can afford to have children should have children. The world would be a much better place if those that cannot afford kids were sterilized. Shallow? Maybe. Realistic? Very much so. Lets not pretend we havent seen relationships destroyed by a lack of sexual attraction after a wife or husband let themselves go. I cant help but be afraid of that.
Pierre Posted June 29, 2012 Posted June 29, 2012 I'd be the worst parent known to man. Lucky for me my wife don't want kids either. Folks like you need sterilization. 1
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