Emilia Posted June 28, 2012 Posted June 28, 2012 reasons for not wanting children: Me, me, me, me, me, me,me,me,me,me,me,me,me,me,me,me,me,me,me,me,me,me,me,me,me,me,me,me,me,me,me,me,me,me,me,me,me,me,me,-------------------- to infinite. I'd say quite a few people have them for this very same reason too 3
Emilia Posted June 28, 2012 Posted June 28, 2012 It's the same reason for wanting children. It's a very egoistic idea to suggest YOUR genes need to be passed down. hahaha it's the second time someone posted the same thing as me at the same time 1
DjinnAgain Posted June 28, 2012 Posted June 28, 2012 Surely there are cases where you fall in love before you reveal your true intentions regarding kids? Not wanting kids is fine, of course, but this right here is seriously f*ed up. If you know you don't want kids, or know you do, that is information you share. Early on. My boyfriend now was married before the woman admitted she never really wanted kids. She had gone along with suppositions of the future without contributing this. He really, really did (and does). I absolutely think if you know you don't want kids, you share it early on; you don't trap someone with emotion. (Especially since it's against the societal norm/expectations so it is not the assumed default state. Again, not saying it's wrong to not have kids, but that does effect the responsibility to share.) I can't comment on anything else because I didn't know I wanted kids until I had them and now I know children are everything to me.
Leopard Posted June 28, 2012 Posted June 28, 2012 I always reveal my true intentions about not wanting kids within the first few dates. Usually the topic comes up somehow (the guy usually asks what I want in the future) and I make sure to tell them I don't want kids. I have never been in love. Most guys don't care though. I have never been rejected because of this. I don't want kids because aside from the obvious time, money and effort it takes to have and raise one, kids would get in the way of my life. I have a growing career, I love to travel, I don't want to ruin my body and to be quite honest, I think i'm one of the few people who thinks that pregnancy and pregnant women are disgusting. I think that having a baby inside of your belly is the nastiest thing in the world. I see a pregnant woman and I feel sympathy for her, because not only is she going to be stuck with this kid for the rest of her life (which isn't bad for them I guess because they want one) but they ruined their body, and in the rare case that they don't, they can't make any decision without having to think about their kid first. I just think it would ruin my life. I know that eventually I need to have one so I don't end up old and alone and I have someone to take care of me, but the concept of getting pregnant and actually being a mother is repulsive. All my boyfriends knew this about me within the first month of dating, yet somehow one still proposed and they all tried to convince me to marry them and have kids. I don't see how I can possibly be wife material if this is how I think about family values.
denise_xo Posted June 28, 2012 Posted June 28, 2012 reasons for not wanting children: Me, me, me, me, me, me,me,me,me,me,me,me,me,me,me,me,me,me,me,me,me,me,me,me,me,me,me,me,me,me,me,me,me,me,me,me,me,me,me,-------------------- to infinite. Before modern society came, reasons for having children were all about selfish needs. They were the free labour on your farm, they were the ones who would provide for you in old age, and they were a natural product of wanting to have sex, since there was no prevention (bar abstinence) available. So the context is different, but the root of the motivations are much the same. Similarly, those who chose to have children today do so because they want to have them, not for some ulterior, selfless motive. 6
aj22one Posted June 28, 2012 Posted June 28, 2012 reasons for not wanting children: Me, me, me, me, me, me,me,me,me,me,me,me,me,me,me,me,me,me,me,me,me,me,me,me,me,me,me,me,me,me,me,me,me,me,me,me,me,me,me,-------------------- to infinite. Dunno man, you do not want me to be raising children. Not having them is probably one of the most selfless acts. haha.
FitChick Posted June 28, 2012 Posted June 28, 2012 There's a thread about this is the Off Topic section I believe. Perhaps mods should combine them.
veggirl Posted June 28, 2012 Posted June 28, 2012 hmm I never wanted kids before, now I am torn. I look at my bf and think I would have his kid eta: I never wanted the responsibility of children before. Honestly I think now I'd be fine either way. I don't have a strong biological desire in me to reproduce, but I would have a kid if I married my bf and he wanted us to have one.
FitChick Posted June 28, 2012 Posted June 28, 2012 (edited) I've noticed that the women who "have it all" seem to be the most unhappy. In fact, I think there was recently a news story about a recent survey. Makes sense. Why would you want two jobs, especially if you were only paid for one? Fortunately, the men I date generally already have kids so that is the last thing they want to deal with again and often the cause of their divorce. And why is it that people who say they want kids never spend time with them or have never taken care of them for any length of time? It's no wonder kids are abused by their parents when the shock of their choice hits them. Edited June 28, 2012 by FitChick 1
zengirl Posted June 28, 2012 Posted June 28, 2012 hmm I never wanted kids before, now I am torn. I look at my bf and think I would have his kid eta: I never wanted the responsibility of children before. Honestly I think now I'd be fine either way. I don't have a strong biological desire in me to reproduce, but I would have a kid if I married my bf and he wanted us to have one. This is how I felt, in general. I wasn't 'against' having kids. It just has never been a priority and when I married a man who felt the same, it was a natural choice for us to say we didn't plan to have children.
denise_xo Posted June 28, 2012 Posted June 28, 2012 I've noticed that the women who "have it all" seem to be the most unhappy. In fact, I think there was recently a news story about a recent survey. Makes sense. Why would you want two jobs, especially if you were only paid for one? Yes, I was reading up on that debate yesterday. Personally, I wouldn't want to work full time and have small children, unless my partner stayed at home. I wouldn't want to put my child in a kindergarten before it's three or so, and I also wouldn't want the stress of having to combine the kind of job I have now with small children and a spouse who also worked full time. 2
seachangeoflove Posted June 28, 2012 Posted June 28, 2012 I have never wanted children, I don't like them particularly either. I don't have the patience for them, don't want to make the sacrifices necessary. If I had them I would want to do as good a job as possible and that would mean restrictions on my life I'm not prepared to impose. Surprisingly large number of men want kids or already have them so it does have some impact on my dating life but there are also plenty of guys who are just happy to go with the flow. I'm open to date men with older kids but not toddlers or prepubescents so at my age that means dating younger guys usually (I'm 40). exactly this. Except Im 36 and I tend to date older men who have kids already.
seachangeoflove Posted June 28, 2012 Posted June 28, 2012 reasons for not wanting children: Me, me, me, me, me, me,me,me,me,me,me,me,me,me,me,me,me,me,me,me,me,me,me,me,me,me,me,me,me,me,me,me,me,me,me,me,me,me,me,-------------------- to infinite. exactly. I am selfish and I will admit that. So I should have kids, neglect them and thenhave them grow up to be fuct up people? yeah, that sounds great.... 1
mtber75 Posted June 28, 2012 Posted June 28, 2012 I'm not interested in kids and frankly don't have the patience, time and dedication for it. I would rather travel, discovering the 7 wonders of the world than stayed at home and getting waked up by the child's screams and cryings. See if your mindset changes when your old and have no one to look after you...That's pretty sad! Not being able to have kids (due to biological or not finding the one) are perfectly legit reasons...But not wanting kids because you want to travel around the world is a bit naive and selfish.
ThaWholigan Posted June 28, 2012 Posted June 28, 2012 See if your mindset changes when your old and have no one to look after you...That's pretty sad! Not being able to have kids (due to biological or not finding the one) are perfectly legit reasons...But not wanting kids because you want to travel around the world is a bit naive and selfish. Why is it naive and selfish? BTW I actually want kids (love them )...... 1
Woggle Posted June 28, 2012 Posted June 28, 2012 I actually enjoy babysitting for my friends but the cycle of abuse in my beyond screwed up family will stop with me. I have no business being a father.
mtber75 Posted June 28, 2012 Posted June 28, 2012 1. I have no beliefs - What will I teach them? 2. I can't organize my own life - How can I fit kids into that? 3. I am not the best with money - How would I provide for them? 4. I don't want to get married or be in a ltr - Why would a kid want to live in that environment? 5. I am not fond of them - That is reason alone to not have kids. 6. They are tons of kids out there with no homes - Why add more when I can give my time to those kids. 7. My child hood - I would not want a kid to deal with that. 8. Commitment to a next human being - Yeah, no thanks. 9. Selfish - I am. Thanks for being honest instead of giving these b*llsh*t reasons for not wanting kids! 1
MaxNoob Posted June 28, 2012 Posted June 28, 2012 See if your mindset changes when your old and have no one to look after you...That's pretty sad! Not being able to have kids (due to biological or not finding the one) are perfectly legit reasons...But not wanting kids because you want to travel around the world is a bit naive and selfish. Not wanting kids because I'd rather spend my time getting drunk and lighting things on fire is a perfectly legit reason also - that's my prerogative. Having kids does not guarantee companionship. You can't guarantee their happiness or that they'll be anything like you. A point was made that all you're doing is taking a chance, one that I don't want to take. 1
seachangeoflove Posted June 28, 2012 Posted June 28, 2012 See if your mindset changes when your old and have no one to look after you...That's pretty sad! i work with a lot of people who are in their 50s and early 60s... let me tell you their kids are NOT going to be taking care of them. Many of them are still taking care of their kids. and even if you don't mean financially and you mean by making sure they don't get butt raped by a psycho in a nurshing home? yeah, they're kids aren't gonna be able to even do that much for them...they're not going to spend their inheritance to make sure mom and pops get good care. Get ready for a wake up call my friend. p.s. I have a baby, it's my santa cruz juliana 1
mtber75 Posted June 28, 2012 Posted June 28, 2012 Why is it naive and selfish? BTW I actually want kids (love them )...... Selfish because you don't want a dependent (responsibilities) and want to continue to live your life by the seat of your pants...People have to grow up sometimes! I'm not good with kids but I want a couple someday:)
seachangeoflove Posted June 28, 2012 Posted June 28, 2012 Selfish because you don't want a dependent (responsibilities) and want to continue to live your life by the seat of your pants...People have to grow up sometimes! I'm not good with kids but I want a couple someday:) selfish is not illegal. being selfish and childless is better then being a selfish parent wouldn't you agree? Or are you saying selfish people should change to conform your standard of how you think things should be? Define "growing up" please,.....it's a wonder you're single.
seachangeoflove Posted June 28, 2012 Posted June 28, 2012 I'm not good with kids but I want a couple someday:) why? Just so you can spread your seed? Not good with kids but why not bring more people into the world so my (probably inferior) DNA can carry on? I think that pretty dang selfish if you ask me. 2
Woggle Posted June 28, 2012 Posted June 28, 2012 There are way too many people having kids that have no business being a parent so it is good some people realize it is not for them. 4
zengirl Posted June 28, 2012 Posted June 28, 2012 Selfish because you don't want a dependent (responsibilities) and want to continue to live your life by the seat of your pants...People have to grow up sometimes! I'm not good with kids but I want a couple someday:) It seems more selfish to me to have kids if you're not good with them. . . At any rate, one can grow up without children. For instance, planning for your old age must be done anyway, and that requires some growing up. As does holding a job. Etc. 2
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