pch708 Posted July 4, 2004 Posted July 4, 2004 I've been dating this guy for over a year. I haven't seen him for about 4 months because he was assigned to a job overseas. The're lots of uncertainties in our relationship when we first started because, we knew that he is leaving for a job assignment and I'm moving back to America to continue my studies. But we still continued to see each other because we do get along so well, strong feelings and we have this connection. He left for his job assignment overseas in which he has to travel from town to town, but we still continue to speak to each other and communicate by email. There are times I would not hear from him for a week. Also, there would be times he would respond to my text after a couple of days. I tried several times to break up with him because I was fed up and feeling like a doormat. My ex husband cheated on me, so I have major trust issues. I was suffering with our Long distance relationship. But we still continued. I went to visit him because I really cared for him and love him. THen after, he cut his contract short to see me, so we could start to live together. He told me he really loves me and would like to see were this relationship would lead us to. But one thing I didn't tell him after a year, is my real age. When he came to see me, I finally have a clear grasp of our relationship and felt that I could trust and open up to him. I didn't tell him about my age because I listened to my friends who told me that I shouldn't (stupid of me), also I have trust issues, knowing I may never see him again. So by the time I wanted to tell him the truth, it became uncomfortable and turned into a big lie. I'm 10 years older than him. He is 28 and I'm 38 years old. I thought I would tell him sometime, we never talk about it and her never asked, we were busy enjoying each other's company. I thought the age is not important but not realizing I lied to him. I told him my real age, he was shocked but he was willing to forgive me and still wants to live together...then he went back home to visit his parents. Things change....and so as his feelings. He spoke to his parents and wanted to know their opinion about marrying me withing a year and half. Of course his parents was against us. Now he doesn't want to talk to me and doesn't want to answer my calls. He felt I deceived him. He thinks we have slim chance of happinesss because I used to be married, and I there is a big age gap. Also, he scared about the idea that I may want children soon because of my age, which is pressured to validate his feelings at this point in time if I'm the one. I think if we live together we have a good chance because we do really get along well. My dishonesty has caused this relationship. Deep in my heart I was scared to lose him, without thinking of the consequences that "not telling the truth" would lead to that. I need advice how to proceed...should I just leave him alone since he is ambivalent and he doesn't want to communicate. His response is very negative and he thinks we could never work out or reconcile. I thought he loves me that he could forgive me and understand....and accept me for who I am. I am confused, hurt and regretfull....I need some advice....
gold26 Posted July 4, 2004 Posted July 4, 2004 im a firm believer that enough love conqueres all.. he is probably getting a lot of pressure from his parents over the age difference.. but i think if you give him some time to get over thigs he will come back.. you didnt lie to him you just didnt tell him.. i had a friend who lied and then confessed that she had lied and told him her real age.. and they went back togeter.. if he didnt come back now then you have only saved yourself a failed marriage.. not that it makes the heartach any easier to cope with.. have faith.. people have overcome a lot worse..
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