Jaded82 Posted June 27, 2012 Posted June 27, 2012 I feel like I've taken some major steps backwards, emotionally speaking in the last few days. I've maintained NC though. Another couple of LS'ers have assured me that this is not uncommon around the 2 month mark, but I hoped it would be a little phase that would have passed in a couple of days, but it doesn't seem to be going anywhere. First time I actually broke down in weeks. I'm extra anxious at the moment about bumping into her and her new boyfriend, I really don't think I can cope with that right now. If anyone can share any experiences they've had in this situation or some helpful advice, I'd be really grateful. End of my tether is an understatement.
StarlaStardust Posted June 27, 2012 Posted June 27, 2012 I feel like I've taken some major steps backwards, emotionally speaking in the last few days. I've maintained NC though. Another couple of LS'ers have assured me that this is not uncommon around the 2 month mark, but I hoped it would be a little phase that would have passed in a couple of days, but it doesn't seem to be going anywhere. First time I actually broke down in weeks. I'm extra anxious at the moment about bumping into her and her new boyfriend, I really don't think I can cope with that right now. If anyone can share any experiences they've had in this situation or some helpful advice, I'd be really grateful. End of my tether is an understatement. You are doing great. Maybe you can turn the possibility of running into her into a game, i.e., you take extra nice care of your appearance right now and keep a positive attitude on as much as you possibly can, so that if you do run into her, you'll be victorious in this sense. Sending you virtual hugs.
Samilia Posted June 27, 2012 Posted June 27, 2012 (edited) This is normal, it still hurts and it sucks to be awake and aware of the pain while we're going through it. Probably why some people try to numb themselves with alcohol or drugs, so they don't feel. It does get better though. Break ups are comparable to the grief of a loved one. Some people will say it's not the same thing and of course it's not the same ladder of sadness, and your ex isn't dead, but it's still the same steps. I'd rather go through a break up than losing my loved one again, but you got the idea. I know you will get good days and bad days. You're going through bad days right now and I can assure you that there is a light at the end of the tunnel. You have to be strong and understand it's a process. A process you have to be willing to work through to get better. So suck it up, be strong, kick that feeling in the chin at the gym or drown it in nutella, but just so you know, it gets better. Edited June 27, 2012 by Samilia
Author Jaded82 Posted June 28, 2012 Author Posted June 28, 2012 Thanks for the responses guys. I have just started working out again so after reading this I think I'll throw myself back into that. I've unintentionally lost weight through this so a bit of toning wouldn't go amiss. I agree completely on the grief thing Samilia, I know it takes time and maybe I'm just getting impatient, seems a lot to endure sometimes. I think the kicker is that she gets to forget me and go off and be happy and I'm left with the misery, sounds childish but its really unfair. However, I'll keep on with the positive things I'm doing and I will aim for those victories Starla! Especially as I heard she's gained weight, haha. Thanks for the support guys, means the world.
StarlaStardust Posted June 28, 2012 Posted June 28, 2012 I think the kicker is that she gets to forget me and go off and be happy and I'm left with the misery, sounds childish but its really unfair. I am right there with you. I don't think it is childish at all. I felt concerned I was going backwards, too, around the 2-3 month mark, so I talked to a professional today about it and he suggested I actually let those grief-y feelings exist and not fight it or judge myself. He said fighting it will actually hurt me more in the long run.
AlexanderJames Posted June 28, 2012 Posted June 28, 2012 Getting back into the gym. That's what I like to hear Everyone's right with what theyre telling you. I recall you were one of the people giving me advice not very long ago when I was down in the dumps. We all hit rough patches. But rest assured something will happen to put you back on top. Not sure what it will be or when but it will happen and you will feel great again. Don't worry yourself too much about seeing her out. Just keep on lifting the weights. Eat clean and train dirty! If you do happen to bump into her in public she will be shocked and jealous that your so much more of a man than she got to have when she was with you. And her new bf (probably just a rebound or temp bf) will be intimidated and threatened by the man your ex once got to call hers. Do you watch big bang theory? Think of it as leonard getting all scared and depressed by penny's monster of a ripped ex. Keep it up and be better than any man she could ever hope to catch. They're all downgrades compared to you mate. Keep your chin up
AlexanderJames Posted June 28, 2012 Posted June 28, 2012 I am right there with you. I don't think it is childish at all. I felt concerned I was going backwards, too, around the 2-3 month mark, so I talked to a professional today about it and he suggested I actually let those grief-y feelings exist and not fight it or judge myself. He said fighting it will actually hurt me more in the long run. You are spot about letting them exist starla. In order for us to let go of these feelings we need to accept them. We need to let ourselves feel them in their entirety. We need to identify what the feeling is and where it came from. And we need to let it hang around as long as it needs to. It sounds like an unpleasant and unproductive pastime but it's not until we identify, accept and feel the feelings that we can let them go forever. Otherwise they just linger in our subconscious bugging us in our dreams or resurfacing when we experience sadness in the future
Author Jaded82 Posted June 28, 2012 Author Posted June 28, 2012 I have heard that it's good to let yourself grieve Starla, I was definitely shying away from that because it just felt so counter-productive at the time so I was also trying to fight those feelings. Maybe that's what triggered feeling this bad in the first place? I won't do that any more, if I feel crap I'll submit to it, it is a process just like Samilia suggests. I just didn't want the tables to turn to far, there's a fine line between natural grief and wallowing in misery and it's hard to know where to draw that line. Good to hear from you Alex. I do remember those episodes of big bang! I started the day with a weight session and I already feel a bit better. The goal is to feel so damn good about myself that eventually I won't care one way or the other what she's up to and who she's with. The ironic thing is, the thought of reconciliation with her actually makes me feel sick. I know it's not really her I miss, but the void in my life where someone used to be. Probably some petty jealousy about being alone when she isn't, I guess that's normal. I took a nap yesterday evening when it all got a bit too much, and woke up because of a dream about her. Wasn't a nasty dream or anything, just the fact I saw her face so clearly after not seeing her in a while woke me up with a start. So, definitely facing the grief head on now, I'd rather do that consciously than have her pop up in my dreams. Glad to hear I'm not the only one who's had that though! Thanks so much for the replies guys, don't know what I'd do without you all.
AlexanderJames Posted June 28, 2012 Posted June 28, 2012 The goal is to feel so damn good about myself that eventually I won't care one way or the other what she's up to and who she's with. The ironic thing is, the thought of reconciliation with her actually makes me feel sick. This is exactly where I'm at and it feels amazing thinking of getting back together feels like I would be settling. Like I would be letting myself down because I know I can do so much better than her I end every day with weights. Let's go of all the stresses of the day
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