Fallenandbroken Posted June 27, 2012 Posted June 27, 2012 This time is different. After 5 years of on and off with a girl I Beleive this time is the last time. The basics of the break up are we both have issues and in no way was it just one persons fault. We got pretty serious pretty quickly and did really like each other. The first time we had a big fight and split up for a few days she slept with someone the same night. I didn't find out for a few weeks by then we had made up. She was due at a charity ball for my late mother the following day (to raise money for a cancer charity) and she had the nerve to act like nothing happened. Over 5 years we'd break up she'd "move on" and get with someone new. Sometimes I did the same in petty revenge/rebound mode. Things would always go wrong with the new bloke and she'd come after me again and I'd always go back because she was like a drug to me. The last year we've been FWB but she's been trying to get me back saying she's changed etc and all the time I said no because 1. I did t Beleive she could really change and 2. She'd hurt me so much. About a month ago we fell out and she tried with a couple of txt's to get us together to talk but I refused as I was still annoyed. Then I got my stuff out of her's and heard no more. She had dived into a new relationship with a drug dealer. I sent her an email saying how I still love her and didn't expect it to go so far. She said so much has happened that it's for the best and she is happy now with this new man in her life. She said she was only really trying to get me back because of her 6 year old son (did I not mention she has a child). I'm now on day 13 of NC and struggling. I don't want her to contact me if and When it goes wrong with this lad. I can't see him being the step dad/faithful/loving type of person and think he is only using her for sex? She probably gives him it to get him to love her which is wrong. Anyone with any words of wisdom that can give me the kick up the a@s I need to break free once and for all.
LovelyDaze Posted June 27, 2012 Posted June 27, 2012 For one thing, there seems to be a pattern with her. She jumps(as you also did with her)into relationships lightening quick. Your ex has no concept of taking a break and being by herself first before bringing another man into her life. The other is that you have now settled for being her FWB which is NOT what you want, correct? Don't wait for her to "come around" or choose you. Make your own choice by giving you two the space you both need to heal from the very broken relationship AND for her to find her maturity and be ready for a healthy relationship someday whether that is with you or another man in the future. You know in your soul that this thing going on isn't healthy at all. It takes strength and self worth to stay away from a toxic person. Find it in you.
Author Fallenandbroken Posted June 27, 2012 Author Posted June 27, 2012 Thank you for taking the time to read the post. I was the one that kept it as FWB as I thought it would save me from investing any emotions. She did try to get me to be her bf again but like I said there were at least a couple of reasons I avoided her advances. She is scared of being alone so often rushes into relationships. She wasn't long out of a relationship when we met. She has issues but has never addressed them so all her problems and possibly ours will go Into this new relationship and it will fail. I want it to fail lol I just need advice on making sure I'm free of her if she tries to claw me back in a month a year etc.
LovelyDaze Posted June 27, 2012 Posted June 27, 2012 Remember the feeling of pain. You DO NOT want to be tortured with that again and again and again. Love does not hurt. You need to test your wills at this time. The more you fall back into things with her, the more she will lose total respect for you. You see, when an ex breaks up with you THEN freely goes in and out of your life as an FWB, booty call, etc...the ex then sees ZERO value in you as a person. You're a "go-to" choice for a lonely night, when a new love isn't working out, or just because they know any crumbs they toss your way will be lapped up by you as if you were a stray dog they pity. There is a girl out here in the world who will love you for WHO you are. She won't use you. She won't hurt you. She won't treat you like an after thought. You'llbe the man she has been waiting for. Trust me.
Author Fallenandbroken Posted June 27, 2012 Author Posted June 27, 2012 Thank you. You are 100% correct. I do deserve and do want better. I have recently started on the road to self improvement. I joined a gym, passed my driving test and buying new clothes. I have a holiday to look forward to with a few friends and am trying to stick to NC. Regardless of what happens with her new man I'm not sitting waiting around for her. Not going to rush into finding a new relationship just improve myself until I'm happy within myself. Again thank you for taking the time to help. 1
Author Fallenandbroken Posted June 27, 2012 Author Posted June 27, 2012 (edited) I will get there. Read a lot of posts on LS that have helped. Edited June 27, 2012 by Fallenandbroken
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