bsacamano69 Posted June 27, 2012 Posted June 27, 2012 I need some advice, this is a little long but please take the time to read it… I am in love with my friend. Call it what you want, love, infatuation, the point is that I really like her. I’m 22 and she’s 20. We’ve been friends for 5 months now. I asked her out back in the first month of our friendship and she said yes, but on our date she told me that she’s not a relationship person and doesn’t want to be in a relationship right now. I waited 3 weeks and asked her again only to receive the same answer, so I dropped it and we’ve been just friends ever since. The thing is that I have fallen in love with her and she is completely clueless to that fact since I told her that I am fine with being just friends (I didn’t want to be immature and end a friendship just because she doesn’t have feelings for me). She calls me a lot and we hang out also. But I get the feeling that she uses me whenever it’s convenient for her. Even though she calls me a lot I’m pretty sure it’s just because she’s bored and has nothing else to do at that moment. On top of that she has blown me off at the last minute twice when we were supposed to hangout just because she didn’t feel like it anymore. Since I really like her, that bothers me, I don’t want to be somebody’s convenience, especially when I actually care for the person. I don’t think she’s doing it on purpose, that’s just her personality. I know she has no idea how she makes me feel. Even though my wishful thinking does get the best of me sometimes and I do start to believe that she’s starting to develop feelings for me, I eventually realize the cold hard truth: when she said she’s not a ‘relationship person’ what she really means is ‘if I want a relationship it is not with you’. The constant interaction makes it really hard to get over her, but at the same time there was one week that we didn’t see each other or talk at all and that made it hard for me also. I went out with 2 other girls a few weeks ago, but I didn’t really let it go anywhere because I couldn’t stop thinking about my friend. Whether there’s any interaction with her or not, or whether I ask out other girls or not, this is really difficult for me. I’ve never really been in this ‘friendzone’ situation before and don’t know how to handle it, I feel like it’s ruining me. We both are bad at confronting feelings so I know she is clueless to how I feel. And since she’s not a very emotional person, once I tell her that we shouldn’t talk for a while, she might think that I’m being way too sensitive to the situation and I just need to get over it. So I have a few questions: 1) Am I being way too sensitive, I know I need to get over it but it isn’t that easy? 2) Should I remain friends with her and try to put these feelings aside, hoping to get over them with time, would that be the mature thing to do? 3) Or should I tell her that we need to cut contact for a while because of how difficult this is for me and because I get the feeling that I’m just a convenience for her and that bothers me (again, I don’t know if she really sees me as a convenience, but that’s how it comes across)? 4) Why do I get the feeling that telling someone that we basically can’t be friends because of the way I feel is a little immature? I want to get over her but I want her in my life at the same time, I don’t know what to do.
Shohane Posted July 9, 2012 Posted July 9, 2012 Her reason for not dating you just doesn't ring true (I guess she was trying to spare your feelings). She just does not have romantic feelings for you. Period. A relationship must come from both sides. You love her. That "love" encompasses both the friends kind AND the romantically inclined kind. (I hope) the lack of the second on her part will not affect the former on your part. Spend some time away from her to move on. Not away from their friendship, which you value tremendously. But move past the twitterpation. 1
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