BlazePT Posted June 27, 2012 Posted June 27, 2012 Hello guys, just needed a little vent. It's a long one, so please be patient Thanks in advance... As I keep going further since my breakup I feel a lot better but I also become more and more aware of the mistakes I made in my relationship. It was my first LTR (3 years and 2 months), with the only person that I trully loved, even though I didn't really love her the way she did, when we started dating. She was a stubborn girl who even got the chance to go back to her dumper ex, but choose to stick to fighting for me, even though I always told her that there would be no way that we'd ever be more than friends! (How wrong I was... ).. Eventually, I gave it a try! Recentely, since my ex started venting with my sister and my best friend, I came to know that the issues started long before I ever imagined. They started more than 6 months before the breakup. I actually made some things that made her start doubting her feelings for me. This was added to the fact that she's also always been VERY insecure of herself and with low self-esteem and it helped her making movies in her head about me that weren't real whatsoever. For instance, when I gave her an MP4 for Christmas, after we had agreed not to give each other anything (I suggested that agreement because she was the one who was always buying me stuff, since she works and could afford more than I did and I really wanted to give her something without getting anything in return, so it wasn't really an agreement, it was more of a nice set-up ), I now came to know that back then, she thought that I only bought it with a sense of "Yeah, I just felt like giving something to you, so I randomly choose something cheap from the store and bought it..." It really wasn't like that.. I'm aware of the mistakes I made in my relationship. I never abused her or forced her to do anything or emotionally black-mailed her, etc. However, I'm aware that one thing I did was make her feel guilty for this or that. I wasn't even aware that I was doing such things. I feel bad for myself and for her and it's a real pain knowing that not only you hurt someone you loved, but you contributed for someone to stop feeling in love with you... I know that this is helping me be a better person and that I'm starting to see that this BU is coming off as a blessing in disguise. The thing is, I would REALLY like to have the chance to show her my progress and my new and upgraded "ME" sometime in the future. Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying that she didn't make mistakes as well; she made them alright. The thing is I feel like I let her down. The first 2 years were the BEST there can be. We often asked each other "What in the world would ever throw us apart? We don't argue about anything!!". We used to travel, go out, have dinner, sleep with each other, spend time with our families, help our families... It was just beautiful. Somehow, I'd like to show her that I'm not the person she fell in love with anymore: I'm a BETTER version of that person! I came to know that NC is having a deep effect on her as well. She has been curious about me and is starting to try to come up with even more reasons to why she chose to break up. Not only that, she also creeped out when she found out that I was speaking to other girls in a "flirty" way... So, yeah... Does anyone else often feel any of these feelings, during NC...? Does anyone else feel like they could have made something different and regret about it? Best regards!
momiss2 Posted June 27, 2012 Posted June 27, 2012 I think everyone has regrets in relationships. Once you get past the anger of the relationship breaking it's easier then to start looking at what you did or could have done better. You will go into your next relationship hopefully stronger and what you can do better the sort of issues before they become huge. Some people never do that so good for you. 1
Author BlazePT Posted June 27, 2012 Author Posted June 27, 2012 I think everyone has regrets in relationships. Once you get past the anger of the relationship breaking it's easier then to start looking at what you did or could have done better. You will go into your next relationship hopefully stronger and what you can do better the sort of issues before they become huge. Some people never do that so good for you. Thanks for the advice ... You know that feeling when you're relieved because you were able to make up to your mistake? I felt that many times with my ex, when we argued for silly things... It's kind of what I needed right now! And I feel like I would achieve that if somehow I managed to let her know that I'm really sorry for whatever I did, but not in a needy way. But i would really just be fooling myself. Nothing I do right now would change things. It would do no good, really... I know that I've learned my lesson for future relationships, but I often wonder to myself: when will they come? When will I have the oportunity to show my new ME to someone? When will I be able to feel for someone the way I felt about my ex...? We're all kind of on the same boat there, I guess
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