Samilia Posted June 27, 2012 Posted June 27, 2012 Hello! Another break up in the break up forum It's a messy break up, he lived with me and we work together. So I have to see him tomorrow taking his stuff in and out of my house, look at my dog trying to get his attention, and we'll have to coexist at work, which hopefully will go well. I'm an adult and I understand why I'm missing him, even though I knew we had to part, I don't hate the guy. I couldn't ignore the fact that he liked "hanging out" with me no longer. I know the NC rule, I know it can be applied at work too, which is what I am going to do. It still sucks to break up, I'm missing companionship already, as well as security and safety. I'm kind of worried I could fall into depression again, so I'm going to keep an eye on that and see someone if I need to. Oh well, we aren't the first to go through it and won't be the last.
AlexanderJames Posted June 27, 2012 Posted June 27, 2012 Yes its just one of those things really. Happens to most everyone but that doesnt make it easy First off welcome and congratulations for sharing your story with us. It's strange how we can seek comfort and support from complete strangers. But thats what this forum is here for. Looks like your pretty well under control despite having such a fresh wound. That's good to see. And good work for deciding to start the NC rule. It's never easy as you will see reading through this forum but we're all here to help each other out. I like that you said you are missing companionship. I found I missed having someone, anyone, there with me. Not so much my ex herself. But the companionship. This feeling will pass in time as you get used to being on your own again. Just keep reminding yourself that you might be missing the companionship more so than him. When we go through break ups we tend to only remember the good time's and not the bad. And we start to miss the person, and good experiences. Just remind yourself that your relationship wasnt perfect otherwise you would still be together. It's no one's fault, it was out of your control. Our life is 1% what happens to us and 99% how we react to it. Dont let this get the better of you. Keep your eyes on the prize and work towards discovering the wonderful things waiting for you. This is not the end. Just a new beginning. Good luck and I hope to hear how youre doing as time goes by.
Author Samilia Posted June 27, 2012 Author Posted June 27, 2012 You're right on it. I miss someone, anyone, around. It's lonely here now. Weird because yesterday all I wanted was to be on my own again. Like you said, now it's all about getting used to being with myself again (which I loved and even bragged about!). What's weird is that I feel so bad for my dog, he got used to being around my boyfriend and tonight he was waiting for him to come home
AlexanderJames Posted June 27, 2012 Posted June 27, 2012 What's weird is that I feel so bad for my dog, he got used to being around my boyfriend and tonight he was waiting for him to come home Funny you should mention that. I had a little episode last night involving my ex and my dog.. Dogs are smart, and extremely loyal, loving animals. (Makes you wonder why they use dog as an insult). I noticed that with time my dog started to percieve my situation and join the dots. He's the kind of dog that runs up and jumps on guests and plays with everyone who comes over. Super friendly, but he started piecing together the fact that when my ex was around, she left sadness and depression behind. And as its just me and him I'm his world. When I'm happy, hes happy. When im sad, hes sad. Eventually he put two and two together and started associating my ex with depression and being blue. She came over one day and he didnt even come inside to see her. He ignored her completely. Which he has never done to anyone.. Literally. Im sure i ntime your dog will do the same. Its you and your pooch Through thick and thin.
Author Samilia Posted June 27, 2012 Author Posted June 27, 2012 Dogs pick up on our emotions like magnets, that's for sure. I love my dog so much, it breaks my heart to see him like that On the bright side I now know that it's not impossible for me to be with someone again, I just have to be more careful about who I pick. Oh and I can see my dog in your dog, mine is the same way, super friendly, to a fault!
AlexanderJames Posted June 27, 2012 Posted June 27, 2012 Dogs pick up on our emotions like magnets, that's for sure. I love my dog so much, it breaks my heart to see him like that On the bright side I now know that it's not impossible for me to be with someone again, I just have to be more careful about who I pick. Oh and I can see my dog in your dog, mine is the same way, super friendly, to a fault! Work on making yourself happy, and your pup will feed off of your hapiness. You will be happy together It's good you're saying that. A lot of people think that the person they break up with was the one. It's definately not the case. So pat yourself on the back for being so mature. What kind of dog? My boys an english staffy, such a people dog he cant get enough of them haha.
john7474 Posted June 27, 2012 Posted June 27, 2012 Hey, I am sorry to hear of another break up and i feel compassionate for your situation. I am going through a heartache my self right now as well. My situation is somewhat similar to yours and we do work at the same place but different departments. I have been trying to be optimistic and happy when i am around her but know it is just an act. It did make me feel happier sometimes. Tonight, I had a break down, we spoke and all the emotional garbage came to the surface again. She is right in a way because she does not want to be with me and I am not respecting her feelings because it sometimes gets shadowed my the feelings I have for her. I see now, I have to just say Hi when i see her and nothing else. I hope you have successful contact with your ex at work because it has been very difficult for me. I am two months into the break up.
Author Samilia Posted June 27, 2012 Author Posted June 27, 2012 (edited) So he took most of the rest of his stuff today. I still feel bad about the whole thing. I cannot wait to get back on track with myself. We talked about hanging out, going to see this movie we wanted to see, but in the back of my mind I know it's a bad idea. I got what a lot of people don't get, an adult conversation. He admitted that he had doubts about the relationship while we were in it; I admitted that I could feel it and that what made me act the way I was (moody, for the most part. Who wants to be cheerful when they know something isn't working the way we want it to be). I could tell he was trying to hang the guilt noose around my neck, I let it go. I know I want to date someone mature, which he isn't. Not going to argue about it now that it's over So I did do something I'm not proud of, I did send a message to the guy I used to see a couple years back. Ya ya rebound, I know. I feel lonely. Work on making yourself happy, and your pup will feed off of your hapiness. You will be happy together It's good you're saying that. A lot of people think that the person they break up with was the one. It's definately not the case. So pat yourself on the back for being so mature. What kind of dog? My boys an english staffy, such a people dog he cant get enough of them haha. I have a Pomeranian He's a lovebug, everybody falls in love with him! And yes, I can see we weren't meant to be. It still sucks Hey, I am sorry to hear of another break up and i feel compassionate for your situation. I am going through a heartache my self right now as well. My situation is somewhat similar to yours and we do work at the same place but different departments. I have been trying to be optimistic and happy when i am around her but know it is just an act. It did make me feel happier sometimes. Tonight, I had a break down, we spoke and all the emotional garbage came to the surface again. She is right in a way because she does not want to be with me and I am not respecting her feelings because it sometimes gets shadowed my the feelings I have for her. I see now, I have to just say Hi when i see her and nothing else. I hope you have successful contact with your ex at work because it has been very difficult for me. I am two months into the break up. I can see how it can be difficult for you... especially when you're being asked to give a "hi" and nothing else. It's like they ask you to respect their feelings but they don't respect yours? The only advice I could give you is to make yourself happy.. like.. go to a gym, movies, go out with friends. Eventually you'll come up to the surface. Edited June 27, 2012 by Samilia
AlexanderJames Posted June 27, 2012 Posted June 27, 2012 So he took most of the rest of his stuff today. I still feel bad about the whole thing. I cannot wait to get back on track with myself. We talked about hanging out, going to see this movie we wanted to see, but in the back of my mind I know it's a bad idea. I got what a lot of people don't get, an adult conversation. He admitted that he had doubts about the relationship while we were in it; I admitted that I could feel it and that what made me act the way I was (moody, for the most part. Who wants to be cheerful when they know something isn't working the way we want it to be). I could tell he was trying to hang the guilt noose around my neck, I let it go. I know I want to date someone mature, which he isn't. Not going to argue about it now that it's over So I did do something I'm not proud of, I did send a message to the guy I used to see a couple years back. Ya ya rebound, I know. I feel lonely. The only advice I could give you is to make yourself happy.. like.. go to a gym, movies, go out with friends. Eventually you'll come up to the surface. Of course you're going to feel bad about it he was a big part of your life. Dont think of it as a loss think of it as a new beginning. And be proud of yourself for being able to let someone get close enough to have such an affect on you. It shows you have heart. Yep, bad idea. I found it impossible to hide / move on from my feelings for my ex when we remained friends. Too difficult. Friendship comes later, firstly you need to work on getting back on track. Worry about if and when you want to make friends with him once you've sorted yourself out. It easier that way. Good on you for not letting him get to you. And im glad you got to have a mature conversation. I find it leaves much less tension and hard feelings if your given the respect of an adult conversation. Dont feel bad for sending him a txt everyone feels lonely. There is nothing wrong with seeking a rebound as long as you dont hurt the person involved or use it as a means to spite the ex. Just keep in mind it wont help you overcome your feelings, from what I've experienced, but it does block them out for a bit. Giving you a break or a time out from dealing with it all. Which helps but just be ready for them to come back, you have to deal with them sooner or later. All in all I think youre doing a great job and you should be proud of yourself. You know what has happened, why and where you want to go from here. A lot of people dont get this clarity for a long time. Now it's just a matter of putting your nose to the grindstone You will have your highs and your lows but we're here to help every step of the way.
Author Samilia Posted June 27, 2012 Author Posted June 27, 2012 Of course you're going to feel bad about it he was a big part of your life. Dont think of it as a loss think of it as a new beginning. And be proud of yourself for being able to let someone get close enough to have such an affect on you. It shows you have heart. Yep, bad idea. I found it impossible to hide / move on from my feelings for my ex when we remained friends. Too difficult. Friendship comes later, firstly you need to work on getting back on track. Worry about if and when you want to make friends with him once you've sorted yourself out. It easier that way. Good on you for not letting him get to you. And im glad you got to have a mature conversation. I find it leaves much less tension and hard feelings if your given the respect of an adult conversation. Dont feel bad for sending him a txt everyone feels lonely. There is nothing wrong with seeking a rebound as long as you dont hurt the person involved or use it as a means to spite the ex. Just keep in mind it wont help you overcome your feelings, from what I've experienced, but it does block them out for a bit. Giving you a break or a time out from dealing with it all. Which helps but just be ready for them to come back, you have to deal with them sooner or later. All in all I think youre doing a great job and you should be proud of yourself. You know what has happened, why and where you want to go from here. A lot of people dont get this clarity for a long time. Now it's just a matter of putting your nose to the grindstone You will have your highs and your lows but we're here to help every step of the way. I am getting a new car tomorrow hopefully, that way I can go to the gym, take my dog to the park, go to school with it (I am going back to school in the fall). Staying home alone isn't much fun, at all! I am thinking about seeing someone casually, maybe someone in the same situation? Like you said, just making sure my intentions are clear right away. I don't know where I'm going but I have to start somewhere. Oh work on Friday is going to suck
AlexanderJames Posted June 28, 2012 Posted June 28, 2012 Congratulations on going back to school And a new car how fun, goodluck! Things are looking up for you already! I've started to look at the glass as half full now which is awesome. I get to spend my $$ on me and my car now. Plus I can finally get around to getting my Personal Training Certificates so I can take that up as a second job. I figure if I'm not at work I'm at the gym training myself or other people, why not make some money from it As long as the intentions are clear go for gold. Everyone has needs. Your going up, on to bigger and better things Just put your happy, successful face on at work. The best revenge is being happy.
Author Samilia Posted June 28, 2012 Author Posted June 28, 2012 Congratulations on going back to school And a new car how fun, goodluck! Things are looking up for you already! I've started to look at the glass as half full now which is awesome. I get to spend my $$ on me and my car now. Plus I can finally get around to getting my Personal Training Certificates so I can take that up as a second job. I figure if I'm not at work I'm at the gym training myself or other people, why not make some money from it As long as the intentions are clear go for gold. Everyone has needs. Your going up, on to bigger and better things Just put your happy, successful face on at work. The best revenge is being happy. That's funny, that's what my ex wanted to do, personal trainer (as a main job), I convinced him to go get a career instead and do the training thing as a second job. Yes, spending your money the way you want to is a plus. For me it's back to being on my own and it's a bit scary. Back to managing a budget while saving money, back to worrying about little stuff, like locking my door, shutting the window at night so no one breaks in, etc.. Hopefully I can get my car tomorrow, might even go for the jeep
AlexanderJames Posted June 28, 2012 Posted June 28, 2012 Wow, so you've had problems with your ex and your dog, and he's into Pt stuff too? What a coincidence /:.. You're never really on your own though. Just without a lover. You always have your friends and family. And your pup for comfort Not to mention some pretty awesome people on here Awesome! Haha whenever I hear a girl say jeep I get california girls by Katy Perry in my head lolol
Author Samilia Posted June 28, 2012 Author Posted June 28, 2012 Wow, so you've had problems with your ex and your dog, and he's into Pt stuff too? What a coincidence /:.. You're never really on your own though. Just without a lover. You always have your friends and family. And your pup for comfort Not to mention some pretty awesome people on here Awesome! Haha whenever I hear a girl say jeep I get california girls by Katy Perry in my head lolol My family lives in Europe, I live in the US. As for friends, I don't have a lot here. My good friend moved an hour away from me so I am left with another girlfriend of mine who's always super busy. On top of being a partner, he was a friend too, so I'm a bit screwed now that he's gone too. I'll make friends at the gym and school I'm sure, but for now, it .. sucks The jeep is green, my kind of car, I'm just a bit worried about the gas usage. I'll have a good look at it tomorrow. And yes, praise the LoveShack forums, evening savers, relationship menders!
AlexanderJames Posted June 28, 2012 Posted June 28, 2012 Oh that must get hard sometimes. No immediate family where you are? I have family in Europe too. I live in Aus tho. You'll make new friends I'm sure. I always say that your life is only as good as the people you choose to be around. So go meet new people and have fun Green hey? Military car haha. Make sure it's diesel is petrol expensive there? It's Stupidly expensive over here. Hate it ><
Author Samilia Posted June 28, 2012 Author Posted June 28, 2012 Gas is expensive here too... A lot of people choose to ride bicycles now, because of the bad economy and all. Today is another day. I didn't sleep well though. I think I am gonna buy another pillow, he took his, the bed looks funny with just one pillow.
AlexanderJames Posted June 29, 2012 Posted June 29, 2012 It goes up and down here. Sometimes by about 20% from day to day... Ridiculous. Yes, today is another day! Another day closer to being back to who you want to be. You're doing well I've found myself going out with friends until 3 - 4 am, which probably isnt wise considering I work 8 am - 5 pm. But I'm going out and having fun, which is what counts. I don't think about my ex because I'm in good company and by the time I make it to the bedroom Im already practically asleep so I have no troubles dozing off. I was the same! My bed looked stupid, so I bought 6 pillows haha.. /: Never a shortage though
Author Samilia Posted June 29, 2012 Author Posted June 29, 2012 I'll go buy a pillow on Saturday. Yeah, it looks stupid. "thank you bed for reminding me he's not here anymore!". I had nightmares before, when I lived alone, now they're back, that does suck. I sleep with the light on.
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