blocks Posted June 27, 2012 Posted June 27, 2012 (edited) Hey all, well my gf wanted space then a break to "think about things" etc etc. I wont really get too much into it but we fought for a couple days which i actually thought was her fault then she asked for space. The next day she wanted a break as opposed to a break up and her reasons were "you're a prick", she was too dependent on me, she "hung on my every word", basically she thought she was pussy whipped. She said she wasnt happy didnt love me as much anymore and "didnt ****in care". She wanted to hang out with her friends and think about if were worth it. I told her we should just break up then and she said if we did she didnt want to lose me. Hence, we just went on a break and she said we wont be together for "just a little while" and it was temporary while she thought. So here we are, 4 days later and we havnt talked. When we fight she ALWAYS comes back to me, she always tells me she misses me first, basically its kind of like i have the power in the relationship. Usually in these instances i would wait until she hits me up which would make sence cuz she wanted the break but most of her reasons why she ended **** seems to be i had too much power and maybe she didnt feel worthy and thus unhappy. She mentioned her unhappiness before and supposedly i didnt change which is weird cuz we didnt fight for a month and she was wanting to see me so bad just a couple days before our fights/break. Even told me she could see us lasting for a long time and she complains about me too much? So anyways do u think i should wait for her to come back to me nomatter how long it takes or give her a couple more days (like seriously how long do u need to think), and write her a text while shes sleeping expressing my feelings about how i understand what she did and why and if we could meet up in a few days to talk about things weither we get back together or just move on because i dont like a break hovering over my head. One last thing, shes kind of immature a tad i'd say not really in person but shell do things to get to me i think like on her blog which she knows i can see shes put stuff like "great ****in night!", "HAD SUCH A GOOD NIGHT. **** life is so good right now", and stuff about wanting to only see one person tonight and he wasnt there? then on her status updates shell be like "holly **** his voice" n stuff. like kind of immature idk if shell doin it legitimdly or if shes doing it cuz she still cares bout us and is trying to get to me. Her friend did say when they hung out she looked happy *shrugs*. Well thanks all. EDIT: we dated for 5 months which is pretty much her longest. she also said how she never changed and was never "pussy whipped" for other guys before. guess she cared bout me alot. shes 18 im 22. Edited June 27, 2012 by blocks
Chi townD Posted June 27, 2012 Posted June 27, 2012 taking a break means, "I'm interested in someone else and I want to hook up with him. I'm not entirely sure what his intentions are. I'm not sure if he's looking for a relationship or if he just wants to hit it and quit it. so I'm going to string you along in case this other thing doesn't work out. BUT! You can't get mad at me for sleeping with this other person BECAUSE WE WERE ON A BREAK!" Dude, do yourself a favor. Cut this girl out of your life. Block her on facebook. DO NOT FOLLOW HER BLOG. don't answer texts, phonecalls or e-mails. Post here instead. She made the choice to break up with you; therefore, she mad the choice to have you out of her life, She either gets 100% of you or nothing at all. 2
Exit Posted June 27, 2012 Posted June 27, 2012 Chitown pretty much has it right. No, do not cook up some text to send her to explain how you feel. Do not be a doormat like this, when you suggested just breaking up she said no she didn't want to lose you, but when you don't want to lose someone, you stick together. If you didn't want to lose someone and really loved them, would you suggest taking a break and then not talk to them for 4+ days? Do not let her play the mind game of making you feel like you're the bad one for wanting an answer. I would tell her she's already had enough time, and if she doesn't want to lose you, then you need to be working on the relationship together, otherwise she IS losing you and it is HER choice to be doing this, not yours. She will do everything in her power to convince you that if you don't wait for her, you're really the one abandoning the relationship, but that is not the truth of the matter at all. Only one person wanted to step outside of the circle of your relationship and it was her, don't ever forget that. You're worrying too much about how she is usually the one to make contact first and maybe she's waiting to hear from you this time. You know what's unfair about that equation? You're not the one who created this separation in the first place, she did. So she is the one who should have something to say, not you. She wanted a break and you're giving it to her and that's that. If she's waiting for you to say something then that is being really passive aggressive and immature and not someone you need to be with. Do not do anything sappy, do not express how much you care or miss her. That actually makes you look worthless. Display your worth. Demonstrate that you are aware that you don't need to wait for some girl who wants to go out and have fun without you. Display some self worth and either it will bring her to her senses pretty quick, or you will be free to find someone better.
Eddie Edirol Posted June 27, 2012 Posted June 27, 2012 If she was whipped, she wouldnt ask for a break to think about things, she would ask for a break for you to change. Whatever is the real reason she lost attraction to you, it isnt for being whipped, I think thats a lie. She is definitely going to hang with her friends, but to start hooking up with a guy guilt free. She "doesnt want to lose you" means that she needs you as a backup in case new guy doesnt work out. So cut her off completely, dont be her backup, dont contact her, but when she comes calling, ignore her calls. You dont have too much power now, but you will get it back if she comes calling and you arent answering. It was only 5 months, go find a new girl that isnt so immature, and will be willing to communicate her issues with you.
january2011 Posted June 27, 2012 Posted June 27, 2012 No. A break means, "I don't want to break up with you right now, but I'm at the end of my rope, can't think straight and don't know what to do. So I need some time apart to clear my head." The things that she said cannot be unsaid. I suspect that she doesn't like the person that she has become. She also doesn't seem to like you very much either. Even going so far as to say that, "you're a prick" and she didn't "love you as much anymore." This sounds like a person who has had enough. Given the comments that she's made, in my opinion, I think that you guys are done and it's just a case of you or her stepping up to the plate to say it, mean it and stick to it. Neither of you set the terms of the break (how long it would last and whether or not you are still boyfriend and girlfriend and therefore not available to see other people). Therefore, I suggest that you make a decision. Decide whether to break up or try again and then contact her at the one week mark to arrange a meeting. If she's not ready to talk and you want to rebuild, ask her to suggest a date to meet up to talk. Otherwise, if you want to break up, then impress upon her that you need to see her because it's important and you need to talk to her face-to-face.
Chi townD Posted June 27, 2012 Posted June 27, 2012 Sorry Jan. I don't agree. If you look in the OP post it states that she blogged, "I only went there to see one person tonight and HE wasn't there." I can only assume that HE wasn't the OP. Which leaves me to believe that HE is the person she's interested in. So, I guess I'll just wait for clarification from the OP. 1
january2011 Posted June 27, 2012 Posted June 27, 2012 Sorry Jan. I don't agree. If you look in the OP post it states that she blogged, "I only went there to see one person tonight and HE wasn't there." I can only assume that HE wasn't the OP. Which leaves me to believe that HE is the person she's interested in. So, I guess I'll just wait for clarification from the OP. Ah, okay. I missed that. Thanks for pointing it out, Chi townD. Though I still maintain that asking for a break does not automatically mean that the asker is interested in someone else. However, in the OP's case, this does not apply. To the OP - my advice still stands. And I'm still leaning towards believing that you guys are done. I'm sorry.
Eddie Edirol Posted June 27, 2012 Posted June 27, 2012 Ah, okay. I missed that. Thanks for pointing it out, Chi townD. Though I still maintain that asking for a break does not automatically mean that the asker is interested in someone else. However, in the OP's case, this does not apply. To the OP - my advice still stands. And I'm still leaning towards believing that you guys are done. I'm sorry. Jan, you can maintain thats what a break is supposed to mean, which it is, but you've seen it enough on this board as well as the rest of us, the break usually means someone else is in the picture. I cant even count the times on my hand where someone asked for a break for the actual purpose of saving the relationship.
january2011 Posted June 27, 2012 Posted June 27, 2012 Jan, you can maintain thats what a break is supposed to mean, which it is, but you've seen it enough on this board as well as the rest of us, the break usually means someone else is in the picture. I cant even count the times on my hand where someone asked for a break for the actual purpose of saving the relationship. Allow me to clarify, Eddie. I asked for a break in my previous relationship. There was no one else in the picture (for me). We were arguing a lot and I'd had enough so needed some space to think. We got back together, despite him having hooked up with his ex girlfriend during the break (this is where stating the terms might have prevented this). We managed about eight more years post-break. So, every "break" is different. However, in the OP's case, someone else may be involved (for her, the asker) based on what she posted on FB. If we're looking to discuss what, "a break" means in general terms, we might consider starting a new thread since it appears that we're all in agreement that in the OP's case, it sounds like someone else may be involved. And as far as I can tell, we're all advising him to break up with her.
Chi townD Posted June 27, 2012 Posted June 27, 2012 Oh, I'm not calling you out, Jan. You've always provide very sound advice on these forums. I do agree that taking a break could mean just that, just backing off and letting the dust settle. And that's a very distinct possibility. However, in my opinion, those case are few and far inbetween. Normally (not always) there's usually another person involved. But, I don't dispute what your saying.
january2011 Posted June 27, 2012 Posted June 27, 2012 Hey, no worries, Chi. I'm glad you pointed it out. Hopefully, the OP will come back and give an update on what he's decided to do.
flitzanu Posted June 27, 2012 Posted June 27, 2012 aww, january, you're so positive =) i'm with the "break" = "i want to bang other people" stance. bad things happen when people "need breaks" in relationships.
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